CHAPTER 30

THAT NIGHT, I stare up at the solar system on my ceiling. I remember my dad telling me, The world is yours.

He was right, in a way.

After Dan and Wes left this afternoon, I got texts from Erik, Devin, and Elijah checking in to see how I was. And then Jen and Jeremiah and Christopher texted too.

Because of them, it feels like the world is in my lane. That feels like power. They have my back. And they swerve from different lanes to chill together sometimes. It’s cool and I want that to keep on.

I look down at my bracelet’s words—WHAT LANE? I don’t know how many times I’ve looked at this thing. Now the words’re splattered with blood. As I rub it off, I replay everything up to my getting set up. All of a sudden, what comes to mind is a feeling: Maybe I need to think deeper about this lane stuff. I can’t let people use it on me to get me in wrong lanes—to do dares or let them trap and hurt me.

Like Christopher and Dan said, things don’t usually end well if we ride in Chad’s lane.

And like my dad said: Not everyone who is supposed to be friendly is. I need to wake up more of my white friends so they see prejudice is real. They can fix that in their lane.

Tomorrow’s not New Year’s—it’s Halloween—but I have a new goal: to stop trying to do what everyone does and start really doing me.

I’ll swerve into the lanes I choose. Maybe even find new ones.