Sunday morning Rebecca went to church with her family. The curtains of their covered carriage were drawn back to allow the morning sunlight to warm the inside of the carriage. Rebecca held Emma on her lap, as much for her own comfort as to make room beside her for Hannah in the tight confines. Her mother sat opposite her with Sarah and Tyler tucked against her, both of them sleepy and grumpy. Hannah leaned on the window ledge with her chin on her forearms, daydreaming about something that made her lips tilt in a smile. Will and Josh sat outside beside their father, who was driving their rig. Rebecca envied them the freedom to sit in full sun, inhaling the fresh morning air. It made her long to be on her mare, riding across the fields, but Doc Milton forbade her to ride for at least two more weeks.
Her father parked beside a row of other carriages along the west border of Barker Common. From there, they leisurely made their way through a throng of people—all of them friends and neighbors according to her mother—exchanging warm greetings as they headed into church.
Rebecca didn’t recognize one face. Each smile, nod, or greeting directed at her made her uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to respond to such warmth from complete strangers. So she dredged up a smile and returned their nods as she followed her family.
They filled several pews, cousins sitting with cousins and so on until they were one big blended family. In the midst of these people who knew and loved each other so deeply, Rebecca felt alone and lost—until Adam sat beside her.
“Good morning,” he whispered, his white shirt in sharp contrast with his tan face. To think that this tall, handsome man in his perfectly cut, three-piece black suit, and with a derby style hat in his capable hands, was her intended both thrilled and terrified her.
He exchanged a brief greeting with her father, who sat on her other side, and then nodded to several others around them.
Adam not only fit in this world, he thrived in it. He appeared to be the kind and decent man her mother and grandmother assured her he was. They had been the best of friends for years, or so everyone, including Adam, had told her. Perhaps she could embrace their friendship and see where it led. She could certainly use a friend right now.
And so she returned his smile and settled in to listen to the morning sermon.
With Adam beside her, however, her thoughts carried her away from the church and into idle musing about their relationship and their past. He said they had grown up together, played together, and attended their first dance together. They had laughed together and wept together. They had kissed... numerous times apparently.
So many intriguing memories... and she had lost all of them.
It made her sad—and angry.
She wanted to remember him and this big family of kind-hearted people, many of whom had come from one confident, amazing woman. Rebecca knew she had a place in this family, but felt like an imposter playing a role.
“I wish I knew what you were thinking right now,” Adam whispered close to her ear.
The feel of his warm breath against her skin startled her. She bit back a gasp and glanced up at him.
“You are miles away,” he whispered so quietly she had to strain to hear him.
The truth was she was right here with him wondering what he was like as a friend and suitor. Her cheeks flushed with heat and she hoped her father wasn’t aware of Adam’s whispered words or her lack of attention. She fixed her gaze to the front of the church as if she were listening to the sermon, but all she could hear was her own pounding heart.
During the service Adam’s solid arm fit snug against her shoulder. Despite the comfortable warmth of his body, she felt trapped between him and her father. She wanted to flee to the open pasture where she could breathe and escape the questioning stares of those around her.
The service felt interminable and she was strung with nerves by the time she filed out of church with her family. They couldn’t escape the crush quickly enough for her comfort. But instead of heading to their carriage, her family lingered in the Common greeting friends, swapping news, and enjoying their Sunday morning visit. Adam was pulled away by a group of men who seemed transfixed by whatever he was telling them.
The crowd swallowed Rebecca. She could easily determine those who were genuinely concerned about her because they clasped her hands, wished her a quick and complete recovery, and were sincere in their desire to help. Those who were merely curious asked about the accident, if she could remember anything at all, if she might remember them, and expressed their pity that she’d lost so much. They surrounded her, patted her back, hugged her, tested her memory, and shook their heads with hopeless expressions as if her life had ended.
Her heart began to pound and all she could think about was bolting away from the pawing and petting and voices that assaulted her ears and made her head ache. If she could reach the carriage, she could slip inside and drop the curtains and remain out of sight until her family was ready to go home. She looked around her, trying to find a way out of the crush, but the Common was filled with people from the three churches skirting the twin parks.
An older, blonde-haired woman, dressed in a high-collared, pleated blouse, a tulip bell skirt of dark green, and a pretty feather bedecked straw hat encircled with a wide ribbon of green satin, put her arm around Rebecca’s shoulders. “Excuse me, ladies, but I simply must steal our Rebecca away from y’all now.”
Another woman of robust stature and brusque voice flanked her other side. “That’s right,” she said. “Tansy and I are holding Rebecca to her promise to come by the greenhouse and try our new herbal tea.” The woman’s eyes sparkled and she gave Rebecca a slight wink. “Don’t argue with your aunt Aster.”
Rebecca was so stunned she couldn’t have argued if she’d wanted to. Who were these women and where were they taking her?
They guided Rebecca through a park full of ladies twirling parasols and men with suit coats unbuttoned, cigars clamped between their teeth, and children giggling and scampering around the huge maple trees that adorned the park. She looked for Adam or her family, feeling an urge to call for help, but they were lost in the sea of people.
Once they were across the park, the taller white-haired woman waved her hand at someone in the crowd behind them. A second later she patted Rebecca’s shoulder that was still tender from her tumble off her horse. “Adam is on his way. He and Tansy will walk you home.”
Confused, Rebecca glanced from one woman to the other. “We apparently know each other, but I’m sorry to say I don’t remember either of you.”
The white-haired lady laughed. “Don’t worry, Rebecca. We aren’t worth remembering.”
“Speak for yourself, you old viper,” the blonde said, the drawl in her voice growing thicker. “I’m Adam’s aunt Tansy. And this old hen is his aunt Aster. Despite her words, she grinned at Aster as if they were old friends who had weathered many storms together. “We couldn’t stand by and watch you be accosted by those well-meaning but nosey ladies who intentionally cut you from the herd like a suckling calf they wanted for their supper.”
The image was so graphic and accurate that Rebecca shuddered.
“What nonsense are you ladies filling Rebecca’s head with now?” Adam asked, stepping into the space that Aster vacated at Rebecca’s side.
“A group of ladies that I shan’t mention by name were seeking fodder for their next quilting bee,” Tansy said. “We plucked Rebecca out of their clutches and brought her here so you can walk us both home.”
As Rebecca looked up, he looked down... and smiled. “Are you in need of rescuing, my lady?” He presented his elbow.
Rebecca willingly slipped her arm through his. She wanted to get out of the park and away from the questions, sympathetic comments, and the noise of too many conversations that were causing her head to pound. Letting Adam take her out of here was the fastest way to escape.
He turned and presented his other elbow to his aunt Tansy. “With two lovely ladies on my arm I shall be the envy of every man in town.”
Aster crowed like the old hen Tansy accused her of being, and said, “The envy and the pity is more probable. Run along you three. I’ll let Rebecca’s parents know you’re walking her home.”
“Thank you, Aunt Aster.” He turned his attention to Rebecca and Tansy. “Shall we stroll down Liberty Street or walk the creek?”
Tansy paused as if thinking it through. “Why, I haven’t dipped my toes in that water since last August. Don’t think I will today, but it would certainly make a pretty walk home.”
Adam lifted his eyebrows and laughed. “Truly, Aunt Tansy, you never cease to surprise me.”
“Which is why it’s your turn to surprise me,” she said. “Adam, make an old woman happy and bring my son home to see his mama.”
“Leo will be home for our wedding,” he said, drawing Rebecca’s arm snug against his hard muscled ribcage. “Surely you can manage to wait another two weeks, Auntie?”
“If I must,” she said, perfecting a little pout that made her seem girlish and cute.
But Rebecca didn’t smile. She was thinking about marrying a stranger. About Adam. About his reaction when she told him she wouldn’t marry him.
Lost in thought, she barely noticed their descent into Canadaway Creek. She would have been perfectly content immersed in birdsong, the burbling sound of the flowing creek, and her own roiling thoughts, but Adam and Tansy chattered like squirrels. They talked about a man named Leo, who was Tansy’s son and Adam’s best friend—and apparently her friend, as well. The stories Adam shared about the fun he and Rebecca and Leo had as children were sweet, but her inability to remember pulled her deeper into her own private hell.
“There’s our willow,” he said to her, pointing to a magnificent, flowing willow tree sitting on the bend of the creek. The umbrella-like, ground-sweeping branches draped over the water and rocky shore, creating a welcoming cavern filled with light and shadows.
Rebecca didn’t know what “our willow” meant, but she longed to step into that sacred space and let it shelter her from the world outside its long, drooping branches. Hiding was cowardly, she knew, but she desperately needed relief from the onslaught of questions and stories and the headache that was plaguing her now.
“Would you like to look inside?” Adam asked, gesturing toward the willow.
“I’d like to live there,” she answered without thinking.
He laughed and hugged her arm to his side. “We thought about it many times.”
“Go have a look,” Tansy said. “I need to give these old bones a rest. I’ll be over there sitting on that lovely flat rock.”
As she picked her way across the loamy soil, Adam escorted Rebecca to the tree. As if pulling back a curtain, he scooped a section of the drooping branches aside and waved her in. “Welcome to our sanctuary,” he said. “We’ve spent uncountable hours here talking, thinking, planning, and dreaming just about anything you can imagine.”
A quiet coolness greeted her and soothed her raw nerves. For the first time since awakening to a world of strangers, Rebecca felt she’d found a place of peace, a sanctuary as Adam had appropriately called it.
“How lovely,” she whispered, stepping into the small circular space beneath the tree. She gazed up into the arched limbs overhead and ran her fingertips over the rugged bark on the tree trunk. “It’s so beautiful and utterly... majestic.”
“This is one of your favorite places,” Adam said from behind her.
Awed, she turned to face him. “I believe that,” she whispered, afraid to disturb the peaceful moment. The scent of damp earth and pine from nearby conifers created a rich fragrance she tried to breathe deep into her soul. “I don’t remember this place, but I believe I came here.”
Adam cupped his palms around her shoulders. “We came here every chance we could steal away. I proposed to you right there.” He pointed to a spot four feet away. “The night before your accident we met here and decided not to wait for our wedding day in June. We love each other deeply, Rebecca, and we didn’t want to wait any longer to be together. I still don’t want to wait. I want to marry you right now and get through this difficult time together.”
Looking up into his brown eyes topped by dark brows and separated by a fine, straight nose, Rebecca could believe that she’d been attracted to Adam and had been eager to wed him. But this man before her, however kind, was a stranger. For her, their past was gone, and along with it her promise to marry him. To allow him to think otherwise was as cruel as the accident that had stolen all of this from her.
She eased from his embrace and took a step back. “I believe you, Adam, about all of this, but I can’t marry you.”
Confusion, disbelief, hurt flooded his eyes as he gazed down at her. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Rebecca.”
“I’m saying that I don’t remember you, Adam. All these things you tell me we’ve done are truly touching, but in my mind they are things that never happened.”
“But they did happen. You and me... we did those things and dreamed those dreams together.” He captured her hands in his own. “We’ve always loved each other. We’ve always planned to marry. You’ll realize all of this when your memory comes back.”
“What if it doesn’t?” She shook her head, feeling sick inside. “You, and everyone around me, are strangers. I’m a stranger to myself. I can’t sleep. Sometimes my thoughts churn like a storm-filled creek and I can’t see the bottom of a single thought. I can’t think clearly. You can’t know how that feels. You can’t know how lost and frightened I feel right now.”
“Then don’t turn away from someone who cares about you, who can help you through this. Let me take you to another doctor,” he said. “There is a wonderful doctor at Crane Landing. I’ve seen him help many people through very difficult injuries. Doc Samuel can help you, Rebecca. I’m sure of it.”
His words intrigued her and gave her hope. “Is this the Crane Landing you mentioned the other day?”
“Yes,” he said. “It’s the place we planned to go after our nuptials. We planned to take a holiday there for a few weeks until our furniture arrived for our home here.”
“We have a home?” she asked, feeling guilty and sad that she couldn’t go through with their marriage.
He nodded. “Uncle Kyle owns a small house near his mother-in-law’s home. It has been vacant a few months. You and I are setting up house there. I plan to buy it from him now that I’m back to work the mill. We just ordered our furniture.”
“Oh, Adam...” She sighed and shook her head, heartbroken for both of them. “I’m sorry. You seem like a good man who deserves everything you’ve planned and worked for. I wish I didn’t have to disappoint you, but I must.”
“Rebecca... please just... just wait. Don’t break our engagement. Come to Crane Landing with me and see Doc Samuel. If he can’t help you, then... we’ll talk about things at that time.”
She should end this now. She shouldn’t give him hope when she was unable to promise anything. But she liked Adam, and if he thought this doctor could help her, she was going to Crane Landing. “All right,” she said. “We will wait and see what Doctor Samuel thinks.”
He pulled her to his chest in a desperate sort of hug. “Thank you,” he said, his voice hoarse.
She tensed, and he released her and stepped back. “We’ll need to talk with my father about making the trip.”
Adam nodded. “We should go to Crane Landing soon, Rebecca.”
“I can be ready in the morning.”
A sad smile tilted his lips. “Then I guess you’re going to finally get that train ride I promised you years ago.”
She glanced through the hanging branches and looked down the creek. “We still have to convince my father that this is a good idea.”
“Then we’d better pay a visit to Grandma Grayson.”
Rebecca sat on the sofa with her father. He seemed eager and excited for her to see the doctor that Adam held in such high esteem, but he wanted to bring the doctor to Fredonia, fearing the trip would be too much for Rebecca.
“Grandma will be with us,” Rebecca argued, casting a look of gratitude to the take-charge woman sitting in a wingback chair in their parlor.
“That’s not the point, sprite. I don’t want to jeopardize your health by having you travel,” he said. “I’ll hire the doctor to come here.”
“What if he won’t come?” her grandmother asked.
“I’ll make the trip worth his while,” Radford said. “Every man has his price.”
“I’m not sure the doctor does,” Adam interjected, clenching his laced fingers together. He sat in a Windsor chair, elbows braced on his thighs, his hands hanging between his knees. “He comes from money and the Cranes pay him well. Money won’t convince him to make a trip he doesn’t want to take.”
“He doesn’t need to come here, Daddy. A visit to Crane Landing will be good for me,” Rebecca argued. She wanted to see this place Adam had told her about—and she wanted to escape being surrounded by well-meaning strangers. She couldn’t bear another episode like she’d experienced outside church. And in all honesty her loving family was just as oppressive and overbearing at times. At least at Crane Landing she would also be a stranger to those folks she met. They wouldn’t expect her to know them, to remember events and moments she couldn’t recall.
She needed to go.
Reaching out, she touched her father’s clenched hand. “Please take me there, Daddy. If this doctor can help me, I want to see him right away.”
He lowered his gaze to where her hand covered the knuckles of his clenched fist. Emotion flooded his expression and he swallowed hard. It was the first time she had returned his affection or willingly touched him. He seemed to be holding back feelings and words he dare not express. Finally, he nodded. “All right,” he said, his misty gaze meeting her own. “We’ll leave on the morning train.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, and she gave her father the hug he seemed to need.
He crushed her to him for an instant, kissed the side of her head, then set her away. “You certainly remember how to get your way with me.”
His words made her smile. Perhaps she remembered. Perhaps it was just his loving heart that she couldn’t resist.
Rebecca gave Adam and her grandmother a wobbly smile. “I hope we won’t make a trip for nothing.”
Adam nodded as if he understood her concern and that she may be beyond even the good doctor’s ability to help.
But her grandmother stood to her full height of barely five feet and tsk-tsked at Rebecca’s comment. “Don’t let it be for nothing,” she said. “Come on now, we have to get you packed, and Adam has a telegram to send to that good doctor.”