He carried her bag, which felt far too light, and led them down a sidewalk toward the entrance. The mother followed behind carrying her daughter in her arms.
Joe could see Samantha having doubts about this. He’d finally learned her name. At least her first name. But it had been a start. And so had been her agreeing to come to his apartment.
“I know it doesn’t look like Disney World or something, but it’s not too bad,” Joe said. “And don’t worry. I’m gonna leave you with the key. The only key.”
They had left the hospital without him even getting in to get checked over. But that was fine. He spent enough time in the hospital anyway. It wasn’t like they’d tell him something new. It wasn’t like he was full of questions and new concerns. He’d be back there sometime. This was far more important.
He opened the door and then guided them upstairs and along a hallway until they reached his place. He opened the door and flicked on the light to reveal the small apartment. Sparse and simple. It looked like a place you had just rented and hadn’t fully moved into.
A place you weren’t gonna be in for long.
“This is it,” he told her, placing her bag down in the doorway.
There wasn’t much of an “it” to show off. The living room was also the bedroom. The futon couch was also his bed. There was a small flat-screen television on the wall. A closetlike kitchen with a fridge and stove.
Joe set up the bed and then Samantha set Lily down on it. He found an extra blanket for her to use.
“Sorry I don’t have another bed.”
She only shook her head. “You keep things very neat.”
That was an understatement. He had always vowed in the joint that if he ever had a place again, whatever that place might look like, Joe would keep it in impeccable order. And it wasn’t like he had that much to keep, but it was first and foremost clean. From the toilet to the burners of the stove to the containers in the freezer.
He could see the woman eyeing his worn-out Bible on the table next to the bed. That Bible had been with him since the pastor had given it to him in prison. Yet Joe was fine leaving it with them. It might do some good for them. It certainly had for him.
It’s called the living Bible for a reason.
“Are you sure your friend will let you in at this hour?” the woman asked.
He had explained that to Samantha after she initially refused his offer to stay there.
“Positive,” he said. “Here’s the key.”
He noticed the dark grooves under her eyes. But there was a kindness in those eyes. He could tell things like that. She looked like a good soul. Just tired and concerned for her daughter. And yeah, just tired, too.
Joe started to leave but Lily’s voice stopped him.
“Don’t forget your toothbrush, Joe.”
He turned and smiled at the girl on the bed. He had assumed she was already sleeping.
“Good thinking, Lily.”
He liked saying her name. Lily. Who wouldn’t? Uttering it made him happy.
The small things mattered in life now. He’d learned this long ago when every single thing had been taken away from him.
Not everything.
Joe did as Lily said and got his toothbrush, which was set neatly on the rack behind the mirror. Before exiting, he gave Samantha a stern look.
“Lock this behind me,” he said.
She nodded.
“I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Joe said. “Sleep well.”
The bolt sliding into the lock bid him good night.
Back outside to the chilly night, he thought for a moment where he was going to go. Then he headed to the park, a place where he knew he could find some space.
Joe didn’t have a car, so he would have to settle on the park. But it was only one night. That’s what he told himself.
There was a concrete bench open. Two of the benches he’d checked on were already taken, so he sat down on the end of the bench that stood in the shadows. The other side was under the glare of the streetlight.
So here I am, Lord.
A gust of wind made him tighten up his arms around the rest of his body. He shivered and pulled the collar of his coat up. It was the thickest coat he had but it wasn’t really much. He was warm-blooded.
So what plans do you have, Lord?
It wasn’t an open-ended question. He really and truly wanted to know. And Joe believed that God would show him, too. God often showed him things in the most amazing ways.
When you’ve been in the dark for so long, the light can feel so refreshing. You just want to stay there. To keep running toward it with all your heart and soul.
Why’d you bring sweet Lily and her mother into my life?
There was a reason. Joe knew this. Maybe it was simply to give up his apartment for the night. But Joe thought there might be more.
Show me why, Lord. Show me what to do.
The prayer he offered up every morning he woke up and every night he went to sleep.
Going to sleep tonight might be a little tougher to do. But the word tough was synonymous with his life. They went hand in hand. He was used to it. He even welcomed it at this point. As long as he was doing the right thing.