There were worse places—and times—to die. Joe knew this, and he found himself grateful.
The white, hollow glow of the lights above them didn’t matter, nor did the beeps from the machines attached to and surrounding him. What mattered was that even though pain seemed to be swallowing him whole, someone still stood by his side.
“Lily’s on the way, Joe.”
He looked at Samantha from his bed, his back resting on it and his head propped on the pillow. This wasn’t the way to talk to a lady. He wished he could simply sit across from her the way normal people did. To talk and get to know her and Lily and to be able to laugh and look forward to tomorrow. Yet that was for another person in another story.
A nurse named Elena had been coming into the room more frequently than the other nurses had, checking to see if either of them wanted anything, wondering if there was anything else she could do. She looked like a kind spirit, this nurse. Just like Samantha.
He could tell that Samantha wasn’t taking this lightly. Sadness seemed to drip off her face like some kind of soaked rag being squeezed out.
“It’s okay, you know,” he said. “I’m not afraid. I know where I’m going.”
She nodded but didn’t seem to be cheered up in the least. Samantha seemed to be fighting the tears back, and the only way she could do that was by being silent.
Joe saw snapshots in his mind suddenly. His daughter when she was young. The curls in her hair. A woman named Naomi he once loved dearly. The face of the man he killed—not the face he saw that night, but the one the family made sure to show him at the court hearing when he was sentenced.
The small square confines of his cell. The way those uniforms never stopped smelling even after being washed. The hate tattoos he could remember getting. The preacher who never stopped talking to him. The feel of bare knees on the concrete floor of that cell the early morning when he finally surrendered it all and was unbelievably given everything.
He regretted those decisions yet still felt humbled to know they all led to that one great decision. And that led to many other bright things and moments of hope.
Even this moment.
Joe looked over at Samantha and smiled.
“You know, my whole life, I was only scared of one thing. It was dying alone.”
With all the strength he had, which wasn’t much right now, Joe reached over and took her hand.
“Thank you . . . for being here.”
Samantha started to cry, her free hand reaching over to wipe off her cheeks.
For a moment, his eyes closed. It was difficult to push them back up. Joe knew. He just knew.
“Tell Lily I’m sorry,” he slowly mouthed out. “Tell her I couldn’t wait.”
And with that he closed his eyes and took his final breath. This hard-fought scar-filled life was finally over, a painful blink leading to an eternity of eyes wide open to awe and glory.