4

 

Penny drew a line under her addition sum. Her hand trembled and the line wavered.

It was late morning. She’d expected Alex much earlier. Apparently, meeting his daughter wasn’t as important as he’d said. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She wasn’t going to do this, wasn’t going to let him completely disrupt her world. She’d worked too hard for balance, for peace. She wouldn’t let him sweep in and destroy all she’d accomplished.

Penny added the column again. Last night’s totals were low. Today’s previously ordered liquor shipment would deplete her operating funds. It had been trucked over Bodie’s treacherous roads and the cancellation fees would be almost as much as the cost. Maybe she could cut back on her next order. Make this one last and get Max to pour a little less.

If Max even returned. After closing last night, her bartender and Jewel had words. Jewel didn’t trust the man.

Penny didn’t either, but she hadn’t been able to find anyone to replace him. It puzzled her. With so many men in Bodie looking for work, she didn’t understand why no one had accepted her offer. It was a bit of a mystery she needed to solve.

There was a soft knock on her door, and Jewel poked her head in. “He’s here.”

“Thanks. I’ll be right out.”

Penny clamped down on her fluttering stomach and carefully placed the pen back in its holder. Then she rose, smoothed her hair, and touched the coil at the back of her head. It was loose and she took the time to push the pins in further. She hadn’t been able to find her favorite ones this morning. She’d finally scrounged up some spares and managed to get her hair up, but it was nowhere near as tight as she would have liked it, especially today. She walked out of the office.

Alex stood near the front of the long room. Sunlight poured in through the window, bathing him in a golden light. In his dark gray suit, he looked like a businessman, the kind of hardnosed moneygrubber who had refused to loan her money.

Her stomach tightened even more. She noticed little details. His light brown hair still had a soft wave. He’d taken to wearing his sideburns longer. They made him look older, a little wiser.

There were some faint lines at his eyes and she had to wonder what he had seen. His arm hung at his side. Despite his claim that it was useless, it looked normal, healthy. He looked every bit the handsome man he had always been, maybe even more so. He’d lost some of his boyish good looks and turned into a strong, capable man.

“Well?” His gaze followed hers to his arm. “Is it so bad?”

Her gaze jumped up, startled by the concern in his tone. She shook her head. “No. Not bad at all. You look fine.”

“You look wonderful.” The deep, rich tone of his voice sent ripples over her skin.

She stomped down on the spike of pure pleasure that rushed through her. “Thank you.” She refused to let a hint of a smile slip over her lips.

“Brown again. My favorite color on you. Do you wear it often?”

“Always,” she said. “In your honor.”

They stood silent for a moment while he squeezed the brim of his hat. “I’m sorry I’m late. I had some business meetings that ran longer than I anticipated. I could have cancelled them, but I thought it best to keep up appearances.”

“I’m a businesswoman.” She nodded. “I understand.”

The look on his face told her he wanted to say more, but he chose not to. Instead, he squeezed his hat again. Finally, he cleared his throat. “Where’s Lexie?”

“I sent her out to play with Jann. I think we should discuss a few things first.”

His body sagged, but his jaw tightened. “Are you planning to keep her from me, Penny?”

“I wouldn’t do that.” She clenched her fingers, feeling guilty because the idea had crossed her mind. She’d even considered running, just packing up and heading out on the stage. “I won’t do it,” she repeated, more for herself than him. “But I don’t want you to tell her you are her father.”

His hands dropped. “What?”

He might as well have cursed at her the way he said the word. It made her feel horrible.

“Just for the time being,” she rushed to say. “I don’t want to shock her, Alex. I fainted last night. I’ve never fainted in my life. I don’t want to do that to Lexie.”

He nodded. “I understand. It might be better to get to know her a little before I tell her.”

“Especially since we don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He frowned.

“I heard the criticism in your voice last night, Alex. You don’t approve of what I’ve done.”

“No man wants to know he left his wife unprotected, Penny.” His shoulders dropped. “I thought I left you safe, with enough money and friends to rely on.”

“I didn’t want to rely on anyone else. I didn’t want Lexie to feel helpless and looked down on. I lived my life that way, but she doesn’t have to. She deserves better. She’s your daughter.”

“Better?” One eyebrow lifted. “She’s growing up in a saloon.”

“It’s the only thing I knew how to do, Alex. And I thought I would be good at it. When I found out Ben Jeeters wanted to sell his small place in the Washoe silver fields, I jumped at the chance. I bought it with the last of your money.”

“Were you?” he asked his voice low. He studied her across the distance.

“Was I what?”

“Good at it.”

She took a small short breath. “I sold it within the year for enough profit to buy a bigger saloon.”

That surprised him. “So how many saloons have you owned?”

“The Copper Penny is my third, and I’m almost ready to—to move on. I’ve looked at boarding houses in San Francisco.”

“San Francisco?” he repeated.

She looked at her clenched fingers. “I wanted to go farther away, like San Diego. Someplace where no one would connect us with The Copper Penny and our life here. But I have a much better chance of success in San Francisco. The houses in San Diego are cheaper, but they’re turning less profit—” She broke off as she looked up and he shook his head.

“What is it?” Her tone was quiet.

“I’ve never heard you talk like this. I didn’t think you knew anything about business.”

“I didn’t. But I’ve changed. I’m not the girl you left in Los Angeles.”

“That’s for sure.” He slapped his hat against his leg. Everything about him, his tone, his stance, everything said he wasn’t pleased.

Penny’s ire increased by the moment.

She wanted—no, she needed to defend herself. She’d opened her mouth to do so when the door swung open. Cold air rushed into the room, carrying the sound of childish laughter with it.

Lexie dashed across the floor, giggling, and trailing a scarf and wet snow behind her. “Mommy!”

 

****

 

Alex turned.

His daughter had long copper-colored braids, dangling from beneath her knit cap. Hazel eyes with more green and yellow than brown shone above a smattering of freckles across her nose. Her face was heart-shaped. Even teeth and a bright smile. She was perfect. Just perfect.

“I wanna stay outside longer. But Jann says I have to ask.”

The big blond giant Alex had seen last night stood just behind her.

“All of her clothes are wet, Aunt Penny, and she’s shaking.”

“Lexie.” Penny said, her voice strained. “You interrupted.”

Alex’s daughter turned to him.

“Sorry,” she said, her eyes, wide and sincere.

“This is…Mr. Alex.” Penny’s voice was little more than a whisper.

“Hey, your name’s just like mine. I’m Alexa, but you can call me Lexie.”

Alex wanted to scoop her into his arms and hold her, but he restrained himself by extending his hand for a shake. He was reluctant to let go, but Lexie wiggled her wet glove free.

“You know, you look a lot like your mommy.” He touched a fingertip to her nose. “All except for the very pink nose and cheeks. They look a little cold.”

“That’s because Jann threw a snowball right in my face. I got him back though. I threw one at him, but I put a rock in mine.”

“Lexie!” Penny exclaimed.

“I told him I was sorry, Mommy, and I was. I kissed it. Twice. Jann says I’m stronger than I look. But I won’t never do it again. I hurt him.” She grasped Jann’s hand. “Look,” she pointed to a red mark on his face. “It might make a bruise.” She shook her head sadly.

Alex watched the play of emotions on her young, expressive face. She was exactly as Penny had said: beautiful, smart, and brave. Willful and probably even a little spoiled. She was magnificent. Wonderful. More than Alex had ever dreamed.

And she was worth it all. Whatever sacrifices Penny had made, Lexie was worth it. He was so thankful to Penny for bearing and protecting this marvelous little creature in front of him, he was at a loss for words. He looked up at Penny.

“Thank you.” His voice was hoarse with emotion. “Whatever you did, whatever you sacrificed, it was worth it. Thank you.”

Penny’s lips parted and her eyes filled with tears. Quickly, she turned away.

“What’s the matter, Mommy? Are you crying?”

“I’m fine, Lexie.” She didn’t turn around.

Alex distracted the little imp, giving Penny a moment to collect herself. “So, Miss Lexie.” He cleared his throat. “Tell me, what do you like to do besides throw snowballs with rocks in them?”

“I dunno.” She shrugged. “I like to play dolls.”

“And tag,” Jann interjected. “She loves to play tag here around the bar.”

“I do,” Lexie said with a bob of her head. “And Jann can never catch me ‘cause I’m fast, too.”

“Fast and strong,” Alex said with a smile. “You are quite the little lady.”

Suddenly somber, she shook her head. “Mommy says ladies don’t play tag. I’ll bet they don’t throw rocks either, right, Mommy?”

“That’s right.” Penny said, striving for a stern tone.

Alex hid his smile with his hand. “Well, I’m not one for dolls, but I’d like to play a little tag with you and Jann sometime.”

“Jann tells me boys don’t like to play with dolls all the time,” she said with a heavy sigh. “Will you really play tag with us, though?”

“I’d like that,” he said, looking at Penny. “If it’s all right with your mother.”

“I suppose it would be all right.”

Alex heard the hesitancy in her voice.

“Now, Mommy? Could we play now?”

Penny looked at Alex and he nodded. “Fine. You can play for a little while before lunch. But first you have to change. Your dress and pinafore are soaked.”

“OK. I’ll be right back, Mr. Alex.” She grasped her mother’s hand and they climbed the stairs, Lexie chattering all the way.

“Don’t worry,” Jann whispered when they reached the top of the stairs. “Aunt Penny told me not to tell Lexie you’re her pa. She says you’re waiting for the right time.”

At least Penny conceded there might be a right time, Alex thought.

Jann shook his head. “But I’m not sure I know what that means. If my pa was still alive, the right time to know would be right now.”

Alex studied the young man. In spite of his limited abilities, he was very perceptive. And he loved Lexie. That was obvious. If Alex had not already developed a liking for the young man, he’d approve of him based on that fact alone.

Jann unwrapped a snow-soaked cloth from his fingers.

Alex could see his knuckles were bruised and bloody.

“What happened?”

The young man ducked his head. “I punched something.”

An idea occurred to Alex. “Did those men last night give you trouble?”

“Not all of ‘em. Just Brady Calhoun. He’s just plain mean.”

“Did you punch him?”

“Naw. But he made me so mad, I punched the wall, and this is what happened.”

Whatever Alex might have said was forestalled by a woman in the kitchen door.

She called Jann, then spoke to him in a foreign tongue. She wore an old-fashioned calico dress, what Alex’s mother used to call a prairie dress. Her braid was woven in a tight coronet around the top of her head, and a long white apron was pinned to her dress and tied at her waist. She chattered at Jann without a break. From the sound of it and the hangdog look on Jann’s face, he was the recipient of a scolding.

“Yes, Ma.” He looked at Alex. “Excuse me. I have to set the table for lunch now.”

“I’ll come with you.”

Jann’s mother turned quickly when Alex spoke, and a firm, almost tight look settled over her features.

If the women’s attitudes were any indication of the feelings around here, Alex could understand why Jann always greeted him with such relieved enthusiasm.

The young man needed some male support.

“Jann, would you introduce us?” he asked.

The young man ducked his head. “Sorry. I should have remembered. This is Ma…Inga. Ma, this is Mr. Alex.”

“Ma’am,” Alex said.

She gave him another tight nod, and then turned back to the stove.

Jann proceeded to set the table.

Alex gestured to one of the coffee cups on the table. “Is one of those for me?”

“Ja, of course,” Inga said. “You think ve vould not offer you a cup of coffee?”

“No, ma’am. But my mama always taught me never to take what wasn’t offered.”

Inga shuffled her shoulders. “Vell, your mama, she teaches you right. You sit down.”

Smiling, Jann pulled a chair out.

Alex eased into it.

“Don’t just stand there, Jann. Get him some coffee, or he vill think I don’t teach you good manners.”

Jann took the mug and filled it with hot coffee.

As Alex accepted it, he gestured to Jann’s hand. “Be careful not to crack those open today. Split knuckles have a tendency to bleed an awful lot.”

“They don’t hurt. I don’t even feel ‘em.”

With her back turned, Inga snorted.

Jann scowled at her before looking back at Alex. “Do you get split knuckles?”

Alex glanced at Inga, and then tried not to smile as his sipped his coffee. “Not too many, now, but when I was your age, I got my share. That’s how I know they like to split open. If you’ve got any heavy chores today, I’ll give you a hand so that doesn’t happen.”

The boy and his mother both stopped and turned to stare.

“You’re gonna be here today?” Jann asked.

Alex nodded. “I’ll be here for a long time.”

“You will?” Jann’s face lit with excitement.

“But…but we have no more room,” Inga murmured.

Alex stared at Inga, quite certain she knew who he was and where he intended to stay.

She flushed and turned back to the stove.

“I don’t need help with my chores,” Jann said, oblivious to the exchange between Alex and his mother. “But we sure could use a bartender.”

“Jann!” his mother exclaimed.

“Well, it’s true. Max isn’t doing a good job. I think Aunt Penny’s gonna send him away. That means Aunt Penny or Miss Jewel are gonna have to do it, and you know they don’t like it.”

Inga paused.

“Pourin’ drinks makes Miss Jewel real sad. I don’t wanna see her sad, do you, Ma?”

The woman shook her head. “No, I don’t.”

The way she answered puzzled Alex.

Inga seemed close to tears, thinking of Jewel tending bar.

The more he heard, the more he knew there was something strange going on in The Copper Penny.

Penny might think she didn’t need his help, but he wasn’t so sure. There were too many mysterious glances and unspoken words around here to suit him. He was going to stick as close as he could to discover the problem.

“Maybe I can help.” He’d made up his mind.

“Vhat?” Inga’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“You can?” Jann beamed.

“I don’t drink anymore,” Alex added. “I gave it up when I found the Lord. But I think I can remember enough to help out.”

“But vhy? Vhy vould you do this?” Inga asked.

“Because I don’t want my wife behind a bar. Besides, this business is important to Penny. It’s her livelihood. I’ll help out until we can find another solution.”

“That’s great, Mr. Alex. Just great!” Jann said.

Looking at Inga’s worried expression, Alex knew not all of the residents at The Copper Penny would agree.

 

****

 

Laughter finally drove Penny out of her room. She’d stayed upstairs all afternoon to avoid Alex.

Inga had come upstairs to tell her what had transpired in the kitchen.

Penny had every intention of thanking Alex for his offer to tend bar and sending him on his way, but she couldn’t forget the look on his face when he’d first seen Lexie. That look had torn out Penny’s heart and at the same time made it beat again.

She closed her eyes against the image, trying to block it, to find a way to tell him to go, but she couldn’t find the words or the courage. In the end, the laughter had drawn her out. She crept to the top of the stairs where she could watch them play.

They’d been at it now for hours, most of the afternoon. Once they’d stopped, and Inga brought them oatmeal cookies and milk.

Alex smiled and ate. He’d stared at Lexie and listened to Jann’s story of how when his pa had died, Ma didn’t speak any English and they had no place to go. Aunt Penny had made them come and live with her and they’d been together ever since.

Alex had nodded and smiled. That smile.

It made Penny’s heart do flip-flops, and it terrified her. It could make her feel things she didn’t need to feel.

Alex gestured to Jann who crept around the back of the bar.

Lexie went the opposite way. When she came around the corner and saw Jann, she squealed and ran back…straight into Alex’s arms.

They laughed and rolled backwards on the floor. Alex cradled Lexie with his good arm.

Lexie noticed it. “What’s wrong with your arm?”

“I got shot in the war and now it doesn’t work like it should.”

“My daddy was killed in the war.”

Alex hesitated and Jann grew silent.

Fortunately, Lexie didn’t seem to notice. “Can I see your arm?” she asked.

“Yes. I’ll show you.” He unbuttoned his cuff as he crossed the room to a table. Alex rolled up his sleeve, sat in a chair and laid his arm on the table where Lexie could see.

“The scar is so big.” Lexie’s voice was tiny as she trailed her small fingers along her father’s arm. “Does it hurt?” Wide-eyed, she looked up into Alex’s face.

Penny hadn’t been able to resist. She’d crept down the stairs and now stood just behind Alex, close enough to see the wide, wicked scar.

“Sometimes,” he said. “When I’m tired or it’s raining.”

Lexie turned his arm over to see the other side. “The hole is bigger here. Did the bullet go all the way through?”

“And into my side. I was sick for a long time. When my arm finally healed, it just didn’t work very well.”

Lexie studied him. “Do people make fun of you because you’re different? They do it all the time to Jann.”

Penny caught her breath.

All three of them turned to look at her.

Alex met her gaze before he turned back to Jann. “Yes, they do,” he said, his voice low. “But that doesn’t stop me from doing my best, from being the best I can.”

Lexie nodded. “There’s so many things Jann’s good at. I tell him that all the time, but he doesn’t believe me.”

“Aw, Lexie…I’m not.”

“You are! You’re strong and…and…”

“You’re the best kind of friend to Lexie,” Alex said.

Startled, Jann looked at Alex, his blue eyes wide. Then a ghost of a smile flitted over his lips. “Yeah,” he said ducking his head. “I guess I am.”

They were all silent until a pan clattered in the kitchen where Inga was working.

Alex lifted his arm and folded down his shirt. “It’s getting late. I have a function to attend tonight, but first thing tomorrow, I’ll be back to start my new duties.”

“Jann, I’m sure your mother could use some help,” Penny said. “And Lexie, your dolls are scattered all over the hall…again.”

“OK, Mommy. Will you really be back tomorrow, Mr. Alex? I know you don’t want to play with them, but I can show you my favorite doll.”

“Count on it.” Reaching across the space, he tugged on her braid.

Penny knew his words were meant for her as much as Lexie. She took a slow, controlled breath.

Alex picked up his coat from the table as Lexie clattered up the stairs. He watched her all the way up before he turned to back to Penny. “Thank you,” he said again, his tone low. “She’s….”

“A handful,” Penny tried to forestall the look that had undone her before.

He laughed. “Yes. I have no doubt.” He picked up his hat and held it in his hands. “I hope you see, Penny. Our worlds are not so different. We want the same things, care about the same things.”

The late afternoon sun fell through the windows, casting long shadows throughout the room. One ray of golden light fell on Alex, bringing highlights to his hair and his handsome face. That small smile flitted over his lips.

Penny felt herself slipping, sliding into an abyss of wanting and needing him. She turned away. “Thanks for saying what you did to Jann. And thank you,” she hesitated. “Thank you for honoring my wishes and not telling Lexie you’re her father.”

“I won’t keep quiet for long, Penny. She deserves to know.”

Penny couldn’t deny it. Watching her daughter’s face this afternoon had convinced her.

Lexie deserved time with her father. She deserved Alex.

Penny gave a small, wry laugh.

“What?” Alex asked when she offered no explanation.

“You.” She shook her head. “It’s you. Somehow you always manage to sweep in like a knight in shining armor and make life bigger, better, and brighter.”

He sent her a full, dazzling smile that made her heart flip. “It’s nice to know you notice.”

“Oh, I notice, especially when you’re gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’ve said that both times I’ve lost you, Alex.”

He nodded, conceding her point. “But I’m here now. Against all odds, we’re together again. Surely that means something.”

She shook her head. “It only shows me how different we are. You believe we have a chance. I know if I let you in, I’ll be setting myself up for heartache. I won’t do it. I can’t afford to. I won’t survive another one.” She picked up her skirts and hurried up the stairs.