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HAD HE JUST...ASKED me out on a date? I peered at him in the dim light of the sewing room, trying to work out if I had heard him right or if I was reading way too much into this, but I couldn’t tell from the look on his face one way or another.
I wasn’t sure which I wanted it to be, either. I mean, yes, this guy was cute—seriously, really, fucking cute—and any other time, I would have jumped at the chance to go out with him, spend some time with him, and get to know him a little better. But I didn’t want to overstep if he meant something else.
“Uh, that sounds fun,” I replied finally, after a long silence that seemed to fill the room around us. “I’d really like that.”
Was I really doing this? I took a deep breath and smiled at him. Why not? Why shouldn’t I say yes to this guy? Have a little fun? The fair was in a couple of weeks, and hopefully we would have the lion’s share of work on the house done by then and I would be looking at getting back to my real life. Maybe it could be the perfect way for me to end my time staying here? The Maple Valley fair was one of the only things in this place I really liked, and I didn’t want to pass up the chance to see it. Going with a hunky doctor on my arm would just make it all the more fun.
“Awesome,” he replied, and he turned his attention to the room before us once again. I didn’t even know where to start. Maybe by taking out all these spools of fabric?
“Let’s clear this out,” he told me as he looked around. “Then we can see what we’re looking at with everything, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed, glad he was taking the lead, because I wasn’t sure I had a damn clue where I was meant to begin.
We spent the rest of the morning moving things around so we could clear as much space in the sewing room as possible. I was sure my mom would be furious when she saw all the changes we had made, but perhaps I could deflect it onto him and convince her I had nothing to do with it. She seemed to really like Nate, and she seemed more likely to go along with what he wanted than to believe I was in the right. That was mothers for you—they always seemed to had something to say to their kids, but never to the people outside of the family.
The room filled with dust as we pulled out chairs, fabric, piles of papers and patterns my mother had no doubt been planning to use one day. I hoped she did—I hoped she would recover from what had happened well enough to be able to pick up where she had left off, even if it was hard for her. I didn’t like the thought of all of this going untouched, even if it was in support of her recovery. She had never done well with sitting around, not doing anything, and I was sure she had so many plans for everything still left in here.
Once we had cleared out most of the room, Nate took a step back to cast his eye over everything we had uncovered. The carpet was coming up at two of the far corners of the wall, and there was a damp spot under the window that had been covered by the desk. I went over to prod it, to see the state of the wall, and a chunk of it crumbled off in my hand.
“Shit,” I muttered, and I looked up at Nate. “You think there’s anything we can do with this?”
“We have to try,” he replied, coming over to join me and crouching down so he could get a better look. “See, it’s not exactly in terrible shape—it looks worse than it is.”
“I’m pretty sure I could put my fist through it if I wanted,” I joked, but it wasn’t that far from the truth. This place was falling apart. I couldn’t believe how bad it had gotten since I had been gone, how far I had allowed it to fall before I had come back. If I knew it had gotten as bad as this, I would have turned around and come back years ago. I would have scrubbed down every surface and re-laid the carpet and done everything I could to make sure it was still livable for her, but now, I was dealing with the reality of what my not doing that had cost her.
“You think we could fix this room up enough to turn it into her bedroom?” I asked him, and he nodded.
“I think it’s the best bet, given it’s on the ground floor and would keep her from having to go up and down the stairs,” he replied. “We’d need to make sure the carpets are down, so there’s no way she can trip and fall again, but I think it could work.”
I nodded and rubbed a hand through my hair. The dust was hanging in the air around us, the scent of it filling my lungs. I wanted to crawl into bed again and forget all the stress of coming back here, but I knew we were only just beginning.
“I can fix up the wall,” he continued, tapping the spot just above the damp. “It won’t need too much work. It looks worse than it is.”
“You sure about that?” I asked, shaking my head. “I don’t see how it’s all going to come together.”
“It just needs a little time, that’s all,” he replied gently. “You’ll see it. You’ve just never looked at this place as anything else, so you’ve got one image of it in your mind. Once we start work, you’ll see the difference, I promise.”
I looked up at him. He seemed to have these layers to him I didn’t expect—maybe he was better suited to working in a small town than he gave himself credit for, though no doubt he would have told me I was reading too much into things if I shared the thought.
“Thank you for coming down here today,” I told him. “I don’t want to keep you from the rest of your weekend—”
My stomach growled loudly, cutting me off, and it was only then I realized I hadn’t eaten anything that morning. The most I had before he arrived was a coffee, and I was going to need more than that to survive on for the rest of the day. He grinned.
“Sounds like you need something to eat,” he remarked. “You want to grab lunch somewhere?”
I wanted to say yes. I wanted to get out of the house. I wanted to spend some more time with him, I wanted this fun little flirtation we seemed to have going on to continue, but I knew I needed to cut it off before it went any further. I had already agreed to go with him to the fair, that was enough, right? I didn’t want to jump in too quickly. I liked him, but I knew a sure way to ruin it would be to spend too much time with him and burn myself out on the chemistry we shared.
“I should probably be getting back to...to everything,” I replied. I didn’t want to tell him I had to go back to the hotel. I was sure he would think I was crazy, for staying somewhere like that when I had a whole home here I should have been using.
“Sure, of course,” he replied, taking it gracefully. We had the fair to look forward to, right? Until then, there was so much that needed to be done around the house, I didn’t want to get distracted by his presence. If we let something happen between us, let something start, I was sure I would wind up sticking around way longer than I intended to, and I had to keep focusing on taking care of what needed to get done—not getting involved with some cute local doctor just because he was there.
I walked him out to his car, then made the long walk across town to the hotel. I was sure my mother would freak when she saw what we had done to the sewing room, but I could explain all of that when the time came. For now, I needed a little space to clear my damn head, and to work out just what the hell I was feeling for Nate.
Why had I said no to him? I should have taken him up on the offer. What was I so afraid of? We got on better than I had thought we would. I’d pictured him with the same small-town attitude everyone else around here had, but the more time I spent with him, the more clear it became there was more to him than that.
He was even going to the fair with me. And, while at first he had seemed pretty dismissive of it, once he talked to me a little more, he seemed to open himself up to the idea. He wasn’t cut off from the thought of there being fun in this town, even though plenty of people in his position would have been. I could only imagine how hard it was for him, being out here, far from everything he had known growing up, but at least he had some curiosity about what he could discover in Maple Valley.
Or maybe what he could discover about me.
I snuck past the front desk so I wouldn’t have to have another conversation with someone I knew and made it back to my room, where I had stashed some snacks the night before to get me through the day. I didn’t expect to get any room service here—I was used to staying at fancy hotels, but this place was limited—so I would have to make my own dinner for now.
I picked at the food as I watched some home renovation show on a cable channel, trying to pick up what tips I could so I would be useful when it came to helping out Nate with everything. I didn’t want to just stand there as he took care of business. I wanted to show him I could be useful, so I didn’t get under his feet and cause trouble.
Or maybe because I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him, and the only way I could justify doing it was if I had some clue of how to help him out.
Ugh. My brain was a mess right now. Being back in the house, changing so much of it, made my heart hurt in a strange way I didn’t know was possible. It was like all the memories I had kept locked up in there had suddenly come flooding out once more, overwhelming me. Everything I had done my best to obscure for the last ten years, all the guilt and the grief rushing up like a tidal wave to consume me.
The only way out, I reasoned, was through. I couldn’t just keep hiding from all of it for the rest of my life, that wouldn’t work. I needed to face up to it. If I was going to be back there, in the house again, I might as well do it full-time, for real, instead of trying to run and hide.
I rose to my feet, dusted the crumbs from my lap, and headed to the front desk so I could check out. I had thought I would keep this place as a safety net, something I could come back to if it all got to be too much, but I was done with it. Well and truly done. I had to be back home with my mother if I was going to be useful in the way I wanted to be, and I couldn’t do it hiding out in a random hotel room for the rest of my time here.
Someone I didn’t know was at the desk, much to my relief. I smiled at her.
“I’d like to check out, please,” I told her, keeping my voice as neutral and as calm as possible.
“Are you sure?” she asked me, sounding a little confused. “You’re in room seven, right?”
“That’s right.”
“You’ve paid up for the next three days,” she pointed out. “And your deposit is non-refundable.”
“I know.”
She raised her eyebrows at me, but clearly didn’t have much interest in arguing with me about this. I just wanted to get out. I wanted to be at home, with my mom, where I belonged. I couldn’t keep hiding from everything, even if it was tempting. I needed to face reality and do what I could to help my mom manage the same thing.
“Where will you be staying?” the woman asked, as she tapped away on the ancient computer sitting on the other side of the desk—I doubted they had updated that thing since this place had opened thirty years ago.
I paused for a moment, not quite sure how to respond. But the word rose to the front of my mind, as though it should have been obvious. So, I smiled, and replied, “Home.”
