Thanks to the social-media revolution some of the most perverted and distorted views of sex are reaching our kids. They are just one click away, as we documented in chapter 1. Your kids are told that everyone is doing it. For the most part TV and the movies portray immorality as fun with no negative consequences. With the accessibility social and traditional media have to your kids, it’s natural to think that they are the number-one influence on how your child acts.
Or perhaps it is your kids’ friends who have the greatest influence on their behavior. Peer pressure is a powerful force. Maybe it is their heroes like Taylor Swift or perhaps Zac Efron, or film stars, musicians, celebrities, or athletes who sway the greatest influence.
This may surprise you, but a national online study showed that 45 percent of young people consider their parents to be their role models. Shattering stereotypes that parents and society hold about teens, the survey also revealed that only 32 percent looked to their friends and just 15 percent took inspiration from celebrities.1 In fact, up until a child is 25 years old, studies show that the greatest influence on their behavior is a loving, close relationship with their father.2 This doesn’t de-emphasize the importance of mothers; it simply illustrates the powerful impact of the father.
Dr. Jean-Yves Frappier, a researcher at the University of Montreal’s affiliated CHU Sainte-Justine Hospital Research Centre says, “Parents seem to underestimate their role and the impact that they have on their children.”3
But here is the sad reality—studies show that “fewer than 15 percent of parents discuss sexuality with their children.”4 Yet teens say “they still trust their parents for the most reliable and complete information on sex.”5 Even with children trusting their parents more than anyone else—including teachers, pastors, or peers—the research still shows that “most parents have abdicated their responsibility. Instead, peers and the media have been the primary sources of sexuality information for America’s children since the 1940s.”6
Nonetheless, researchers at the University of Florida declare that, “The good news is that most teens ARE listening to what their parents are saying despite what we think!”7
One truth is obvious: Teens listen to their parents. At times it may not seem like it, but your kids are watching and listening. The research shows that “the number one reason teens give for abstaining from sex is their parents’ disapproval.”8 Knowing this about your kids, it seems quite obvious you should be the first and primary source of information about sex for your child.
Well-known pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife, Grace, make a profound statement: “A child’s sex education often comes through schools or churches. But a Christian parent should always be the first person to speak with their child about sex-related issues.”9 Home is where our kids should be learning about sex. Scripture works from that assumption. “Hear, my son, your father’s instructions, and do not forsake your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 1:8 NASB). It is clear that God wants Christian parents to be the primary sex educators of their children.
You as a parent have a wonderful, God-given responsibility to instruct your children. And your children desperately need you. Attitudes, opinions, values, and instruction about sex can be one of the greatest gifts you can provide your children.
Young people should not grow up in programs…they should grow up in families. Before a child ever hears about sex from a “program,” he/she should hear from mom and dad. And remember, whether you talk with your children about sex or not, others are talking—right now.