Knowing about the problem of easy access to the Internet and all forms of media in our homes and schools is only half the battle. We must also provide knowledge—accurate knowledge to responsibly and constructively teach our kids God’s design and purpose for sex.
Wise King Solomon said,
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way (Proverbs 19:2 NIV).
It was interesting that while doing extensive research on talking with our kids about sex, almost all the studies reported that one of the top three things parents can do to help their children say “no” to sexual pressure is to not just share information or knowledge, but share accurate knowledge.
In A Guide to Healthy Adolescent Development, Clea McNeely and Jayne Blanchard wrote, “Research actually suggests that young people who are knowledgeable about sexuality and reproductive health are less likely to engage in early sexual activity.” The researchers concluded that “providing accurate, objective information to adolescents supports healthy sexual development.”1
An article in Healthy Children Magazine states, “Sharing factual information with and giving good moral guidance to your teenager is a vitally important part of helping your teen understand herself or himself. It can help your child avoid devastating, and possibly life-threatening, errors in judgment.”2
A positive way a parent can significantly influence sexual behavior is to be a source of accurate information. A great source of accurate information for parents is the Medical Institute for Sexual Health (www.medinstitute.org). It may require a significant effort to accurately grasp the issues around our children’s sexuality, but it will be worth it. The Internet presence of premarital sex demands that we be educated parents.
If our children find that we as parents are not honest and accurate, they will lose trust in us and we will lose influence. And count on it—our kids will often “Google” their questions on the Internet and compare the answers with the ones we give them.
But don’t panic if you don’t know an answer to a question. Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know the answer. Suggest that you will find out and get back to them (and then make sure you do). Or suggest the two of you find the answer together. What a great time this can be of learning and bonding for both you and your child!
Admitting that you don’t know an answer but you’ll find it will cause your children to trust you even more. Then when you do share the answers to their questions, it will give you greater credibility.
The following are just some of the issues about which we need to be knowledgeable. Parenting is a great adventure, but also a time consuming and demanding experience. There are not a lot of shortcuts.
• explanation of anatomy and reproduction in males and females including menstruation and nocturnal emission
• sexual intercourse and pregnancy
• fertility and birth control
• other forms of sexual behavior, including oral sex, masturbation, and petting
• sexual orientation, including heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality
• the physical and emotional aspects of sex, including the differences between males and females
• self-image and peer pressure
• sexually transmitted diseases
• rape and date rape, including how being intoxicated (drunk or high) or accepting rides or going to private places with strangers or acquaintances puts you at risk
• how choice of clothing and the way you present yourself sends messages to others about your interest in sexual behavior
• condoms
• emotions
• God’s definition of true love
• flirtation
• what the Bible has to say about these issues
Parenting specialists Kristin Zolten and Dr. Nicholas Long, writing for the Center for Effective Parenting, explain that “you need to first educate yourself about sex education. The more parents know about various sex topics, the more comfortable they will be answering their children’s questions. This knowledge should include information about all aspects of sex, including reproduction, sexual organs, birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and so on.”3
We don’t have to know it all, but we do need to be ready and willing to have enough accurate knowledge and information to answer our kids’ questions.