As a child grows, privacy becomes more and more important to them. Allowing a young person to have privacy demonstrates you trust and respect them. Yet that trust and respect must be earned.
One of the things we at the McDowell household did was establish a “no locked bedroom door policy” for the kids. As their parents, we could lock our bedroom door, for obvious reasons—but our kids could not lock theirs. Yet we did want to respect our children and their need for private time. Despite our curiosity about what our kids were doing in their rooms for hours with the door closed, we told our children that we would always knock before entering their room because we respected their privacy.
After we had stood in front of many a closed door, rapping with our knuckles and calling out before entering, our kids knew that we would always knock before entering. That policy resulted in our kids respecting and trusting us more. Child specialist Mary VanClay shares this:
If an environment of trust and respect has been established, and your child’s privacy is respected, not only does that trust and respect grow, but your child has the opportunity to practice setting his or her own boundaries with whatever is considered private (for example, time, his or her body, his or her room or space).1
But how do you handle your child’s Facebook page? Should your child’s e-mail be private too? Or should you have access to your child’s text messages or e-mail? Our answer is, Absolutely! You should have access to all your child’s social-networking sites. Your kid’s room is not the same as their Facebook page. Facebook, e-mail—any of the social-media sites your child uses should be accessible by you. Monitoring your kid’s activity online is not only within your parental rights and responsibility—it is your means to protect them.
However, much like the door to the room, rather than barging into your child’s digital “space,” consider negotiating with your son or daughter how you would have access to their networking sites. Rather than invading their space uninvited try negotiating a solution with your kids that allows trust and respect to continue to build. Do you demand all of their passwords and usernames, or do you help them understand you want to be part of their world? Rather than giving your younger son or daughter their own smartphone, consider giving him or her a phone without access to the Internet. Come to an understanding with your kids, and then remember to always knock on your child’s “door” before entering.