Along a freeway in Los Angeles, California, stood a large billboard that read, “If you have to have sex, wear a condom.” When I (Josh) saw that I thought to myself, What do they mean, “Have to have sex”? Is sex a necessary part of sustaining life? Does a person have to have sex, like we have to have water, to live?
Some years ago, a woman who went by the name of Dr. Ruth was wildly popular in the United States and around the world as a “sex expert.” She was a small, elderly woman who was blunt, often humorous, and very popular as a university guest speaker.
During a question-and-answer period at the University of Cincinnati, a student asked her, “Dr. Ruth, what if you can’t wait?” She replied, “Young man, it’s unrealistic to expect you to wait. Your libido is too strong.” The crowd broke out in a roar of applause.
In light of that answer, consider these questions: “What if my girlfriend doesn’t want to do it, but I do?” Is it still unrealistic to expect a young man to wait? Doesn’t Dr. Ruth say that the “libido is too strong”? So if a man has the “sex urge” we really can’t expect him to wait, right? Then does that mean it is also unrealistic to expect a rapist to wait?
Dr. Ruth and an entire generation of young people need to realize we are human beings created in God’s image, not animals driven by uncontrollable urges and instincts. Sexual involvement is a choice. I’m sure Dr. Ruth and a host of other “sex experts” would agree that it is realistic for a man to wait and restrain himself when a girl doesn’t want to have sex with him. In fact, he is obligated by law not to force himself on a woman.
So is a man’s libido too strong or isn’t it? Our kids are told that if a young woman wants to have sex…then a young man’s libido is too strong. But what if she doesn’t want to have sex? Then is the young man’s libido not too strong? Confusing? This type of sexual philosophy is inconsistent and simply isn’t logical. With this approach, how can we expect these same young people (who are told they can’t wait to have sex before marriage) to be faithful within marriage? If a married man finds another woman who wants to have sex with him, isn’t it also unrealistic for him to be faithful to his wife because his libido is “too strong”?
We need to teach our young people that purity is realistic and is required by God and a moral society. We are to think with our mind, not with our pelvis. Sex is a matter of choice that results in consequences either positive or negative.
Lakita Garth, former Miss Black California, talked about sexual consequences in an interview:
I was in a commercial shoot a few years ago. It was a Fanta soft drink commercial and we were taking a break. This girl whom I didn’t know turned to me and asked, “So Lakita, how’s your sex life?” I was stunned that she would be so forward to ask such a question. I replied, “Excuse me, but I don’t have a sex life.”
She then replied, “So tell me about your last sexual experience,” and I said, “Well, I don’t have a last sexual experience.” Her jaw seemed to hit the ground. She said, “I can’t believe with all the guys you’ve been with you haven’t done it. Don’t you feel you’ve missed out on it all?”
I said, “You know what? You’re right. I have missed out. I’ve missed out on the thrill of waking up the next morning wondering if my pregnancy test strip was going to turn blue. I missed out on walking into a clinic with my best friend holding my hand because chances are, my boyfriend’s not going to be there for me when I’m pregnant because all he wants is for me to get an abortion. And I missed out on feeling like one of my roommates, who every year around the same time, ‘celebrates’ a child that was never born in regretful tears because she got an abortion.
“And I miss out on waking up in a bed, staring at the ceiling of an AIDS hospice, like a good friend, Rod. Rod thought he was the man! He was out there. He bought into the lie that everybody’s doing it. When Rod was on his deathbed he begged me to never stop doing what I’m doing now. So I guess you’re right! I have missed out on a lot!”1
Choices have consequences. And when your kids choose not to have sex before marriage and then remain faithful in marriage, they thankfully miss out on a lot of pain and heartache. So it is not unrealistic to expect our young people to make right moral choices. We earnestly need to teach them that living sexually pure and faithful is how God instructs us to live and he does so to provide for us and to protect us.