There is a lot of confusion about the topic of oral sex. Is oral sex really considered sex? Why do kids engage in it? Are you still a virgin if you engage in oral sex? Can you get an STD from oral sex? What does the Bible say about it? What can parents do about it? Let’s answer these questions.
The dictionary defines sex as “sexually motivated phenomena or behavior.” Whatever involves a sex organ is sex. Does oral sex result in the arousal, stimulation, and gratification of sexual organs? The answer is yes. Your body reacts to oral sex the same way it reacts to intercourse. Your hormones are aroused, your sexual organs respond, your brain is washed in neurochemicals that work like super glue to bond you to your partner, and you receive a blast of dopamine that makes you crave more of the same behavior. Your body thinks it’s sex, your brain thinks it’s sex, and your heart thinks it’s sex. The following four types of physical contact are considered sex, because they cause both a physical and chemical reaction in your body:
1. oral-genital (oral sex)
2. manual-genital (sexual touching)
3. genital-genital
4. penetration
All four of these situations create a bond between partners and put a person at risk of infection from sexually transmitted disease. If a person engages in any of these four activities, he or she is considered sexually active.
• 4 in 5 college students don’t believe oral sex is sex.1
• 80 percent of today’s young adults don’t believe that oral sex should be considered as “having had sex.”2
• Half of all teens ages 15 to 17 do not believe that oral sex is “sex.”3
• Kids think of oral sex as a safe way to enjoy some of the benefits of vaginal sex with less risk of feeling guilty, getting a bad reputation, or going against their own values and beliefs.4
• 40 percent of adolescents consider oral sex to be “safer” sex, while 20 percent of teens do not know that STD transmission can occur through oral sex.5
• Some 36 percent of teens ages 15 to 17 admit to having had oral sex. These numbers increase among teens and young adults ages 15 to 24.6
• About 75 percent of teens ages 15 to 17 who have had intercourse have also had oral sex, while 13 percent of teens ages 15 to 17 who have never had intercourse acknowledge engaging in oral sex.7
• Nearly 25 percent of tenth-graders in a school district in New England reported having multiple oral-sex partners within the last year. The females reported having three to four partners.8
• Students are tempted to have oral sex because of social pressure. More than 92 percent of teens think being a virgin in high school is good.9 But, in the eyes of many teens, they can have oral sex and still remain virgins. One-quarter of sexually active adolescents report engaging in oral sex as a strategy to avoid intercourse.10
• Oral sex is becoming so common among teens that many only consider it “third base.” Peer pressure undeniably plays a large role. Guys are often the initiators of oral-sex encounters, but more and more girls are willingly participating. Girls with lower self-esteem will often engage in oral sex just to remain in the group or to keep guys from leaving them.
• Oral sex has been associated with gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and HPV.11
• If, over their entire lifetime, a person has oral sex with five or more people, his or her chances of getting throat cancer are increased 250 percent.12 That risk is increased 450 percent for people who have had oral sex with more than six partners.13
• Having had an oral HPV infection makes a person 3200 percent more likely to get throat cancer.14
First, clearly define what sex is with your young people. Educate them about the health risks associated with oral sex, and make them aware of the long-term effects on their reputation and self-esteem. It is so important to understand youth culture, and to know the world your children are living in each day. The temptations and pressure are high for them to engage in oral sex. There are lasting consequences of engaging in oral sex, and choosing to engage in oral sex as an alternative to intercourse won’t keep the memories of those sexual encounters from being paper-clipped to one’s brain.
God’s design for us is not to be sexually active while “preserving our virginity.” Again, explain the reasons why God created sex and its place and purpose to your children as covered in the first section of this book. In Ephesians, Paul says, “Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity… because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Ephesians 5:3 NIV). God doesn’t give us permission to engage in some sexual activities outside of marriage while avoiding others. He calls us to flee from all sexual immorality, and his motivation is to protect us and to provide the opportunity for maximum sex and intimacy within marriage.