Jodi

ALWAYS

If I had my pick a’ things, you can bet your bottom dollar I’d pick somethin’ fresh over somethin’ canned any day of the week. Most of my regulars at the farmer’s market, they’d get to agreeing with me—’cept when it comes to green beans. Green beans, they sell canned two to one over fresh.

That got me to thinking that maybe I’d be able to keep going to that market dern near all year long. Mostly, once October hit and it started getting right colder, we had to pack it up. But thinkin’ about all that time to myself, not having much a’ nothing to do, it got me to worrying. I was feeling pretty good again, not wantin’ to drink so much all the time. I didn’t want nothing to get in the way a’ that—’specially not me having too much free time.

I couldn’t sleep one night, just staring up at the water ring on the ceiling, worryin’ about fall crops and Graham not planting none and me not having nothing to do all that long, cold winter ’cept hole up in the trailer with a bottle. So I just got on up real early, pulled on my rain boots over my pajama pants, and got to walking. I didn’t have to wonder where Graham was. That tractor was whirring in the distance, loud and clear like a train announcing its return to the station. It weren’t Graham I got to first, though; it was Buddy. I wanted to run away and hide looking a mess like I was, not a stitch a’ makeup on, not so much as a brush through my hair.

He waved, turned off the engine, pulled his glasses off, and ran his hands through that fine, thick head a’ hair. He coulda been in a Pert Plus commercial. Or John Deere. It were a deadly combination for a country girl. And it got me to thinkin’ that wanting to do the farmer’s market all year round had as much to do with Buddy as with my drinking.

“You miss me while you were in New York?” he asked, winking.

That red was running right up my cheeks, giving me away. Weren’t a damn thing I could do ’bout it. Pull it together, Jodi. I wanted to be real clever and quick on my feet, fire something back kinda flirtatious and tough all rolled into one. But the best I could come up with was, “You miss me?”

He grinned. “Always.”

I put my hand up to my forehead like I were shading the early-morning sun. But I was really hiding my ruby slipper face.

“Puh-lease,” I said. I was like a grade-school girl again, my first crush leaning against my locker making my heart get to flutterin’. “I just need to see Graham.”

“Well, climb on up, darlin’,” he said.

My mouth kinda dropped.

“What? I didn’t figure you as too prissy to ride a tractor.”

I fluffed my hair. It didn’t do no good. Never, ever walk out of the house again looking like a hag.

I got to climbing on the tractor, near about fallin’ out when Buddy held my hand to help me. Oh my Lord, I prayed so hard he couldn’t smell my dirty hair. I got to figuring the fresh grass clippings and diesel fuel was smelling stronger than me.

He cranked the engine right hard, wrapped his arm real tight around my waist, and whispered, “Don’t worry. I won’t let you fall.”

Too late. That tan arm all tight ’round my waist, it were too much for any girl not to fall, really. I was so far into my fantasies of Buddy and me splashing in the ocean, lying in the sand, reciting vows . . . When I could make out Graham in the distance all my worries ’bout them fall crops had floated on by like a bubble in the wind.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said. I climbed down real slow.

Buddy, he didn’t let go a’ my hand when my feet hit the ground. He grinned. “I took the long way.”

“You damn well better stay away from my cousin,” Graham called over the roar a’ his tractor. He killed the engine, his earplugs dangling ’round his neck.

“Whatever you say, boss,” Buddy called back, winking at me.

As he drove away, Graham said, “So, something going on there I need to know about?”

My brain, it couldn’t stop my mouth. “Oh my Lord, I hope so.”

We both got to laughin’ like our hearts ain’t never been broken. “He’s always giving me a hard time, that’s all.”

I waited a long minute, crossing my fingers that Graham would say Buddy must really like me. But he just nodded.

“Anyway, I’m here ’bout the fall crops.”

Graham looked skeptical because we both know fall crops ain’t really his specialty. He smiled. “Well, then looks like this’ll be a pretty short conversation.”

“Just hear me out, all right?”

He nodded.

“I was just thinkin’ that the way I been selling so many a’ them cans, maybe it’d make sense to keep going through the fall. If we could just plant some onions and cabbage and cucumbers and maybe do some lettuces and collards and kohlrabi, we could still have some fresh stuff to sell at the market. And maybe the Piggly Wiggly’d be interested since they buy our stuff in summer. But then I could make pickles and sauerkraut and fermented vegetables and all that good stuff.”

Graham’s face got all twisted up like he ate some bad oysters or somethin’, and I started to realize how hot it was getting. “Jodi, you know I’d do anything for you, but . . .” He jumped off his tractor, dust flying out from under his boots. “I’m just not sure we can justify that. It’s a lot of work taking care of all this land.”

I nodded. “I know, I know. But we could just plant a little bit, and I can help you. I’m right good at plantin’ and such.” I cleared my throat. I didn’t want him to feel guilty, but I said it anyhow. “Look, Graham, girls like me, we gotta stay busy.”

He smiled and patted my shoulder, finally catching on. “Well, you and Buddy get that all worked out and I’ll help how I can.” He winked at me, and I could feel that red rising again just talking about Buddy.

“Hey, look,” Graham said. “You doin’ okay, Jodi? I mean, with all of it. The drinking, giving up Carolina. All that?”

I swallowed right hard. “Yeah. I mean, it’s made it right easier for me to get to be around her. It’s hard and it hurts, but Khaki, she always treats me like . . .” I paused, ’cause I could feel them tears getting into my eyes. I swallowed, and I tried not to get choked up but I couldn’t help it. “She treats me like I’m Carolina’s momma still too.”

In his deepest voice, Graham said, puffing up his chest, “Honey, Carolina might need two mommas, but I’m cowboy enough for two daddies.” He tipped his hat to me.

We got to laughing again. Graham, he always knew the right thing to say to make you feel better right off. Couldn’t nobody dream up a better daddy for their baby.

“All right, well, I guess I’ll just have to talk Buddy into my new fall plantin’ scheme if I want to keep working.”

Graham squeezed my arm all supportive like. He hopped back into his tractor seat. “Yup. But I have a feeling you could talk Buddy into dern near anything.” He cranked the tractor, getting back to the long day a’ work ahead. “You want a ride back?”

I shook my head. It weren’t that far. Plus, I felt like skipping and dancing and twirling around all the way back home, just thinkin’ that Buddy might like me too. And I tried to lie to myself about it, but me and God and all them saints, we knew the truth: I was hoping to run into a different cowboy.