Chapter 2

Marcus Brenner couldn’t bear to see Sarah Wilerson and Ethan Paulson marry today, so he told his uncle, Isaac Connely, goodbye before his uncle left for church service this morning. Marcus couldn’t stay because he’d see Sarah and Ethan in town or at family functions. Isaac, still a bachelor, and Sarah’s widowed mother, Cate, were an unofficial couple, always inviting each other to family gatherings and such. There was no way he could stay here—and it was unfair to Ethan, too. Sarah could learn to love Ethan and their life at the hotel if Marcus left.

Marcus’ knapsack was packed, bedroll behind the saddle, his rifle in its scabbard, and his hat was firmly set on his head of short brown hair. All he had to do was mount his white gelding, Chief, and leave. For some reason he felt compelled to return to Fort Wallace, even though he’d been honorably discharged.

He never dreamed when he studied engineering at West Point, he’d end up on the wild plains of Kansas. Instead of building bridges back East, he had patrolled the Smoky Hill Trail, which crossed through central Kansas into Colorado. The soldiers at Fort Wallace were ordered to protect the westward migration of settlers who were encroaching on the Sioux and Cheyenne Indians’ hunting grounds.

Marcus was too young to fight in the Civil War, but he was caught in the results of the war, the building of the railroad across the United States and the homesteaders taking over the Indians’ land. The government’s plan of moving the Indians into certain sections of land was implemented by getting rid of their food source, the buffalo. The Indians fought for their land and food, because without it, they would starve.

What he saw done in the Indian attacks on the white settlers, and what the soldiers did to the Indians in retaliation still gave him nightmares. And it was women and children who always suffered the most from these clashes of men fighting men.

In early spring, Marcus was with a troop ordered to protect a group of settlers on their way west. Word had traveled back to the fort notifying them there had been trouble near the border, so they were escorting the group of twenty wagons through the dangerous section of the plains.

Without warning, Indians swooped at full speed to attack the wagon train in the early morning, right after the wagons had stretched out on their trek west. Bullets and flaming arrows rained on the settlers and soldiers, killing indiscriminately and setting wagons on fire. Grief and emotions hit him hard as he saw families disintegrated in seconds. Then he was injured and left to die.

The Indians left as fast as they arrived, leaving people and animals dead or suffering and everyone in shock from the sudden disaster suffered by the wagon train.

When the attack ended that fateful day, the remaining soldiers gathered the wounded, both soldiers and travelers from the wagons, and took them back to Fort Wallace. Many travelers were buried on the site of the attack, or may have been carried off by the Cheyenne.

Army life was all Marcus had known since he grew up in a military family, so he’d try to find employment in a civilian job at the fort. Marcus didn’t care what it was, nor where he’d lay his bedroll at night. He only needed money to provide food for him and his horse.

Rather than traveling back to his parents’ home in Maryland when he was injured, Marcus asked to recover at his uncle’s ranch near Ellsworth, Kansas. Uncle Isaac, his mother’s brother, welcomed him, giving him a place to heal his injured body and try to quiet his tortured soul.

Marcus was attracted to Sarah the first time he saw her at a church picnic after he’d arrived at his uncle’s ranch, and had been sorely disappointed to find out she was engaged to Ethan Paulson.

He never expected to meet someone like Sarah, a quiet, kindred spirit who had given him a reason to live. Their friendship grew when the Cross C housekeeper left for a while to visit her family and Sarah spent time at Isaac’s house to help in her place. It was easy to open up to Sarah, eventually telling her about military life and how he received his wounds.

Sarah pushed him to walk, first out to the porch, then on walks around the ranch yard, talking as she guided him a little farther each day. He eventually moved from needing crutches to a cane, as his legs muscles and scarred skin recovered from the damage inflicted on his body. Walks turned into rides when he became able to mount a horse. It felt good to temporarily ditch the cane and sit in the saddle again, even if he had to use a mounting block in the beginning. He’d probably have a slight limp for the rest of his life, but maneuvered without a cane now. Luckily his strong, left leg could swing his body into the saddle without the right leg’s assistance.

His six–foot frame thinned those first weeks while still at the fort, but once he got to his uncle’s ranch, Sarah cajoled him to eat her tasty meals and desserts. It wasn’t just food at the dining room table, it was lunches on the porch, picnics on the river bank, the jug of lemonade and a basket of cookies they’d bring to the ranch hands sorting cattle in the corrals. Spending time eating together, with or without Isaac, gave Marcus a normal life again, not involved around the military routine. During the time they spent together, Marcus found himself opening up to Sarah about the skirmishes he had been be a part of, and the nightmares they caused.

Sarah hinted that she wanted to break off her engagement to Ethan, but Marcus ignored her suggestion because he didn’t believe he could give Sarah her dream of being a mother with a full house of children. Although the doctor assured him it was still possible, Marcus was positive he couldn’t father a child due to the knife slashes to his groin and thigh received in his last fateful fight.

He hadn’t seen Sarah since a week ago at the Bar E ranch, when they all got together for Cora Elison’s engagement party with her “mystery groom”, as the women had nicknamed the unknown man. Cora’s parents along with her brothers, Carl and Lyle, came from Boston bringing a friend of the family, Jeffrey Fleishman, because Cora was required to marry someone by her twenty–fifth birthday to inherit her share of her grandfather’s will. Until Jeffrey arrived, Cora didn’t know who the man was being brought by her parents to marry her, hence the nickname. But instead of marrying Fleishman, Cora married the Bar E ranch foreman, Dagmar Hamner, and everyone happily celebrated their wedding last Sunday.

The night of the engagement party, Sarah asked Marcus to meet her in the Bar E house library so they could have a private conversation. But when Sarah confessed her love for him, Marcus would not respond in kind. He told her to marry Ethan as planned, because they’d never have a future together.

Marcus carefully swung up into the saddle now, as Chief stepped sideways in reaction to his rider’s mood. His right thigh still hurt when stretched, but it was getting easier to tolerate. Time had healed his physical wounds, but he wasn’t sure if the emotional wounds would ever heal.

Marcus turned in his saddle to gaze at the house and ranch yard once more. The large two–story, wood house had a wrap–around porch where Marcus spent many hours during his recovery. From this peaceful view, you could see the outbuildings, a large wooden barn, corrals and the pasture beyond. Too bad he couldn’t stay to enjoy the view any longer. He’d really miss the peace the ranch gave him.

The July heat was starting to rise, promising another scorching day. Marcus should have left before dawn’s first light instead of noon, but he couldn’t leave until “the deed was done” at church. By now Sarah was a married woman and it was time for him to find a new life—one which didn’t include the love of his life.

Chief whinnied while turning his big body to look in the distance. After a second, Marcus spotted a horse racing toward them. Marcus quickly pulled his rifle from the scabbard out of habit.

A moment later he relaxed, putting the rifle back in its place when recognizing Hilda’s palomino paint horse, Nutcracker. Wait. Hilda was Sarah’s wedding attendant, so why would she be racing out here? What happened causing Hilda to be riding out here in a hurry?

But it didn’t look like Hilda lying forward on the horse’s neck. The woman was astride the saddle with… her bloomers showing and her dark green gown and segments of her dark coffee–colored hair billowing behind her. Marcus sat in shock as Sarah raced toward him. What’s she doing here?!

Chief pranced out of the way as the gelding skidded to a stop near them. “Marcus, don’t leave!” Sarah pleaded as she scrambled off the saddle, impatiently pulling her gown off the saddle pommel where it had caught on her descent.

“Sarah, why are you here?! You were supposed to marry Ethan today! You should be at the church enjoying the celebration picnic with your husband.” Marcus couldn’t keep the anger and pain from shaping his words. In one way, he was thrilled she hadn’t gone through with the wedding, but it only made matters worse. His chest hurt, knowing he’d still had to leave her.

“It wasn’t fair to go through the ceremony when I don’t love Ethan like a wife should…so I left before we were married,” Sarah shot back as she grabbed Chief’s bridle so Marcus couldn’t take off.

“As in you rode off on Nutcracker, leaving the man at the altar? What is it with you women and that horse?!”

“He’s fast, and I needed to get here quickly to stop you from leaving,” Sarah snapped. She reached up to place her hand on his knee before continuing softly. “Marcus we can marry and have a wonderful life together. Please get off your horse and let’s talk about it. Please? I left my wedding to speak to you.”

Marcus took a deep breath before carefully swinging his right leg over the saddle and setting his foot on the ground, then pulling his left foot out of the stirrup to steady both legs. Marcus ached to pull Sarah into his arms, but he kept a hand on the pommel instead, to keep from touching her face. Her tears had made a dirty trail down her dust–covered cheeks.

“Let’s tie the horses in the barn after you give Nutcracker a drink. Or is there a Paulson posse chasing you, and you need to keeping running?”

“Well, I don’t think Ethan would try to find me, but Mrs. Paulson might. She’s probably upset she lost an employee she wouldn’t have to pay, more than having lost me as a daughter in law.”

“What about your family? Will they be upset you didn’t marry Ethan today?”

“I think they’re celebrating because I finally came to my senses,” Sarah mused as she led Nutcracker to the water trough. “Mother has never said a word about my engagement to Ethan, but my brothers sure made enough remarks against it.”

“How did you happen to take Nutcracker out for a ride?” Marcus asked, as he limped along beside her with the horses trailing behind them. “Hilda’s pretty particular of who rides her horse.”

“Cora followed me to the back of the church after the morning service, and before my walk down the aisle for my wedding ceremony. She whispered Nutcracker was ready to ride if I wanted a way to escape my vows,” Sarah confessed.

“That doesn’t surprise me with your women friends. You do look out for each other. But what if I had already left, then what would you have done?”

“Cora also gave me her reticule—with one hundred dollars in it—to travel until I found you.”

“Okay—we can talk—but it won’t do any good. I’m still leaving.” Marcus could hardly stand looking into her sorrowful blue eyes. “You must be thirsty after your race. How about we get something to drink from the kitchen and sit outside on the porch?” Marcus offered. She might have dodged today’s union to Ethan, but Sarah needed to seriously think of what to do next. Her decisions would affect many lives, besides her own.

It was strange to sit by themselves on the porch without a soul around. All the Cross C hands, except for the ones out with the cattle herd, had gone to town for Sarah’s wedding, so the place was quiet.

Marcus wondered how long it would take for Isaac and Cate to arrive, because they could guess Sarah took off to look for him.

“So what did you plan to do once you got here, Sarah?”

“Talk you into marrying me.”

“Running away from your wedding has made you bold, Sarah. What would you have done if I had left?”

“Adam said you were heading to Fort Wallace, so I’d catch the train at Ellsworth and beat you there.”

“What about Hilda’s horse? Clothes? Or did your sisters–in–law have all the details planned out ready to implement?”

“I was told to leave Nutcracker at the Ellsworth livery if I didn’t catch you here. A carpet bag of necessities is inside the door of the Bar E house if I had time to stop for it. On my hot ride over here though, I thought about raiding the housekeeper’s room here to see if I could find a calico dress and straw hat to wear in exchange for this dark, hot gown. Otherwise my skin would be fried before I got to Ellsworth.”

Marcus took Sarah’s right hand in his, rubbing his thumb across her palm while trying to figure out what to say next. He looked across the prairie landscape he’d grown to love over the past months. Could he offer Sarah a home here in the area, or would it be best to start someplace fresh, away from the family? Would she be happy without children? And why was he even thinking of these questions because he didn’t have much to offer her?

“Seriously, Sarah, what did you expect to happen when you caught up with me, today or later in Fort Wallace?”

“A talk about our future together.” She looked down at their hands, then looked up at him. “When it was time to start the wedding ceremony, I…couldn’t walk down the aisle, so Adam took me outside to give me some brotherly advice.

“We talked about my choices—going through with the ceremony—or going after you. But when Adam said, this is for the rest of your life, Sis. Do what’s best for you. I knew I would be miserable living with the Paulsons, and I wasn’t going to do that for the rest of my life. I told Adam to go back inside as I needed a breath of fresh air before continuing—but instead, I untied Nutcracker and took off to find you.”

“Sarah… I can’t give you a family like you want and deserve.”

“We already have a ‘family’, Marcus. And when we marry we’ll be an aunt and uncle to my nieces and nephews. I’m sure my sisters–in–law would love for us to take care of their children now and then. We’ve all had a hand in raising Darcie’s boy, Tate, when the toddler was living with Millie and Adam, and I’m sure it will continue when our family increases in size.”

“That’s not the same as having your own family. You’ll come to resent me over time.”

Sarah wrapped her arms around her middle and looked out over the peaceful scenery. Marcus knew she was thinking up more arguments in favor of them marrying, rather than conceding to his refusal. But his reservations were more than not being able to have children. His years at Fort Wallace had left him with nightmares of mothers and children—both native and white—dying because he couldn’t save them from the crossfire during military skirmishes. Marcus was scared he couldn’t protect his own family in a crisis situation.

“I wouldn’t mind if we didn’t have any children for a few years anyway. I’d love for us to be a couple, free to travel. I’d like to go back East to meet your family and see that part of the United States.

“When and if we want a family, we could always adopt children to give them a chance to have a normal family life. There will always be children who need homes. If not here, then in orphanages in larger cities.”

When he didn’t answer, Sarah went on. “And I say children, not a child, because having siblings is a blessing. You grew up as a single child, but I can’t imagine life without my brothers. And maybe we could keep a group of siblings together if we adopted them all at once. Otherwise the babies get separated from the last of their family connection.”

“And how and where would we raise this family?” Marcus asked to pull Sarah from her unrealistic thoughts. “I don’t have a job, nor a home. I’ve lived in forts since leaving West Point. I have no other skills other than ordering soldiers to do their job.”

“So you start over and do something else. I’d like to live near family, and I think you would, too. Surely you can do something between here and Ellsworth, and if not, we will go elsewhere. A bank clerk, a school teacher…work for the railroad, and we can rent a house wherever you find work.”

“But I’m not trained for any of those jobs, and my leg keeps me from doing manual labor…”

“Marcus, just open your eyes and heart to ideas. We’d have a good marriage, be with our families, and possibly give an orphan a set of parents.”

Sarah stopped talking and scanned the yard when she heard a little girl’s cry.