CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Be Young

Flipping into Freedom

I was at a birthday party on the beach when I met a woman with the most unique personality I’ve ever encountered. Although she was in her twenties, she seemed like a young child. She did cartwheels across the sand. She belted out show tunes. Most amazingly, she didn’t seem to notice or care what other people thought about her. Her energy was so incredible and infectious that I began to sing along with her. I couldn’t stop wondering, Who is this?

As it turned out, she was Haley Lu Richardson, a deep and fascinating person. She’s also a successful, hardworking actress. We talked about a lot of things, including her approach to life. I realized why Haley seems so young. It’s not only the cartwheels or songs but also that she’s not at all self-conscious—just like a young child.

If you observe preschoolers for a few minutes, you’ll notice that they don’t hide their feelings. If they feel curious, they ask a question. If they’re sad, they cry. If they feel joyful, they skip and jump. They’re too young to be self-conscious yet, so they don’t worry about how people perceive them.

Haley has learned that life is more fun if she doesn’t spend energy worrying about what people think of her. That way she’s free to do the things she loves, all out.

Another fantastic benefit of letting go of what other people think is that it has a ripple effect. Haley points out that when we don’t feel self-conscious, “it makes other people feel comfortable in themselves.” It lets our friends know that they can be goofy and express their young sides, too. That explains why at the beach I was completely comfortable singing show tunes with a bunch of strangers around.

Be Bored

When was the last time you actually had nothing to do? It’s probably been a very long time. Maybe you were four years old, waiting in line with your mom at the grocery store. While you waited, you hopped up and down, fidgeting, wishing you had something to do.

Now, thanks to technology, we always have something to do. If we have to buy groceries, we fill the time standing in line by texting or checking Snapchat. This might appear to be a good thing. No more boredom!

But it’s actually really bad. That time we had as kids waiting with nothing to do was a gift, and now we’re missing out on it. When we constantly check our phones, it literally prevents us from having new thoughts. I mean, when have you had a great idea about anything while you were scrolling through Instagram? Being “bored” lets us be alone inside our heads, which gives us the space and openness we need for inspiration.

Many successful creative people, such as the acclaimed author Neil Gaiman, swear by having nothing to do when they need inspiration. When a person tells him they want to be a writer, Gaiman says, “Great, get bored.” The more time a writer spends sitting quietly, the more ideas they’ll get for plots and characters. It’s a paradox: the more we do nothing, the more we get done!

To recapture the imagination of young children, I like to take a “boredom break”—an opportunity to stop whatever I’m doing and just be. Here’s how:

1. The next time there is a lull in your day—in the car, waiting in a line, before bed—resist the urge to reach for your phone. Instead, take a little time to do absolutely nothing. Sit or stand still. It will feel awkward. That’s good! Breathe deeply. Even a few seconds of this can help open up your mind.

2. You can also do any monotonous, nonstimulating activity. Here are some of my favorites:

Lie outside and stare up at the sky.

Sit cross-legged and focus on your breath.

Go for a quiet walk.

Do some stretching.

It doesn’t have to take long! And believe it or not, we all have plenty of spare time. We all spend at least an hour (or four … or six) each day on our phones. You have plenty of time for a boredom break even if you take just ten or twenty minutes out of your daily phone usage. Getting bored is so vital for our creativity and well-being, we can’t afford not to do it!

Q&A

Q: I tried being bored. It was impossible to just sit still. After ten seconds, I had to check my phone. How am I supposed to do nothing?

A: Being bored is not only hard, it can actually be scary. Sometimes doing nothing in silence feels like torture. There’s a reason for this. Research shows that between our exposure to the hyperspeed of the Internet and our constant phone-checking, we have physically rewired our brains. It’s now difficult for us to just sit still and not check.

But if we take a little time, we can retrain our brains to be comfortable when we’re doing nothing. To help remove the temptation of your phone while you’re taking a boredom break, you can:

Time it. Set a timer for twenty or thirty minutes to make sure you have a solid chunk of time with nothing to do. Use something other than your phone, such as an egg timer or a watch, so you’re not relying on your phone to keep time!

Buddy up. When you’re ready for your break, swap phones with a friend or sibling. That way you won’t be able to check your phone because someone else will have it.

Break away. Shut off your phone. Place it in a drawer in your room, or anywhere that’s not easily accessible. Go elsewhere for your break, such as outside for a walk. This way you’ll have no choice but to be bored.