‘Why Was I Born?’

Despair

Like a silkworm weaving
her house with love
from her marrow,
and dying
in her body’s threads
winding tight, round
and round,
I burn
desiring what the heart desires.

Cut through, O lord,
my heart’s greed,
and show me
your way out,

O lord white as jasmine.

(Akka Mahadevi: A. K. Ramanujan)

Once, a slave of past karma,
I failed to remember my Lord.
Now, having gone mad,
I babble like a fool.
I cannot hold in my heart
The god who is all the goodness
that dwells in me.
Why was I born?

(Appar: Indira Viswanathan Peterson)

The Ninth Song

An exquisite garland lying on her breasts
Is a burden to the frail wasted girl.
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

Moist sandalbalm smoothed on her body
Feels like dread poison to her.
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

The strong wind of her own sighing
Feels like the burning fire of love.
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

Her eyes shed tears everywhere
Like dew from lotuses with broken stems.
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

Her eyes see a couch of tender shoots,
But she imagines a ritual bed of flames.
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

She presses her palm against her cheek,
Wan as a crescent moon in the evening.
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

‘Hari! Hari!’ she chants passionately,
As if destined to die through harsh neglect.
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

May singing Jayadeva’s song
Give pleasure to the worshipper at Krishna’s feet!
Krishna, Radhika suffers in your desertion.

(Jayadeva: Barbara Stoler Miller)

In the garden the bee lingers;
so many fragrant flowers there.
In the senses the creature lingers;
finally it goes out in despair.

(Kabir: Linda Hess and Shukdev Singh)

Life has stumbled, stumbled, unraveled,
Roped to politics and salary and sons.
Without my even noticing, my life has ambled off
And gotten tangled in a snare of illusion so foolproof
That now I cannot break it or loosen its grip.
Songs of the Lord, gatherings of the good —
I left myself hanging in air without either
Like an overeager acrobat who does just one more trick
Because he cannot bear to close the show.
What splendor, says Sur, can you find in flaunting wealth
When your husband, your lover, has gone?

(Surdas: John Stratton Hawley and Mark Juergensmeyer)

What have You done, O Gopala!
What have You done to my mind, O Lord!
All my days pass only in vain.

In the midst of this dense forest
we move about as deer
chased by Time’s hunter,
and mauled by dogs of passion and anger.
Helpless without the Lord’s kindness,
how will we get out of this maze
with hearts laden with fear?
Two tigers — one of greed and the other of desire
follow wherever we go.
And encircled as we are
and minds enfeebled,
we find no freedom from the shackles of gloom.
O Lord! I pray to Your Feet, get us out of this mesh,
Sankara prays for Your Grace.

(Sankaradeva: Amaresh Datta)

She Said:
Some send their heart as a messenger
to do their bidding
thinking ‘It’s an innocent heart, it’s my heart. ‘
They should abandon such notions.
My steadfast heart left to place a message
at the feet of the one
who ripped the broad chest of the golden one
but it abandoned me, wanders even now.

(Nammalvar: Archana Venkatesan)

I’m towing my boat across the ocean with a thread.
Will he hear me and help me across?
Or am I seeping away like water from a half-baked cup?
Wander, my poor soul, you’re not going home anytime soon.

(Lal Ded: Ranjit Hoskote)