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He “liked a challenge”? Earstien, what a prick.
Rada had been sitting there, actually feeling sorry for him and feeling guilty for not warning him about Elwyn’s attitude toward the match. But then he said that, and he completely lost her sympathy. He was one of those men—like Lord Anish—who went around boasting of how they liked “a filly with spirit,” and other, similarly revolting things. Unsurprisingly, Elwyn seemed to attract that sort of fellow. There weren’t many “fillies” with more spirit than her.
No, if Rada was going to feel sorry for anyone, she felt sorry for poor Elwyn. Rada could only imagine what she must be going through. The whole time they had been in the parlor, the princess hadn’t looked at Rada once. Maybe she was still upset about their misunderstanding. Rada’s heart still ached over it. If there was anything she could do to make Elwyn happy again, she would do it, no matter how hard it was.
In an instant, she knew her place was not out here with Edwin and Andras. Her place was with her friend. “Pardon me,” she said, jumping to her feet. “No, don’t bother to get up. I need to check on something.”
She met the earl in the hall. His face was almost purple with fury. “You try talking to her,” he said. “She’s gone up to her room, and she won’t listen to a fucking word I say.” Then he stomped past her and out through the arch, no doubt headed to join the men on the veranda.
In the airy upstairs corridor, lined with windows along one side and dotted with potted orchids in vases, she tried Elwyn’s door. Of course, it was locked. “Elwyn?” she said. There was no reply. “Elwyn? Are you there?”
In the room beyond, she heard footsteps, coming closer, then going away again, over and over. Elwyn was pacing. Rada knocked. “Can I talk to you, please?”
A loud, angry sigh. Then, “You can go fuck yourself straight to the Void. That’s what you can do, Rada Kaur.”
Rada bit her lip. “Um...maybe we could talk about it if you let me in.”
“I don’t ever want to talk to you again. Just go away.”
She nearly did, but at the top of the stairs, she thought better of it and came back. What sort of friend would she be if she left Elwyn alone at this moment? Clearly the princess needed her, whether she realized it or not.
She stepped up to the door and turned her gold ring around so she could press the opal with her thumb. Picturing the bedroom in her mind, she whispered, “Muka Cala.” The world went dark for a moment, and she felt stretched and pulled, like water being sucked into a siphon. Then there was light again, and she was in Elwyn’s room, on the other side of the door.
Some of the hunting trophies on the wall hung askew, and there were throw pillows and shoes littering the old, well-worn carpets. It looked as if Elwyn had been venting her fury, but she clearly had a good deal left. The moment she heard Rada take a step, the princess spun around, shaking her finger, hair coming loose in long dark strands.
“How dare you!” she cried. “How dare you use that damned ring to come in here!”
“Elwyn, if you’re still mad about what happened between us before I left, then—”
“Oh, I’m over that now. Trust me.” She gave a grim little chuckle. “I am so very, very over that. I thought you loved me, but now I know you’re an asshole like everyone else.”
“I’m sorry if—”
“Do you know, when you first left, I actually felt guilty?” Elwyn started pacing again. “And then I thought, ‘Well, it’s alright. Rada will know what to do.’ I was sure you’d find some way to talk Andras out of coming here. Or at the very least you’d shove him in the river or get him lost in the forest or something.”
Rada looked at the floor, ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that’s what you wanted me to do.”
“How in the Void could you not know that was what I wanted? Did I not make my feelings clear enough?” Elwyn picked up a red leather sandal and hurled it at the wall, where it snagged on the antler of a mule deer and hung there, swinging wildly.
“I really am sorry.” Rada’s eyes started to water. “Even if I don’t have...romantic feelings for you, I hope you know I really do care a lot about you.”
“Bullshit.” Elwyn came closer. “Bullshit. Last week, I happened to go by my uncle’s study late at night. He was in there talking to Edwin, and I heard your name.”
“My...my name?”
“Yes, and you see, at that point, I still thought you were my friend, so naturally I stopped to see what they were saying about you. And do you know what I heard?”
Rada shook her head, blinking fast to stop the tears.
“My uncle said you made him a love potion. And he said if I wouldn’t take Andras willingly, then he would use the potion on me so I couldn’t help falling in love.” Through gritted teeth, she asked, “Is that true? Did you really do that?”
The tears ran freely down Rada’s cheeks now. With a little shudder, she nodded.
“Get out.”
“Elwyn, he promised he’d only ever use it if—”
“Shut up. And get out.”
Rada left the conventional way, hardly able to see where she was going, and Elwyn slammed the door after her.
Of course Rada couldn’t go back out to the veranda in that state, so she went down through the guest wing and out into the back gardens, where hopefully no one was lurking at this time of day. There were a number of secluded little nooks back there, low benches in odd angles between hedges or half-hidden under willows. She picked the most remote of all—a crumbling alcove built into the back wall, faced with broken tile, like there had been a fountain there at one time. She slumped among the shards and dust and cried for Elwyn.
The princess had every right to be angry; Rada knew that. If their friendship was dead now, it was because Rada had killed it. True, the earl had lied to her and manipulated her, but she should have known better than to trust him.
At every step along the way, there were things she could have done differently, things that would have spared Elwyn this humiliation. She could have used magy to make the earl give her the potion back. She could have refused to go to Pinburg. She could have done her best to convince Pallavi that the marriage would never work. She could have told Andras that Elwyn didn’t want him, and advised him to go back home. She could have done any of those things, but she hadn’t, and now Elwyn would never speak to her again.
In Rada’s mind, betraying a friend was one of the worst sins possible. Worse than murder, certainly. Maybe worse than lying or blasphemy. That was why she had left Loshadnarod, after all, giving up a commission in the Queen’s Guard and an honored position in the queen’s household. But she couldn’t have stayed there after what those people had done to Daryna.
When the great hillichmagnar’s affair with Misha had been revealed, people had turned on them, driving them from the camp and hounding them to their deaths. Then everyone had felt sorry, and they sang hymns in Daryna’s honor again. But it was too late. Rada could never forgive them. She couldn’t sit there in the royal tents and drink tea with the crown prince and his awful, awful wife, pretending they hadn’t stabbed their best friend in the back.
Now Rada had betrayed Elwyn. Maybe not exactly in the same way, but the betrayal was real, all the same, and Rada couldn’t believe she had done it. She pulled out her Ptitska—the little painted bird icon given to her by Daryna herself—and pressed it to her lips. “Dear Earstien,” she thought, “I know I can never make it up to Elwyn, but help me to try.”
Off to her right, there were a few shuffling steps, and someone cleared his throat. Rada opened her eyes to see Sir Walter Davies standing there with a worried expression on his face. “Are you...are you alright?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, pushing the Ptitska back into her bodice and wiping her eyes. “Well, actually, no. The princess is very upset, you see.”
“So I’ve heard,” he said. “It’s not fair of her to take it out on you, though.”
“Oh, it’s perfectly fair,” she moaned. “Trust me, Walter. I deserve it.”
He didn’t seem to know quite how to answer. His face reddened, and he scuffed his big riding boots in the dirt. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, “It’s been a tough day for everyone, I suppose.” He bowed and turned, as if to leave, but after a few steps, he came back. “Listen, I’ll understand if you say ‘no,’ but would you like to take a ride somewhere? Maybe go down the valley by the hot springs or something like that? It might take your mind off it.”
“A ride?”
“Yes. On horses. Things are at a bit of, um...a standstill at the house, so the earl has given us the rest of the day off. I haven’t seen you in, well...weeks now.” His face got even redder. “It wasn’t the same without you around.”
She choked out a laugh. “Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.”
“Come on.” He held out a hand. “We can get a picnic basket and have our lunch down there. I don’t have to be on guard duty until after supper.”
They walked up to the kitchens, and he went to the wine cellar while she helped the scullery maids pack a hamper. As she worked, her spirits started to lift. Not by much, but enough that she didn’t feel quite so worthless as she had. She started to believe that maybe she wasn’t the worst person in the world, and maybe she did deserve a little time off to enjoy herself after such a long, exhausting journey.
She became so engrossed in choosing cheeses and salted meats and pickles for the basket that she didn’t even notice the sky getting darker outside the window. So, it came as a complete shock when she met Walter on the kitchen porch and saw rain streaming down over the gardens.
“Maybe if we wait a while, we could go after the storm lifts,” he suggested, turning a bottle of Annenstruker Rodvin in his hands.
Rada set the basket down heavily. “No. There’s no point. I think I’d better write today off entirely. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a nap.”