David, Age 12 years

I hate her. She is bad. It is wrong to do that. You can only do it with your husband. I want to tell Daddy. I don’t know how to tell him. Why did she do it? I’ve read about it in the newspaper the gardener leaves in the shed. I can read a lot of words now. My tutor, the bad man, he taught me lots of words. He’s a teacher. Teachers should be good. He was bad to do it with my Mummy. Why did he want to do it?

The newspaper says lots of people do it when they shouldn’t. Doctors, vicars, people my Daddy votes for. Sometimes they do bad things to boys. I’m not sure what they do. I know what the tutor did. I saw them. He gave me lessons, then Mummy told me to go up to my room. He and Mummy talked and I did my drawings.

I was hungry. It was tea time. I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. I passed the door of the library. I wanted to get a book. The door wasn’t closed. I peeped through the crack. They were kissing. A long kiss. He was touching her all over. I felt sick. I went back to my room. What was happening? Would Daddy have to leave? Would the tutor be my new Daddy? No. It was wrong.

That night I couldn’t sleep. His room is near mine. I heard his bedroom door open, and he went down the stairs. I waited. I counted to twenty. I can count to a hundred but I didn’t. I crept down the stairs. I was scared. The library door has a keyhole. I looked through it. My mummy was on the floor. She didn’t have any clothes on. He was on top of her. He was moving up and down. She put her legs round him. She doesn’t love Daddy any more. What will happen?

I went back upstairs. I took a piece of paper and pinned it to the easel. I got out three pencils, one fine, one medium and one thick. I drew it out of my head on to the paper. I will have to hide it. If she found it what would she do to me? I want to tell. If I tell Daddy will he hate me? Does he know?

The next day I still feel bad. I go into the kitchen. Miss Fenner is sitting at the table. I like her. I can tell she likes me. She doesn’t say much to me. I remember when I first spoke to her. She called me Master David. She made her do that. I didn’t like it. Miss Fenner makes nice things to eat. She is always the same. She doesn’t shout and she doesn’t cry. I talk to her. She was shocked when I first spoke to her. I laughed and she smiled. She makes nice puddings. I like her.

I will be thirteen on the twenty-third of July. I will go away to school in September. Daddy is taking me to visit the school soon. I am afraid. I’ve never been to a school. You have to listen to teachers and you have to answer questions. I do that with the tutors. I am glad I am going as there will be no more tutors. Mummy will have to stop being bad.

Daddy comes in from work. He is sad. I wish I could tell him. He knows I don’t like anyone touching me. Sometimes he puts out his hand. Then he pulls it away. I think I love my Daddy. I go upstairs and draw a picture of him and one of Miss Fenner. I put them with the others. It is my secret. I like secrets.