It’s lonely here on this big estate. No sounds of Bard chopping wood to prepare for winter. No Grandma Rain yelling at Master to get off her couch or to stop leaving dead critters on the front porch. No howls of No Ones trying to pass through the house, looking for snacks. No deep voices talking to me through the walls, telling me their beautiful lies with their beautiful mouths.
My best friend Sunnie has stopped by a few times to keep me company, but things just aren’t the same between us. She was really hurt when I dropped off the face of the earth to spend time finding myself—a lie—only to return pregnant.
I’ve been back for three months now, and people in town continue to whisper behind my back. Mostly rumors about my ex, Dave, who disappeared without a trace. His family’s been looking for him ever since, and luckily, while I was gone, no one came here. At least, not to search with a warrant. If they had, they would’ve found his blue Ferrari back behind the shed, the GPS disconnected. Now the car is down in a gully off of Rebel Road, a place too steep for anyone to ever find it.
Poor Dave’s family. And poor Dave. Bard, a brand-new No One at the time, chewed his face clean off out in the woods. I think Bard was just trying to protect me, even if he didn’t know why. Bard eventually remembered me and our past, but it took time.
Time. Now there’s a topic I can’t stop thinking about. I slide my hand over my stomach. The giant fetus is the size of a small grape now, right on track for a normal human baby. Thank God there were no issues going over the bridge, but I never imagined being here all alone, pregnant.
Every day I wake in a panic, worried that things didn’t go as planned back in Monsterland, that the invasion of monsters from the future is still coming.
Twice a day, with the obsession of a prison guard, I check all the locks on the doors that seal the bridges leading to Monsterland. As if any of that will help us if the wall falls. They’ll come right through the naked doorways. No wall. No bridge. No filters.
I just wish there were a way for Alwar to send word. What happened? How bad was the attack? Did they win? Is that why he hasn’t sent word because he no longer exists?
Wishful thinking. Because if Monsterland were gone, wouldn’t this place be gone, too? Maybe even I’ll disappear. Erased by a future that never happens.
I don’t know. In the meantime, I have to pretend that life will go on.
It’s summer now, and I’m putting the cash I got from selling Alwar’s diamond to good use. The house is under major construction—foundation repair, new support beams, insulation, and siding. The retaining wall that prevents the estate from flooding is being rebuilt, too. Four hundred thousand dollars just to keep this place from falling apart.
That doesn’t include the grounds that need help, or the new septic and well water pump. That’s going to cost another fifty grand. Plus there’s the demolition of my old house that burned down.
Has to wait until next year.
I need to start thinking about making a home for me and this baby. We have wood stores for the winter to worry about, too. When the snow comes, the propane trucks can’t always get out here to refill our tank, so we reserve that fuel for cooking. For heat we use wood.
“Let’s get some breakfast and go into town to buy bread. Sound good?” I ask my stomach, which gurgles in response. I pretend it’s the baby. “Excellent choice.”
I also pretend I’m at ease with all this because my lies are better for the creature in my belly. Yeah. Like it doesn’t know I can’t breathe or sleep. Or that I have constant nightmares while waiting for the shoe to drop. Or that I’m so lonely I could die. But I can’t stand the thought of bringing anyone here. Ground zero. If I leave, it will be in body only. My mind will still be trapped here. In hell. Wondering if the end is near.
Five months later.
“You’re coming along very nicely, Lake. Four more weeks, and we can put a fork in it.”
I try not to wince at my ob-gyn, Dr. Francis. His words remind me of the time Tiago fed me a baby snail fetus from a dead Snail woman. The thought still makes me gag.
“And no change on the birth plan, correct?” he asks.
“Nope. Still planning to come here.” It’s over an hour’s drive to Oil City, but I figure once I go into labor, I’ll have plenty of time to get here.
“You need a backup plan, Lake. Not all babies like to wait. When they’re ready, they’re ready.”
I wish I were ready. It’s been eight months since I came home, and I still feel like this is all a dream. None of it is real. Maybe because I’m afraid of getting attached to all this—my baby, my beautiful forest, the tranquility of a world without monsters. I feel like I’m going to wake up one morning, living in Monsterland again, fighting for my life.
I give Dr. Francis’s words some thought. If there was ever a baby full of surprises, it would be this one. Right? “Sure. Okay. Give me the list.” He’s mentioned several urgent care centers closer to home. They’re not much, but they can at least deliver a baby and give it oxygen if needed. The staff is trained in emergency C-sections, too.
He pats my shoulder. “I’ll be right back. You can get dressed now.” He’s about to leave, but then stops. “Oh, I hope you don’t mind, but we have a pool going. Will she be Rain, Storm, Snow, or River?”
My stomach dips and then rolls.
I didn’t want to know if it was a girl or boy. Dr. Francis knows that. Not because I’m one of those people who thinks the surprise is just “so fun!” But because I wanted it to be a boy so badly. I want it to be a little Gabrio. He deserved that after what he did for me. I wanted it so much that I was afraid I wouldn’t love this child if she was a girl. I figured my only hope of loving her was looking into her eyes when she’s born and forgetting everything else.
I look down at the floor, feeling like the rug’s been pulled out from under me.
“I just made a very big mistake, didn’t I?” Dr. Francis shakes his head, berating himself. “I’m very sorry. I forgot you wanted it to be a surprise.”
“It’s fine,” I say through gritted teeth.
“The nurse asked me if I knew because we started a little pool. We all know you Norfolk women have a set of names and—I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. I just don’t know how it slipped my mind.”
“It’s okay,” I say, but it’s not. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go home and try to process what I’m feeling, which isn’t good. I feel like I’ve somehow erased Gabrio. It’s not true, but that’s how I feel.
“Please accept my apologies. Be right back with that list.” He leaves and closes the door behind him. I slide off the gown and begin the tiring task of putting my underwear back on. Then comes my floral tent.
A girl. A girl like me. I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought for sure it would be a boy. But how do I prepare a girl for what’s coming? The violence. The hungry creatures. I realize I wanted a boy because maybe he’d have a better chance of surviving in the world that’s waiting for us. But maybe that’s all wrong, a weird bias in my head. I’m still here, aren’t I?
I slide my fat, swollen cankled feet into my flip-flops. It’s winter now, but that’s not why I’m shaking. I need to rethink everything.
Why the fuck did he tell me? I had a plan! I had this worked out.
“All right, Lake.” Dr. Francis enters the room with a sheet of paper in his hands. “Here’s the list of places you can go in case there’s an emergency or…”
His eyes lock on my stomach, horror written on his face—wide eyes, gaping mouth.
I look down. It’s flat. My arms are skinny, not plump. My feet are normal.
She’s gone! She’s gone. My heart feels like it’s cracking. I instantly regret everything I just thought about being disappointed.
“Oh no.” Something’s changed. Something happened. I have to get to the wall and see Alwar. I need to get her back.
I shove past Dr. Francis and leave the exam room. I don’t stop running until I get to my truck. I drive the entire way home, white-knuckling the steering wheel.
Meanwhile, I can’t look down. I can’t stand the thought of my baby being gone. I turn right at the mailbox and drive down our long bumpy dirt road. My heart’s racing.
I hit the clearing where my family’s mansion has stood for over two hundred years, and now it’s gone. In its place is a small one-story house, white with a wraparound porch and green shutters. A cord of wood is neatly stack beside the front door.
What the fuck?
In the gravel driveway, a dark blue truck. My snowmobiles are gone.
What the hell is happening?
I park behind the truck and turn off the engine. I’ve lost my fucking mind. I’m sure I have.
I step from my truck and press my hand over my flat stomach. My eyes scan the forest and land. It’s all the same, but the mansion is gone.
The front door opens, and my ex, Dave, rushes out. “Lake, are you all right?” He bolts toward me, catching me just in time before I stumble.
“You-you’re alive? How’s that possible?” And he looks different. No stark-white veneers or gelled-back hair. He’s wearing Levi’s instead of those five-hundred-bucks-a-pop designer things he always bragged about owning.
He scoops me into his arms. “Lake, you’re scaring me.” He takes me inside and sets me on a blue couch I’ve never seen before. His phone rings, and he pulls it from his pocket. “Yes, she’s here. Uh-huh. Oh. I’ll let her know, Dr. Francis. Thank you.” He ends the call.
“Lake, that was your doctor.”
I think he’s going to ask why I’m not pregnant anymore or why I ran out of there like a bat out of hell.
“He says you forgot your prenatal vitamins. I’ll swing by tomorrow and get them.”
I don’t understand. I’m apparently still pregnant, but not very far along. I grab a pillow and hug it to my chest. Where did Gabrio’s baby go?
My eyes whip to Dave’s face in horror. Oh God. This baby’s his.
“Lake? What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“This is all wrong.” I stand. “Where’s the window?” There used to be one upstairs in my grandma’s bedroom, right on the wall. She framed it to make it look like a painting. But I could see directly into a room inside the wall at Monsterland, and the Wall Men could see into the bedroom. One touch, though, and you’d get sucked in and spit out on the other side.
“Window?” Dave’s eyes toggle to the living room window overlooking the front porch. “The window’s right there. What happened to you?”
Wrong window. “Something’s not right, Dave.” I have to find that window. That or I need to figure out where one of the many doorways back to Monsterland is. But then I’d still need a key to unlock it. In the mansion, Grandma Rain used to keep her set of keys in the freezer. But there’s no more mansion.
There has to be a way to get in contact with Alwar or get back to the wall.