A few days later Peter telephoned to say he could take Daisy to Canterbury the following day. She quelled the butterflies in her stomach and said she’d be ready first thing. She was dreading it, anticipating her feelings when she saw Dick. But the reality couldn’t be any worse than her imaginings, she told herself firmly and she was determined to bring him home.
She thought the hospital authorities might be against releasing him so she decided to wear her uniform. The blue dress with its white starched apron and red-lined navy cloak, would lend her an authority that merely being the patient’s relative might lack.
‘Why are you all dressed up?’ her mother asked.
‘Doctor Holloway’s coming. I thought I ought to look the part,’ Daisy said, feeling slightly guilty that her mother didn’t realize where she was going. She’d only insist on coming too. But Daisy still wasn’t sure what to expect and it would be cruel to raise her mother’s hopes. She asked Georgina to break it to her after she’d left.
Georgina agreed, then hurried off to supervise the staff and to do the morning rounds.
When Peter’s little black Austin car stopped outside, she noticed his frown and said, ‘You don’t think this is a good idea, do you?’
‘I think a short visit would have been better in the first instance. You’ve raised his hopes about going home now, so we must go through with it. I don’t want you to be disappointed, Daisy.’ As they set off he glanced at her, taking in the crisp nurse’s uniform. ‘You look very smart and efficient anyway. I’m sure the hospital superintendent will be most impressed.’
Although the words were accompanied by a smile, Daisy sensed the underlying disapproval. He might be right, she thought. Maybe she’d find Dick was worse than she’d anticipated. But looking after the men at Ryfe had given her confidence.
When they reached the asylum – you couldn’t call it a hospital – she tried to hide her dismay. The red-brick fortress a few miles outside Canterbury was huge, set in an area of wooded parkland. How many tortured souls were locked away here, away from the uncaring eyes of the world? she thought. But when they entered the reception area, she was slightly reassured by the soft carpeting, comfortable chairs and colourful flower arrangements on low tables. She hoped the rest of the hospital was like this but, through an open door, she caught a glimpse of a long gloomy corridor echoing into the distance and her heart sank.
She took a deep breath when a thin little man with spectacles perched on the end of his nose, came in and introduced himself as the superintendent. He shook hands with Peter and inclined his head towards Daisy.
She bristled with indignation as he addressed his remarks solely to Peter, his conversation spattered with ‘I’m sure you understand, Doctor,’ and ‘Cases like these, as I’m sure you are aware, Doctor.’
When he referred to ‘the young lady’s brother’ almost as if she were not in the room, her anger boiled over. ‘Excuse me. The “young lady” is a qualified nurse, the matron of a convalescent home, and as such, has ample experience of “cases like these”. If you don’t mind, perhaps I could see Corporal March. Doctor Holloway will decide if he’s fit to be moved.’
After a moment’s shocked silence, the superintendent blustered, ‘My dear young lady, I’m sorry if I offended you. But these poor young men are my responsibility, as are all the patients here. I have to be sure that …’
‘I can assure you, Corporal March will have every care at Ryfe Hall,’ Daisy interrupted. ‘The home is staffed by nurses who’ve served in the war. Doctor Holloway is our consultant. He has also made a special study of the effects of shell-shock.’
‘I’ll have Corporal March brought in then,’ the man said, summoning a maid.
Daisy dared not look at Peter, who had so far said not a word. She was afraid she’d gone too far, but the pompous little man had infuriated her. At least the rush of anger had covered her nervousness. Now, as she watched the door for the first sight of Dick, her trepidation returned.
When he appeared, resting heavily on the arm of a male nurse, she had to stifle a gasp. If she’d passed him on the street, she’d have walked by without another glance. Dick was tall, and had once been a big man. His years of work on the fishing boats had broadened his already muscular frame. Now, the giant that Daisy remembered was pale and gaunt. He shuffled into the room, his gaze on the carpet, and she saw that his once thick dark hair was now patchy and thin and showing threads of grey.
He looked up at her stifled sob and a flicker of recognition showed in the dark eyes, to be replaced by clouded uncertainty. ‘Mum?’ he whispered.
To Daisy’s surprise, the superintendent touched Dick’s arm gently. ‘This is your sister, March. She’s come to take you home,’ he said, no pomposity in his voice now. He indicated Peter. ‘This is Doctor Holloway. They’ve come to take you home.’
Dick shuffled forward a few steps. ‘Home? Daisy?’ he said. ‘Is it really you?’
It was too much. Daisy threw her arms round him and burst into tears. Clasping his thin body to her, she felt the sobs which shook him too. For a few moments they cried together, then she gently pushed him away, and guided him into a chair. Taking his hand, she said, ‘Dick, do you want to come home? Do you feel well enough to travel?’
He glanced at Peter as if asking him for the answer. ‘You don’t have to go if you don’t feel up to it,’ he said. ‘But your mother wants to see you.’
Dick’s eyes clouded and tears welled up. ‘I don’t want to see her. I can’t face her. It was my fault, you see.’ He squeezed Daisy’s hand so hard her knuckles cracked.
‘Dick – she doesn’t blame you for Jimmy joining up. He’d have gone anyway.’
He shook his head vehemently. ‘I promised I’d look out for him. And I did. We were together until I was wounded. But they sent me back to a different unit. I couldn’t look out for him then, could I? If I’d been there perhaps it wouldn’t have happened.’
Daisy looked at Peter helplessly. ‘You weren’t to blame, old chap. Blame the powers that be who posted you,’ he said.
‘I should’ve been more careful. If I’d not got wounded, he would’ve been all right.’ He hung his head, still clutching at Daisy’s hand. She returned his grip, trying to convey her support. Her insides were churning. She’d never imagined seeing her strong dependable brother in such a state. Although she’d grown used to dealing with similar conditions, this was too close to home.
After a brief silence, Peter said, ‘You don’t have to see your mother until you’re ready. But you can still leave here. Daisy has prepared a room for you at Ryfe Hall.’
She managed to smile, determined to put on a brave face – she must if she were going to help him.
Dick’s eyes clouded again. ‘But you said I was going home.’
‘Ryfe Hall will be your home. I live there now,’ Daisy told him.
‘But you left there – went to work at the hospital.’
‘A lot has happened since then,’ Daisy said with a smile. ‘Ryfe Hall doesn’t belong to the Davenports any more.’
‘You said Mum wants to see me but I can’t face her, Daisy. I don’t want to hurt her but I really can’t.’
He was becoming agitated and Daisy said softly, ‘Why not stay at Ryfe Hall with me for a while then, just until you feel better.’
Once he realized he didn’t have to go home and face his mother, Dick agreed and after Daisy had signed the necessary papers, she settled him in the back seat and got in beside him. The long journey was uneventful. Dick leaned against her, appearing to doze but still tightly clutching her hand. To begin with she tried to make conversation but, daunted by his monosyllabic replies, she lapsed into silence. As they neared home, she asked herself if she’d done the right thing. This wasn’t one of her patients. This was Dick, her big brother. She sighed. She’d have to think of him that way. Maybe then she’d be able to cope.
It was almost dark when they got there and Daisy leaned across to say to Peter. ‘I hope Mum’s not here. I dread telling her that Dick doesn’t want to see her.’
Peter pulled on the handbrake. ‘I expect Georgina will have persuaded her to go back to the cottage but if she hasn’t I’ll put on my doctor’s voice and say he must rest.’
Daisy smiled gratefully. Exhausted by the emotional day, she couldn’t cope with any further upset.
Dick got out of the car and, leaning heavily on her arm, stumbled up the steps to the front door. There was no one about and they took him straight to his room, where he quietly submitted to being prepared for bed. As he lay down, Daisy kissed his pale cheek. ‘I’ll get you some cocoa – help you sleep,’ she whispered.
Dick nodded gratefully and closed his eyes. Peter followed Daisy downstairs. ‘I won’t stay,’ he said in response to her invitation to have some supper.
When she’d thanked him and seen him out, she went into the kitchen where Mrs Harris sat in front of the range toasting her feet. She made to get up but Daisy told her to stay put. ‘I’m going to make some cocoa for my brother. Do you want some?’ she asked.
Mrs Harris shook her head. ‘So you brought him home then? Your mum’s been in such a twitter about seeing him.’
‘She’s not around, is she?’ Daisy turned from the stove in alarm, turning back just in time to snatch the saucepan before the milk boiled over.
‘Don’t fret. Miss Georgina persuaded her to go home. Said you were probably staying overnight. But she’ll be up here with the lark, I bet.’
‘Miss Georgina’s seeing to Master Jack, the maids are in bed and the residents are settled for the night. I saved some supper for you and you should then go to bed too.’
‘I couldn’t eat, Mrs Harris. I’ll just take this up to Dick and then I’ll turn in.’ She stirred the milk into the cocoa powder, added sugar and put the cup and saucer on a tray.
Upstairs Dick was already asleep. She tucked his hand under the blankets, smoothing his hair and wondering how to tell her mother that he didn’t want to see her.
The next morning Daisy rose earlier than usual, anxious to see Dick before her mother arrived and make sure he had recovered from yesterday’s journey.
He was sitting by the window gazing out at the misty Downs and rolling countryside. He turned to her and she saw tears rolling silently down his face. His smile was more of a grimace as he recognized her. ‘Daisy, is it really you? I thought I was dreaming.’
‘It’s no dream, Dick. You’re home now and I’m going to take care of you.’
He seemed bewildered. ‘But what am I doing here – this is Ryfe Hall, isn’t it?’
Daisy once more explained that the hall no longer belonged to the Davenports and that it was now a sort of hospital. ‘I work here,’ she said.
He looked relieved. ‘When you said home, I thought you were taking me to Fish Lane. I don’t want to see Mum.’ He became agitated and Daisy soothed him. But despite her reassurance that he wasn’t to blame for Jimmy’s death, he couldn’t stop feeling guilty for not protecting his younger brother. ‘I can’t face her,’ he sobbed.
She urged him to rest and hurried out, stifling her own sobs. Had she done the right thing? Would Mum understand when she told her it would be better for her not to see Dick just yet?
She reached the kitchen just as Effie burst through the back door, throwing off her coat. ‘Where is he? Is he here? I want to see my boy.’
Daisy put her hands on Effie’s shoulders. ‘Wait a minute, Mum. We need to talk first. Sit down and have a cup of tea.’
‘I don’t want tea. I want to see my boy.’ Her face crumpled and she sank into a chair at the kitchen table. ‘He is all right, isn’t he?’
‘His wounds have healed but there’s a long way to go yet,’ Daisy said, taking her mother’s hands. ‘It’s his mind that’s wounded, Mum.’ As gently as possible she explained that Dick was like the other young men at Ryfe. He needed peace and quiet to heal. It was harder to tell her that Dick didn’t want to see her.
‘I don’t believe you. Why wouldn’t he want to see his own mother?’
‘Mum, I think it’s best if we leave him alone for now. He needs time.’
‘What makes you think you know what’s best for my son?’
‘It’s what he wants, Mum,’ Daisy replied gently, and went on, ‘He’s gone through so much, I think he needs time to come to terms with things.’
‘You think? Oh, Daisy, my girl, running this place has really gone to your head, hasn’t it? You think you know what’s best for everyone.’ Effie burst into tears. ‘I knew no good would come of you mixing with these people.’
For once, Daisy allowed her anger to surface. ‘These people as you call them are doing their best for Dick. If it weren’t for Georgina and Henry and Doctor Holloway, my poor brother would still be in that dreadful hospital.’ Then she too burst into tears.
Effie’s anger melted away and she put her arms round her daughter. As they grieved together, Daisy realized that it had been a long time since she’d given way like this. She’d become used to masking her feelings when dealing with the residents. Perhaps Mum was right and she did always think she knew best.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I was so busy thinking about Dick’s feelings that I didn’t consider yours.’
Her mother managed to smile. ‘I’m sorry too, love,’ she said. ‘But it’s hard, you know, having to accept that your own son doesn’t want to see you.’
‘I realize that, Mum. But he’ll come round. Perhaps we should ask Doctor Holloway’s advice. Would you abide by his decision?’
Effie nodded and Daisy telephoned him straightaway. With some reluctance, she took the receiver from Daisy and listened to what the doctor had to say. She nodded and handed the telephone back to her daughter.
‘Well, Mum?’ she asked, putting the phone down.
‘It’ll be hard but I’ll stay away. Your doctor friend agrees with you.’
From then on she spent more time at the Hall, only going home to sleep. But when Daisy once more urged her to move in she refused, clinging to the hope that one day Dick would be able to return to his old home and take up fishing again.
Although she had plenty to do looking after Jackie, she took over the running of the laundry with the help of one of the maids. Daisy protested that it wasn’t necessary for her to work so hard but she gave her usual sniff, saying, ‘You know I like to keep busy.’
Dick still hardly left his room and Daisy could only shake her head when Mum asked how he was getting on. She was really worried about him. Her success with Roger and the other residents had led her to believe somewhat optimistically that her brother would respond in the same way. But he continued to show no improvement. If anything, he was worse now than when she’d first seen him at the hospital. On bad days, she wondered if he might have been better off there, but she couldn’t have left him.
Dick had retreated into his own private world, silent for the most part. But occasionally the staff reported that when he was alone, he could be heard muttering to himself. Once, she heard him herself and realized he was apologizing to his dead brother. Nothing would convince him that he wasn’t to blame for Jimmy’s death. More worrying still was that on bad days, he’d have to be washed and dressed, sometimes even fed, by one of the nurses.
‘Peter says he’ll come out of it in his own time. We just have to be patient,’ Daisy told her anxious mother. ‘Roger was like that at first and look at him now.’
One day Effie was sorting linen away in the big cupboard at the end of the corridor when she heard Dick’s voice raised in a petulant cry. ‘Don’t want it, you can’t make me.’
She dropped the pile of towels and ran to his room. Dick was sitting by the window, with Ruby facing him. The girl was holding a dish of something and trying to tempt him to eat. He pouted and pushed her away, looking very like a six-year-old.
All Effie’s motherly instincts rose to the fore and she marched in, snatching the bowl from the startled Ruby. How dare she upset her boy like that? But as she prepared to give the girl a piece of her mind, she saw that Dick was cowering in the chair. Instantly she realized he wasn’t a little boy, he was a grown man. Perhaps they’d been approaching him in the wrong way. These doctors don’t know everything, she thought grimly.
Treating him as she’d have done when he was in fact six years old, Effie said sharply. ‘Come on, lad, eat up. Can’t hang around all day when there’s work to be done.’
Dick raised his eyes. ‘Yes, Mum, sorry,’ he said and obediently took the next mouthful that Ruby offered him.
Effie stood by the door, watching until the bowl was empty. ‘Good boy,’ she said. ‘If you keep that up you’ll soon be able to sit up at the table and manage by yourself.’
Dick managed a weak smile, then his face crumpled. ‘Mum, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.’
She knew he wasn’t talking about refusing his food and with a little cry she went and knelt by the chair, holding him in her arms while they both sobbed. As when he was a child, there were times to be tough and times to be soft, she thought, as she rubbed a hand across her eyes. The other hand was clasped in Dick’s surprisingly strong grip. She knelt there for a long time until the ache in her knees became unbearable and she knew she’d have to move. She shifted awkwardly, but despite the pain, she didn’t get up. She would stay as long as he needed her.
When Ruby sought Daisy in her office and said that Mrs March was with Dick, she hurried upstairs. Dick had been adamant that he didn’t want to see his mother, had reacted violently whenever it was suggested, and she was afraid of what she would find.
She stopped short in the doorway, a lump rising to her throat as she took in the scene. Dick was sobbing against his mother’s shoulder, while she knelt awkwardly beside him, rubbing his back and stroking his hair as she murmured comforting words.
Daisy wanted to speak but she was reluctant to intrude on this precious moment. As she hesitated, her mother looked up. ‘It’s all right, Daisy. We’re going to be all right,’ she said, getting painfully to her feet.
Daisy smiled, although she was still anxious. This might prove to be the turning point they’d been waiting for, but she knew it might still be a long time before Dick was once more the man he had been. Would he ever be fit enough to go home to Kingsbourne and rejoin the fishing fleet as her mother so desperately hoped?
But from then, Dick gradually began to come out of his shell. Effie spent part of every day cajoling and encouraging – sometimes even bullying – him, so that soon he dressed and fed himself. He even came down to the drawing room occasionally, although he didn’t join in the recreational activities. He still wouldn’t venture outside either but Daisy felt more optimistic about his progress as the months passed.