Seven

Facing Each
Other: Tarot and
Relationships

In the tarot are many cards dealing with relationship. In fact, all of them could be said to represent different faces of our relationship with the world. As such, they should encourage us to engage with the world rather than being used as an idle escape from it.

A few years ago, a client told Marcus that she wanted a male friend of hers to visit him for a reading. This went on for some months, with various cancelled appointments, and it seemed apparent the young man was in no mind to have a tarot reading done for him. Then, finally, Marcus received a phone call from the man, asking to have the reading the following day.

When he arrived, he was extremely nervous and looked exhausted. He sat down and, after Marcus introduced himself and his approach to tarot, motioned for the reading to carry on without him saying anything further. At this point, Marcus got a strong feeling that he should pass the entire deck to the man and not only have him shuffle it, but lay out the spread also. In his head was something about “give him the power.”

The man shuffled the deck and, before laying out the cards for a spread, Marcus asked him to turn over the deck and look at the base card, which was “what is really going on for you.” The man did this and looked astonished at the card he was seeing, then promptly burst into tears.

The card was the Three of Swords, the card of heartbreak, showing a heart pierced by three swords. As Marcus soon learned, not only was the man an absolute disbeliever about tarot, he had been going through an intense depression following a relationship breakup and had only finally come for the reading to stop his friend from harassing him.

The moral of this story is the cards don’t know that you don’t believe in them.

In this chapter, we focus on spreads and activities that relate specifically to our relationships.

The Marriage Cards Spread

We can use astrology to add another layer of meaning to our readings. Whilst this can be explored through other books, such as Tarot and Astrology by Corrine Kenner, here we give a method that “marries” your cards with those of another person. You can use it to check your compatibility or, for existing relationships, see how you can best fit your styles together. For this method, you will need to know your sun and moon signs25 or your birth details so you can look up these important positions.

From your deck, take out as your significators the two cards that correspond to these two signs. If your sun and moon are both in the same sign, simply select the one card that corresponds to that sign for your significator. Here, again, are the astrological correspondences:

Zodiacal Sign	Card		Zodiacal Sign	Card
Aries	The Emperor		Libra	Justice
Taurus	The Hierophant		Scorpio	Death
Gemini	The Lovers		Sagittarius	Temperance
Cancer	The Chariot		Capricorn	The Devil
Leo	Strength		Aquarius	The Star
Virgo	The Hermit		Pisces	The Moon

Let’s do an example. Brad Pitt has moon in Capricorn and sun in Sagittarius, so his two cards are the Devil and Temperance—an interesting combination, with the excesses of a devil-may-care attitude combined with the wonderful balancing of Temperance. We choose the moon sign first in this method because it has to do with the inner, emotional part of ourselves, which is then expressed in the outer world through our sun sign.

Now we can assign a “relating” phrase to marry these cards together, based on the keywords below. These were chosen for us by leading author and astrologer Lyn Birkbeck. Look at your moon sign and sun sign, and select the two keywords to which they correspond. This will result in a two-word phrase for your solar/lunar significators. You can practice with well-known celebrities or historical figures, where we have their birth details, such as William Shakespeare (Libra moon, Taurus sun), whose relating phrase is “pleasingly producing.”

In the case of our friend Mr. Pitt, we look up his signs (moon in Capricorn, sun in Sagittarius) and find that he is “constructively seeking.”

Moon Sign	Keyword	Keyword	Sun Sign
Aries	Actively	Asserting	Aries
Taurus	Steadily	Producing	Taurus
Gemini	Swiftly	Communicating	Gemini
Cancer	Carefully	Nurturing	Cancer
Leo	Dramatically	Expressing	Leo
Virgo	Accurately	Perfecting	Virgo
Libra	Pleasingly	Harmonizing	Libra
Scorpio	Intensely	Engaging	Scorpio
Sagittarius	Adventurously	Seeking	Sagittarius
Capricorn	Constructively	Ordering	Capricorn
Aquarius	Idealistically	Aspiring	Aquarius
Pisces	Sensitively	Inspiring	Pisces

Next, select the two cards that represent the sun and moon signs of your romantic partner, colleague, friend, or other person in whom you are interested. We’ll repeat the same process for Brad’s partner, Angelina Jolie. She has moon in Aries and sun in Gemini, so her two cards are the Emperor and the Lovers, with the phrase “actively communicating.”

We then lay out the cards in the centre of our reading table:

Marrying Cards: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (The Universal Tarot)

Marrying Cards: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (The Universal Tarot)

Shuffle the rest of the deck, asking, “How do Constructively Seeking and Actively Communicating marry together?”

Select out seven cards and lay them out around the marrying cards as in the diagram following. If you require even more detail, pull an additional two cards.

Marriage Cards Spread (The Universal Tarot)

Marriage Cards Spread (The Universal Tarot)

The positions (with 8 and 9 being optional for intermediate or advanced readers) signify:

1. What person 1 will look to achieve from the relationship.

2. What person 2 will look to achieve from the relationship.

3. What resources person 1 will want to express in the relationship.

4. What resources person 2 will want to express in the relationship.

5. The past that person 1 will need to clear in the relationship.

6. The past that person 2 will need to clear in the relationship.

7. The most harmonious marriage possible for these two people.

Optional additional cards

8. What can be developed out of and beyond the relationship.

9. What the relationship requires for fuel.

You can then compare and contrast the pairs of cards to interpret how these solar and lunar forces will play out within the relationship. This is a very comprehensive method of examining the inner and outer dynamics of a relationship as an expression of our inner self.

The Broken Relationship Game

In this method, we will play a game in a group to explore how the cards tell us about problems in relationships. As we’ve said, this is the most common theme you will be asked about as a reader; three out of five questions are about relationships. This game is played in a group of three. Choose two players to be “in relationship.” The other player will be the “breaker.” You can rotate your places after you have played the game once, so everyone has a turn as “breaker.”

Take out the court cards from your deck. Shuffle them and allow the two people “in relationship” to select one card each. These are displayed face-up on the table, so all can see which court card each of them is embodying.

Shuffle the remainder of the deck. The “breaker” selects one card, hidden from the other players.

Each turn of the game now works like so:

1. Player 1 “in relationship” makes a statement about the elationship in the context or character of their court card. For example, if they had the King of Swords, they might say, “How about we decide once and for all where we are going out tonight?”

2. Player 2 “in relationship” responds likewise, in the character of or inspired by their court card. For instance, if they had the Page of Wands, they might reply, “Well, I thought I might just go for a walk by myself.”

3. The “breaker” player now takes a turn. Inspired by his chosen card (which remains hidden), he says something to one or both of the other players designed to “break” the elationship. So if he had the Three of Cups, for example, he might say to Player 2, “You do realise he (the King of Swords) is partying behind your back?”

4. At this point, both players “in relationship” can make a guess at which card the “breaker” holds. The aim of the game is for the players “in relationship” to discern the exact card that the “breaker” holds before their relationship is totally broken. Once this is done to your satisfaction, you can rotate places, shuffle the deck again, and choose different cards.

5. If the “breaker” card cannot yet be guessed correctly, Player 1 must make a further statement about the elationship, either ignoring or taking on board what the “breaker” has said. Player 2 can respond, and then the “breaker” can have another turn at somehow sowing discord, disharmony, lack of mutual trust, derision, guilt, and so on, as his particular card dictates, into the narrative or conversation between the cards/characters in relationship.

This game is designed to encourage participants to see how cards can function in (and out of) relationship questions.

Loves Me/Loves Me Not Method

This method uses the whole deck, magically dividing it three times to arrive at an eight-card spread (or, optionally, a sixteen-card spread for more advanced readers). It also uses the magical terms of alchemy, with a little twist to produce a special “altar card” for midsummer enchantment. If performed at this time of year, the magic is strong, and even the performing of this spread may weave its own subtle changes.

Take the entire deck and shuffle whilst considering a relationship you’d like to know more about. Place it face-down and take the bottom card, which is the “base card.” This indicates the real basis on which the relationship is founded.

Take the remaining deck and deal it alternately into two piles, face-down, saying “loves me” and “loves me not” as you lay down each card. The “loves me” pile is the first, to your left, and “loves me not” is the pile to the right.

You will have one card remaining in your hand. This is your special summer solstice altar card and should be placed on top of the base card. This indicates the enchantment required in your relationship at this time. It could also indicate a need to break an enchantment!

Next, discard the “loves me not” pile and pick up the “loves me” pile. Deal the cards into two new piles, left and right, saying “loves me” and “loves me not” as before.

Discard the “loves me not” pile and repeat again for a third time (third time’s the charm!) with the “loves me” pile. You should now have two piles of nine cards each in the “loves me” and “loves me not” positions and one card remaining in your hand.

Place this final card face-down until you have read the two piles. This is your result card for the question “loves me or loves me not?”

We now read the “loves me” pile by turning the cards face-up and reading them one at a time according to the interpretation below. You can also read them as a simple story or purely intuitively.

We have used alchemical terms since alchemy is all about transformation. The cards indicate the ways in which you can transform your relationship.

You can read the “loves me” pile as follows:

1. Calcination: This first card is all about the pacing of the passion. The card in this position indicates whether you need to change the tempo of your relationship. In other words, are things moving too fast, or not fast enough?

2. Solution: How can the waters of love heal any hurt in this relationship?

3. Coagulation: What most holds us together?

4. Sublimation: How can I go beyond the ploys and plays in this relationship? On what part of the game in this relationship am I most dependent? What needs releasing?

5. Mortification: What must be destroyed and transformed?

6. Separation: What is my own role in this and all my relationships?

7. Conjunction: What can I embrace to be true to my instincts?

8. Projection: What is the gift I bring to others through this relationship?

9. Summary: What are the positive qualities of this relationship?

You can also read the “loves me not” pile as follows, comparing the cards in the same positions in both piles.

1. Calcination: What spark is burning out in this relationship?

2. Solution: What is slowly dissolving in this relationship?

3. Coagulation: In what way does my fear of rejection play out in this relationship?

4. Sublimation: How can I elevate this relationship to a more spiritual level?

5. Mortification: What deadens this relationship? Where is the lead that must be turned to gold?

6. Separation: What is the role of the other person in this relationship?

7. Conjunction: How do I come together on the physical level with the other person?

8. Projection: What does the other person project onto me?

9. Summary: What are the negative qualities of this relationship?

You can now turn up that result card and get a final answer to your question, in the light of all you have read!

This method can be extremely powerful at uncovering points of transformation within a relationship at any stage. It is a wonderful reading to do at the summer solstice as the light shines so brightly upon all relationships, offering nurturing, healing, and openness to change. And if your reading is somewhat more challenging than you might want…

“If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream…”26

Ripple Spreads

As we discussed briefly in chapter 2, ripple spreads show the ramifications of a particular choice or choices and how those choices are interconnected with each other. Too many “flat spreads” (of which there are way too many to name and number) are disjointed examinations of a situation from a number of different aspects—past, present, and future, for example—without offering real depth.

In a ripple spread, we lay out the cards as a sequence of “wave fronts” emerging from one or a number of events, whether they be past, present, future, possible, historical, and so on. Some ripple spreads work with the way ideas in the mind generate closed loops, leading to apparently insurmountable situations and dilemmas in life. A ripple spread can break through that by incorporating the reality of the loop in the layout.

Between Two Stools (A Ripple Spread)

This spread is most useful for assisting someone to divine a route between two difficult situations (or people!)—in other words, a “between the devil and the deep blue sea” type situation.

The question should clearly reference both situations or choices: “I am looking at either leaving my husband for my boyfriend, or staying put and breaking it off with my boyfriend” or “I have two houses I can move into, but am unsure which one.” Choose two significators, one for each person or situation. Place them apart from each other.

Say, “This is the first ripple from situation 1” and lay out two cards as if they were ripples from the significator for situation 1. Read the two cards.

Say, “This is the first ripple from situation 2” and lay out two cards. Read the two cards.

Then do the same with three cards for each situation. Note any major differences, similarities, symbols, and so on as you divine the impact of both situations. It may become clear quite quickly which one is most likely or desirable.

Where the ripples merge on the table, you can draw cards to show the interference—the likely impact of not doing anything, or the situation as it presently exists. These “emerging cards” can also be read as the best possible outcome.

In this spread we can look at how future events are impacting the present, rather than the other way around. You can use any number of cards for this type of spread and arrange them as you wish. As an intermediate spread, it is dependent on your skill and intuition as you lay them out. The cards will guide you if you let them.

The Gates of Valentine (A Gated Spread)

This method of using tarot is completely unique and applies to relationships, whether with a loved one, partner, husband or wife, family member, close friend, working colleague, or even relationships in general. It requires up to a week of participation, with a simple drawing of cards taking less than ten minutes each day. The aim of the exercise is to explore, develop, and change through action our relationship(s). We hope you will find this revolutionary method useful to you in your personal life, as well as a method to teach your own students, friends who are tarot readers, or clients with whom you use tarot.

Whilst some decks are better than others for this particular spread, your personal choice is paramount, although we would not recommend any particularly esoteric deck. A Waite-Smith deck or clone, or a deck geared to relationships, such as Jane Lyle’s Lovers Tarot, is ideal.

The days ahead will be challenging, intriguing, totally original, and magical. We hope that this activity provides your relationship with new insight, development, and change—and gives you a whole new way of looking at tarot.

Gate 1: Ticket to the Tunnel of Love

As discussed earlier, gated spreads are designed to a fundamental archetypal pattern and are linked together in a series so that each spread depends on the one before it. Not only that, but each spread requires an action in real life before progressing to the next spread. In this way, a spread may not make sense unless you have accomplished the tasks of the previous gates.

Our theme of relationships for this particular journey takes us to the Tunnel of Love, where our first task is to buy a ticket.

To perform the first gate, we select out all forty of the minor arcana cards. Shuffle them and select one card; this is your ticket card.

The ticket card depicts a requirement to manifest something—to pay in some way for your ticket—thus it requires you to do some activity within the following twenty-four hours. As an example, we’ll use the Five of Wands. In the Tarot of Dreams, this card shows five masculine figures wielding staves in combat against a fiery background. This might indicate that tomorrow you’ll need to fight for something in your relationship(s)—perhaps more than once.

Not only must you act upon this card as a general theme, but a gated spread also requires you to actually perform a deliberate act that you would not have done otherwise, which can be immediately attributed to your chosen card. So you might, for example, make a telephone call, speak to a particular person, or send a document that you would not have done otherwise. This is directly associated with the nature of the Five of Wands being combative or stressful.

Gate 2: Twists and Turns in the Tunnel of Love

We like to turn tarot into a very active, dynamic, oracular experience that causes you to relate to the cards in a new way. This also helps you read the cards from deep personal experience; you will have truly lived the tarot in real life.

This next gate lasts for three days before taking us to the final gate of Valentine. At that point we will reveal who our “favourite miss” is and how we will “steal a kiss” from her!

Here we do something different: take out all the cups, ace to ten. Lay these out face-up in a column, in order. Then shuffle the remaining cards in the deck whilst contemplating the twists and turns of relationships and looking up and down the column of cups.

When you are ready, stop shuffling and lay out one card from the deck next to each of the cup cards, starting with the ace and ending with the ten. You should have two columns, with the cups in order on one side, and on the other a card from the shuffled deck, paired with each cups card.

These ten pairs represent the twists and turns of the tunnel of love. In every cup card is depicted an aspect of our emotional life and relationship to the Universe (and others). They also depict our internal self-relationship and the unconscious contracts we create between all the aspects of our self.

The card we have taken from the shuffled deck is the divination for how we are best advised to approach these aspects—our attitude or angle. So for all ten aspects of our emotional life in relationship, we are given a card that depicts the current engagement of that aspect in the rest of our life. Over the next three days, feel free to explore this spread, discuss it on the Tarot-Town.com forum, and if it prompts actions, take them. Here are some keywords and key phrases to assist in your navigation of the tunnel:

Cups in Relationship

1. Arousal: What is it that excites you without pause?

2. Proximity: To whom can you can get physically close?

3. Similarity: Whom are you like, and whom do you like to be around?

4. Forgiveness: How do you show kindness and appreciation?

5. Inhibition: What holds you back?

6. Touch: What makes you feel truly in touch with the world and yourself?

7. Novelty: When was the last time you did something extraordinary?

8. Vulnerability: Do you remove yourself and avoid relationship?

9. Disclosure: What secrets do you keep, and how open can you be?

10. Commitment: What do you honour and value, and how do make your oaths?

So for example, if you pulled the Emperor against the Ace of Cups, you might see that you need to be more dynamic about going with what excites you—in other words, feeling the fear and doing it anyway! If you then pulled the Page of Wands against the next Cups card, the two, you might be looking to go on a journey to get close to someone—perhaps a friend. If you next pulled the Seven of Swords against the Three of Cups, that might be warning of a twist in the tunnel, where someone or something could take away your ability to be around similar people. And so on for all ten Cups.

This exercise is designed to be thought-provoking and to provide full navigation of the twists and turns of the tunnel! As you can see, what we have done here is to focus on one area of our lives (our emotions) through the map of tarot and measure everything else against that sequence.

Gate 3: Steal a Kiss from Your Favorite Miss

This is the third and finishing gate of our Valentine’s experience. Here we reveal that our “favorite miss” is our very own soul—in other words, our soul in relationship to the Universe itself. This engagement between ourselves and the Universe is the most personal, intimate presence we hold.

It is indeed our Favorite Miss, and has been known in mysticism and magic as Shekinah, Gnosis, and Sophia—all feminine expressions of the divine dwelling in the real world. It is the true mystery of love and relationship: our very own heart open to the Universe. As Crowley wrote, “I am divided for love’s sake, for the chance of Union.”

So having dwelt this week upon our relationships with others and ourselves, we come now to the relationship of our soul to the divine. If we have travelled our gates honestly and with courage, we will have nothing to fear from the answer, which now awaits our kiss.

To perform this final gate—a true divination, simple yet profound—spend a few moments by yourself, for this is a personal reading of the highest order.

Then shuffle your deck and lay out four cards in the shape of a kiss (x):

Receiving		Unified By
Expressing		Divided By

These cards are a kiss from Sophia—Wisdom herself—accessed by your journey through the gates of the tunnel of love. They tell you truly:

Receiving: What gift the Universe has for you in love.

Unified By: How you can relate to the Universe spiritually.

Expressing: What gift you can bring to the Universe in love.

Divided By: How you avoid relationship and how to transcend that issue.

We look forward to hearing, if you will share in Tarot-Town.com, what Sophia has to tell you. We trust that Valentine’s Day (or whenever you choose to perform this gated spread) will always be a reminder of the place of love in relationship, within the spiritual context of your life.

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