Everyone’s been there: scrolling through social media and finding picture after picture of amazing vacations, delicious meals, happy relationships, fancy cars, fit bodies, fun parties, etc. After a while, it can be dizzying. “How are all of my friends’ lives perfect?” you ask yourself as you sit on your couch eating a microwaved dinner. It’s hard not to compare yourself and your life to what you see on social media, especially the more you see it.
We all know that what’s presented on social media is not always reality, but that doesn’t make it easier to stomach. It’s easy to remind yourself that you’re seeing what people want you to see, but it’s even easier to start feeling like your life doesn’t measure up. While your friends are on vacation, you’re stuck at work; while one of your friends is test driving a Maserati, you’re on the bus; while one of the fitstagrammers you follow is checking his eight-pack abs in a mirror, you haven’t been to the gym in weeks.
Social media can have a real effect on your self-esteem in the present and the future. Right now, it makes you jealous that you don’t have what other people do. Down the road, it can warp your perception of what is realistic, achievable, and meaningful.
One of the best ways to keep these feelings in check is to, of course, put down the phone. But that can only go so far. As self-care tools go, creating a gratitude practice can help you keep things in perspective, build your self-esteem, and maintain a positive outlook, even when your friends post vacation selfies for weeks after they come back.
Put simply, the practice of gratitude is being grateful. It sounds simple, like something you probably already do around the Thanksgiving table, but in practice it’s difficult. Humans are programmed to want what we don’t have. It’s what keeps us striving for that next raise, that bigger house, those bigger biceps. It’s human nature. Gratitude, however, reminds you to appreciate what you have right now and invites you to find happiness in what you might be overlooking on a daily basis.
Those who practice gratitude say that they have less stress, sleep better, have lower anxiety, and generally have a more positive and happy outlook on life. There are actually studies to back this up too. Some studies have shown that while gratitude practice helps people become happier in the moment, it also helps them stay happier in the long term (one study showed that something as simple as writing a thank-you note kept subjects happier for a month afterward).
Think of the practice of gratitude as maintaining the mortar on a brick wall. Over time, erosion breaks down the mortar between the bricks. In this scenario, the bricks are your mental health and erosion is negative emotions. Without proper maintenance, the mortar crumbles away leaving the wall unstable and weak. But by maintaining the mortar, the wall stays strong for years. Gratitude works the same way. Consistent practice keeps your emotions strong, your outlook positive, and your life happier.
It’s easy to make gratitude part of your daily self-care practice. It just takes a little commitment.
The beginning of any gratitude practice starts with identifying what you’re grateful for in your life. This should come in the form of a list, especially the first time you do it. You want to be able to identify everything that is good in your life and everything that makes you happy. Be thorough and take time to really think about it.
Instead of making your list in your head, actually put pen to paper. This helps clarify your thoughts and also allows you to go back and read it later. Some people keep gratitude journals specifically for this purpose. Having a record and going back to read it often will not only help keep gratitude at the front of your mind but can show you how your mindset changes over time.
The point of gratitude is to adjust your thinking so you start focusing on new and positive things instead of negative thoughts. It’s fine if you start out writing down things like “I’m thankful I have food to eat,” but each day try to get more specific. The more specific you can be in your gratitude practice, the more you will be able to see all the things you are grateful for in your life.
Like anything, the key to a healthy gratitude practice is consistency. Find time to do a little bit every day. It takes around sixty-six days to form a habit, so try to force yourself to create one out of gratitude. If you use a gratitude journal, use the same one every day. Find a way to integrate gratitude into your daily routine, like journaling while your coffee is brewing in the morning.
Try not to repeat yourself every day. After a while, you’ll see patterns, and if you keep things too general, you may fall into the trap of writing down the same thing every day. Try to find a few new things each day to be grateful for. It can be as simple as a change in weather or having something different for breakfast.
When you first start a gratitude practice, dedicating the same time every day can be helpful. But as you get further, try to find new pockets of time throughout the day to practice gratitude. Keeping gratitude at the forefront of your mind will help you maintain a positive attitude in the face of stress. Journal or think about your gratitude during your lunch break, during your commute, or on your way to dinner after work to keep the good vibes flowing.
Positive thinking is at the core of any gratitude practice, so be careful to not pressure yourself and make it start feeling like a chore. If you are feeling down and having a hard time coming up with things to be thankful for, don’t press it; be compassionate to yourself and give yourself permission to try again tomorrow.
Many people who practice gratitude say that it not only helps them have more compassion for themselves, but also for others. To take your gratitude practice to the next level, start paying it forward. Carry some change to give to needy people on the street instead of walking by; help an elderly person get off the bus instead of grumbling behind them; offer a homeless person your leftover lunch instead of throwing it out.