Lou stood beside the hearth, trying not to look around and disturb Tom’s privacy any more than barging into his room in the middle of the night already had. He closed the door, placed his book on the washstand, and stood before her with his hands in his pockets.
‘What do you mean you’re leaving?’
‘I’ve had news from home. I have to go away.’
‘Will you return for New Year’s Eve? Mother puts on a wonderful Hogmanay meal for a few close friends and family.’
Lou shook her head.
‘Oh, I see. When are you leaving?’
‘Early tomorrow morning. I’m being met before sunrise.’
‘So suddenly? Will you have time to say goodbye to Mother and Charlotte?’
‘I’ve written to each of them to explain. Would you tell them I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye in person?’
‘Of course. They’ll be disappointed.’
They, Lou thought. Only they?
An awkward silence fell. In the last week, they had found so much to say to each other, and now, here she was, afraid to open her mouth for fear of what else might come out. ‘I should go. It’s late.’
‘Or early, depending on how you look at it. It is after midnight.’ Tom smiled, but it seemed forced.
Lou noticed how his shirt gaped, exposing his collarbones. How his Adam’s apple moved up and down in his throat when he swallowed. How he stared at her. He pulled his hand from his pocket to stroke his imaginary moustache, and she saw that his knuckles were bleeding.
‘You’re hurt.’ She tried to touch his hand.
He pulled it away, hiding it behind his back. ‘It’s nothing.’
‘What happened?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Tom?’
‘If you must know, I let my anger get the better of me. I’m not proud of it, but there you are.’
‘What did you do?’
‘Must you know everything?’
‘Not if you don’t want to –’
‘I hit George. I’ve a mind to go and do it again.’
‘You punched your cousin! Why?’
Tom dug his hands into his pockets and turned from her. When he turned back, there was a look of fury in his eyes. ‘What did Caxton do to you? And don’t say “nothing.” I saw you run out into the night after that oaf stumbled through the curtains. I called after you and tried to follow, but you’d already disappeared. When the women had finished fussing over Caxton, I sought him out. I demanded that he tell me what he had done to make you run away. He looked at me with that stupid, bloody grin and said … Did he hurt you?’
‘You hit your cousin because of me? Tom, how could you?’
His eyes fixed on her neck. Her wrap had fallen open. She tried to pull it together. It was too late.
‘Did he do that?’ Tom demanded. ‘I swear I’ll kill him. I’ll wring his bloody neck.’ He made for the door.
Lou grabbed his arm. ‘Tom, don’t. What about Emma? How can you hope to marry her if it you go around punching her brother?’
‘I have no intention of marrying Emma Caxton.’
‘You have to,’ she said, releasing his arm.
‘I have to do no such thing’
Why was he being so bloody-minded? ‘But she’s beautiful and charming and so right for you in every way.’
Tom ran his fingers through his hair, the muscles in his arms tensing. ‘For God’s sake, woman, will you be quiet and listen to me for one second? I’m not going to marry Emma Caxton, because I’m in love with someone else.’
Lou heard herself swallow.
Tom took a step closer to her. ‘The woman I love gets two funny little wrinkles in her forehead when she’s cross. She hides behind trees in the woods. She smokes cigarettes when she has one too many brandies. She drives me to distraction with her determination to find a solution to every problem, but I know it’s because she cares more about other people than she does about herself. And I wouldn’t have her any other way.’
‘Tom, please don’t –’
‘While she walks this Earth, there will be no other woman for me.’ His voice was soft and low. ‘I can’t let her leave this house without telling her how much I want her.’
‘It’s not as simple as wanting.’
‘It is, if you want it to be.’ He was so close that she could feel the warmth of his body through his shirt. ‘Do you want me, Lou?’
Every one of her senses came alive; the sensation of him watching her, waiting for a reaction, the smell of his woody cologne, his closeness causing the hairs on her arms to stand on end. There was nothing, nothing, she had ever wanted more than Thomas Mandeville, and there was nothing more overwhelming than the desire burning inside her. She took hold of Tom’s hand and kissed each bloodied knuckle. No man had ever loved her enough to fight for her.
Tom cupped her face, and she leant into his palm. His lips met hers, his kiss beautiful, tender.
When they parted, Lou was breathless. ‘You once told me that you would rather love passionately for an hour than benignly for a life time,’ she said. ‘I want that hour.’
‘It’s yours.’ Tom’s second kiss was deeper, and she responded eagerly. They kissed like two starving people, hungry only for each other. His passion was all consuming. She helped him remove her dress, his lips exploring her shoulders and neck.
‘The other night you said a man would have to be mad to love you,’ he murmured. ‘I must be quite insane.’ He brushed his lips lightly over the bruises on her neck. ‘I will never, never, let anybody hurt you again.’
A sensation shot through Lou’s body. Every inch of skin was suddenly charged. After all the waiting, now that the moment was here, she didn’t want to wait a second longer. She helped him tear off her corset and gasped as finally, gloriously, Tom’s lips found her breasts.