I love you. The words almost floated out of her as she stayed next to Michael. She bit her tongue to hold it in. Her body ached from his touch. Michael's strong shoulders and those dimples of his gave her a sense of home and belonging that she'd not felt in years. Perhaps since her parents had tucked her in to bed for that last night. She snuggled in closer and let her eyes rest. This one moment needed to be cherished.
At least she hadn't told him something silly. To touch him, her fingers laced with his and she dozed.
A few minutes later, the moon began to grow in the sky. She must have slept more than she realized. She sat up in bed and glanced at Michael, who smirked as he stared at her naked body. If only he might love her.
Uh oh. She tugged the covers over herself but laid her head next to his on the pillow. His fingers stayed entwined with hers. "Michael, what is it you want out of life?"
"What?" He turned on his side and leaned over her. He brushed her hair away from his elbow.
She wouldn’t tell him 'I love you.' She would not say those three little forbidden words. Her heart beat faster. If she could help him in some way to figure out what he wanted from life beyond revenge against his father, perhaps he'd realize he could love her too. "What is it you want now?"
His blue eyes seemed to gather into a cloud as his body stiffened. "I want to prove to my father I'm nothing like what he said."
“Hard to do now.”
“I know but he still lives in my head. Everyday I wake up, I want to show him that he’s wrong.”
She reached out for his withdrawing fingers and held his wrist. He had to believe her. "Clearly you're not. Michael, you don’t steal and con people. You use your brain that you always possessed to do math and make connections no one else sees yet.”
He let his body relax again and she could feel his hardness growing. He didn't offer another round. "Not what I mean. You know too much about me."
“I only recently learned more.” His anger was only going to hurt him in the long run. She ran her hands up his muscular side. "So let me ask a few questions. Do you do illegal acts to make money?"
"Absolutely not. Cheating is for cowards."
Then she blinked. "Again that sounds like your dad. You should let that go."
He sat up in bed. She followed, but missed his nakedness. "I can't. I've been investigated seven times in the past year because some investor that bet against me wanted to prove I must be a criminal like my father."
The ghost of his father never let him rest. "So why did you go into banking?"
He grinned and stood to retrieve his underwear. "I like to see the face of shock on the face of any man when he realizes he was bested because he wasn't as smart as me."
He was better than he let himself believe. "Michael, it's not about winning or losing with a ghost. Many people have horrible things they went through and they aren't scared."
His jaw tightened. "I'm not scared of anything."
"Scared? I meant scarred." He picked up his pants. She threw the covers off and put her underwear on as she said, "You are walking around so full of anger that you don't let others in."
"At least I try to protect myself, Calliope, and don't let others walk over me."
No. He was right. She let others walk over her. She even bought a wedding dress to let it happen. Her cheek began to tick. "I don't."
"You said yes to Chris though you knew about Roxanne."
Her eyes widened. She tugged on her shirt and pants and she refused to look at him, while adrenaline rushed in her veins. "I didn't know about Roxanne."
"Don't lie. Your forehead still gets red and your vein is throbbing in your forehead."
Her gaze shot up. Her nervous tic sounded like a lifetime problem when he described it. "How do you remember so much about me?"
"Calliope, I don't forget any details ever."
She collapsed onto the bed and wanted to curl into a ball. She didn't but her shoulders slumped. This was too much. He‘d never loved any woman and never believed in happy-ever-after. For her to say 'I love you' was a stupid impulse. Then her gaze met his and her face tightened. "Why, though? I bet you one hundred dollars you cannot name the woman you dated before Eva."
He sat beside her on the bed and lowered his voice. "I never dated Eva."
Her lips curled while she raised her eyebrow. "Whatever. Can you?"
"I never agreed."
She sat and went toward her bag. This was too much. She shook her head as she unzipped it. "So you can't."
"Her name doesn't matter."
She found her clothes in the drawer and tucked them into her bag. "That's what I thought."
She was being stupid again if she trusted her feelings because she was seconds from being the wife of a man she hadn’t trusted but kept her mouth shut. How could she ever trust this? It was time to stop. Michael stood beside her and placed his hand on her bag to stop her as she tried to pack her shoes. "Calliope, what's happened? We just had a wonderful time and you, naked, under me was enjoyable."
She reached out and picked up his hand to move it. Then she opened his palm and removed his hold. Free, she placed her shoes in the corner of the bag, completing her packing. "I almost said I loved you and I know you don't want anything like that from me."
His face went white. "What?"
Yeah, she'd been right not to call out in that moment. Her skin was electrified and she must be blushing, but the energy felt like it echoed in her entire body. If she left, she’d forget everything in the bathroom. Darn. She went to the bathroom and found her toiletry bag. She rolled the bag to fit it and returned. "It's okay Michael. You are right. I define myself through relationships and I almost married Chris because I was terrified of being alone."
Color returned to his face. "So you don't love me?"
"Would it matter to you?" Done. She packed the bag and stood it up on its wheels, ready for her to bolt at the first chance.
"Yes."
The word filled the room and the electric storm in her skin calmed, like she believed him. Then she took a deep breath and shook her head. "My heart beat pounds in my chest because I want to hear that you love me, but I've heard you many times say that you don't believe in marriage or love. I’m vulnerable and confused right now and not in the same place as you. You want just physical, but I’m dreaming about more than you can offer. Michael, it's time I go."
"Wait." He reached out and took her hand in his. She took one look at his fingers—rough fingers that made her body feel like it was a temple of desire.
"I know." Impulses ruled her now, but the calm she felt beside Michael made her feel that her imagined life was possible. If only he wanted her forever. She lowered her lashes. "Why?"
"I want to lay my cards on the table too."
Trust him. If he said he loved her she wasn’t sure she could trust anything. She would be foolish right now if she believed him, but her heart begged that she'd hear something like that while she nodded. "What?"
"I want you more than any other woman."
Want wasn't it. She felt like she’d turn into a pool of water at his feet. "That's not enough for me."
"But Chris and his empty promises were?"
The glass shards that remained of her feelings continued to crunch and grate against her skin. "He made promises."
"If I give my word, then it's done. There is nothing empty about me."
This was why Michael felt more like home than ever. Despite the almost wedding, she wasn't even dreaming about Chris. It was all Michael. She swallowed. "So what is it that you want from me?"
"I want you naked and willing in bed. I want your opinions to keep flowing and I want to hear you laugh more."
That doesn’t mix with happy-ever-after, holding hands when they died, and that was all she wanted. She'd not say that either. She rubbed her forehead and reached for the handle of her bag. "Friends with benefits isn't going to work for me. Michael, thank you for everything."
She kicked the bottom of her bag lightly and walked toward the door.
"You're leaving?"
"Yes. Goodbye." She closed the door and raced toward the front. The hotel lobby could call her a taxi. Every cell in her body wished to remain with Michael, but this was a like a snow globe moment of time in her life. Now it was time to forget all of this and figure out how in the world she was to be happy in her own skin.