The pastures they passed were bleak and colorless. Sarah remembered picking sloe berries near here at the beginning of summer. She could hear Liddy and Mary laughing together in the back of the wagon.
After what those two endured last winter, it was a miracle they could ever laugh again, Sarah thought. They were sisters, and close. Both had given birth to babies of rape and Liddy had lost her husband because he couldn’t deal with it all.
And yet there they were, tweaking their babies’ cheeks and giggling over nonsense as if the world hadn’t erupted last winter and swallowed them up, changing their lives forever. So many of the other women rescued from the rape camp had similar experiences—and yet today here they were looking forward to their new home with excitement and anticipation.
How was that possible?
Many of the rescued women were without husbands. Mike had taken it upon himself to look after the ones who had children and had encouraged Sarah and Fiona to reach out to the childless women. There were fourteen women and thirteen children and babies. And only six men.
Twenty in total. Not an unwieldy number as communities went. A little unbalanced, unfortunately, gender wise. It wasn’t just that the men were stronger and could do a longer day’s work, but most of the women had newborn babies at their breasts.
The word vulnerable came to mind, Sarah thought grimly.
It had only been three weeks since they’d last visited the compound. The day John had flown away to Oxford. As Sarah drove her wagon to line up with the others, she felt a shiver slide down her spine at the memory. She shook the feeling away. She knew she’d relive that day when she saw the compound again and she was determined not to dwell on it.
John was gone. He’d be back at Christmas. If not sooner. Oxford wasn’t that far from the Irish coast. Even if he’s on foot. But if he can manage to get his hands on a horse, he could already be at the coast—
“All right then, Sarah?”
She looked up to see Mike trot over on his big bay. They hadn’t spoken much in the days of preparation for the trip and she was surprised to see him now. The men and some of the women were already dragging supplies out the front gate of the compound
“Fine,” she said but couldn’t force a smile. He’s getting what he wants. He doesn’t get the cherry on top too.
Mike came alongside the wagon. Sophia sat next to Sarah with her newborn in her arms. Siobhan was in the back with four more children and two women.
“It’s a good time for everyone to hop out and stretch their legs,” he said, nodding to the back of the wagon where the children began to scramble out. “Not for long, mind,” he called to them.
Sarah stared at the compound gate. She’d seen it more than a few times since Mac’s gang had lit it on fire but the feeling of loss was always the same. Archie had died in the gravel on the main compound pathway last spring. Every time she thought of him it hurt like a razor blade to her insides.
Some things never get better with time.
Sarah knew they couldn’t bring too much this trip. The four wagons were already stuffed to the limit with people and essentials. Once they were settled they would have to come back to retrieve everything else.
“How much are we bringing?” she asked.
“We’ll leave the baby chairs and encyclopedias for now.” Mike laughed but Sarah didn’t join in. It was true she’d brought many useless things back from America last year. And the raid by the Garda last winter had stripped the place of most of their armory except for a few hidden guns and ammunition. What was left—basic medicine, iron cookware, disposable diapers, several cases of wine and whisky and even Coca-Cola, along with water purification devices, seeds, sugar, and peanut butter—would all eventually come with them to the new place.
Sophia handed Sarah the baby while she climbed down and stretched the kinks out of her back. Sarah used the distraction to focus on little Maggie until Mike moved to the back of the wagon. Someone handed Siobhan up to him and he rode away with her through the compound gates. As she watched him leave, she felt some of her tension leave too.
From where she sat in the wagon, Sarah could see the winding road that led to the gate, flanked on one side by thick woods, and on the other by the rolling pasture where they used to keep their sheep and goats. Where the flock was now was anybody’s guess.
The pasture was bordered on the road side by a low sloping knee wall. Beyond it a half mile by horseback was the little cottage where she and David and John had lived. She gazed in that direction. David was buried in the pasture near where he was killed. Mike and John had put up a marker. David Woodson Loving husband and father. Sarah’s eyes burned with unshed tears and Maggie began to cry.
So much had happened in the five years since she’d come to Ireland. So much loss.
“Shall I take her, Sarah?” Sophia said as she walked over. She shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked up at Sarah.
“You might want to gather up the others,” Sarah said, shaking herself out of her mood. “I see Mike coming back with a load for our wagon. He’ll be wanting to leave soon.”
Sophia held out her arms for the baby and Sarah handed her down.
“I’ll get the rest of them,” Sophia called over her shoulder as she walked into the compound.
Mike rode up with Siobhan and directed a crew of three men carrying a stack of crates to put them in the back of Sarah’s wagon. Siobhan’s face was lit up with glee, her pudgy little hands gripping Mike’s large hand that held her firmly on his lap and her hair shining in the sunlight.
So she does know how to laugh, Sarah thought, a rueful smile tugging at her lips.
“Did you eat something?” Mike asked Sarah as he transferred Siobhan to her. Immediately the baby began to squirm and reach for Mike.
Kind of hard to compete with a horsey-back ride, Sarah thought. But she knew that wasn’t the whole problem.
“We did,” she said. “Are we about ready to leave?”
“Aye, nearly. If we can get twenty miles down the road, I’ll feel good about it. We’ll have a hot meal tonight when we stop.”
Sarah nodded and Mike, after the briefest of hesitations, turned away. Twenty minutes later, all the wagons were loaded and headed back down the road. Sarah couldn’t resist a backward glance at the compound, their Ameriland.
So much had happened there over the years and so much good had been hoped for. And just like everything else, it was gone now too.
Mike did another headcount as he rode from the tail of their wagon train to the lead. Everyone was in good spirits—well, most everyone—and the weather was holding so far, please God. He didn’t have any illusions that they’d make the entire trip without some of it in a downpour but he was grateful that they could start out with adventure in their hearts and dry socks in their boots.
The road was empty. They hadn’t seen another sign of life since they’d left the convent. Mike looked up at the sky as he realized they had at least four more hours before they’d need to find a place to stop for the night. The wagons were in good shape, the kiddies alternately singing or sleeping, the women all holding up as usual and doing what needed doing.
Every time he rode by Sarah’s wagon, she made a point of not looking at him. As long as he’d known her he’d never known her to be this mad this long. Not even when he’d gone and got himself engaged to Aideen Malone. In fact, as Mike recalled, they’d very nearly come to blows then but as anybody with sense will tell you, wanting to wring someone’s neck didn’t mean you didn’t care.
The way Sarah was treating him now—not looking at him, hardly speaking to him—was a thousand times worse than if she’d thrown a frying pan or taken a broom to him.
Make that a million times worse.
Mike knew well enough that it wasn’t just leaving John behind that bothered her. And it wasn’t just that the baby screamed every time Sarah touched her. Siobhan’s birth had instilled a fear in Sarah that she hadn’t had before. It was an irrational fear that some things just couldn’t be made safe no matter where you went or how hard you tried.
“Mike?” Declan rode up to him, his eyes wide and startled. Mike had worried Declan didn’t have the balance to ride a horse but he hadn’t the heart to tell him to ride in the wagon.
“Everything okay?” Mike asked.
“I’ll catch up with you,” Declan said. “I need to go into the woods for a bit. All right?”
It killed Mike to hear his friend ask permission to go take a leak in the woods. “Sure, Dec. We can wait. We have time.”
“Nay, I won’t be long.” Declan slid off his horse and looked around holding his reins as if unsure what to do with them. Mike held out his hand and Declan handed the reins to him, grinning with embarrassment. He turned and entered the woods.
Fiona’s wagon pulled up beside Mike.
“Where’s Declan going?” she asked as she watched her husband’s retreating back.
“Going to take a piss if that’s all right with his missus,” Mike said with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh, go on with the pair of ye,” Fiona said with annoyance and snapped the reins on the back of her horse.
Mike turned and led Declan’s horse toward the head of the group.
“Oy! Gavin!” he called to his son. Gavin turned from the lead where he rode side by side with Tommy and trotted back to his father.
“I need one of ye to take up the rear. I want to get as many kilometers under our belts as we can while we still have daylight.”
Gavin nodded and trotted to the last wagon. Mike noted it was Sarah’s wagon.
Fifteen minutes later Declan still hadn’t reappeared. Annoyed with himself for not tying Declan’s horse to a bush back where they’d left him, Mike took Gavin’s place at the back and sent the lad down the road to find his uncle.
A nervous sensation crept up Mike’s spine as he watched Gavin disappear. Why had he let Declan go off by himself? The poor bastard was probably stumbling around lost in the woods. It was all well and good to treat Declan as if nothing had happened and he wasn’t changed, but dammit, that wasn’t the truth.
Mike alternately turned in his saddle to watch the road behind him to catch a glimpse of either Gavin or Declan, or stare at Sarah’s ramrod straight back as she drove her wagon and pretended Mike wasn’t riding behind her.
He’d get it sorted out once they were settled at the new place. Plenty of time for dealing with all this shite then. And who knows? Maybe she’d be over it by then. Maybe things would be back to normal.
Sarah stopped her wagon. When Mike looked up to see why he saw that all the wagons were stopped. She twisted around in her seat to look at him. The sudden cessation of movement seemed to wake up the little ones who’d been napping and now Mike heard whimpers and whines erupting from most of the wagons.
Up ahead, he saw Fiona was standing on the seat of her wagon, her hands on her hips. Hoping she’d set the brake first, Mike trotted up to talk with her.
“Where’s Declan?” she demanded. “He’s been gone too long.”
“No worries, Fi. I sent Gavin back to collect him.”
She nodded as if this information was exactly what she already knew, handed the reins to Nuala, and climbed down from the wagon.
“Now, Fiona,” Mike said with exasperation. “This isn’t necessary…”
Fiona grabbed the reins of Declan’s horse from Mike’s hands and mounted up. Not bothering to adjust the stirrup lengths, she pulled both leathers up and crossed them in front of her on the saddle, turned the horse’s head and put him into a canter back the way they’d come.
A part of Mike knew she was right. Declan had been gone too long.
“Mike,” Nuala said from the wagon. “I can’t drive this thing and hold the baby too.”
“The brake’s on,” Mike said. “Just sit tight.” He trotted to the end of the line of wagons.
Sarah was standing up in her wagon now. “Where did Fiona go? What’s going on?”
“Declan might have gotten disoriented in the woods. Fiona’s gone to find him.”
“You shouldn’t have let him go alone.”
She was right but Mike felt his defenses shoot up.
“Would ye have me hold his knob for him, Sarah?”
She flushed at his language but didn’t back down. “I’m just surprised you thought he could handle peeing by himself.”
“I’ll not row with you here,” he growled.
A couple men from the other wagons walked up to Mike.
“What do you want us to do?” one of them asked.
Surely the worst that could have happened was that Declan was lost? Was it possible he was hurt?
Mike looked down the road as if he could somehow will the three to appear.
“Terry, take over,” he said finally to the oldest of the men. “Keep everyone in the wagons. Do not move from this spot, ye ken?”
“Aye.”
“I’ll be back.” Mike put his horse into a fast trot down the road. The further he rode, the more amazed he was that the wagon train had travelled so far in fifteen minutes. He figured he should be able to see Fiona and Gavin around the next bend in the road. He took the turn faster than he should’ve and felt his horse’s hooves slide on the slippery leaves, losing traction with the road.
Mike’s heart beat in his throat as he loosened the reins, trying to let the animal sort himself out and gather control again. His horse found his footing just as Mike saw Gavin and Fiona’s horses standing in the middle of the road.
Both riderless.