Harry never replied to her text. Maddy would look at her phone every five minutes, then every half an hour, before finally burying it in her bag. She couldn’t concentrate on painting, so she updated the gallery’s social media pages – from its Facebook page, displaying images of new paintings and photographs for sale, to its website with similar updates.
Val was very concerned. ‘You poor thing, you really have had your emotions put through the mill these past couple of months. First the fire, now Harry. Why don’t you go home?’
Maddy had thought that too. Today the gallery was the last place she wanted to be. She hated feeling this way because the gallery was her passion. Maybe Harry had come home, and she’d find him there and would be able to talk to him.
Rain had come in off the sea, as if mirroring Maddy’s bleak, grey mood, so the gallery had quietened, with only the hardened surfers clad in wetsuits left on the beach. Even though it was mid-August, without the sun it was a miserable, almost autumnal, day, the warmth gone, and all the holidaymakers had taken cover from the wind and drizzle in the refuge of a pub or cafe, or back in their caravans, chalets or tents, leaving the high street of Tinners Bay deserted.
‘Do you mind?’ Maddy said and wiped her eyes again. She’d nearly emptied the tissue box, blowing her nose and drying her face. She feared she had no trace of make-up left. She would need to see to Sookie, and certainly couldn’t face Simon and his builders at Wisteria Cottage.
‘You’re no good here. Go home. Drive carefully, in fact, text me when you’re home.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course I’m sure.’
‘I mean about texting you.’
Valerie rolled her eyes. ‘I’m okay reading them, but not very good at replying. Now go.’
Maddy didn’t need telling again. She hugged Valerie and left the gallery. This was not the right time of year to be distracted. She needed to concentrate on her work, but she really was useless today. Carefully, she drove home along the narrow country lanes, gloomy with the rain, not needing a car accident added to the rest of her problems.
At home, there was no sign of Harry’s pickup as she came round the corner of Annadale Close. The workmen were still in her house, so she poked her nose in to see how well the kitchen and decorating was coming along.
‘Be ready for the tiling tomorrow,’ one of the men wearing dusty black overalls in the kitchen said. Maddy had the chosen tiles stacked in the dining room ready. ‘Not long now, and you’ll have your kitchen back.’
‘That’s wonderful,’ Maddy said, not feeling as happy as she sounded. She flicked through the post she’d picked up by the front door. Mostly junk mail and leaflets, but there was one envelope from her insurance company, containing a voucher to be spent on buying a new fridge freezer. She couldn’t fault their efficiency really at getting her house back to normal.
‘I’ll be over the road if you need me,’ Maddy said, deciding to get out from under the men’s feet. She knew she worked better without someone hovering over her, so they probably would too.
Inside Harry’s house, Sookie joined her, meowing for food. Despite it being earlier than normal, Maddy fed her, and became mildly comforted by her purring, before setting about making her own dinner. Not that she felt hungry. Should she make enough for two? There still hadn’t been a reply to her text from Harry, which worried her further. What if something had happened to him? What if he’d been involved in a car accident, and was lying in some hospital bed unbeknown to her?
Maddy made a simple cheese and ham omelette, throwing in some mushrooms that were also in the fridge, because she actually couldn’t face cooking. She washed everything up afterwards and plonked herself on the sofa with a glass of red wine, the television on in the background for noise. Sookie jumped on her lap, making herself comfortable.
Without Harry there, Maddy couldn’t stay in his house. It made her uncomfortable, and last night had proved she was safe to sleep in her own home. Taking her wine with her, with Sookie following her as if she’d picked up something was wrong and she needed company, Maddy climbed the stairs.
In Harry’s bedroom, she went around to his side of the bed and lay down. She gathered the sheets into her arms, burying her face into them and breathed deeply. It gave her a flash of him smiling at her, his blue eyes, bright and cheerful, his arms strong as he held her and made love to her.
Finally, she straightened the bed and started packing all she could into a couple of carrier bags. She would move her things out of Harry’s house. Tomorrow she would collect what belongings she had at Wisteria Cottage too. She was moving back home. Her kitchen wasn’t finished yet, but Maddy was determined to survive this, to stand on her own two feet. Seriously, if she had to bring home a takeaway for a couple of nights, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. She checked the bathroom although she’d taken most of her toiletries when she’d moved to the cottage. Her thoughts darkened; Harry had cleared out his toiletries from the bathroom too, and his toothbrush was gone. It looked like he wasn’t planning on coming back any time soon.
Her worst fears were confirmed.
Immobile, the pain in her chest swelled, moving up into her throat, and before she could stop herself, she choked and tears streamed from her eyes. For a moment, all she could do was cry and concentrate on breathing. She took deep breaths, blowing out through her mouth to calm herself, to gather her thoughts, to try and stop the tears.
She grabbed some tissue off the loo roll, blew her nose, wiped her face and threw it down the toilet, angrily pushing down on the flush. She went from feeling hurt to rage.
Men!
After Connor, she’d sworn she wouldn’t let this happen again. It just went to show she had no control over it.
Why did it hurt so badly?
Because she’d let Harry in. Without realising, she’d let him into her heart.
She’d tried keeping him at bay, but it wasn’t until you lost someone that you realised how much they meant. She’d become reliant on Harry, he’d helped her through the fire, he was always there of an evening, and now he was gone, and she needed to find the strength to do this on her own.
The grey clouds were making the evening darker than normal, so Maddy trudged between the two houses while it was still light, clearing her belongings out of Harry’s place and placing them back in her own.
Then, still unable to contemplate going to bed – on her own – she cleaned her bathroom. She did what she’d thought about this morning, she cleaned, wiped, dusted. She brought over Harry’s bleach and cleaning products, as she had none – everything in her kitchen had been emptied into a skip, not that any of it had really been salvageable. The heat had distorted or destroyed most things. She would replace anything she used, so it didn’t feel like stealing. Which was ridiculous, because if Harry had been there, he would have insisted she used his stuff. Turning her thoughts to Harry was really bad. She became saddened, and as if paralysed, the tears and grief would start up again.
Things had to get easier, right?
Eventually exhausted, but satisfied the stench of smoke, however mild, was now gone, Maddy climbed into bed. As she’d done in Harry’s bed earlier, she hugged the pillow he had used the night before. It had his scent on it. She breathed it in like a child would use a comfort blanket, and fell asleep holding onto it.
***
‘Did you hear from him?’ Valerie asked as Maddy walked into the gallery the next morning, later than she’d intended. Her sleep had been broken, and when she was due to get up, she hadn’t the energy.
Maddy shook her head at Valerie.
‘The man may have his reasons,’ Valerie said, frowning. ‘Later on, if you get to speak to him – which you will, he lives opposite you for Christ’s sake! – he may have some legitimate excuse. And then you can decide how to react to it, to forgive him, or not.’
‘True.’ Maddy had thought of this last night. Maybe Harry just needed some time. Maybe this had all gone too fast too soon for him as well. But then he’d instigated most of it …
Men, they never knew what they wanted.
Valerie shrugged her shoulders, huffed and said, ‘But it could have been worse. This could have been eight months or two years down the line when he disappeared on you. At least it’s only been two months. You’ll survive, my darling. Whatever happens, you will survive.’
Gloria Gaynor singing I Will Survive popped instantly into Maddy’s head. How many times had she sung it with girlfriends at a karaoke night? But she’d always thought those song lyrics had been poignant every time a boy had dumped her through school and college. And when things ended with Connor, when he’d belittled her, telling her she wouldn’t cope without him. But she had coped, and was coping, and would continue to do so. And the same would apply in Harry’s case, too.
Maddy straightened up, holding her head higher, Gloria Gaynor inspiring her. ‘You’re right, Val, this could have been so much worse if he’d done this later on. And even so, although it hurts, we women always survive. Right?’
‘Yes, we do. Cup of tea?’
‘Coffee, please. I think I need the caffeine.’
‘That’s my girl.’ Valerie put her arm around Maddy’s shoulder, giving her a reassuring hug.
‘Shame we haven’t got any Baileys to go in it.’
‘I can always get some.’