Harry virtually lived in his old bedroom at his parents’ house for the next few weeks. In fact, he actually wasn’t sure how long he’d been there. An itchy beard had grown, but he couldn’t even be bothered to shave. And he hated facial hair. Years in the fire service, where he had to be clean-shaven so the masks fitted securely, had made him that way. His mother would bring him food and cups of tea, and occasionally he would go downstairs for dinner, but he found it hard to make conversation with his parents. His father had picked up the remains of his phone, rescuing the SIM card, and contacted his clients, and yet Harry had ceased to care about the business he’d worked so hard to build. He missed Maddy, but believed this was for the best. If he stayed away, she’d get over him and move on, and his feelings for her would lessen too. They had to, eventually.
Time was a good healer. He’d been told this frequently after Karin’s death, and in part, he knew it was true. But in part, it wasn’t. Because here he was, more than two years later, still traumatized by memories of the day she died.
And he couldn’t get Maddy out of his head.
But she deserved better than him.
Lying on his bed, hands behind his head with his eyes closed, and wearing an old grey T-shirt and a pair of jogging bottoms, Harry tried not to think about what Maddy would be doing at this time of day, or if her house was finished and she’d moved back in …
He hoped she no longer went to Wisteria Cottage, so Simon couldn’t wheedle his way into her heart.
‘He’s back to how he was two years ago.’ He could hear his mother talking to his father outside the bedroom on the landing. ‘I really don’t know what to do. Maybe I should call the doctor. I was hoping he’d come through it in his own time …’ She was speaking softly, an edge of worry in her voice, probably assuming Harry was asleep.
‘You should tell him what you know, April,’ his father replied more loudly, probably hoping Harry would hear. And he had.
Harry sighed, rubbed his face and got out of bed. He opened the bedroom door and stood, leaning against the doorframe for support, catching his mother and father in the hallway where they were not exactly being very discreet. ‘Tell me what?’
His father, Arthur, was similar in height to Harry, although Harry was half an inch taller and they’d always teased each other about it. It was obvious where Harry had inherited his genes from – with bright blue eyes and wavy black hair, showing flecks of grey now, his father, like an older model of Harry, was standing arms folded, facing his mother. He gave Harry a look as if to say, ‘I’ll let your mother deal with this’. Arthur, much like Harry, kept his emotions tucked away.
‘Go and sit down in the kitchen, let me make some tea first,’ April said, shooing Harry with her hands. Barefoot, with heavy steps, he went down the stairs. He needed to shower and shave, he thought as he rubbed his hairy chin. But not wanting to leave the house, it hadn’t felt necessary. He’d lost the motivation to care about his appearance and doubted he smelt pleasant either.
April made the tea and placed a plate of biscuits in front of him. He’d not been eating much, he’d lost weight, and his muscle bulk had reduced. His Dad would soon be teasing him that he was the bigger of the two.
‘So what was Dad talking about? What is it that you should tell me?’
‘I bumped into Karin’s mother a couple of months ago.’
‘And?’
‘They’ve had a terrible time of it, you know. Karin’s father has never been quite the same since, and poor Elsa has had to deal with both the grief of losing her daughter and her husband’s illness, which was probably brought on by grief too. It’s so sad.’
‘I didn’t realise Jim had got sick.’
‘Well, you wouldn’t have, would you?’ April frowned lovingly at Harry, reaching across the table for his forearm and squeezing it. ‘You weren’t much better yourself. But yes, apparently he went downhill with one thing or another. He’s now in a home. She couldn’t cope.’
‘Maybe I should go and see her?’
‘Elsa would like that. She feels she lost a son-in-law as well the day Karin died.’
‘God, I didn’t even think about them.’ Harry rubbed his face and itched his chin, disliking the feel of the prickly hair growth.
‘Harry, you can’t blame yourself. What you witnessed, well, it wasn’t fair, but I need to tell you something, about the accident.’
‘What about it? Because I know what happened, Mum. I was there!’ Harry said, clenching his fists. His heart raced, and he tried to shake off the image of the accident, of finding Karin trapped in her car. He needed to calm down too because he could see his mother’s apprehension. She loved and cared about him so much; he knew that. She wasn’t trying to hurt him. And getting angry at her wouldn’t help matters.
‘Look, after the funeral, and once she felt ready, Elsa went through Karin’s things, the things I’d taken over from yours, and she found a diary … did you read the diary?’
Harry shook his head. ‘To be honest, Mum, I can’t remember. You sorted most of the stuff. I couldn’t bring myself to look at anything.’ And the rest was now in boxes at his house in Cornwall.
‘No, you’re right,’ April said, with a gentle rub of his back, as if recalling the events. ‘One of the diaries was recent. She was depressed, Harry.’ His mother stared at him, meeting his gaze. ‘Suicidal.’
Harry shook his head again, but could feel a growing ache in his sternum and his eyes stinging with tears. ‘No. Karin was happy. She had mood swings and was sometimes withdrawn, but she always told me it was the time of the month.’
‘She hid it from us all, Harry. Elsa said she’d suffered with depression when she was a teenager, but even they thought it had been a phase and she’d got over it. It was just her A-Levels getting her down … It was no one’s fault. You can’t blame yourself for what happened, Harry, because Karin caused the accident deliberately.’
‘No!’ The police had said Karin had been to blame for the accident. But Harry couldn’t believe she’d caused it deliberately. It had to have been an accident.
‘Harry, she wanted to die.’
‘But she was carrying my baby! Our baby!’ He physically hurt now, as if someone was punching him from the inside out.
‘I know, love, I know.’ Harry could see his mother’s eyes welling, too.
‘I should have saved her!’ His throat tightened, his own pain ready to spill out, remembering talking to Karin, promising he’d get her out of the car, but it had been futile.
‘Harry, you did all you could, sweetheart. You can’t go on blaming yourself. And you can’t stop yourself being happy with someone else. Karin wouldn’t have wanted that. Maybe we all failed her for not spotting the warning signs and saving her, but whatever was going through that poor girl’s mind, you must carry on and live your life, Harry. Please …’ His mother had tears streaming down her face, as she sobbed into the back of her hand. Maybe she feared the same fate for Harry, worried that Karin’s depression had somehow transferred to him after the accident. Which in some ways it had: he’d been prescribed drugs to suppress the anxiety and depression, to ease the nightmares and the insomnia, the guilt. It had been working until lately. He had always promised himself that he’d get help if things ever got to a stage he couldn’t deal with. That’s why he’d returned to his parents in the first place because now the nightmares featured not Karin’s face, but Maddy’s. Being frightened of loving someone and losing them engulfed him like a cloud of thick, choking smoke, not allowing him to be happy again.
‘Why didn’t Elsa say something sooner?’
The chair scraped the tiled floor as April got up from the table and grabbed some kitchen roll. She blew her nose, dabbed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘She was very apologetic that she hadn’t been in touch sooner. She hadn’t realised you’d suffered like you had, and by the time she’d found the strength to look at the diary, Jim had started his downhill struggle. I don’t know where the woman has found the strength, to be honest.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me as soon as you’d seen her?’
‘Harry, when I met Elsa, as far as I was aware you were happy with your life in Cornwall. You were happy in your new home and your business was keeping you busy. I wasn’t sure you’d want all this trauma about Karin to resurface, so I left it. Then suddenly, you showed up, holed yourself up in your old room and I’ve been waiting for you to … I don’t know, show some sign you’d be ready to digest this information. I wasn’t sure whether it was something you needed to hear or not. But your father is right, you do need to hear it so you can move on.’ April’s voice trembled, and she held her hand to her mouth to compose herself. ‘What happened to Karin is deeply sad, and we’ll never forget her, but you only have one life, Harry, one life. So make the most of it, don’t waste it, for goodness sake. You’re still young.’
Harry rose to his feet and hugged his mother, and she sobbed into his shoulder. He let his tears fall, too. As if suddenly granted permission, he cried in his mother’s arms. They held each other. Harry felt like the small child he once was, running to his mum for comfort after grazing his knee, or trapping his fingers in a door. She smelt the same, and felt the same, only he was so much larger and stronger now, his head resting on her shoulder rather than in the softness of her bosom.
At the time, he was not aware Karin was so ill. But looking back, seeing how others behaved in certain circumstances, to how Karin reacted to the same situations, it was clear to him now that she had shown signs of depression, only he hadn’t recognised it at the time when it mattered. He would have to live with that. And live with the fact he couldn’t save her from the injuries she suffered in the accident. He would always carry a burden of guilt for that.
However, his mother was right; he couldn’t waste this opportunity to start afresh. He had moved on. Cornwall was treating him well, and Maddy was amazing. He wasn’t sure if he believed in all that soppy crap about everything happening for a reason, but Maddy had been placed in his path and he was going to snatch the chance. Who knew what the future held, but he was certain Maddy was a very different woman from Karin. She had a much happier disposition – even with the house fire, she took each day as it came, soldiering on. She was a strong positive force who would envelop him, and carry him along with her.
And he missed her so much. Staying away from her wasn’t making him feel better. Hell, he felt so much worse.
He couldn’t change what had happened to Karin, but he could change his own life around and make a real go of things with Maddy.
But after disappearing without a trace and ignoring her messages – if she’d sent any more he wouldn’t know as his phone was in bits – would she be prepared to take him back?
***
Maddy was busy getting the gallery ready for another day. With a soft broom, she swept the sand that came in off people’s shoes into a pile on the stone tiled floor, then grabbed a dustpan and brush. She was about to empty it outside when Valerie walked in, cheerful as ever.
‘Good morning, darling,’ Valerie said, holding a hessian carrier bag. ‘How are you doing today?’
‘I’m not too bad.’ Maddy sighed. She wanted to put her feelings for Harry behind her, but it was difficult. She heard a clink of glasses and frowned curiously at the bag. ‘You’re early; I wasn’t expecting you until later.’
‘I couldn’t wait. I have a surprise for you.’
‘A surprise?’
‘Yes, I thought this would cheer us up!’ Valerie pulled a bottle of Taittinger from the bag and revealed two champagne glasses to go with it.
‘What’s the occasion?’
‘What’s the occasion!’ Valerie said, shaking her head with incredulity as if Maddy should know. ‘It’s the anniversary of the day you signed the lease on this place.’ She gestured towards the gallery. ‘You’ve been here a whole year.’
‘By God, it is, isn’t it? Thirty-first of August.’ The weekend just gone had been the bank holiday, and manic. Maddy hadn’t had time to dwell on Harry then.
‘It was lucky for you the old leaseholders sold up because their business wasn’t doing so well, not surprising really with their overpriced tat.’
‘I can’t believe the schools will go back next week. Tinners Bay will be a ghost town again. These six weeks have flown.’
‘And the gallery has done marvellously, so I thought we should celebrate what you’ve achieved in the past year.’
‘With your help, Val. I couldn’t have done it without you.’
‘Nonsense. But you need cheering up,’ Valerie said. ‘I’ve brought in homemade scones – I didn’t make them, my neighbour did, before you start thinking I’ve turned into Mary Berry—’
‘You’ve got twenty years on her.’ Maddy laughed.
‘Just under! Anyway, we can have champagne and a cream tea.’
‘Lovely, but a cup of coffee to start, I think.’ Maddy put the dustpan and brush away, and flicked the switch on the kettle. ‘It’s a bit early for champagne.’
‘Maddy, darling, it is never too early for champagne. I’ve brought orange juice, so the first could be a Buck’s Fizz.’ Valerie popped the cork and started pouring.
‘Wow, you have come prepared.’
‘I like to spoil my surrogate daughter.’
The day went exceptionally fast, helped along by the bottle of champagne. Valerie had said it would put her in a great mood all day, and she’d been right. Nothing could upset Maddy either, not even some miserable old man complaining about the prices of some of the artwork. She had politely explained that the price tags represented the time spent on the pictures, not just the materials used. She couldn’t believe how un-rattled she’d felt by this exchange. It must have been the champagne.
‘Oh, no more for me,’ Maddy said, placing her hand over her glass as Valerie attempted to top it up with the last of the champagne. ‘I can’t walk to Wisteria Cottage any more, I’ll have to drive home.’
‘Stay at mine tonight,’ Valerie said. ‘Then we can have another bottle later. I’ve rather got the taste for it.’
‘Yes, why not.’ Without hesitation, Maddy clinked her glass with Valerie’s and let her top up her glass.
All in all, one year on, through rough and smooth, love and fire, Maddy had to be proud of her achievements. It just showed that so much could happen in one year.
Where would she be this time next year?