part0008

The Pandas had added another song to their repertoire. It was written by Nick and Ian and called ‘Rebuild’. It was influenced by the Coventry cathedral ruins they had walked around. The song embodied a similar sentiment to Rancid’s ‘Roadblock’ but in a thrash metal way. It was about not letting anything stand in the way of what you want (even if what you want is a cathedral and you’re irate because someone has just bombed yours to smithereens). For every new song they added there were always two or three that never got past the idea stage or the first few lines. Recently these had included ‘Panda Power’, an idea of Jim’s about how metal and powerful the Pandas were as a band. Another early failure was ‘Six String Satisfaction’, an idea of Phil’s about a woman in the audience who reaches orgasm because of his breathtaking, agile fingered guitar playing. Nick had found this idea breathtaking. He’d been literally speechless at the cheesiness of it. Ian excused himself to go to the toilet and only came out when he could trust himself not to laugh. Luckily Paul and Jim had vetoed the idea by saying they didn’t do slushy songs.

The Pandas had decided, after much discussion, on the four tracks they wanted to record. They had chosen ‘Metal Fix’, ‘Unevil Genius’, ‘Alucard’ and ‘Angry Ever After’ because they felt these were their best work and their most practised work. They had also decided on a recording studio to use. It was in Oxford and they chose it because they liked the sound engineer who was a massive metal fan. He was also professional, talented and had seemed to understand exactly what they wanted.

Recording was expensive and the Pandas would all have to take time off work to go into the studio. Some of the money to book the studio and the sound engineer, Sam, came from the two hundred and fifty pounds they had earned in Oxford. As well as this everyone had to find a few hundred pounds from their wages or savings. The money wasn’t a problem for Phil, Ian or Jim, as they all did jobs that were well paid. Nick’s Mum, Gloria gave him the money. She thought it all sounded rather exciting. Her only ambition for her children was that they be happy and she could see how happy Nick was, being in a band with his friends. Paul and Angie had been saving towards the baby they were trying diligently to conceive and they agreed that the demo money could come out of these savings. They both felt that the Pandas were in the ascendency at the moment. The mailing list had increased in size to over nine hundred names and they were getting very positive comments on the live tracks on the website.

They went into the studio and managed to get all the tracks done in a week. It was a very tough, long and repetitive week for them and the sound engineer. Paul lay down the drum tracks from Monday afternoon to late Wednesday morning. It took all of Monday morning just to set up the drum kit. Jim did his tracks next, only taking Wednesday afternoon and early evening. Then Nick did some of his vocals for a few hours. He wanted to give his all on each take and because of his vocal style it could become tiring. Next Ian did his guitar part for one track. They had a long day, not leaving the studio until ten p.m.

On Thursday Ian did his parts for the other three tracks and Phil did his for three tracks. Nick did some more vocals and on Friday morning Phil did his last track and Nick his last vocals. On Friday afternoon they reviewed what they’d done, repeated anything from the last three days that the sound engineer thought could be improved upon and then left the tracks with the sound engineer to be mixed and mastered. They left the studio weary but happy. It had been tedious and frustrating in places but it was done. Sam would now work his magic, cutting and pasting and tweaking until he thought it sounded the best it could. He told Phil he’d give him a call in about a week and said he’d really enjoyed working with the Pandas.

On Saturday lunch time Nick reluctantly took Jenni to meet his parents. He knew his Mum was absolutely dying to get a chance to meet her properly. They had met but only during brief lifts Gloria had given them to places when they were younger, not recently. Nick remembered one particular car journey with his Mum, him, Ian, Cleo and Jenni. Gloria had had the radio on. There was an advert for sanitary towels and then one about drugs. Everyone had shuffled uncomfortably.

Gloria and Nigel had been told to be on their best behaviour by Nick and he’d apologised in advance to Jenni for anything objectionable they might say. Jenni felt a sudden pride in her parents, Roy and Pam for being so liberal and friendly. She had found them embarrassing when she was younger, like the time she and Pam had been in Woolworths and Pam had shouted across the shop

Jenni had toned down her appearance a little to meet Nick’s parents. She wore a long black dress rather than a short one and a fluffy purple shrug to hide her tattoo. As it was day time she only wore a small amount of make up. Gloria was lovely and Nigel was politer than Nick had expected him to be. Gloria had made a buffet lunch of smoked salmon and cream cheese canapés, quiche, olives, small sandwiches, fruit and cakes. Nick relaxed after a while. It would be hard to not like Jenni. She was well-spoken, friendly and her clear career plan impressed Nigel. He hoped some of it would rub off on Nick.

In the Green Man that night they talked about how the meeting between Jenni and Nick’s parents had gone, what artwork should accompany their four track demo, Ian’s new flat that would be ready in a week and a gig in Dudley they had just been invited to play. They took a few photos of them around the table drinking as possible back cover photos for the demo and brainstormed cool places to have band shots taken. Jenni said she’d ask her friend Carl, who’d got good photos in the Edge Bar if he’d help. Angie teased Jenni that now she’d met the parents it was getting serious with Nick. Jenni was delighted. She adored Nick and had written an update to her Gods list with him right at the top.

Ian was a bit distracted. He had just agreed to rent a flat from a colleague at work who’d bought it as an investment. Ian lived with his dad, Terry. It was just the two of them and had been that way for the last few years. His older brother Gavin had got a job as soon as he’d left university and now lived and worked in Japan. He sent Ian amazing and sometimes baffling presents. Ian’s favourite was the Swarrrm CD he’d got a month ago. Swarrrm were his favourite Japanese thrash band because he hadn’t heard any others. Ian and Gavin’s Mum had left when Ian was twelve and Gavin was seventeen. She’d had an affair and left to be with her lover. Terry had been totally devastated by this betrayal. He was a nice bloke, a bit defeated by life, struggling to find enjoyment in his day to day routine. He often felt he had failed his boys by being divorced. Ian reassured him that hadn’t but Terry couldn’t seem to move on from it. Gavin and Ian had tried to persuade Terry to move house and make a fresh start but he didn’t want to. When they were at school Cleo and Ian used to joke that they should get his Dad and her Mum together so they could be brother and sister and live in the same house and stay up late listening to music. Being a single parent family was sometimes a bond between Cleo and Ian. Both had grown into capable, competent adults and both felt that sometimes they were parenting their parent.

The Dudley gig opportunity had arrived in all of the Pandas inboxes that afternoon. They had an email address link for bookings on the website that sent all five of them mail. They would reply swiftly to each other if they could or couldn’t do it and if they wanted to do it. If it was a venue Phil thought wasn’t appropriate for them or it was on a week night they tended to decline it. Nick and Ian felt bad about this. They felt that they would be happy to play anywhere and at any time. Jim would be happy to play a gig every month or two. Phil and Paul, who had both played lacklustre gigs in venues with sparse audiences and poor organisation thought it was a good move to be selective. They could all make the Dudley gig and the venue was pronounced by Phil to be one of the best so he replied there and then from his smart phone, saying they would love to play.

On the way home that evening, Cleo and Ian talked about him moving out.

‘Not guilty exactly, but when Gav left it was sort of sad but also it wasn’t that sad because me and Dad were pleased for him, he had the opportunity to go to Japan and he had to take it. But now I’m leaving and I don’t really need to and it’ll be just Dad, and Mum left him, then Gav left him and now I’m leaving him’.

Cleo listened as Ian justified to himself his reasons for moving. The flat was reasonably priced, convenient for work and the pub. It was refurbished and was being painted this week so would be like new. He came back in his thoughtful circle to the downside that when he moved out it would mean that Terry was living on his own.

She pointed out that Ian could visit Terry often. She also said that Terry wouldn’t expect Ian to live with him forever and although it would be difficult it might help Terry move into a more positive phase of his life where he wasn’t feeling like he’d let his little boys down because they were now men. She gave Ian an extra massive hug when they said goodnight that evening and reminded him that his own flat meant freedom, lots of loud music and that when women at gigs swooned at his obvious guitar skills he’d have somewhere to take them to loosen their clothing.

In her diary that night Cleo made some brief plans of her own to move out. She had paid off her student overdraft and started saving the deposit on a flat but it was slow work, she thought she’d need a better job soon. Cleo would have moved out in an instant if she’d been able to afford to. Maybe it really was different for girls she thought. People often said this but people often said all sorts of nonsense. Then she made a list of things to do to help Ian when he moved. This included a new home card that she’d get all the Pandas, Angie, Jenni and all their friends from the Green Man to sign and a box with mugs, tea and biscuits in for the day he moved.

At work on Monday Carl agreed readily to take some photos of the Pandas when Jenni asked him. He met them on Tuesday evening in Forbury Park by the Maiwand Lion war memorial statue and took some pictures. It was a really sunny evening and the park looked beautiful and neat but not very metal. When they looked through the images Carl had captured Nick thought that it was too bright and the lion was too big, dominating the photos.

Jim wanted a skull on the front of the demo. Carl said he’d try to play around with the lion shots, put some in black and white and adjust the brightness. Nick and Ian both complained about a skull cover. They felt it was too obvious. Phil suggested that they could have some artwork that included but wasn’t only skulls. Cleo was doodling in Nick’s lyric notebook. She had drawn an eviscerated panda. It looked far too cuddly but everyone liked the idea. Jenni said she’d try to create an eviscerated panda at work the next day, using some Biology teaching resources she had access to.

The next evening found everyone back in the Green Man, around the same table. Jenni had created a striking image. She’d used a Zoology textbook for a picture of a panda and a Biology one for the entrails. It still didn’t look right though. This panda was eviscerated but looked none the worse for it.

Carl showed them a black and white image of the band and the Maiwand lion. Phil liked this. Nick agreed it was an improvement. Jim still kept repeating

Carl suggested that they try the Mapledurham Watermill one evening at dusk.

‘They’re still on an urgent mission to sort out the demo cover art’. Angie explained. Dean said he could draw something at work tomorrow. He worked in a music shop called The Right Note and would have time to come up with something. Angie suggested Cadbury World as a photo location because if they could look scary there then they were doing thrash metal right.

The pandas arrived back later and without enthusiasm for the shots they’d taken. The watermill, they hadn’t realised, was only open to the public at weekends. They had taken a few photos with it in the distance.

Carl said he’d play around with the colours but he wasn’t hopeful of getting anything usable. He had two further location suggestions. Firstly he suggested the Biology building at the University where both he and Jenni worked. There were lots of animal skeletons and animals preserved by taxidermy in cases in the building’s spacious lobby. He wasn’t sure how good this would work as the lobby was a very light place, with mostly white walls and floors. Secondly he suggested Reading Old Cemetery at Cemetery Junction. He thought this might result in pictures that were dramatic and mostly grey and green. He’d always wanted to take photos of the listed parts of the cemetery but as it was so close by he never got around to it. This seemed the ideal opportunity.

The next evening the Pandas all met Jenni and Carl after work and stood around in front of glass cases of assorted creatures. They avoided anything fluffy and cute like otters, foxes, hares and badgers. They posed in front of anything large or scary. They were photographed by a bear, a jaguar, a leopard and some snakes. Then they looked for anything skeletal and anything creepy, including the big beetles and spiders. Ian was a massive Terry Pratchett fan and insisted on having his photo taken with a rat skeleton because it reminded him of the Death of Rats. Carl also took a few photos of Nick and Jenni. They would make great Gothic wedding invitations she thought, the pair of them stood surrounded by small skeletal mammals or spiders. Nick was pleased to see where Jenni worked. Each of them felt like they were becoming a massive part of the life of the other.

After exhausting all the animal photo opportunities they walked to Cemetery Junction and met Angie and Cleo outside the gatehouse to the cemetery. They walked through the grounds of the large cemetery and Carl took a lot of photos there. He was pleased with the results he was getting. It was a beautiful, historic location and he had got to know the Pandas well enough that they took him seriously when he suggested they stand a certain way, or change their facial expression. None of them were shy of being photographed and on stage each of them had gradually built up a repertoire of poses without realising it but they certainly weren’t natural model material. After walking round the large cemetery for over an hour they were hungry so they got some chips and walked to the Green Man.

They realised they had a lot of choice of photos now. Cleo suggested putting all of the potential demo artwork on the website and then asking people to vote for their favourite. It would create interest in the demo she reasoned. Dean came into the Green Man with an A4 folder and with a flourish placed a mostly black and white picture in the middle of the table. It was of two pandas having a fight, resulting in one of them being eviscerated. The entrails that were coming out of the panda were lying along the bottom of the picture, twisted into the words ‘Eviscerated Panda’. They were in blood red, with blood dripping off them, the only colour on the page. There were skulls in the background and bamboo. One of the pandas had a morning star, the other had a chainsaw. They both had ferocious expressions. The chainsaw panda was the victorious one.

Everyone was impressed. Dean said it was a gift and they were welcome to use it if they wanted to. Ian bought Dean a pint for his awesome drawing and Carl a pint for his awesome photography. People didn’t mind getting sucked into the Panda’s world. They were positive, energetic company and were grateful to anyone who was trying to further the cause of their band.

That weekend Ian moved out of the home he’d lived in since he was a toddler and into his own flat. Paul and Nick helped him move on Saturday morning. It took two journeys in Paul’s van. Ian felt a bit lost when they had left. They had all arranged to meet in the Green Man that evening but just for a few moments, when he shut the front door behind them and everything was quiet and still he felt really alone. Terry had been uncharacteristically cheerful when he and Ian said goodbye. Ian said he’d call in during the week for a cup of tea. Terry had smiled and said

After Ian left Terry thought back to the day he’d left home. It had been the day he got married. He’d worn a brown suit with a purple shirt. People did things differently nowadays and Terry thought this was a good thing. He doubted he’d have married his ex-wife if they had lived together first. A lot of heartache could have been avoided. He put his coat on and he went to see Betty, his Mum. He called into the bakery on the way and he bought one of her favourite cream and jam doughnuts for each of them. Betty was surprised and pleased to see him. Terry usually called round briefly on a Monday to see she was okay, which she always was, as she always pointed out to him.

From Betty, who usually gave the impression he was bothersome when he called in and who came from a generation that didn’t approve of lavish displays of emotion this was high praise indeed. Terry smiled and she patted his hand. She thought family should know how loved they were without being told every two minutes. She remembered the day Terry had left home, with that woman, who Betty always had marked down as no better than she ought to be.

Ian’s loneliness didn’t last long. On Saturday afternoon Cleo went round to help him unpack. She took milk, tea, coffee, sugar, hot chocolate, two mugs from the overflowing mug shelf in Peggy’s kitchen (one featuring My Little Pony and the other the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) bread, margarine, cherry jam (Ian’s favourite), doughnuts, a framed picture of Dave Mustaine and a skull print throw. Ian was really pleased to see her and gave her a huge hug and then a tour of the flat. He started with the hallway because that’s where they were standing, then the bathroom which was to the left as you entered the flat. Next he showed her the tiny kitchen which was to the right as you entered the flat and then the bedroom to the left and the lounge to the right. Both the lounge and the bedroom were spacious rooms. The lounge had two sofas, plenty of bookcases and a wall-mounted TV. The bedroom had a king size bed, a large fitted wardrobe with a mirrored door and a chest of drawers with a small TV on top. It was newly decorated with a new kitchen and bathroom. Cleo said it was lovely and unpacked the things she’d bought and made them tea and doughnuts.

He set up his iPod dock and then he unpacked his computer. Next he put a framed photo up on one of the few picture hooks in the lounge. It was of his Mum, Dad, Gavin and him at Christmas when he was seven. He could remember what it felt like to be in that photo, cosy, happy and excited.

There had been a happy new home card on the mat from the work colleague he was renting from and he put this on the wide windowsill. Already the flat looked less bare and more personal. Ian and Cleo spent the afternoon unpacking and listening to Paradise Lost, The Vandals and Motörhead until it was time to go to the Green Man.

Saturday night in the Green Man was one of the best places to be Jim reflected. He looked around the table at his friends. He didn’t do a lot of reflecting, it wasn’t in his character and he’d tried to put a lid on it even more when Suzy had left him. He was beginning to feel okay about being single. Actually he thought to himself, he felt more than okay about it. It was a relief not to be waiting for the next big argument and to not feel inadequate when he didn’t quite meet up to Suzy’s expectations. To Jim’s left Paul and Angie were also feeling perky. It was one of the likely to conceive times and they were looking forward to getting home that night. Phil sat next to Angie and was getting a great view down her low cut top, unbeknown to her. He was pleased to report that the Pandas mailing list was now one thousand and thirty-four names long and he had received an email request for an interview with the Pandas to put on the Dudley venue’s website.

Nick and Jenni were snuggled up next to each other. Now they’d been dating for a while her parents were fine with him staying over in her room and they gave them privacy in a way other parents would have found difficult. Pam knew strong willed Jenni always found a way to do what she wanted and she liked having her daughter still at home. Ian was starting to feel that having moved out was the best thing to do. Gavin had called him from Japan briefly late that afternoon and had made him feel that it was okay, he wasn’t responsible for Terry. Ian planned to visit Terry often. As Gavin pointed out, Ian hadn’t moved to Japan, he was much closer. Cleo was happy for everyone while also feeling like she would have liked to be the one moving out, or making a demo, or getting a boyfriend, or maybe a great new job.

Sam the sound engineer called Phil to say the demo tracks were ready and they arranged to meet at Ian’s the next day to listen to them. They left the Green Man at closing time with the Rolling Stones, ‘Let’s Spend the Night Together’ playing in the background, Mick Jagger plaintively trying to get what he wanted striking a chord with all of them in different ways.

Ian walked Cleo part way home that night and then it seemed easier for her to stay at his so that they could continue talking. She texted Peggy to say she wouldn’t be in. When they got back to Ian’s he made them a cup of tea and she asked if he had a T-shirt she could sleep in. He looked around at the boxes yet to be unpacked in the bottom of his wardrobe, one of which he knew to contain T-shirts and then he took off the Napalm Death ‘Scum’ T-shirt he was wearing and handed it to her. She took it into the bathroom and came out, wearing just the T-shirt and her knickers and got under the duvet. They talked for hours about the future and about the past. They talked about Terry and about Peggy. They talked about how Peggy would try and get Cleo to wear a sensible dull navy jumper and nasty polyester black trousers with a crease down each leg and an elasticated waist to school. Their school wasn’t even a uniform school so these were especially unreasonable items of clothing to expect her to wear. Cleo used to put what she wanted to wear to school (usually a Danzig T-shirt and tight black jeans) in her school bag and would leave the house dressed in what Peggy approved of. She would then call for Ian every morning before school and change in his bedroom. For a while she’d had a whole drawer of clothes at his house.

Cleo had liked being at Ian’s house because it was relaxed and quiet compared to her home which could become stressful and full of shouting at a moment’s notice. Terry was always kind to her and although he never said anything directly he thought Peggy was sometimes way too strict and then sometimes way too lax. Terry tried to be consistent with what he expected of Ian. Cleo had been deciding for herself what she should and shouldn’t do since school because depending on Peggy’s mood she could get punished by being grounded for a week for relatively minor stuff like being caught smelling of cigarettes and then inconsistently bought pizza and almost rewarded for the big stuff like staying out all night.

Terry would sometimes offer Cleo advice about school projects. Terry took an interest in Ian’s school work and also in Cleo’s as they were in most of the same classes. Cleo would harken to some of his wise words and others she would treat with a slightly more critical ear. She found his firm belief that Elvis was still alive endearing and baffling. Every morning after saying good bye to Terry, Ian and Cleo would meet Jenni on the way to school and would often have Bounty bars for breakfast because they had read that it was Alice Cooper’s favourite chocolate bar. Most of their class mates thought Ian and Cleo were a couple or at the very least secretly sleeping together but they never had been. Cleo, like most girls, wasn’t interested in boys in her own age except as friends. Cleo and Ian had gone through school liking loads of the same stuff, watching ‘Countess Dracula’ and other great Hammer horror films over and over, listening to Megadeth, planning the tattoos they were going to get when they were old enough and drinking vodka in the park on a Friday night because they weren’t yet old enough to get into the pub.

They reminisced about their old science teacher, Mr Bagnell, who wore brown tweed trousers and pink shirts with big pointy collars and was a bit pervy. He once slapped Cleo on the bottom with a copy of Biological Science Two and told her to do some work but it was okay, it wasn’t the hardback edition. Ian remembered the day Baggers had brought in some cow lungs still attached to the trachea and blown them up with a bellows. It was much better than the usual dull stuff with plants they did. Jenni had been stood right at the front that day, fascinated.

Cleo remembered a biology field trip they had been on in Wales which she had hated every minute of. It was full of rugged outdoorsy type staff wearing cagoules and footwear so sensible it probably had a pension plan. She had refused to do the assault course in the drizzle, saying it was nothing to do with Biology. Later that day at dinner when one of the staff had asked

They also remembered a very dull afternoon on a freezing cold beach throwing quadrats and noting what was in them. One of the staff, Mike, had called to them excitedly, making them gather round a rock pool and when they were all staring expectantly into it, waiting to see what he’d found, Mike put his hand in the pool and splashed water in all their faces then laughed like a maniac.

Ian, Cleo and Jenni would all walk home from school together at the end of the day, having missed each other and feeling like they had loads to catch up on if they hadn’t been in the same lessons that day. After school they would usually go to one of their houses. Whose house they went to was generally dependent on whose parents were out. If Peggy was out at work sometimes Cleo would cook tea for them, usually Findus crispy pancakes (cheese ones as Cleo and Jenni were vegetarian) and crinkle cut oven chips. If Peggy had been to Bejam’s recently there might even be Supermousse for dessert. Most often they would go to Jenni’s as Pam and Roy didn’t mind them hanging out there. They would often have dinner and stay all evening. Cleo had never had brie, smoked salmon or ravioli that wasn’t canned until she had dinner at Jenni’s. Often Jenni’s parents would go out for the evening and Cleo, Jenni, Ian and other school friends who liked metal would congregate in the lounge listening to Judas Priest and Motörhead.

Ian remembered the time Cleo had confessed to not knowing what a blow job was so Bob, a metal head from the school year above theirs that both Jenni and Cleo had a crush on, had demonstrated using a banana. Then he’d said he had something they could practice on and both girls went really, really red. For the next few weeks neither of them could look at a banana without blushing. They talked about how they had found some aspects of school easy, they didn’t get involved in popularity contests or care what most of their peers thought of them. Their group of friends was a stable cohesive group of people at their school who liked rock, metal and goth music. This group cut across year group boundaries. They were also friends with metal heads in the other local schools. Bullies tended to give up on them quickly because they didn’t get a reaction and because the metal heads at the next most local school featured a lot of older, tough looking kids. Both Cleo and Ian had found it hard when beginning work to not see their friends as much.

They talked about when they had started drinking in the Green Man, aged fifteen. It was a Saturday and Cleo had told Peggy she was going to the cinema. Sometimes she had felt bad about lying to Peggy but she was just too unpredictable to tell the truth to. Cleo squared this with her conscience by thinking that she would be going to the cinema if there was something good on, like ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’, so it was merely a half-truth. She could set off that evening intending to go to the cinema but then change her mind and go to the pub instead. Terry had said it was okay for Ian to go to the pub if he didn’t drink too much. Terry had been drinking in pubs since he was fourteen. Jenni’s parents didn’t like the idea of their fifteen year old daughter out drinking on a Saturday but knew she was going to do it anyway so said it was okay but to be sensible.

Cleo and Ian began yawning and Ian got up and made them a cup of tea each. Their talk moved on to the future, about what Cleo might do as a career, now that her biscuit customer service job was going a bit stale and boring, about how Cleo and Peggy now co-habited fairly peaceably, about the inevitable rise of the Pandas, about how Terry would cope with living alone. They fell asleep eventually. Ian didn’t look naked with his shirt off Cleo thought. His sleeve and a half of tattoos made him appear less undressed. Ian was like the brother Cleo had never had and Cleo like the sister he had never had. They slept easily next to each other and woke up seven hours later, unselfconscious about their scruffy hair and sleepy faces. They had toast and cherry jam for breakfast in bed then Cleo went home to shower and change and before going back round to hear the demo. Ian thanked Cleo for keeping him company on his first night living alone. He felt so much better, as if by talking about the past with Cleo he’d somehow consolidated it all and could move on.

When Cleo got back to Ian’s on Sunday afternoon everyone was there and was waiting impatiently for Phil to bring the finished version of the demo. As well as a demo listening party it was also an impromptu flat warming party. Jenni and Nick gave Ian a set of black mugs that could be written on with chalk and a card signed by everyone present and most of the regular clientele of the Green Man. Jim bought him sausages and bacon, he said it was what he would have liked as a gift. Paul and Angie bought him a spatula shaped like a guitar and some vodka. When Phil arrived he had the demo tracks on a memory stick and a gift for Ian that was beautifully wrapped. Phil had bought him massage oil and had the shop assistant, who he was flirting unsuccessfully with, wrap it for him.

Ian put the demo tracks on to play and the room was silent. They listened to all four tracks once and didn’t say anything. Every member of the band listened intently to pick out their individual contribution and to make sure they could be heard and that it sounded good. Then they listened a second time and began smiling at each other. Jim was first to speak.

They would also put two of the tracks on their website immediately and with them all the photos for possible inclusion on the back cover of the demo. They would ask people on the mailing list to vote for their favourite photo and in a week the most popular would be announced on the website and then used for the CD sleeve. The photo choices were the band with the Maiwand lion, at the side of the road with Mapledurham watermill in the far distance, stood by a glass case of spiders, stood by a large tomb at Reading Old Cemetary, around a table in the Green Man and on stage at the Edge Bar. They had decided to use Dean’s eviscerated panda fight drawing as the front cover artwork. Nick liked the photo of them in the Green Man best for the back cover. It reminded him a little of the cover of Exodus’s ‘Pleasures of the Flesh’. Ian uploaded all the photos and the tracks ‘Metal Fix’ and ‘Angry Ever After’ to the band website.

Next they completed the email interview for the Dudley venue’s website. They took it in turns to type answers and they brainstormed what they should reply. The first question was ‘Why did you call the band Eviscerated Panda?’ Nick answered this one,

The next question Phil read out was ‘What is the best thing about being in Eviscerated Panda?’

The next Saturday afternoon found the Pandas and Cleo, Jenni, Dean, Damon and Carl at Warwick Services on the M40. Carl had come along to take photos and was giving Nick, Jenni and Ian a lift. Dean had been delighted that his artwork was going to be used and he and Damon decided to come to Dudley too as Dean had a rare Saturday off from working in the Right Note. Damon’s band Demon Speeding wanted to play outside Reading and he wanted to see what Dudley was like. The Demons were still hampered by not having a drummer.

Angie was unable to come to Dudley. She had started to do freelance hairdressing and was doing a wedding hair rehearsal that afternoon and evening. She and Paul’s slow saving for the baby they hoped to conceive had been decimated by recording the demo so she wanted to help by working more hours. She would be sorry to miss the gig but the lucrative wedding hair job would help put their savings back on track.

While getting coffee at Warwick the Pandas and entourage received a few sideways glances and some outright stares. The men were mostly dressed in black T-shirts and had long hair and Cleo and Jenni were resplendent in clothes that were tighter, shorter or more sparkly than what most people were wearing.

On the way back to the car Cleo looked towards Coventry. She thought about the last time she’d been there and she thought about Jez then she quickly put him out of her mind. Jez had thought about her a few times and had wondered if he’d see her when the Pandas got booked to play in Coventry again. He was sure they would, they had been professional and had been well-received. He’d decided that Cleo would have been in contact with him if she wanted to be, after all, she knew where he lived and she could look up the Over-revved Engine website. As a rule he never chased women very far. He was disappointed that neither she nor Suzy had got in touch but their meeting had hardly been Romeo and Juliet (and another Juliet).

The Dudley gig was headlined by a punk band called Spunky Knickers. They were there when the Pandas arrived and introduced themselves in cheerful Dudley accents. The drummer introduced herself as Tiffany and said

The bass player’s name was Shirley. Everyone called her Shirl. The two guitarists were Simon and Rob. Vocal duties were shared between Rob and Shirl. After everything was organised for the gig the Panda-Knicker party stood around in the large almost empty club and discussed the hassle of always having to be there early and leave late. Paul said he’d like to not drive sometimes, it was always him. After he’d said it he realised he hadn’t meant to sound quite so petulant and pissed off. In truth he was missing Angie and was feeling bad that she was sacrificing her Saturday to earn money because he had spent most of their small savings on the demo. She had told him that she didn’t mind, that supporting her husband was what she’d promised to do and she’d do it gladly. There followed an uncomfortable silence between Paul and the rest of the Pandas which was broken when Jim said

Cleo was enjoying talking to Shirl. They shared a fascination for Christopher Lee films. Shirl said she was always so nervous before a gig. She had begun playing bass guitar for fun, as a more interactive way of listening to music, stood in front of her mirror at home, pretending to be Jo Bench or Gene Simmons. She had never intended to do it in front of an audience. Then her friend Tiff had joined the Knickers and had encouraged her to complete their line-up. Shirl said she wasn’t confident but that she intended to ‘fake it ‘til she made it’. The club began to fill up slowly. It was one big room with a long bar down the side. The stage was taller and larger than any the Pandas had played on and the venue was the biggest they had been booked to play. By the time the Pandas went on at nine p.m. there were several hundred people in the venue. A few of the audience were singing along to the tracks that were available on their website. Dean and Damon started a mosh pit which Carl got photos of as well as some great shots of the band on stage. He retreated to the back of the room, where the floor was higher for some of the shots that included the whole band and he got some shots of Cleo, Jenni and the Knickers too.

Paul had a brilliant gig. He was drunk enough to feel wonderful and the material was so familiar now that he didn’t make any mistakes. Nick addressed the audience

Ian looked out at the audience and thought that just a few months ago they’d been playing in the small Edge Bar and now here he was far from home and up on a decent sized stage. Jim felt weird. He’d only once played a gig with the Pandas without having had a few pints. That had been the ill-fated gig in Swindon. He didn’t relax or enjoy it at all. He was surprised that he needed a few beers to perform. He got through the set fine musically, just standing there, feeling a bit spaced out. He was a marked contrast to Phil who paraded about the stage, pointing the head of his guitar out over the audience and hoping Dudley’s finest women were lusting after him. The Pandas got a nod from the sound man and did an encore then left the stage feeling that it had been well worth the journey.

As soon as Paul got off stage he missed Angie. She would always have a pint waiting for him and tell him how brilliant he was and how proud she was of him. He’d have liked her to have seen how well they had played tonight and how many people were there. He went outside to call her but she didn’t answer. Probably busy halfway through a tricky hairstyle he thought. He texted her to say he loved her and the gig had gone well. Angie was having a pleasant enough evening doing the hair of a bride to be and her two bridesmaids. They were drinking wine and chatting and it wasn’t hard work but thinking about weddings made her miss Paul. As soon as Phil got off stage he began asking attractive women if they wanted to give him their email address to be added to the Pandas mailing list. This was a great way for him to approach women without seeming creepy. He was promoting his band. If he happened to find an adoring hottie who was interested in his other talents while he was doing so then that would be a happy accident.

The Spunky Knickers went on stage at ten p.m. Their songs were short, with nothing over four minutes, and the lyrics were punchy. Shirl or Rob would explain briefly what the songs were about before playing them. Some of the songs that Rob sang were ‘Viaggressive’, about a man who takes Viagra and becomes full of rage. ‘Dolly Hard-on’ was an autobiographical song about getting his first erection while watching Dolly Parton sing ‘Love is like a Butterfly’. ‘Dropped Flump’ was a true story about having been to the shop to buy some sweets, including a Flump, which he then dropped on the pavement, which made him sad. ‘Eat Wedgie Justice’ was about giving a wedgie to someone who has been annoying for some considerable time after all other avenues of reconciliation have been explored. ‘Beige list’ was about people who are a bit annoying but not so much so that they should be on a black list. Rob’s vocal style put people in mind of a young Wattie from The Exploited. He had a red spiked up Mohican, black bondage trousers and was wearing a Creaming Jesus T-shirt.

Shirl’s vocal style was akin to Polystyrene of the X-Ray Spex. What she didn’t have in tunefulness she more than made up for with enthusiasm. She wore a red leather skirt, pink fishnet tights and a Hole T-shirt. Shirl sang ‘Paragon of Good Shoes’ which was about a friend of hers who always had the best shoes and was willing to lend them to her friends. ‘Flubb Off’ which was about when women who aren’t fat competitively put themselves down by claiming to have fat body parts and to have over-eaten. ‘Hugh Fearnly-Whittingwank’ was about challenging yourself by masturbating whilst thinking about men who aren’t conventionally attractive. ‘Pop Tits’ was about the dangers of prioritizing style over content. Shirl’s intro to Pop Tits was

‘This song is about women with big breasts. Not all women with big breasts, just those who think that having big breasts mean they need no personality or other attributes, to all the other women with big or small breasts who also have personalities and talents, we are not hating, we’re congratulating’. Generally everyone would cheer when she said ‘big breasts’ and she would wonder how many of the audience understood the song. The chorus of Pop Tits was ‘Too much up top, nothing up top, too much up top, nothing up top’ and the first line was ‘Think you have it all when you buy your double Ds, your cup runs over with content’. The last line was ‘Pop your tits there’s nothing left, personality has been suffocated by your own chest’.

There was a tension in the Knickers about writing serious social commentary type songs over silly, anecdotal songs about little scenes in their lives. Shirl and Rob thought the mixture of both was interesting and as Mike from The Young Ones said ‘A social conscience is like a garden shed. You try to eat one, it’ll stick in your throat’. Tiff would have liked more serious songs and Simon wanted to do more fun songs, like a cover of The Toy Dolls ‘Nellie the Elephant’.

Phil missed seeing the Knickers set. His email address opener had worked. A woman around his age had introduced herself as

Phil replied that it wasn’t and he was enjoying the scenery. They went for a moonlit stroll and paused in an alley between the bingo hall next to the venue and Dudley Zoo. Phil found the situation very arousing and consequently it was a briefer encounter than she would have liked. They walked back to the venue and he bought her a drink. She left shortly after. She’d told her husband she wouldn’t be late home after her drink with the girls. Phil never noticed wedding rings on women because they weren’t near the areas he liked to focus his attention on.

The rest of the Pandas were having a drink with the Knickers after everything was loaded into the van. Dean, Damon and Carl had helped with loading stuff so it was done swiftly.

Jim and Paul went to get something to eat. Jim noticed that Paul was drunker than he’d ever seen him. After a chicken kebab with garlic mayonnaise he seemed a bit more coherent. Jim reflected that not drinking sucked. He felt like the rest of the bands Mum all of a sudden, having to make sure they didn’t get lost, had something to eat and got home safely. Damon was also sober but not much company for Jim. Damon and Tiff were looking at each other hungrily. She liked his dreadlocks. Damon was telling her how frustrated he was by the lack of a drummer. She wasn’t sure if he wanted her as a drummer or as a woman or both. The Pandas and Knickers said they’d be keen to play together again and swopped email addresses. Carl showed some of the photos he’d taken of both bands. He’d got some good shots of the Knickers which he said he’d send them. The combination of punk and metal made for a busy venue, with those who came to see the metal band also enjoying the punk band and vice versa.

The club was still packed well after midnight and a DJ was playing classic, old-school Saturday night drinking and dancing music. Cleo, Tiff, Shirl and Jenni were all dancing to Wolfsbane’s ‘I Like It Hot’ and Whitesnake’s ‘Still of the Night’ while the men were at the bar. Cleo loved Dudley. It reminded her of Reading when she’d first started going out drinking. Reading’s music scene could change quite quickly and not often for the better. It was well known for the festival that now attracted the kind of bands Cleo had no interest in seeing. The festival had sadly morphed into a bloated commercial enterprise with mostly bland bands. In Dudley metal was alive and well. The last songs they danced to were Motörhead’s ‘Ace of Spades’ and Twisted Sister’s ‘I Wanna Rock’ then they hugged the Knickers goodbye and set off for home.

In Damon’s car he and Dean were already talking about going out in Dudley again. In Carl’s car Nick, Jenni, Cleo and Ian were looking through Carl’s photos and he was looking forward to uploading them and seeing just what he’d got. In the van Jim was really tired and planning to have two cups of coffee when they stopped. Phil was smirking, thinking about Miranda. Paul was asleep. He was snoring with his mouth half open. When they called at Warwick services again on the way back Jim and Phil decided to leave him in the van rather than try to wake him. Cleo and Jenni got some M&Ms and joked that they’d take the brown ones out for the Pandas now that they were such stars. Ian was happy to eat any of them he said and on the way home Jenni fed Nick the orange ones. He claimed they tasted different.

It was after three a.m. when they got back to Reading. Angie was awake and wondering where Paul had got to. She heard the front door go and went down the stairs. He smelt awful, a combination of garlic, beer and stale sweat. He looked awful too. His clothes were all crumpled and he looked dopey from having just woken up. She folded her arms and waited for him to say something.

Angie was generally easy going but could get very annoyed with inconsideration. She was tired and had Paul phoned or texted to say he’d be in as late as three a.m. she would have gone to sleep hours ago. An apology and a promise not to be so thoughtless in future would have smoothed things over but Paul was not at his smartest right now. His hangover was already kicking in and he felt rough as a taxidermied badger’s arse. He’d drunk too much and he knew he’d been an inconsiderate idiot. He’d been fast asleep, with his phone on silent in his pocket and so she’d been unable to reach him. Right now he only had room for one thing in his head and this was to crawl into bed and make all the noise and the light go away.

She was fuming because he hadn’t said sorry. She was not going to tell him that he should say sorry, he should know that he should say sorry and if he didn’t know that then he would be sorry. They went to bed and Angie slept as far away from Paul as possible. She could smell garlic and stale beer and his snoring and her anger meant she didn’t fall asleep for another couple of hours.

By the next weekend Angie and Paul had made up. He’d felt ill all of Sunday and she’d felt furious, her bad mood lasting all day. On Monday Angie came home to find that her favourite meal, macaroni cheese, had been cooked for her and Paul had bought her a bouquet of pink flowers and a box of chocolates. Over dinner Paul told her that he’d really missed her when he played in Dudley and that Jim had offered to drive so he decided to have a few beers. He said that the lads had kept buying him beer because he was not driving for a change as a thank you for all the times he had driven. It took a week for them to get fully back to their normal, affable state. Angie trusted Paul but was aware that marriages could start off wonderful and turn sour in just a few years so she didn’t like to let issues remain unresolved between them. As much as she valued marriage and wanted a stable home for her children she wasn’t going to be a doormat.

That Saturday in the Green Man was busy. It was the end of July and pay day for most people. Angie had told Cleo and Jenni about her and Paul’s argument. Cleo agreed it was annoying and said she thought he had phoned her after they finished playing and why hadn’t Angie rang her or Jenni? Angie said next time she wasn’t going to miss a gig. Money was important but not as important as supporting her husband and sharing his triumphs. Jenni told them about her and Nick’s first argument. It was about him having to work lots of evenings in the supermarket. Jenni had told him that he could get a better job with his qualifications and he was wasting his potential. He had accused her of taking sides with his Dad. She had said his Dad had a valid point.

The conversation moved on to happier topics. The mailing list was now one thousand, three hundred and ninety-eight names long. The photo for the back of the demo had been decided on. The one that got the most votes was the one taken in the cemetery. Nick thought it was an unimaginative choice but it was the majority view so he didn’t fight it. They were copying the CDs themselves on Ian’s PC and were having the sleeves printed by a local printer. They thought they would have the thousand CDs ready in about a week.

Towards the end of the evening a hen night came into the pub, loudly and pinkly. Often hen and stag pub crawls in Reading would include the Green Man. It had an undeserved reputation for being a bit rough. People looking for excitement were often disappointed. They would usually go in, find the bar staff and clientele polite and the music too loud and not to their taste.

Paul went to the bar and one of the hens tapped him on the shoulder and said

Paul very vaguely remembered her. He asked if she was enjoying herself and introduced her to Jim and Ian who were stood next to him. She introduced them to Clare who was the hen and Donna, the chief bridesmaid. They were looking around them as if fearing demons were going to leap out of the walls. Melissa was the most sober because she had arrived late. The other hens had started drinking at three that afternoon and many of them had left already. The last few disappeared after one drink in the Green Man.

Phil came over as soon as he saw the hen night. It was a license to flirt as far as he was concerned. Phil found out that Melissa was single but Donna was not. He focused his attention on Melissa. She had curly brown hair and was wearing a short floral dress. She was attractive in an insipid, wearing a lot of make up way he thought. The pub emptied out a bit when it got later and Phil suggested they all sit down at the table where the rest of the Pandas and Jenni, Cleo and Angie were.

Melissa sat between Phil and Ian. Her friends Clare and Donna sat poker straight on stools a bit back from the table, looking ready to leave at any moment.

Donna noticed that Cleo had her tongue pierced twice.

Cleo asked Donna whether she wanted to get her tongue pierced, Donna wasn’t sure. Cleo had got hers pierced in the first week of term in Coventry. She had joined the bank on campus and they had given her a welcome bonus of thirty pounds. She decided to spend it on having her tongue pierced (it’s what the bank manager would have wanted she thought to herself). She found out where the most reputable local piercer was and set off, on a mission. It hurt a lot when it was done but after a couple of days healed up well. It was a good excuse to eat only ice cream for a day. There were many urban myths about tongue piercing, like it makes you get drunk quicker and if it’s done in the wrong place you can bleed to death swiftly. Cleo also had to put up with sleazy guys making blow job comments from time to time. Cleo had had her tongue pierced the second time when she finished university. This time she had it done in Reading and the piercer, who was a Green Man regular and a very lovely, gentle chap had told her that she had a long tongue and would have had room for three piercings if she’d been sensible and planned it. She said if she’d been sensible she wouldn’t have had it done at all.

Donna and Clare relaxed after a while. Jim told them that just because people have tattoos, piercings and long hair doesn’t mean they won’t be polite and pleasant. He himself was always extra polite so he didn’t intimidate older people when they came into the garage he worked at. Phil was hitting Melissa with what he thought of as his best lines but she wasn’t biting. He’d tried pointing out how great he was with his hands because he was a guitarist. She had turned to Ian and asked if he was a guitarist too. Melissa was flirting with Jim, Ian and Paul but mostly Ian and being polite but distant with Phil. She had decided she wanted someone a bit different and was determined to take one of these long haired men home. She was on a hen night and wanted to do something spontaneous and crazy. Phil eventually gave up and left.

Melissa stopped flirting with Paul when she realised Angie was his wife. Angie and Paul left next, Paul politely saying it had been nice to see Melissa again and wishing Clare a happy wedding day. Jim was the least flirtatious man Melissa had ever met and so she concentrated on Ian. She was four years older than him and he was flattered by the attention. She asked about the band and listened in an attitude of rapt attention to his answers. Donna and Clare were getting bored but felt that because this was a hen night they couldn’t leave until the pub closed. Last orders were called and Melissa bought a round of Jägermeister shots for the table which by now was just Nick, Jenni, Cleo, Ian, Donna and Clare. When she came to sit back down she sat very close to Ian. She discretely asked him what he was doing after the pub shut and he invited her back to his flat.

They all left the pub and Donna and Clare got a taxi. Everyone else started their usual walk home, this time with Melissa. Melissa was annoyed that Ian insisted that they walk Cleo home. Melissa had wanted to get a taxi to Ian’s. She thought he should consider himself lucky she was lowering her standards to come home with him. Cleo insisted that she didn’t need walking home. Melissa said she was sure Cleo was a big girl now and could look after herself. Ian would not change his mind. He liked this part of Saturday night, so all five of them walked to Jenni’s and said good night to her and Nick and then Ian, Cleo and Melissa walked to Cleo’s. Ian hugged Cleo goodnight as usual. Melissa stood by, getting irritated.

When Melissa and Ian got into his flat Melissa was starting to change her mind about wanting to sleep with him. She thought these long haired, tattooed rock guys were going to be more exciting but they seemed to just talk about music and beer all the time. She had been hoping for some edgy sex and a great tale to tell. Ian politely offered her a drink which she declined. She spotted the massage oil that had been a gift from Phil. Ian followed her eyes to the fancy bottle, which looked incongruous in his lounge.

She was disappointed by how unthreatening he was. She’d expected to be ravished in the lounge. They went into the bedroom, Ian courteously leading the way. He was indeed good with his hands, as promised by Phil rather than Ian. He used a condom without complaint which Melissa thought made a nice change to the men she usually picked up on a Saturday in Reading’s mainstream bars. Afterwards Melissa asked

The next morning Ian made Melissa breakfast and called her a taxi when she said she needed to get home. He gave her his phone number. She texted him so that he had her number too. She had thought about giving him a false one but decided maybe he had some potential. It would shock her friends if nothing else. She’d been bored on the hen night, preferring the focus to be on her.

During the week Melissa and Ian saw each other again. They met in Yates’s but didn’t stay long because of noisy football making it hard to chat. Then they went back to Ian’s and went straight into the bedroom this time.

Also in the week Cleo and Ian called in to see Betty who had been ill with ‘flu. Ian bought jam and cream doughnuts and they sat in Betty’s cosy sitting room eating them and talking about old times. Cleo had bought Betty a box of fancy biscuits from work which delighted her. She said she’d enjoy the biscuits then use the tin to keep bits and bobs in. Betty was like a spare Nan to Cleo. Cleo’s maternal Grandmother had early onset Alzheimer’s disease and was in a nursing home. She visited her but sadly she had none of her personality left. Cleo’s paternal Grandmother didn’t get on with Peggy and so Cleo saw her infrequently. Betty was the best Nan anyone could wish for. She was full of stories. Cleo and Ian used to call in to see her after school about once a week and in the school holidays sometimes. A lot of her advice had stuck with them. She always said

Betty told Cleo how proud she was of Ian, although Cleo could tell this by all the photos on display. She also told her about the time when she had thought Ian might not finish University.

Ian had got so worried about his second year exams that he couldn’t sleep or function as usual. He had felt an impending sense of doom in and about everything he did like the blackest of black clouds was following him. He went to the local supermarket for some highlighter pens and he became afraid that they would take him out the back, pin him down, suck his brains out and force a tabard over his head, then brand him with a badge stating his name and his being happy to help. He would then wander out, with his arms in front of him ‘Dawn of the Dead’ style, to the checkout and to enduring a beeping eternity.

Ian had decided to go home to Reading to revise because he had a week until his first exam and no lectures. Once he was home and surrounded by familiar things he felt mildly better. He couldn’t face the thought of going back to uni. He hid in his room, insisting no-one was to disturb his revision. This kept Terry out but not Betty who had a pretty sharp eye for when things weren’t right with Ian, Gav or Terry. Betty had come up the stairs to Ian’s room and asked if she could come in. Just seeing Betty had made Ian cry with relief.

Suddenly, it hadn’t seemed such a big problem anymore. Ian went back to uni. He sat his exams in big dusty wooden rooms, along with lots of other frightened undergraduates and he did very well. He remembered getting his results for that year and buying Betty a chocolate orange and going out to celebrate with Jenni and Cleo by dancing to Alice Cooper’s ‘School’s Out’ in the Edge Bar.