That night, as Ottey dropped Cross off at the hospital, she decided to park up and go in. This wasn’t for her colleague’s benefit but to check up on Christine. Raymond was still in an induced coma, but she had been sitting at his bed all day, every day. Doing it this way, without telling Cross, Ottey also solved the problem of having to deal with his objections to her doing so. As she arrived at Raymond’s bedside, she was greeted with George informing her –
‘You’re only allowed two visitors in ICU.’
Christine got up immediately, obviously pleased to see her. Josie gave her a comforting hug and, ignoring George, asked her, ‘Have you eaten anything today, Christine?’
‘Not for a while,’ she replied.
‘Why don’t I take you down to the café for a cup of tea and something to eat?’ said Josie, guiding her gently away from the bed by her elbow. They left George at his father’s bedside.
The two women sat in Costa each with a coffee and Josie insisted on getting a heated-up panini for Christine. She looked exhausted and viewed the food in front of her with the dread of someone who doesn’t want to do something but knows it will be good for them if they go through with it. She took a half-hearted bite, as if she were suspicious it might contain poison.
‘How are you doing?’ asked Josie.
‘I’m okay,’ came the quiet reply.
‘It occurred to me as I saw you sitting next to Raymond’s bed that this isn’t new territory for you, is it?’ Josie observed, referring to Christine’s late husband, Duncan, who had died, having suffered from Alzheimer’s, the year before.
‘It’s different.’
‘How?’
‘Because with Duncan there was no hope. No prospect of any improvement, of him getting any better. It was just a dreadful one-way street. A downhill slope. With Raymond, at least, there’s hope.’ She saw Josie’s sympathetic but doubtful expression which she wasn’t quick enough to disguise. ‘Not much, I know,’ conceded Christine. ‘But if he’s able to, he’ll do his best to get through this. He has to.’
‘Because of George?’ commented Josie.
‘Exactly. He’s not ready to leave George.’
‘Except for the fact that he knows you’re around for him now,’ suggested Josie.
‘Yes and no. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully have George’s trust,’ replied Christine.
‘Why?’
‘Because of all the damage I did when I left, I suppose. It’s not easy to repair. Particularly with someone like him.’
‘But he seems to be coming round to you. Be more accepting of you, in his own way,’ said Josie.
‘Isn’t that a strange thing to say about a son and mother? But it’s the situation we find ourselves in,’ said Christine.
‘It wasn’t exactly your fault, from what he’s told me,’ replied Josie.
‘Did he tell you that himself, or is it an inference you’re making?’
Josie’s silence answered this question for her.
‘It was selfish. No question about it. I should’ve stayed around. But I found it too painful. That is so often the case for a mother, don’t you think? He was definitely better off with Raymond and Ron but I should’ve just sucked it up for the sake of my son and stuck around,’ she said with a weary regret.
‘Raymond and Ron?’ asked Josie. Christine looked at her a moment.
‘Ah, he obviously didn’t tell you everything. He’s always been the soul of discretion, right from when he was a small boy,’ she said with an affectionate smile. Josie meanwhile was trying to digest what, for her, was something of a bombshell.
‘He told me things weren’t as straightforward as he thought, as to why you’d left. Did he know about his father?’ asked Josie.
‘No.’
‘I can understand why you would want to leave,’ said Josie.
‘Really? You’re a mother, Josie. Can you imagine leaving your girls?’
Again, Josie’s silence provided the answer.
‘I loved George so much. Was he a challenge? Sure. But how could you not love him? We didn’t know he was autistic. People didn’t know so much about it then. He was fascinating and fascinated by so many things, it was often hard to keep up with him. The situation with Raymond and Ron, particularly then, was too difficult for me. Things were so different then. I felt hurt that I wasn’t enough for Raymond as a woman. I felt betrayed in a way that I could not understand. In the end, maybe, I was a little homophobic about it all. I just wish I could go back and change it,’ she said.
‘Well, you can’t and for what it’s worth society back then was more than a little homophobic itself, and racist and misogynistic. Like you said, things were different then and if that affected your thinking, it’s perfectly understandable. So don’t beat yourself up about it,’ Josie assured her.
‘Thank you.’
‘Having said that, I think life has presented you with a chance of making a relationship with George now,’ Josie finished by saying.
‘How?’ Christine asked.
‘George can’t look after his father in the way he wants or thinks he can. But you can and, more importantly, you want to. Can you imagine what it would be like for him, for both of them, if you weren’t here?’ she asked.
‘I have a feeling George won’t be thinking like that,’ replied Christine. She smiled and placed her hand over Josie’s, gratefully. ‘I should get back,’ she said.