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Self-restraint had never left her as frustrated as it did after those shared kisses. She’d left Leigh’s croft hot and bothered, thoughts swirling faster than the ocean current. They needed to go on more dates before Kate made that leap from friend to lover. She needed time to process her feelings about Leigh and what her divorce meant for the both of them. At least, that’s what she’d told herself as she’d hurried along the path back to the observatory. She could get distance and think clearly in the solitude of her own room.
Yet, her body disagreed. It knew exactly what it wanted, and restraint wasn’t on the menu.
“Why wait? Why not just go for it since you like her so much?” Her sister’s voice sounded like she’d scrunched her nose, probably concentrating on frosting a cake or something else Instagram-worthy.
When it came to Michelle, it seemed there was always something food-related happening on their phone calls. Kate calculated that it was roughly ten in the morning back home, because it was late afternoon in Scotland.
“Because I’m still finalizing a divorce.” The reasoning made perfect sense to Kate. One sentence should have said it all, without requiring an in-depth explanation. Michelle scoffing on the other end of the line told her something different.
“For a marriage you haven’t been emotionally invested in since the nineties. I mean, come on, sis. I could see the distance growing between you and David from the moment he asked you to stop traveling for your work. You didn’t do a good job of hiding your resentment. Not even around him.”
Kate glanced out across the expanse of the island from her small window. She imagined someone telling her right now that she had to pack up, go home, and give up the thing that’d drawn her here in the first place. The thought sent a chill through her.
“You’re right. At the time, I thought I loved him, and by giving up my career I was doing something to make our marriage better, but that’s something I truly believed.”
“Kate.” Something thunked in the background of the phone call, maybe Michelle setting down a pan or mixing bowl too hard on her perfect granite countertop. “You’ve given in to the way someone else wanted you to live your life and it got you nothing. You dressed to please him, put on the wedding his mother—not you—wanted, and put a job you love on hold. Don’t do anything like that again for anyone. If you want to have sex, go have sex. If you want to skydive, skydive. If you want to run away and live among the birds, go for it. Be the wild woman you were always meant to be. Just come visit me once in a while.”
Kate chuckled. “I’m glad you can joke, but this is scary. I think I might want more than sex, and last time that happened, I lost myself completely.”
“You sure did.” The agreement only made the admission sting even more and Kate winced.
Because only a weak person gave up the things that defined them just to make someone else happy.
“But,” her sister continued, “that means you’ll know better next time not to compromise your own values like that again. You’ll take a stand for what matters and find a person who either loves you for you or move on if they don’t. Right?”
Was that it, all she had to do to be happy in life and love? Michelle made it sound so simple and Kate picked at the corner of the windowsill.
“There’s got to be a catch,” she muttered, half-regretting her decision to talk to the person who knew her best.
“No catch. It’s just one of those things we figure out as we mature.”
Kate wondered if this elusive maturity would ever come into play for her. Every big decision she’d made in life had been based on what seemed rational to keep the things she wanted. Following her head, instead of her heart. What if, for once, instead of calculating the risks and rewards, and settling, she went for it? Maybe that was the right thing to do––not slow down and think about what made sense, but let her heart take the lead.
She was sticking in old patterns with Leigh by waiting to get to know her. A mature person could wait for sex if they cared about having something more. Or so she’d been telling herself. She knew that’s what Leigh wanted from her, that “something more.” But maybe they could find that something more if Kate stopped hitting the brakes every time things started to feel out of her control.
“One more thing,” Michelle said, pulling her back to the present. “Being mature is different for everyone. Don’t think it means you should take it slow or not take risks. For you, I think taking a risk and listening to your heart is the right thing to do. You were always happier when you did that than when you ignored your own wants and needs. Just remember what you’ve learned about people as you do it, and you’ll be better off.”
Kate hung up minutes later after asking about her nieces and nephews, and any other news Michelle might have. But it was the midpoint of the conversation that stuck with her.
Of course, Michelle was right. Besides, Kate had spent the last several years second-guessing what she wanted, because she’d put someone else’s wants first.
“I don’t have to do that anymore,” she whispered to her empty room. “I can do what I want to do.”
After gathering her supplies, Kate sought out the fresh air and windswept heather at the northern tip of the island. She sat, noting bird sightings and reeling at the notion of freedom. Even though Leigh made it clear she didn’t want a relationship with an expiration date, she hadn’t demanded anything of Kate. She just wanted to know Kate’s intentions.
Remembering the question made her entire body tighten. Would that innocent query turn into a request that she stay? What if her work brought her elsewhere? Despite the strong call she felt to be on Fair Isle, Kate knew getting back into her career meant travel. Most birds didn’t stay in one place and if she wanted to study them, following their migratory paths was imperative.
Once upon a time, David had made it clear she couldn’t have both a career and a relationship. Would Leigh turn out to be the same?
A high-pitched yap caught her attention and Kate turned to see Seamus trotting up to her, stubby tail wagging. “You sure get around,” she remarked as she let him sniff her hand. He thrust his cool, wet nose under her palm and Kate laughed.
Each stroke along his short, wiry fur centered her. Life on the island was so easy, like breathing. Why couldn’t being with people be that way, too?
“If people were more like dogs or birds, things would go a lot smoother in life,” Kate told Seamus.
He didn’t seem to understand or pick up on the compliment, because he turned and gnawed at his backside.
“Except for butt itches...” Kate turned back to the ocean and jostled her leg against the cliffside. “I guess I have to let go and follow my heart, like I used to. But that’s a pretty scary thing when—”
A chirp caught her attention, dragging her gaze from the water to the sky. Her trained eye noted that the bird flying over her had a yellow breast, white flanks, black streaks, and a pointed beak. It looked nothing like the usual feathered denizens she observed on the island. The familiar high-pitched, sing-song quality of its call reminded her of the east coast of the United States.
It was... chirpier than the other birds.
Kate’s mouth dropped open as she stared. “It can’t be.” She scrambled up off the ground and turned to follow the bird as it flew inland. “I’m dreaming. I must be.”
It flew on steadily and ultimately outpaced her. Kate had to stop and catch her breath after ten minutes of chasing it.
Craig Wheeler came into view, camera slung around his neck. He grinned, cheeks red from the exertion of walking along the hilly ground. “What are you chasing today, lassie?”
Kate pointed at the sky and gasped out, “Sturnella. Leigh’s chirpy bird.”
Craig paused and, after a long moment, followed her gaze skyward. “Well,” he said, “I have no idea what that means.”
“Yeah.” Kate drew in a breath and nodded. “Neither do I.”