| |
Since Leigh had done all the planning for their dates, Kate knew it was her turn. They’d hit a crucial point in their relationship and Kate had to figure out how to move into opening up on both sides. Her stuff, as her aunt put it, seemed pretty straightforward. Besides, she’d shared enough of it.
Leigh’s past was a different and unknown matter entirely. How could Kate even begin to approach her about it?
There wasn’t much to do on Fair Isle and privacy wasn’t easy to come by, but she wanted Leigh to feel comfortable. To have home field advantage, which meant Tingwall was out of the question. With little to entertain on the smaller island, Kate decided the best place was a picnic near the North Lighthouse. It would give her a chance to share a little bit of herself, while ensuring Leigh was comfortable enough to delve into her own concerns and feelings.
If she wanted to, of course. Kate couldn’t and wouldn’t force that conversation, no matter how important it was to have that talk. So-called relationship experts always said communication was key. It seemed like simple enough logic. Even Aunt Katherine made it sound like the solution to any problems: talk about it.
With the sun shining and a light breeze, the scene was perfectly set for Kate’s grand date plan. She’d managed to purchase a vintage-style picnic blanket and basket, and spent the morning filling the basket with goodies. A glance at her new dress hanging on the rack in her wardrobe made her sigh. It would be lovely to picnic wearing it, but it wasn’t a practical choice. Still, her gaze lingered on the dress. One of these days, she would show both Leigh and herself that the purchase had been well worth it.
They met among the summer flowers, on the flattest spot Kate could find near the lighthouse. Seabirds soared above them and the ocean waves crashed against the cliffs in the background. Kate couldn’t have asked for a better setting. It might not be special or intimate, but it was perfect for two people who loved the island.
“What did you do?” Leigh asked, leaning eagerly toward the basket. The late summer breeze lifted the tendrils of dark brown hair and Kate blew out a sigh of longing before turning away from the woman kneeling across from her.
“Not as much as I would have liked. Some of this, I had to buy ready-made at the shop. But the sandwiches? That’s all me.” Kate pulled the food out of the basket and laid it out on the blanket. “Ladies first.”
“Doesn’t that mean both of us?” The way Leigh wrinkled her nose made Kate laugh. Her curmudgeonly farmer had a playful side she rarely showed. It made Kate want to kiss the tip of her nose and smooth out the adorable crinkle.
Once they’d both filled their paper plates with food, Kate asked, “Remember that time you told me saying goodbyes is hard? I’m curious, did that come from having to deal with the inevitable losses of your farm animals, or is there something else behind that?”
“Getting right to the point today, are you?” Leigh twisted the cap on her bottle of water back and forth. “It comes from both sheep and people. Neither seem to last as long as I want them to. There was a girl from Tingwall who used to come here in the summers and stay with family, a little like you in that way. Except, I made the mistake of pursuing her when I was a teenager. It seemed safe enough. Tingwall is only a half-hour away by plane. Not like America or someplace like that. It was hardly a long distance relationship.”
Kate sensed the “but” coming, the one that might dictate the future of how she handled their relationship. She tried not to hold her breath, but it caught and filled her chest with pressure. Leigh’s nervous twisting of her bottle cap made it worse.
“She wasn’t one of those proud islanders, though, content to stay here. We had one last night together and then she told me she was leaving for university, with no intention of coming back.” Leigh turned to face the ocean. Even though Kate could only see her in profile, the wetness shimmering in her eye was visible. “I can’t blame her. There’s nothing here for so many people. Not if you want to make something more of yourself. But that doesn’t mean it hurt any less to watch her leave. In the end, I used it as a way to justify that I’d always been right about putting up walls between people like me and you.”
“People like me and you?” Kate repeated it back numbly, a chill prickling down her bare arms.
“The ones who stay, the ones who go. Some things are bigger than love.”
Kate scoffed before she knew she was doing it. “That’s not a problem with love. That’s a difference in how compatible you are with a person. Love means compromising, not abandoning someone because their life doesn’t fit in with the life you want.”
“I know that now and you’re right. I shouldn’t be so pessimistic.” Leigh picked at the edge of the blanket, but Kate wondered if the damage had already been done. Had her response been insensitive? “I know you’re kind of adrift yourself, still finding yourself. That’s why I wished we could have waited to have this talk.”
“What do you mean?”
Leigh turned and met her gaze again, her eyes clear and her jaw taut. “I don’t want you to think you have to stay because you feel sorry for me. That’s not why you should want to stay, you know? You’re aware that there’s an expiration date for us. You’re also of the mind that you’re not ready for love or maybe don’t have the capacity for it.”
“I mean...” Kate squirmed on the blanket. They were supposed to be eating, enjoying nature, and getting to know each other. Instead, her guts were churning and the food she’d worked so hard to gather had lost all its appeal.
“You don’t want to treat me like a rebound, and I respect that. But please let go of that and enjoy the moment. Enjoy your time here with me.”
When Kate looked into Leigh’s wide, beseeching eyes, she didn’t know what she should be trying to find in them. Hope? Need? Worry?
“If you can let go and enjoy yourself,” Leigh continued, “instead of questioning whether you’re being fair or not to me, maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for. As for your marriage, stop using it to keep yourself from getting close to me. This can be a real relationship, if you let it happen. Besides, you aren’t in a place, emotionally, where you need to get over the marriage.”
That was an interesting remark and Kate chewed on the inside of her cheek while she considered it. All this time, she’d thought she was being unfair simply by dating Leigh, but maybe the true unfairness of it all was that she wasn’t giving their relationship a real chance.
“I mean, your marriage got to the point where neither of you were invested in making it work. Maybe you never intended for it to, anyway.” Leigh scooted closer, her lean, warm body pressing into Kate’s curves. Kate’s breath hitched. Nothing separated them except clothing and her own hang-ups.
When they kissed, there was no holding back. It didn’t matter that they were in public, in the sunshine, where anyone could see them. The only thing holding Kate back was herself.
How they ended up in Leigh’s bedroom was a complete blur. All Kate knew was this wonderful woman meant the world to her. They lay in bed, clothes shed at some point as they’d stumbled across the house, now tangled together.
“You’re so sexy,” Leigh whispered, the timbre of her voice low and husky. “I want to do everything to you.”
“Haven’t you already?” Kate couldn’t help but tease her a little. The night they’d shared in the bed and breakfast remained fresh in her mind.
“Not by a long shot.” They kissed, Leigh’s tongue sweeping into her mouth to tease and play with Kate’s. Her fingers traced fiery circles on Kate’s thighs before nudging between them. Leigh’s strong hands worked a kind of magic Kate had yet to learn for herself. She tried to pay attention, to study each sweeping movement.
Kate had touched Leigh, of course, during that time. But she knew she would never be able to get her fill of the woman holding her. It was like the first time together all over again and when their gazes met, Kate couldn’t prevent herself from blurting out the first thought that came to mind.
“I think I love you.”
Leigh’s hand paused, the tips of her fingers burning on Kate’s skin. She rolled Kate onto her back and dropped her head. Before Kate could ask what she was doing, Leigh’s mouth engulfed her nipple. The tip of her tongue swirled around it before she sucked it in fully, relentlessly.
As she moved her mouth to Kate’s other breast, her hand resumed its movements, circling, tracing, and then dipping between her legs. Kate gripped Leigh’s shoulders, all thoughts of reciprocating muddled. There would be time, she reasoned with herself. That was what Leigh would say. Later.
For now, her world revolved around Leigh and the sensations her touch evoked.
She wouldn’t return to the observatory until well after sunset, her limbs almost too weak to carry her the entire way. They’d finished the picnic lunch in bed and then had sex again. And again. Kate was surprised she’d found the strength to make the walk, but she needed to collapse in her own bed and think.
There in her room was the one thing that she’d thought contained all the reasons she shouldn’t let herself fall in love. Words in black ink on stark white paper and fancy embossed letterhead that explained the simple steps she needed to take to finalize her divorce.