Chapter Twelve

“Come on, Saint Dick. Let’s get this party started!” O’Rourke hoisted a bag of gifts over his shoulder.

Lilly, with Cisco as her shadow, glared at him. “We’re recording this, Officer O’Rourke. Please remember that,” she said in a no-nonsense voice, and Justin hid his grin behind his beard.

“Ho ho ho, Officer O’Rourke. You got busted.” He lifted his own heavy sack of toys with a grunt. “What’s in here? Rocks?”

“Toys, you boob.” His partner groaned. “I never knew toys could be so heavy.”

“You could carry the check,” Mayor Liu pointed out as she wrestled the four-by-six-foot piece of printed Coroplast from the trunk of her car. “I don’t know why this darn thing had to be so big. Why couldn’t I have handed the woman a normal-sized check? It would have been as effective.”

Lilly tugged at the hem of her elf dress. “Because the corporate sponsor wanted their name to be seen. This is an unprecedented act of charity, Madam Mayor. You should be proud to be part of it. No one’s ever raised so much money for the toy drive—excuse me, the now-named Christmas Fund drive—as Officer Weaver.” She squared her shoulders. Her eyes met Justin’s, but his gaze skittered away before she could hold on to it.

She wanted to strangle him.

Since that moment he’d booted her—there was no other word for it—out of his life, he’d been like that. Professional and completely unfriendly. He made a great Santa, but the chemistry that had existed between them, so palpable on the screen, had vanished.

She was going to lose her chance to get the job, and it was all his fault.

At the same time, she couldn’t blame him. He’d carried a heavier burden than she’d realized—than anyone had realized—and worst of all, he was right. He was too much about being a cop, and she had a career that she wanted to pursue…a relationship between them wouldn’t work.

It all made sense. In her head, anyway. But her heart had other ideas. She couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways they fit together. Understood each other. Enjoyed each other’s company. She’d never felt more comfortable with any man, more complete, or happier. Even when he was being too cop-like, she knew why. He’d been in war; he had issues. Things were different nowadays. People knew about post-traumatic stress. She knew about it.

And if she didn’t know enough, she knew how to learn about it. She could research the heck out of it, interview people, do a huge feature piece on it. Several huge feature pieces. Whatever it took.

Everything it took. Somehow, she’d get him to believe that she wouldn’t leave and that their being together wasn’t the worse idea ever. She’d already tracked down and talked to several psychiatrists on impulse and learned it was possible that Justin was not only affected by his mother’s decision to leave, as well as his father’s unexpected death. Her disappearance after that—it was a triple whammy. Lilly couldn’t blame him for his feelings.

And she couldn’t control her own. Not at this close range. She squared her shoulders anyway.

“Everybody ready?” she said. “I’m going. Cisco, I want to get good shots of the family.”

Lilly went up the stairs.

“Okay, Justin. Come on up and ring the bell,” she said.

Behind the door, she heard a bang, a yell, the sound of the Crosby’s tiny dog barking uselessly, and the theme song for SpongeBob SquarePants. Sounded like a house with kids. She tried to smile.

There came the sound of the door unlocking, and then a football-helmeted Ninja Turtle appeared. Grace—the braver and more forward of the two.

Right now, though, the little girl just looked flabbergasted. “S-Santa? Is that you?”

“Ho ho ho!”

Lilly could tell Justin put his heart into his “ho ho ho.” It was Christmas, and the Crosby family was getting the full treatment. So many people had stepped forward to help this family—cops and veterans and others—that they were going to have a Merry Christmas and the happiest of Happy New Years. And there were toys for other children, too. This year’s Cop Kringle’s Ho-Ho-Ho Patrol had the largest donations on record, practically guaranteeing that Justin would be doing this gig from now until he retired. O’Rourke, at least, was thrilled.

Max the Pomeranian barked and stood on his hind legs, waving his forepaws around furiously. He recognized Justin, who scooped him up with his free hand and tucked him under his arm. The little ball of fluff wiggled and tried to lick him under his beard, sneezing at the effort.

“So Grace, where’s Aidan?”

Grace’s eyes widened under the helmet. “You know my name? And my brother’s?”

“Of course I do. I’m Santa. Can I come in?”

“I guess.” She peered past him. “Why’d you bring a cop? Are we under arrest?”

“It’s okay. He’s a friend of Justin’s.”

Grace backed up so they could come in. “I like Justin. He’s my friend.”

Mrs. Crosby appeared in the arch between the kitchen and the living room, an expression of shock on her face. And then, tears.

Aidan came around the corner with his lightsaber; when he saw Justin and O’Rourke with their big sacks of toys, he dropped the sword and hurried forward.

“Wow! Santa?”

“Ho ho ho!” O’Rourke said. Justin frowned at him.

“And my special helper elves, Miss Maddox and Officer O’noying.”

O’Rourke dropped his bag in front of the table holding the Crosby’s tiny tabletop tree. “Santa told all the people in the city about you and your mom,” he told the kids. “They all got together and donated these toys for you!”

Grace came forward. “Those are toys?” She sounded suspicious. “How come?”

“And a check! Don’t forget there’s a check!” The mayor pushed into the room, nearly sideswiping the little girl into the wall. “For you, madam. For your husband’s service and your brave sacrifice. Wait—where’s the photographer?” She looked around the crowded room until she found her own cameraman and beckoned him forward.

Mrs. Crosby burst into real tears and backed into the kitchen.

“Hey! You made Mommy cry,” Aidan said. Before anyone could stop him, he hurried to pick up the lightsaber and brandish it at the mayor. “Get out of my house right now!”

“Justin! Do something before he whacks Mayor Liu,” Lilly exclaimed.

“Aidan! Those are happy tears. Put the sword down.” He moved to the little boy’s side and arrived there at the same time as his sister. The little boy swung around; the lightsaber whacked Justin on the bridge of his nose.

He saw stars and felt the warm gush of blood spilling down his lip.

…

“Well, that wasn’t quite the reaction we expected,” Lilly’s producer told her later that night.

“It was awkward, I’ll admit. But…well…we’re lucky the kids were so distracted by the toys that they didn’t notice Santa had to take his beard off.” Lilly shrugged.

“I tell you what,” Sheila said, then gestured to one of the chairs in front of her desk. Lilly dropped into the closest one, perching on the edge. “We don’t have to run the report at six o’clock. Let’s save it for the eleven o’clock show. I have an idea. Let’s try to salvage the piece with a nice, big happy ending.”

“We’re giving away more toys tonight at the community center,” said Lilly. “I’m sure we’ll have some better reactions—if less dramatic—than the mayor with a huge check or Santa with a bloody nose.” She paused. “I hope they manage to get another beard somewhere.”

Sheila raised an eyebrow. “You know what would be great? More kisses under that mistletoe. That’s what’s really got people tuning in. It’s like a soap opera. People love that stuff. Cisco told you about the emails. And the snail mail. And the phone calls! The viewers are eating it up. The will they/won’t they of it all…it’s like reality television. Who will the bachelor pick? Who gets tossed off the island? Will they find mistletoe?”

Lilly’s stomach flip-flopped. She shook her head. “No. I can’t. Justin—he doesn’t want to kiss me.”

Sheila frowned. “It doesn’t mean anything. It’s for fun.”

It wasn’t fun for Justin. And it meant everything to her. That wasn’t fun, either. “I really can’t.”

“All righty then.” Sheila leaned back in her chair.

Lilly stood on shaking knees. “Thanks anyway. I’ll finish up the report tonight. There’s no winner yet, so I’m still in the running.”

…

“How’s your nose, Santa? Still red as a cherry?” O’Rourke asked as he came up to stand behind Justin. He’d volunteered to help with Justin’s final action as Santa, distributing gifts to foster kids. Giving trees had been set up at local stores, schools, and churches. Today, they were fulfilling the wishes of the foster kids from a few area elementary schools.

The line stretched out the door. Who knew there were so many kids in the system? “My nose is kind of like Rudolph’s. I think it glows,” Justin muttered. “And it hurts.”

“Yeah. Those four-year-olds can really swing those plastic lightsabers. Good thing you’ve been so well trained in self-defense.”

Justin glared at him. What he wanted to say wasn’t appropriate when there were so many small children around.

It didn’t matter. They’d been together for so long, O’Rourke could read Justin’s thoughts. He grinned broadly. “I know. You hate me, right?”

“Let me count the ways.”

“Hang in there, Santa. It’s almost over.” O’Rourke patted Justin’s shoulder in an uncharacteristic show of brotherly love. “All these gifts are labeled. All you have to do is call out the name and the kid will come up and get it. We’ll bust this out in no time. And then you can go ice your beak and spend the rest of the night with your elf, stuffing her stocking.”

His elf. Justin’s heart clenched. Lilly. Beautiful, exasperating Lilly. She looked more gorgeous than ever, standing there near the buffet table with Cisco; they were working on getting the right shot of the room. When she caught him watching her, she gave him a slight smile.

There was a wall between them; he’d built it himself. His stomach roiled. “I hate this,” he muttered.

“Yeah, I know. Passing out gifts to kids really sucks,” O’Rourke said. “I hate making children happy.” He made a derisive noise at Justin.

“No. Not that. Don’t be stupid.” Justin looked over his shoulder at his partner. “It’s Lilly. Does she seem weird to you?”

“If anyone’s weird here, it’s you.” O’Rourke reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a candy cane. He unwrapped it with his teeth, then waved it in Justin’s face.

The scent of peppermint wafted his way, and his throat tightened. “Ever since we kissed…” Wait. Discussing this with O’Rourke was useless. He’d only make comments about how Justin was a lousy kisser. And even though Justin was sure that was untrue—he’d be hearing about it for the rest of his life. No Easter Bunny suit would change that truth.

O’Rourke made a face. “Maybe she’s sick of being your elf. And if you think I’m going to put on that stupid hat and the sparkly red heels, you can forget about it.” His partner stuck the candy cane in the corner of his mouth like a striped cigar. “Besides, Lilly’s great at it. And for some reason I cannot fathom, she actually appears to like you.” He blinked. “Maybe she’s weird.”

“No. Dude. Seriously. I’m not sure she’s… I don’t know.” Justin spit beard floss out from between his lips. “I don’t understand why she’s so…not herself.”

O’Rourke looked across the room and considered Lilly thoughtfully. “Well…yeah. She’s kind of acting like she wished you didn’t exist, now that you mention it.” He plucked the candy cane out of his mouth.

“No, it’s not that,” Justin answered, even though he knew that was exactly it.

Kevin tilted his head. “Look, Weave. I’m totally down with all your gut feelings. It’s saved our asses more than once. But can I be honest?”

Justin raised his eyebrows. “There are many opinions. But I’m going to say yes. Go on.”

“I get gut feelings, too. Right now, mine are telling me that you screwed up. You pushed her away, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t. I didn’t pull her any closer, is all.” Justin frowned. His partner was so in his head, it was kind of frightening.

“You’re an idiot,” O’Rourke told him.

“Yeah, well…there are things you don’t know—”

“Whatever. Here’s what I do know. You light up like a Christmas tree whenever you look at her. Oh, not now—not when you think she can see you. But I’ve been watching you watch her, and it’s pretty obvious you’re in love with her.”

“You said that before, you know.”

“And I’ll say it again!” O’Rourke waved the candy cane at him, then shoved it into his mouth with a crunch. “And I’ll keep saying it until it penetrates your stupid, thick skull. You need her, man.”

“I don’t,” Justin muttered. But where he’d been so sure before, because of O’Rourke, he was suddenly filled with doubt. Kevin knew him better than anyone.

Except Lilly.

Didn’t that tell him everything he needed to know?

…

Lilly came over from the other side of the room, microphone in hand. Cisco was already filming. Even if they weren’t going to give the viewers what they wanted, they still needed to see the good that all their donations had done. And Justin deserved to get the credit for being a good Santa, in spite of himself. “Hello, Justin,” she said. “Are you all ready to pass out those presents?”

“Of course.” He sank onto the chair some enterprising person had decorated with gilded paper and ribbons, and he stared at her. He appeared concerned. “Hey…are you okay?”

She swallowed hard. I will not cry.

Kevin reached into his bag and pulled out the first present. Lilly took it and peered down at the printed gift tag, but her eyes were suddenly so blurry, she couldn’t read it. She stared at the brightly wrapped package, completely frozen and tongue-tied.

After an awkward pause that lasted a minute but felt like a lifetime, Kevin reached and tugged the microphone from her hand.

“Lilly? Are you all right?” Justin stood up and put his hands on her shoulders. The heat from his palms burned through her clothes into her skin. “Do you need to sit down or something?”

“I need…what I need is…” She gazed up at him. Her heart cracked. I need you.

And I need to get away from you.

“Maybe what she needs is one of those amazing Santa kisses!” Cisco called out. She looked over at him in surprise.

“Hurry up,” Cisco said. “I want to get a shot of you kissing next to the Christmas tree.”

“No,” Lilly said. The microphone picked up her protest. She didn’t care. “I won’t. I can’t!”

Beside her, Justin shifted. O’Rourke groaned. “I knew it.”

“Lilly, what are you saying?” Justin stared down at her. “It’s—if that’s what you need, then we can kiss again.”

She shook her head. “No. No, we can’t! I can’t.”

Justin’s eyes flashed, and he frowned. “Why? What’s wrong? Talk to me, will you? You need this, right? To get the job. So what’s the problem?”

Lilly realized that they were the focus of everyone’s attention, and that was worse than having their kisses recorded on camera. Kissing Cop Kringle: The Santa and Elf Reality Show. It really was no one’s business but their own.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him back behind the tree—not so much out of sight, but as good as could be, for now.

“Justin…” She lowered her voice. Out of sight, but not so much out of earshot. She covered the mike with her hand and hoped it helped muffle their conversation. “The problem is—I love you.”

“What?” His eyes rounded. Then he took a deep breath. “Yeah, well…I love you, too. You know…I’ve known you for most of my life and—”

“No.” She waved her hand out at the crowd and the microphone. “It’s wrong. I can’t do this. Kissing you to get my job is wrong. You don’t love me, not like I love you, and it’s…it’s breaking my heart. I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore.” She lowered the microphone. “You know what? Tell Cisco he doesn’t need any more interviews. He can finish up without me. He’s really good. I just…I’m going to go.” She shoved the microphone into Justin’s hand. She thought about kissing him to feel his lips on hers, to taste him, to inhale him and bring him close to her just one last time.

But no. It wasn’t good for him. And that was bad for her.

…

“Well, that was one heck of an ending to the series,” Sheila said as soon as Lilly entered her office.

“Sure was.” Lilly sat in her usual chair in front of the desk. In one fell swoop, she’d ruined her chance to move back home. Home was more than just a place, she realized suddenly. Home wasn’t the door you walked through at the end of a day, it was who would be there to greet you. She’d always thought that was Hannah and Mary, but now she knew the truth: Home was where Justin was.

And now, she’d never get there. “I completely destroyed the man I love. And now he hates me.”

Sheila smiled and nodded. “I know. It was wonderful! Talk about ratings—yours are through the roof. You’ve created controversy, and you refused to compromise your values to get a job. Plus—unrequited love. You know, the story always gets less interesting once the love interests actually come together.”

“What?” Lilly leaned back in her chair. If that was the case, there was something wrong with people.

“It was a brilliant idea, Lilly. Truly brilliant. So…” Sheila leaned to pull a folder out of a drawer. “I’m pleased to let you know you are going to be Channel 10’s newest and brightest hire. Congratulations, Lilly Maddox. Welcome to the team!”

Lilly gaped at her. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes, of course. Here’s your contract. Read it over carefully, sign it, and bring it back to me in the morning.”

It was the best news she could have gotten.

And the worst.

Sure, she could take the job and stay on in Holly Hollow, but it didn’t mean anything now. Not without Justin. “I’d rather not,” Lilly answered.

“Of course you would. You’ve worked hard for this. You deserve this job.”

A knot rose in her throat, and tears stung her eyes. Lilly stood up and swiped at them with the heels of her hands. “Not anymore. If losing someone I care about is the only way to get a job, I don’t want it.” With that, Lilly turned on her sparkly red heels and left the office, her mind clear and her heart broken, but steady.

The thought occurred to her—Justin was right. She ran when the going got tough. But in this case…it was also the right thing to do: put distance between herself and the man who didn’t love her the way she loved him. It was better for him.

With that thought, Lilly began to run.