Dammit. I don’t mean to make her cry. So much has gotten messed up all those years ago, and I feel like we’ve lost so much time because of lies from people I trusted. Kelli and I are going to have it out at some point, but I need to get Sage to understand.
I’ve been watching her all day today in the hospital and having flashbacks to when she was in here after everything with Mac. I had known a while ago that I would fight for her but seeing her hurt, it’s like a switch flipped. I have failed to do my job and protect her, but I won’t fail her again.
She’s mine. Mine to protect. Mine to hold. Mine to love. We have a lot to work out, but I’m not backing down. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to do this here. I want her to rest and heal, but that’s my Sage, strong and fierce. When she puts her mind to something, she does it, no backing down.
When I see the tears run down her cheek, everything crumbles. I rush to her side and sit back in the chair, taking her hand in mine. I rest my forehead on them and look at the ground, taking a deep breath. That small contact calms my soul and allows me to think, to breathe.
“I can’t take your tears, Sage. I was so scared I lost you today. No matter what has happened, my feelings for you have never changed. It has always been you. It will always be you.” I look at her, and I know tears are swimming in my eyes. I will bare my heart and soul to her if it makes her understand my feelings for her.
“I want nothing more than to work through this and have our turn. But not now. Not here. Just let me be here with you and get you back in top shape, so you can kick my ass properly.”
She smiles at that and nods. I turn on the TV, and we find a movie to watch, though I’m not watching it. I’m playing over and over in my head the conversation we just had. I’m soaking up the feel of her hand in mine.
I keep playing one sentence over and over in my mind.
Who meets their soulmate at six years old?
We did. The first time I saw Sage, I was hanging out with Blaze. It was the first time I was over at his house, and he wanted to have Sage come over and play with us.
We cut through the trees to the property next door and into the barn. She was in the corner of the hayloft crying. I could see handprints forming on her arm, and her lip was split open, and her cheek was red like someone had slapped her. Because someone had. I knew what happened it is what happens when my father showed up in town.
I dropped to my knees next to her and promised everything would be all right. Her eyes met mine, and I was gone. I didn’t know what the feeling was back then. But she had stolen my heart. It was our souls finding each other. I felt it then, she was mine to protect.
I laugh. I’ve done a shit job at protecting her. She didn’t get out of that house for four more years. Then she was shot and now stabbed. I rub my hand over my face.
That day I saw her, Blaze and I got her back to his house and cleaned her up. Not another word was spoken. We spent the whole day with her. The three of us were inseparable after that, not only in school but outside.
I could talk to her about my home life, and she told me hers. When my father wasn’t around, my mom was basically a single mom. She worked two jobs. I stayed at Blaze’s house a lot, and Sage and I spent many times hiding in the trees between her house and his, just talking.
My favorite times were when we talked about the future. I’d get her to talk about the life she wanted, the home, kids, pets. I wanted to hear it all, so I could make plans and give it to her.
I’m shaken from my thoughts when a nurse enters the room. I see her eyes land on me and watch her back straighten. She pushes her chest out. Great, this is so not what I need after my conversation with Sage.
I watch a pout form on her lips, but she does nothing for me. She has on a bit too much makeup, and you can tell her boobs, while larger, are fake. Pair that with her shift in attitude when she sees me, I know she’s all fake.
I look at Sage who is more real than anything. Just looking at her makes my heart race a bit faster. It only does that with her. That’s how I know it’s always going to be her.
“Visiting hours are over,” the nurse purrs with a smile and a pout on her lips, running her eyes up and down my body.
“I’m not leaving. Have security call the sheriff. He will tell you the same thing.” After what Sage went through today, everyone knows I won’t leave her side. I’m sure the sheriff already cleared it with the staff like he did the last time Sage was in the hospital. I don’t know why this girl is even in here.
The nurse twirls her hair, and I know her mind is calculating her next move. I look over at Sage. and she has the same blank look on her face she always does when women flirt with me around her.
Fuck.
I need to prove to her I mean what I say, and I don’t want any doubt in her mind. Ever.
This nurse has no idea what she stepped into. She’s about to be the first example of the new me. The one who will stop at nothing to get what I want, and what I want is Sage.
“I’m not leaving, and I’m sure your supervisor wouldn’t like to hear about you flirting with a patient’s visitor when the patient was just in a life or death situation a few hours ago.” I hold up my hand that’s holding Sage’s. “You see this? I’m here for her, not to pick up some floozy nurse.”
With that, the nurse gets mad, turns on her heels, and stomps off. Sage stares at me with wide eyes. My face softens instantly.
“What is it, love?”
“You always flirt back and get their phone number,” she says. This just proves what an asshole I’ve been. I have a lot of groveling to do, and if I know Sage, she won’t make this easy.
I drop my head and shoot up a quick prayer that I haven’t done so much damage that this can’t be repaired.
“You’re right. I did it to hurt you. You weren’t the only immature one, but I threw away every phone number. I never once called any of them.”
I look up and meet her eyes. Sage can always tell when I am lying, and I see her studying my face now. Having her gaze on me sends lightning bolts through my body. It’s always been electric with us, and knowing that hasn’t changed gives me hope.
I watch her move over to the side of the bed and then pat the bed next to her. “Let’s get some sleep.”
“I can sleep in the chair.”
“Colt, I’m pretty sure the bed is more comfortable and after today…” she trails off. “Well, I know Blaze won’t come and lie with me anymore now that he has Riley. That leaves you to fend off my nightmares.”
That catches my attention. After everything her bio parents did to her, she had nightmares for years, every night, all through school. Hearing her wake up screaming tore my heart out. Eventually, Blaze would lie in bed with her, and the nightmares stopped. Later, when we started high school, Blaze played football, so the nights he couldn’t be there for her, I was.
Having an excuse to hold her in my arms all night was something I looked forward to every night. I could have had the worst day but lying with her and pulling her close fixed everything. Waking up with her in my arms always put a smile on my face.
I remember many nights watching her and thinking how lucky I was. I felt complete.
That’s what pushed our relationship forward, lying at night with her in my arms. We would stay up and talk or watch TV. Waking up with her in my arms the next morning was like waking up in heaven.
Later, in high school, we chose to sleep in my bed more and more, but nothing would happen. Her nightmares stayed away as long as she wasn’t alone. I’m not sure what happened for the two years she was gone but when she came back, the nightmares had stopped.
“You still have them?”
“Only when they’re triggered.”
Like today. Is what she doesn’t say, but we both think it.
I nod, standing. I slip off my shoes and head to the door to close it, leaving just a small crack. I turn off the lights and crawl in bed next to her.
I fall asleep with Sage back in my arms where she’s supposed to be.
If I have my way, it’s where she will always be.