John waited as Melanie stopped to take pictures every twenty feet. “It’s beautiful up here, and I have time to catch my breath whenever I see a photo op. Oh, look, there’s the church you were talking about. Can we go inside?”
“Sure, it’s open to the public.” They quietly entered the beautiful church and looked around. John whispered, “It was rebuilt a few times due to fires, but I think this building is from the 1800s. Brochures are by the door if you want one.”
“Okay, I just want to snap a few shots of the interior first.”
“After we see Blackbeard’s Castle and the government buildings, I want to show you the Hotel 1829. They have a waterfall wall made entirely of small amber pieces. It’s really beautiful. We’ll have a drink there and then continue on.”
They arrived at the bright coral-colored Hotel 1829, checked out the amber wall, and found the cozy, rustic bar inside.
“That wall was amazing, especially when the sun hit the amber. Blackbeard’s Castle was cool, too. Thank you for putting up with my whining along the way. I’ll know to wear different shoes from now on if we’re going for long walks.”
“No problem. What would you like to drink?”
“I’ll have a medium-strength Painkiller. I’ll admit, I’m really starting to enjoy them.” Mel leaned in and kissed John while the bartender was preoccupied making their cocktails. “I really appreciate your patience, plus you’re a great tour guide.”
“Well, I like to show people my home. This island means a lot to me. I guess it’s the same for you in Charleston, isn’t it? When friends visit, don’t you like to show them the city?”
“Sure, I guess. But most of my friends already live there.”
“I suppose that’s true. Are you ready for lunch?”
“Yeah. Bluebeard’s Castle, right?”
“That’s right. Sometime while you’re here, we can climb to the top of the turret if you want to. I’ll show it to you today, then you can decide.”
Melanie guzzled her first Painkiller and smacked her lips. “Man, that was good. Can I have just one more? I promise, I’m ready for lunch after that.”
“Okay, but you should have a weak one. Don’t forget, you’re drinking on an empty stomach. Sir, can you call a cab for us? And where’s the men’s room? I’ll be right back, Mel.”
When John left, Mel asked the bartender to make her the strongest level Painkiller. “Those things are so yummy. The strongest ones just have a little more rum in them, right?”
“They have twice the amount of rum, ma’am.”
“That’s okay. I don’t have to be responsible. I’m not driving.”
***
Mel popped the maraschino cherry into her mouth and guzzled the drink through a straw. “All right, we’re out of here. Thanks for the Painkillers, Mr. Bartender.” Mel winked at him and slid off her barstool.
“The cab should be outside, sir.”
“Thanks.” John laid a five on the bar as a tip, and they exited the building. “Bluebeard’s Castle,” he told the cabbie as they climbed into the backseat of the van. “We should be there in just a few minutes.”
Mel hiccupped and laughed. “Okeydokey. I’m starving.”
The taxi slowed at the cabstand in front of the turret. The driver got out and slid the back door of the van open for them. A life-sized statue of Bluebeard stood ten feet from Mel as she exited the cab.
“Hey, check it out. There’s Bluebeard in the flesh. John, will you take a picture of me and him together?”
“Sure. Put your arm around him and smile.” John snapped a few pictures with his cell phone as Mel kissed the statue and wrapped her leg around it. “Okay, Mel, I think that’s enough.” People whispered and pointed as they stood at the cabstand. Mel grabbed the crotch of the statue while licking its ear. “Let’s go!” John was horrified when he heard snickers from the people behind him. He pried Mel off the statue and directed her toward the restaurants.
“Party pooper. We were having fun. I think Bluebeard was enjoying me.”
“Right. You need to take it down a notch. This is a respectable place.”
“Since when did you become a prude? Abby told me you had dozens of nearly naked girls hot for your body every time a cruise ship came in.”
“Abby told you that?”
“I think so… or maybe it was Adam. It was somebody whose name begins with an A. Anyway, loosen up. I’m on vacation.”
“Just follow me. The restaurants are down here.”
John walked the long flagstone hallway a few feet in front of Mel as she bobbled, trying to keep up. A bloodcurdling scream sounded behind him, nearly shattering his left eardrum. He turned to see Mel dive over the hedges to the grass beyond the sidewalk.
“Help, help, they’re after me!”
“What the hell is wrong, and who’s after you? Get up. Everyone is staring at you.” John ran around the hedges and lifted her off the grass. Her body was limp as a rag doll. “How are you possibly drunk already, and what was that all about?”
“The flippin’ iguanas were chasing me. There were gangs of them three feet long or more. Didn’t you see them?” Mel craned her neck, her eyes darting everywhere while she hiccupped again. “I swear to God they looked bloodthirsty. Are they poisonous?”
“No, they aren’t, and they’re probably more afraid of you than you are of them. I don’t see a single iguana anywhere.”
“That’s because they plan to stalk us. They’re lurking around some corner, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to take me out.”
“You need some coffee, and wipe the grass off your face. Let’s go.”
“I think I twisted my ankle. Can you help me?”
What did I get myself into? I swear Abby is getting a call, and soon.
John helped Mel to a table at the first restaurant they came to. He ordered a cup of strong black coffee for her and a Red Stripe for himself.
“I didn’t know paradise would be this difficult. Nobody told me about the killer iguanas and cabbies that try to drive over cliffs. Then there are the steps. Everywhere I look is a flippin’ step. What’s up with that?” Mel tried to balance her bobbing head on her folded hands.
“It’s an island, and it happens to have a mountaintop. Mountains go upward. Now drink your coffee. After lunch, we’re picking up our luggage so I can get my house keys. I need to regroup and take some aspirin.”
“Do you want some of these thingies?” She pulled the bottle of motion sickness pills out of her purse and shook it in front of John’s face while she hiccupped.
“No, I don’t get carsick.”
***
Mel pushed her plate away and held her head. “I think I’ve had enough. I don’t want to throw up a perfectly good meal. Maybe one more cup of coffee will help.”
“Good idea.” At that point, John was almost ready to throw in the proverbial towel. “You’re going to wait in the cab at the airport while I get the luggage. It will go much faster if I’m alone.”
“Okay, my ankle hurts anyway,” Mel said as she finished the last of the coffee. “Are we leaving now?”
“Yes, we are. Can you walk?”
“Maybe, but your strong arms holding me up might help.” She smiled sheepishly at him, then winked. “You’re a hottie, John… just saying.”
He couldn’t help laughing. “And you’ve had way too much alcohol. Let me help you out of here. The cab is right around the corner.”
“By my boyfriend, Bluebeard?”
“Yes, by him.”
The cab ride to the airport took only ten minutes. Mel was already passed out by the time they arrived. Her head was cocked at an awkward angle against the backseat door, and she was snoring heavily. John attempted to prop her up before he got out, but she was too limp.
“Sir, don’t leave. She’s asleep, and I doubt if she’ll wake up anytime soon. Park the cab. I’ll be back out as soon as I can.”
“Yes, sir, I’ll wait along the curb.”
John rushed through the building to the Delta baggage claim office to retrieve the suitcases. He showed the clerk his identification and said he needed Melanie Davis’s luggage as well.
“I need to see her identification before I can release her belongings to you, sir.”
“Oh my God, can this day get any worse? I’ll be right back. Can you at least have our luggage ready to go?”
“Yes, sir, I’ll set them to the side.”
John ran back to the taxi and found Mel still sleeping peacefully. Thank God she isn’t harassing the cab driver. He rifled through the bag she had wedged between her legs until he found her wallet. With her driver’s license in hand, he told the cabbie he’d be right back and ran off again. Within ten minutes, the luggage was in the trunk, and they were speeding off to Magens Bay. Thank God she’s asleep. I wouldn’t want her throwing up again. What am I going to do with her?
The cab slowed to a stop in front of John’s house. Mel was better off there than alone at Abby’s beach house. At least John could keep his eye on her until her hangover wore off.
“Sir, can you take the luggage to the door? It looks like I’m going to have to carry her inside.”
With Mel passed out on the couch, John sat at the kitchen table staring at her. This isn’t going to work. I’ve got to call Abby and see what she suggests. Abby’s name came up first on his contacts list. He exhaled deeply as he pressed the call button next to her name.
***
“Hey, handsome, how’s it going? I bet you two are having a riot.” Abby sat in the morning room, rocking Maili and gazing out the window at the park across the street.
“Abby, I’m going nuts. Mel is out of control. What the hell am I supposed to do with her?”
Abby stood up and began pacing. “What does that mean, and where is she?”
“She’s passed out on my couch. It’s been a total nightmare since we left Savannah. I don’t know if I can deal with this for two weeks. I’ll go crazy.”
“That doesn’t sound like Mel at all. What do you mean she’s passed out? Are you saying she’s drunk? It’s only three o’clock.”
“Yeah, she’s toast. We’re at my house because I couldn’t leave her alone. I don’t have anything to eat here, and I can’t leave to go to the store and buy food. Does she have a drinking problem?”
“Mel? Of course not! She’s the most responsible person I know.”
“Not here. She’s addicted to Painkillers, and I’m talking about the drink.”
Abby laughed across the phone lines. “You have to admit they taste damn good.”
“Right… but back to the problem at hand, what am I supposed to do with her?”
“She’s probably both nervous and excited to be there. She’s on vacation, hanging out with a hunk like you on a gorgeous island. That would make any woman nervous. She’ll come around. You’ll have to monitor her liquor intake though. She’s a lightweight when it comes to drinking.”
“Abby… she puked all over the outside of the cab when we were going over the mountain. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?”
She couldn’t control her laughter anymore. Abby laid Maili in the bassinet and walked down the hall so she wouldn’t wake the baby. “Give her a few days. I promise you, she’ll behave. I’ll even jack her up if you want me to.”
“No, I don’t want her to know I told you what was going on. Give her a call in a few days and see what she says. I’ll let things ride for now. Hopefully, she comes around and acts normal. If not, I’m going to ship her home. Oh yeah, did you say something about nearly naked cruise ship babes being all over me?”
Abby snorted. “Maybe… but not exactly in those words. Whatever I said to her was meant as a compliment to you. Call me back in a few days and give me an update. Love ya, dude. Bye.”
John hung up, hoping Abby was right. He looked through the phone book to see if a grocery delivery service was listed. This will have to do for today, he thought after writing down the phone number for Dell’s Grocery Service. He began to make the grocery list, reminding himself that, according to the ad, they had a fifty-dollar minimum purchase and a flat-rate delivery fee of ten dollars plus ten percent of the grocery cost. “What a racket.” He snickered as he completed the list and called Dell’s.
***
The groceries were delivered and put away, and John sat on the deck, reading a mystery on his iPad. Mel opened the sliders and walked out.
“How long have I been sleeping?” she asked while holding her head. She sat down next to him on the empty lounge chair and groaned.
“Well, let’s see. It’s five thirty now, so at least three hours. You have to take it easy on the drinking if we’re going to have any fun while you’re here. There is a bottle of aspirin in the bathroom medicine cabinet if you need some.” John turned off his tablet and closed the cover. “Do you feel like dinner yet? I can make burgers on the grill, and I have potato salad, pork and beans, and chips. We’re having soda with our meal. No alcohol.”
“Actually, that sounds really good. I’m going to take a few aspirin, then I’ll give you a hand. So, obviously, this is your house. It’s really nice. Thanks for taking care of me, and I promise I’ll knock off my foolishness. I want you to enjoy my company, not regret it.”
John felt bad after hearing Mel’s sincere apology. “We’ll be fine. I’ll get the grill started.”
Within a half hour they were seated on the deck eating dinner.
Mel chomped on a salty potato chip and loaded her burger with ketchup and mustard. She placed a napkin on her lap and asked John what was on the schedule for tomorrow.
“Would you like to go snorkeling?”
“I’d love to. Are we going to Coki Beach like you suggested?”
“I’ll let you decide. We can go there or take the catamaran tour out to a few snorkeling spots and have lunch on Water Island.”
“That sounds fun, and I’d like to pay for it, too.”
“Just some words of advice, those tours serve a lot of drinks. Promise me you’ll only have one while we’re out there. Swimming and too many Painkillers isn’t a smart mix.”
“I promise.”