July 5th
After nearly 18 years, I finally met my father… and it was the last person I would have expected, or wanted it to be. But the hope I’d always held close to my heart can’t change the realities of my life, so I find myself in a position where I need to try to accept them…
I guess I’ve always been in possession of the knowledge that I might one day discover the identity of my father, but I confess to having never imagined the possibility of having a sister and a brother too! I don’t know who it was more of a shock for, me or my poor mum?
It’s almost funny, I heard of Thomas for the first time just a few days ago, when Grandma described a child to me from her past. What a twist to my strange life that she was actually speaking of the man who would eventually be complicit in conceiving me.
Peter arrived at the barn a short time after Mum. I have never seen a man look so confused in all my life. If it wasn’t for the enormity of the situation, I think I could have allowed myself to laugh. Poor thing, but Peter’s been amazing in helping sort things out tonight.
We got something for Thomas to eat, he’s so thin. Peter likened him to a POW? I didn’t know what that was at first, so had to look it up, apparently it means ‘Prisoner of War’. I didn’t really know what that was either, so I searched for some pictures. I can now see where he’s coming from… I find it so sad sometimes to see how shitty humans can be towards each other… It makes me realise that often, ‘we’ are real monsters.
We were all up most of the night trying to unravel everything. Sam seemed to already have most of it worked out in his amazing mind. I sometimes wish I had half of his brain, mine doesn’t seem to work all that well!
Mum and Thomas can’t recall how they actually got trapped in the other realm, but they somehow managed to learn how to survive. Then when they became of age, Mum must have got pregnant. First with the twins, then with me. And that’s when Mum must have accidentally created, or discovered, a portal back into this world.
Sam said, ‘Imagine how you would be in that place, if the only meaningful thing in your life suddenly left you.’ He reckons the resulting resentment and anger must have manifested as a physical change over the years, turning him outwardly into the monster that he’d become inside. What a strange and messed up world it is through there!
Hilly’s frightened by him, but I’m not surprised, the way he still looks, and together with the tales we’ve been telling her. But he does now at least look human. I’m just glad she never saw him before!
Do I keep calling him ‘Thomas’, or will I ever one day ever call him ‘Father’, or ‘Dad’? I guess that one will be answered in time.
Everyone else is trying to sleep now, I’m not sure how successful they’ll be, this has all been so very bizarre, a bit like a dream… But I’ve needed to write this down as a way to draw a close to my day.
I’m going to try to sleep myself now, I hope there are no more surprises waiting for me, I don’t think I could handle that.
I guess I’ll write everything that we’ve learned in my journal tomorrow, after I’ve slept some…
I’m just going to tape some cardboard over my balcony window, and sleep in the spare room tonight, then it’s time to draw an end to this weirdest of days…
July 6th
Amazingly, I managed to sleep. Mad, considering how much of the last few days I’ve been rerunning through my mind.
I’m going to go and check on the new arrivals, and see how they’re all doing.
Peter gave Thomas a place to rest at his for the night, Jack and Jilly seemed more than happy to remain at the stables. It’s funny, I think they actually like it there!?
But Holy Shit! I have a sister, and a brother… and I now know who my father is. That’s crazy!
I’ll go and get something to eat now. Peter is going to try and do something to fix my window sometime today. I guess I’ll write more then…
What a horrible morning! What was that word Mum used? ‘Harrowing’? Anyway, me and Mum quickly ate something, then we went over to Peter’s to check on Thomas. Apparently, he slept in their spare room, but UNDER the bed!
I’ve never cried so much in my entire life, both of us did. To see how thin my father is in the light of day, and how ill he looks. It amazes me how differently I perceive him now, now I know his true nature. To me, he looks pitiful and pathetic. That word seems cruel, but I’m afraid it fits.
Hilly is still wary of him this morning, hiding behind me as we were talking. I think it’ll help when he eventually puts some weight on. But bloody hell he’s tall. He’s well over 6 feet. Peter reckons he must be 6 foot 3, or 6 foot 4?
Mum said she’s started to remember a lot now, maybe seeing him again has kick-started her memory? Thomas seems reluctant to talk about it all, and who can blame him, he’s been trapped in that terrible place for 40 years! That’s more than twice the time I’ve been alive. And I doubt any of his memories would be happy ones.
It’s funny watching Peter’s face while we’re talking about what’s been happening, it must all sounds so unbelievable. I know it would to me if I hadn’t actually seen it myself.
Sam and Peter are going up to Hobswyke later today to weld the railings back in place. I hope Sam doesn’t get too freaked out at having to go back there.
I love Sam, I don’t think anyone has ever been there for me as much as he has over the last few days. My feelings for him, I guess, have got much stronger. I think about him a lot, all the time in fact, and with nothing but extreme fondness…
SHIT! Peter is a mess! He came back with Sam after fixing the railing back in place, and apparently, Sam showed him how the stepping stones work. It seemed his dad didn’t handle it well.
Sam then pushed his phone through the liquid and took a picture. He showed it to his dad. He FREAKED! I think this whole experience is going to mess with us all in some way. I just hope it doesn’t affects anyone long term!
Me, Jilly and Jack all hugged when we saw each other. We’ve hugged before of course, but this time, we held each other as brother and sisters, and it did feel different. It felt amazing!
I pulled Sam into the huddle too, I could see he was feeling left out. As far as I’m concerned, he’s as much of a brother to them as anyone. As for me, I can no longer look upon Sam that way, like I might have before. If I’m to be honest with myself, my feelings for him are now very different. Few people on this planet are as wonderful as Samuel Fletcher, and that’s something I can no longer ignore.
Mum spent much of the day with Jilly and Jack. She says she has some vague recollection of them as babies, before she accidentally created the portal back to this world. I guess the shock of breaking through the mirror and falling through that awful blackness back into Hobswyke would be frightening enough to give anyone amnesia! But it was lovely to watch her being with them. She has 19 years to catch up on, and she seems determined to give it to them all in one, heartfelt hit!
I’ve just realised, I’m the youngest of the three of us, by about 1 year… That feels a bit weird!
July 7th
We’re going to go and see my nan tomorrow, she wants to see Thomas, and of course, the grandkids she never knew she had.
We have much to sort out over the next few weeks. Grandma says she still knows a few people high up in government, and she thinks there are strings she can pull to create paperwork for the new arrivals, without too many questions being asked. I hope she’s right!
I’m just going to pop out and meet up with Sam before the day ends. He says he wants to see me, and yes, I’d like to see him too…