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Last night, Dad hollered at me until he broke down and cried. Dad has never really been the disciplinarian. Mama was the lecturer and my dad was the yelling-type, but last night he couldn’t do it. At first he was just angry that I had chosen to do something so foolish and to put other people’s lives in danger because they had to come get me. Then he was concerned and wondered if I should have more sessions with Dr. O’dea. Finally, he covered his face with his hands and left the room, leaving me alone to stare out the window at the perfectly blue sky that was showing no signs of having held a twister hours before.
I sat in Mama’s chair and wrapped an afghan around me. It smelled like her, but this time I didn’t mind. I stayed there for a long time and I don’t remember getting in bed; but here I am, staring at the red numbers that light up the darkness again. 5:10 a.m. I want to rip that clock off the wall. I move my nightstand just enough to reach the plug. There! Now it’s completely dark.
There’s a knock on my door. I know it’s Dad, he’ll just come in after a few seconds anyway. Knocking has always been just a courtesy.
Dad puts my phone on the nightstand. He’d told me he was taking it away as punishment but I guess he’s changed his mind.
A small blue light flashes repeatedly letting me know that I have messages. I watch the light blink on and off, unsure if I want to know what the messages might say. Eventually I decide to check them.
Jessa: Are you ok?
Xavier: ur bold
Jessa: Clement’s house got taken by the tornado.
Xavier: I still don’t know how your skinny butt didn’t get blown away.
Jessa: I reckon ur grounded? Will you be at school tomorrow?
After I didn’t reply back to Jessa she sent another message.
Jessa: That may be a no. Think ur dad will let me come over?
There’s no message from JJ. Not even a missed call. I thought for sure he’d ask me about what I saw.
Dad sits on the chair at my desk. “Buttercup, I'm going to add an extra session with your therapist. I think you need to see her twice a week instead of once a week. I'm also going to talk with your principal. Maybe he can work something out where you can have lunch with Jessa. I think you need as much support from your friends as possible.”
Over his shoulder, there’s light coming from the hallway. I know Mama’s not here, but I keep hoping she’ll walk by.
My focus returns to Dad. Jessa doesn’t need to miss her class or her own lunch to sit with me. I’ll be fine. I throw the covers over my face and I hear Dad leave. I have less than an hour before it's time for school. My phone vibrates.
JJ: Goliath
Is he calling me Goliath or wanting me to read about David and Goliath?
JJ: picture loading....
A picture of a roller coaster appears. Now I’m confused.
JJ: Sorry pic was supposed to come first then title. It’s a ride at Six Flags Georgia. Want to ride with me?
Seems interesting. I’ve never been on a roller coaster. Six Flags Georgia is the bonus at the end of the upcoming college tour. But I’m not sure Dad is still going to let me attend.
Instead of replying to JJ, I look up all the rides at Six Flags over Georgia and then I start watching various roller coaster videos. Which are the highest, the most dangerous, the fastest? Before I know it, my dad is knocking on my door again telling me it’s time for school.
“Buttercup, Jessa’s outside.”
Oh, shoot! She did say she would drive me the rest of the week. I need to get dressed. I’m wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt that says “Got Books?”
I pull on my light blue school uniform shirt and change into some khakis. With my phone still in hand and set to roller coaster videos, I brush my teeth, wash my face, leave my hair as it is, grab my backpack and run out the door.
“Mornin’ sunshine!” Jessa says. I turn around and frown at JJ and Xavier in the back seat. JJ usually rides with Xavier. Why are all of us in one car?
Jessa puts her 2017 Honda Civic into drive. “So, we thought all of us riding together might be a good idea. I drive today and Xavier tomorrow,” she says.
I bet anything my dad called her last night and asked her to do this. Whatever.
I put on my seatbelt and continue watching videos of crazy roller coaster rides. A text message pops up and pauses my screen.
JJ: what's ur favorite so far?
I swipe his message away at first but then decide I should answer it since he's right behind me.
Me: Leviathan in Wonderland, Xscream in Las Vegas
JJ: I saw those. Xscream looks fun, u might actually get a chance to ride that.
Yep, there’s an eighty percent chance that I’ll be living in Las Vegas before the end of the year. That's if my dad decides to go through with starting a church there. Dad calls it “Church Planting.” He’s been meeting with our Pastor and going to conferences out of town. He’s also taken many trips to Las Vegas over the course of a year. Mama had gone with him a few times. But now that she’s...gone. I get stuck on the word gone and stare out the window. My phone vibrates again.
JJ: r u thinking about what’d it b like to live in LV?
Me: would u go with me?
I don’t know what makes me ask him that. I don’t know why he’s the person I’ve decided to talk to because I hadn’t replied to anyone else.
JJ: to Vegas or just on the coaster?
Me: both
JJ: coaster yes, moving again is a question for my parents.
JJ’s family moved here from France when we moved here from Atlanta. I could understand the not wanting to pack everything up and move again. But it would be much better if at least one of my friends moved with us. Maybe my dad won’t go through with this anymore. Having a spouse is a big part of starting a church. It’s a lot of work.
We arrive at school and this time I don’t even attempt to open my lock. JJ has managed to memorize my lock combination along with his lock combination. How can the brain of someone his age hold so much information? He opens my locker and then moves down two spaces to open his. The four of us have lockers close together but weren’t as lucky when it came to our classes. Only JJ and I have a class together.
When I close my locker, I notice the three of them waiting for me. I start walking and so do they. I stop, they stop. I start walking again, they follow behind me. I stop, they stop. Okay, this is weird. I feel like I’m being escorted by bodyguards with backpacks. I pivot towards them and make a face that hopefully displays what I’m thinking.
Xavier says it aloud. “This is weird, huh?”
“Yeah, just a little bit,” JJ answers. “Jess, I don’t think we need to do this.”
Jessa lectures them like a mom, and like I'm not standing here. “Y’all, we said we would do this. Clove needs us.”
JJ observes me. Out of all my friends he might be the one who can read me the best. I don’t know if that’s because we’ve known each other the longest or perhaps he’s just good at reading body language.
I’m starting to get annoyed. At this point, we're all going to be late to class.
“I think Clove is good on this. Am I right?” JJ asks me.
I nod.
“See,” he confirms with Jessa. He looks at his watch. “We need to get going. See you at lunch, Clove.”
Xavier and JJ turn the other way, leaving a frustrated Jessa beside me. “Ugh! Those dweebs. You do need us. All three of us.”
She seems like she’s the one who needs consoling. I touch her arm. I appreciate the gesture, but the four of us hadn’t walked together since middle school. Her class is in another direction. I’ll be fine. I start walking to my class but Jessa walks with me anyway. “I noticed you and JJ texting in the car. How did he get you to talk to him when you won’t talk to anyone else?”
There’s hurt in her voice.
I show her my phone with the messages we sent starting with the roller coaster pic.
“Oh, so y’all were talkin’ bout roller coasters? That’s it?”
I nod. We walk down the hall through people hurrying to get to class. She’s going to be so late. I don’t understand why Jessa’s doing this.
“Well,” Jessa begins. “I thought you needed all of us, but maybe you just need JJ. I won’t walk with you if you don’t want me to.” She begins to turn around but I catch her wrist.
I don’t need her to walk with me, but I recognize that she’s trying to be helpful in the only way she knows how. Not to mention, I probably just hurt her feelings. As we near my class, the bell rings. I reach out and give her a hug to let her know that I’m grateful for what she’s trying to do. She smiles and I try to smile back.