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Xavier was right. I’m getting all kinds of gawks, comments, and questions about my nose at school today. It’s unwanted attention and I didn’t think it would be this big of a deal. At lunch Tisha sits at our table and she's actually being nice.
“I really like your nose ring, Clove,” she says pulling up a chair next to JJ. He looks at the chair and then at her. What on Earth is she doing sitting with us? To make matters worse, she brings raggedy Mars with her. Now there are five people at our table.
“Thanks,” I reply dryily.
Trevor pulls up a seat next to me. I eye his seat like JJ did Tisha’s. Xavier seems amused.
“What are you and Trevor dressing as for the dance?” Tisha asks me as if we’re old friends.
“Um, what?” I have no idea what she’s talking about. First of all, I hadn’t officially asked Trevor to the dance. Second of all, what does she mean by dressing as?
“You know it’s superhero-themed, right? Jonah and I are going as Batgirl and Robin. I’m Batgirl.” She grins. I kinda figured that when she first said Batgirl. I press my lips together in a fake smile. When did JJ decide that he was going with her? He said she was missing some chocolate chips. Personally, I think she’s missing all of them. She ain’t nothing but a wafer.
I send a message to him with my eyes and cock my head to the side. Code: What’s going on?
He stares down at his food as if it may be talking to him.
Trevor turns towards me and traces his finger down my arm. “So what are we going as, sweetie?”
I still hadn’t asked him to go anywhere with me or given him permission to give me a pet name. Which reminds me, Tisha didn’t call me Pinky. She actually said my name.
My mind races to think of superheroes so I can answer Trevor but I got nothin’.
“You could be Storm,” Tisha suggests. “You got that black and white thing going for you already. You just need white hair.”
All of us all gape at her, including Mars who rolls her eyes then shakes her head. Tisha couldn't raise her IQ if she stood on a chair.
Trevor keeps running his finger along my arm. “Don’t really matter what we go as, as long as it’s easy to get into, and easy to get out of.”
He watches me carefully for a reaction. I’m uncertain of what emotion to show. It should be anger, but no guy has ever been so bold with me before. It’s an interesting change.
I watch JJ’s eyes narrow. Mars gets everyone’s attention by asking Xavier to the dance.
He turns her down. Xavier’s a Senior, and not many Seniors want to attend Sadie Hawkins when they have prom.
Mars clicks her tongue and moves to another table. I wish Tisha and Trevor would do the same. This is where we sit. Having them here feels like an alien invasion.
Trevor is cute though, so I guess I need to put a little more thought into this dance. Do I wanna go or not? And do I wanna go with Trevor? This may mean I have to sneak out of the house to go because I’m grounded.
After JJ dropped me off last night, I packed up plates of food quickly, covering them with foil and finding plastic containers for everything. There was plenty of food as I had expected. JJ came inside with me, for which I was grateful. Dad didn’t miss a thing. He noticed my nose right away but waited until JJ left to say something.
I think having JJ there gave him extra time to think about what he was going to say. Dad calmly took on Mama’s old role, which was to lecture me. I hadn’t done anything like this before so he chose one word to start.
“Why?” he asked.
“Dad, it’s my face. Why can’t I do what I want?”
“How did you get it? Who took you?”
I didn’t want to rat my friends out. So I blurted the first thing that came to my mind. “I got a fake I.D. and went by myself.” That was partially true. I just left out the who.
“Stop lying. I already know. Sista Brenda said she saw you coming out of Kinsey’s shop. I’m not mad at your friends. It’s really not even about the nose ring. It’s how you went about it. You got a fake I.D for what? Do you plan to go drinking?”
Sista Brenda? That snitch. Why are people always in my business? Smalltown is so stinkin’ small, I swear!
Dad’s last question had hurt me. “No, I don’t wanna drink.” I said. “Why would you even ask me that? After what happened to Mama you think I’m gonna go out and buy myself some alcohol?”
His assumption infuriated me so much that I didn’t even eat with them last night. I just went straight to my room. I felt like crying but there were no tears. With my face buried in the pillow, I screamed into it.
“So...” Trevor licks his fork. “Have you seen the person that hit your mom?”
No one has dared to ask me that question. The person that hit her survived with only a broken leg. That’s it. She still has her life and I hate her for it.
It feels like the whole cafeteria has gone silent like they’re all waiting for the answer, including JJ and Xavier. Either they think he’s nuts for asking me this or they want to know the answer too.
Trevor glances at my face. “You don’t hafta answer. I’m just wonderin’ cause I heard she survived. The news said she had two kids or somethin' like that."
Two kids? Two. Kids. How could a mom do that to another mom? Isn’t that violating some kind of mom code?
I clench my jaw. “No. Why would I do that?” I feel anger coursing through my body but I’m trying to sit here and be calm.
Trevor shrugs, “Thought y'all church people was all about forgiveness. Ain’t that what the good book say?”
I’m done talking. I start packing up my things when Tisha reaches her hand out to me.
“Wait. Um, do you want to go skating tonight?” she asks.
I stop packing. First of all, she touched my hand. The only time she’s ever touched me is to push me in the mud. Second, she’s inviting me to go somewhere with her. Third, it’s skating. This means going back to the place where the accident happened.
Tisha adds, “Just thought it’d be nice if we could hang out. Get to know each other.”
Get to know each other? We've known each other since elementary school. And she never needed to know me in order to push me down or call me names. Me and her don't hangout.
“I’m grounded. But thanks.” I get up and grab the rest of my things and throw them in the trash, ignoring someone who calls out that I get a six on the bubble butt scale.
There are a couple of empty tables outside that are hardly used by anyone other than staff. Too many questions go through my mind as I open the outside door. All this crap about the dance, the drunk woman with the kids, and then Tisha's dumb question. Actually, Tisha's question wasn’t dumb. I just didn't get her angle. Why had she asked me to go with her?
My feet long to skate again, but going back to the skate rink, thinking about how I’m the reason mama is gone, I just can’t go back there. I will never forgive the drunk driver. Never.
I glance at my wrist thinking that my smartwatch is still there, but Dad took that away along with my phone. I inhale deeply. Something smells good. To the left of me is a honeysuckle bush. Mama once showed me how a sweet, tiny drop of nectar would appear if you carefully pinched and pulled at the end of the bud.
Carefully, I take a flower off of the bush. I don’t see the bees, but I know they’re there somewhere.
I do exactly as Mama taught me and try to get that single drop of nectar, but I’m too forceful and I end up ripping it. I throw it down and take off another bloom.
Five blooms later, the bell rings but I stay put, determined to get the nectar. The door squeaks open.
“Are you playing a game of he loves you, he loves you not?” JJ asks.
I sort of laugh, but it’s one of those laughs that escapes you when something is semi-funny. I pick up my things and walk back into the cafeteria. “You think I'm wondering if Trevor loves me?”
“No. Thought you were wondering if God loves you.”
“Ha! That’s funny, JJ.” I put my backpack straps over my shoulder and throw the last bloom down. “God doesn’t love me.”