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JJ rings the doorbell at 8:00 p.m. sharp. Always a dweeb. Always on time. “Hey dweeb!” I tease. He eyes me up and down quickly and I notice my plaid button-up shirt isn’t buttoned up quite right; one side is longer than the other.
“Hold on a sec,” I shut the door to fix it. I open it back up and JJ has a smirk on his face.
“Thought my little brother was the only one who did that.”
“Shuddup,” I say, locking the door behind me.
Xavier and Jessa sit in the backseat of Mr. Jourdan’s old Chrysler. Jessa seems disgruntled. I sit in the passenger seat and try to ignore whatever mood she’s in. She wasn’t really feeling the idea of going to a house party that included Trevor.
“Clove, I just don’t think this thing with you and Trevor is a good idea.” Jessa said over the phone. “There are better fish in the sea.”
I rolled my eyes. “You sound like your dad. Fish in the sea?”
“You know what I mean. I’ve heard things about him.’
“I’ve heard things about a lot of people, including you!” After I said that last part, I knew I shouldn’t have.
"What have you have heard?” she asked.
I wanted to change the subject, I needed to change the subject. What I’d heard wasn’t something I wanted to say aloud.
“Fine Jess. Don’t go with us. It’ll just be me, JJ and maybe Xave. I’ll call you after.”
Jessa has serious FOMO and once I told her not to go, she wanted to go. I was glad she’d dropped the subject about what I’d heard.
Xavier and JJ talk about something I could care less about. I don’t want them eavesdropping into our conversation so I text Jessa as they talk.
Me: Can u pls jus b cool?
Jessa: I am cool. This is a bad choice
Me: Did something happen with u n Trevor?
Jessa: nothin
Me: liar
Jessa: Just don’t think u should go out with him and this party...big mistake
Me: It’s at Hannah’s house. She likes JJ and she is super kind.
When Trevor had given me the address, I recognized it immediately as Hannah Hopper's home. She has one of those big mansion-type houses. We’d been there plenty of times for youth group meetings.
Jessa: Ask urself, why would a girl like Hannah throw a house party that includes Trevor????
I had asked myself that. It’d definitely surprised me that Hannah was throwing a party that Trevor knew about.
Me: Maybe he meant it’s a church party and he’s trying to get to know me better
Jessa: U don’t really believe that.
For once, I had tried not to overthink it. But maybe thinking about it was something I should’ve done more.
“What is the address again?” JJ asks.
I scroll through my phone and find Trevor’s message. “5244 Cherrydrop Lane”
“Gate Code?”
“Pound Pound, 3069.”
“Hmmm, those numbers do not sound right. That’s not Hannah’s gate code is it?”
I don’t really remember. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been out here. JJ punches in the code and we drive through the gates onto a tree-lined street. We pass by huge homes with golf-course sized yards.
“There it is right there,” I say pointing to Hannah’s house.
JJ passes right by it. “That is not 5244, that’s 5422.”
Oh. Whoops. Jessa mumbles something in the background. Honestly, I really did think we were going to Hannah’s house but now everything makes sense.
We reach our destination and park down the street from the house playing loud music. The street is packed so finding a space nearby was a bit of a struggle. It takes us a few minutes to walk down the block.
The closer we get, the louder the music. We pass by a car that’s all fogged up and moving. We all know what they’re doing so we keep our eyes straight ahead. The yard of this person’s house is already trashed with red cups. People stand outside talking and laughing. The strong scent of alcohol hits me and I hesitate to step further inside. It’s like my nose is warning me, stopping me dead in my tracks. My friends stop when I do.
“You sure you wanna do this?” Xavier asks me. I’m not sure. My stomach does a flip and bile rises in my throat.
“Ummm,” I begin, but then Trevor walks outside. “Sup girl! Wasn’t sure you were coming still. You good?” he asks me. He doesn’t acknowledge either of my friends who watch me, waiting for my approval to proceed.
“Yeah,” I say nervously. I force myself up the steps and into the house. I make my nose and stomach pretend that everything is fine. Just because other people are drinking, doesn’t mean I have to.
The music is so loud that I can barely hear what Trevor is trying to say over the noise.
“I SAID DO YOU WANT A DRINK?”
I shake my head no. Trevor pushes through people who already seem drunk. Those that aren’t drunk are either kissing or grinding to the music. Jessa grabs my hand and we make our way through the crowd.
Trevor leads us to the kitchen where the music is somewhat subdued—at least enough where we may not have to scream. Two girls are leaning against a marble counter making out with each other.
I avert my eyes but not before I notice Trevor staring at them. He pours me a soda and hands it to me while turning to ogle the girls once more.
I snap my fingers in his face. “Sorry,” he says bringing his attention back to me. “You can’t fault me for just looking right?”
I narrow my eyes at him. Actually, yeah, I could. “I told you I didn’t want a drink.”
“It’s just soda. Thought you meant you didn’t want a drink drink. Like alcohol.”
I grimace at him and put down the cup. Jessa’s still holding my hand but she’s watching the girls too.
Trevor gives her a once over. “You thinking of joining them?” he smirks at her. That should’ve been my moment to defend her, but it was related to the rumors that I’d heard and I wanted to hear her response.
Jessa let’s go of my hand. “Clove, I will be wherever he isn’t.”
She leaves and I don’t go after her like I should. Instead, I turn back to Trevor. Even though I didn’t want anything to drink, I take a sip of the orange bubbly liquid hoping that carbonation will help the queasiness in my stomach.
“Wanna go somewhere else?” Trevor asks me. I scan the house for JJ and Xavier, but don’t see them.
I nod. “Whose house is this?”
Trevor takes my hand and leads me up some stairs. “A friend of mine.”
What friend does he know that lives in a house like this? The architecture is beautiful. I can only guess that the parents who own this residence are out of town. There’s no way I’d let all these people trash something so elegant.
Trevor turns into a hallway with several doors shut. He finds an open one and leads me inside. It’s much, much quieter in here. Now we can talk and get to know each other.
***
I COME OUT OF THE ROOM quickly and smooth my hands over my hair making sure it’s all still in place. The party seems wilder than it did when I got here about 15 minutes ago. People are all over the steps and it smells like weed. I squeeze around couples kissing and talking. “Excuse me,” I say as I plant my foot on each step.
Jessa is in the kitchen talking to some girl with a soda can in her hand. When she sees me, she stops talking and takes me by the wrist.
“Clove, tell me you weren’t off somewhere alone with Trevor?”
I don’t wanna lie, so I say nothing and for once I actually feel like sobbing.
She gives me a once-over. “Noooo.”
Before I can say anything to quell what she might be thinking, Xavier and JJ find us. They look at me in the same way Jessa just did. My shame is written all over my face and I’m ready to go.
“Everything okay?” Xavier asks.
It’s not but I don’t want to talk about it. “Let’s go.”
Xavier leads us out through the patio where there are more people in a pool.
Jessa pulls my wrist while Xavier and JJ continue walking ahead of us. “Clove,” she whispers.
“Fix your buttons.”
I look down. They’re incorrectly buttoned...again.