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On day two of the trip, we visit Georgia Tech, Georgia University, and Savannah College of Art and Design. I have to hand it to my dad for trying to give us a variety of programs and colleges to think about. However, I haven’t seen one that I might like to attend. I have time, I guess. My focus these days is on keeping my grades up because I’ve missed quite a few days of school.
My friends have bought me food today because Gram still hasn’t gotten the money to me nor called me back. My relationship with Dad remains strained and we don’t talk much at all. Only a “Good morning” or “Mornin’.”
I don’t want to spend too much of my friends' money, so I order very little. Just enough to sustain me even though they offer to buy me anything.
Finally, Gram calls me back and I return to the bus to take the call privately.
“I’m sorry baby, Odessa needed me to do...never mind. Now, what happened to all your money?”
I sigh and explain as I had already done in the voicemail I left her earlier.
“Why doesn’t your father just give you some money?” she asks.
“Because he’s trying to teach me a lesson. He’s kicking me out the house when we get back.”
Gram is silent for a moment. Then she says, “Where you gon’ live?”
Guess they’re in on this together. That wasn’t what I was hoping she’d say. Shouldn’t she say something like, “You can live here.”?
“I don’t know,” I say. She has two extra bedrooms. One she uses for sewing, but still...
“Well, let me know when you figure it out. How much money you want me to send you?”
Finally, a little generosity from my own family. “Um, two-hundred, please.”
“Two hundred? You do know I’m retired and I’m on a fixed income?”
Everyone is on a fixed income. Everyone gets paid the same amount when they get their checks. Why’d she even ask how much I needed?
“What can you send me then, Gram? Whatever you send I will pay you back.” I had $400 saved for this trip, minus the money I spent on the nose piercing.
“I can send you one twenty-five. Will that work?”
I have no choice. I’ll have to make it work.
“Yes ma’am,” I say. “Thank you. Can you just text me all the details as soon as you send it?”
“Will do, baby. Now you have fun and don’t worry ‘bout a thang. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
We hang up. Don’t worry? How could I not worry? I don't know where I’m going to stay after this trip. She made it seem like her place wasn’t an option.
Thudding sounds come up the steps of the bus. It’s Clement, again.
He takes his baseball cap off to scratch his head. “Why are you always on the bus?” he asks.
Like JJ and Zach, he’s mixed. He and Zach have the same skin tone and curl pattern. Birds of a feather...
He shakes his curls out before tossing his hat like a frisbee to his seat.
“Same question to you,” I say.
He goes back to his seat without answering my question. He’s suspect. Not sure what he’s up to.
I get the urge to pee. Thought I could hold it until we get to our hotel but I can’t. I look back at Clement. His eyes are closed and his headphones are over his ears. I get off the bus and make my way back into the restaurant.
When I come back outside, most people are returning to the bus. I join the line behind Xavier, Jessa, and JJ. JJ gestures for me to go ahead of him.
“Did you get enough to eat?” JJ asks.
I turn slightly towards him. “Yes, thank you.”
We slowly incline the steps up to the bus, but Dad comes out before I can get all the way on. He points for me to get off which means JJ has to go back down too. My dad tells JJ to go ahead and get on. Dad signals the bus driver to close the doors.
This again? “What’d I do now?” I ask crossly.
He holds up two twenties. “I had a hundred and forty dollars in my secret pocket. The secret pocket that only you knew about. Wanna tell me where the hundred went?”
I throw my head back in disbelief. “Wow Dad, you think I took it? Why would I steal?”
I should keep it real. I'd thought about stealing, but good girl Clove is still in me somewhere.
“Oh, you have plenty of reasons to have taken it,” Dad fumes. “I can’t trust you anymore, Clove.”
I put my hand to my chest. My voice won’t come out at first. “I didn’t take it. I swear! My friends have been paying for me and I called Gram to wire me money.”
Dad's face is frowned up in anger. “Gram ain’t got the money you had saved! She’s not going to send all of that.”
“I know, she’s only sending me one twenty-five.”
Dad clenches his jaws. He doesn’t believe me. In his mind, I'm a thief and untrustworthy. “Well, Buttercup...no actually, you’re not my little Buttercup anymore. Don't know what happened to that little girl,” he mumbles.
I want to tell him I'm right here. I'm just not little but I'm still his daughter. I've done nothing to him for him to treat me this way. I've been a good girl my whole life. I've gone to church, well except for these past few weeks, but even Mama Jourdan said it was hard for her to return to church after her mom passed. But I've been good. I didn’t sneak out when I could have and I’ve never missed curfew. Why is he doing this to me?
“You owe me the one hundred when you get it.”
My anger starts to return. “You can’t be serious. I didn’t steal it! Why don’t you believe me? If you take the hundred that I get from Gram then that leaves me with not nearly enough for the rest of the trip. What kind of bull crap is this?”
I don’t say crap though; I use the other word.
Dad gets close to me. He’s two inches taller so his appearance is almost intimidating. Through gritted teeth, he says, “You betta watch your mouth before you get smacked in front of all your friends.”
I’m angry and I know it’s showing on my face. I feel like screaming or running. This is humiliating and even worse because I have to get on the bus then sit there and act like none of this just happened.
A thought hits me. I was born in Atlanta. Lived here for the first seven years of my life. Mama’s sister, Aunt Didi, lives here. So I don’t think about what I’m about to do any second longer.
“Can you have the bus driver open the hatch?”
“Is that where you put the money?” Dad asks.
I play along. “Yep.”
Dad motions the bus driver to open the door. “She needs to get something from her bag again,” he tells the man.
She? Now I’m she and not Buttercup or Clove, not even “my daughter.” I feel disowned and like I have no one on my side right now.
The bus driver steps down and the hatch opens. I pull my small suitcase out as soon as I see it. “Can I get my backpack too?” I ask because Dad’s blocking my way onto the bus. He steps aside.
All eyes are on me as I walk on the bus.
“Clove what’s going on?” Jessa asks.
I make sure to get all of my things, stuffing my book into my backpack. “I’m leaving,” I say.
“What?” Jessa shrieks.
Xavier stands up. “Wait, wait, hold up, what’s happening?”
My friends stand up but I’ve already turned around. “Thanks for the help. Gotta go.” I leave quickly. Dad waits for me at the bottom of the steps. “Did you find my money or have you spent it already?”
Ignoring him, I wheel my suitcase away from the bus with my head held high. He hollers my name and I start sprinting, going as fast as I can go with a suitcase in hand and a bag on my back.
After a couple of minutes, I reach a gas station. My phone has been blowing up but I decline every call so that I can call Aunt Didi. I search through my phone and silently pray that she’ll come get me.
A classic Plymouth GTX pulls up to the storefront. It’s shimmery red with chromed out rims. I admire the color for a moment but then I stop staring as a guy in baggy jeans exits the car. He eyes me up and down. “What up Ma?” he says to me. I acknowledge him with a single head nod then proceed with my phone call.
Aunt Didi answers. “Clove?”
“Aunt Didi! I’m in Atlanta. Do you think you can pick me up?”
“Where are you exactly?” she asks.
I push my location button on my phone and wait a few seconds for it to go through.
“Clove dear, you’re pretty far from where I live. It might take me over an hour to get to you. Is there somewhere safe you can go? Where is your father? Forget it. I‘ll ask questions later. I’m on my way. Go somewhere safe.”
I have no idea where else to go. There’s gotta be a mall or something close.
The guy that went into the store when I got on the phone, comes back out and lights a cig. I can ask him where the mall is but he’s eyeing me to the extreme. I decide to ask the cashier instead.
“Scuse me, um, is there like a mall nearby or shopping center somewhere?” I ask her.
The cashier has lots of rings on her fingers and I watch as she talks with her hands. “Yeah, ya turn back around outta he’a. When you git out this doe you gon’ make a leff. ‘Bout two miles down thataway izza big mall. Can’t miss it.”
Two miles? Okay, well I know I’ve sort of ran two miles, but not with a bunch of stuff on me. My choices are walk the two miles or stay right here at this gas station. I could go back to some of the restaurants and sit but they probably won’t let me stay long if I don’t order something. Mall it is.
“Thank you,” I tell the lady and I turn to walk out.
“Hey,” she calls. “Now waita minute. Ya walkin’ by ya’self?”
“Yes ma’am.”
She glances out the doorway and I turn to see what she sees. Two guys are sitting on the hood of the Plymouth watching me from the window.
“You got money on you?”
I shake my head no. She reaches beneath her and pulls out a small key ring with a pink bottle attached. “It’s mace. It’s mine but I think you should have it. I can git me another. You be careful.”
I thank her for her kindness. Taking the small pink bottle in my hand, I grip it tightly. With confidence, I hold my head up and walk out of the store.
“Where you goin baby?” One of the guys hollers at me.
“Let me give you a ride. I can help you out,” another guy says.
I keep walking, taking the directions the cashier gave me. Sweat trickles down my neck as I now challenge the chancy situation I’ve put myself in.
The guys whistle and hoot at me but I keep going. My phone vibrates in my back pocket and I walk quickly crossing the parking lot to get onto the sidewalk.
You can do this, just think about something to take your mind off the walk, I tell myself. Tomorrow will be Sunday and Dad had planned to let that be a free day. We were scheduled to go to church in the morning, then we could spend the day shopping or doing some of the suggested activities downtown. JJ and I had talked about going to the aquarium while Jessa and Xavier wanted to go to the Coca-Cola museum. I’d been to both when I was little but I had wanted to see the aquarium again, specifically with JJ because I knew his eyes would light up seeing all the animals. He would also probably talk through the whole thing.
The shimmering Plymouth pulls up and slowly drives next to me. Cars behind it honk but the driver doesn’t seem to mind. A guy leans out the passenger side. His hair is clean cut and he wears two big studs in his ear.
“Suuuhhhh Princess! Where you going?”
I pretend like he’s not talking to me because if I give an inch, he might try to take a mile. I pick up the pace.
The guy chuckles. “Oh you a bougie lil’ thing huh?”
My phone vibrates again and this time I answer it as a distraction. It’s Jessa. “Hello?”
“Clove, oh my gawd girl! Where are you? What happened?” she’s whispering.
“Can’t hear you that well, Jess.”
The guy beside me starts talking louder “Stop frontin’. You ain’t on no phone for real. Iz dat cho man? Why he gotchu out here like dis? You need somewhere to stay? I gotchu ma! C’mon. Plenty of room in the back.”
“Clove who is that?” Jessa asks. “Are you okay?”
What does she think? Dumb question requires a dumb answer.
“I’m perfectly fine. Never better.” I say to her.
Jessa tells me that she's just checking in on me and I can't really hear the rest of what she's saying because it's breaking up. The call drops so I tuck the phone back in my pocket, keeping my stride.
Please God, make them leave me alone. Help me get to my destination with no trouble. Amen.
That car is still riding alongside me. So much for answered prayers. I can’t really blame God for not hearing me. I hadn’t talked to him in months.
WHOOP WHOOP!
The sirens of a police car pull up behind the Plymouth. It halts but I keep walking, trying to speed up. Well look at that! God remembers me! Thank you!
I hurry along. My stuff feels heavier than when I started out. For a small moment, I wish I hadn't been so stubborn and just gotten back on that bus. I need to rest. I sit on the curb and text Aunt Didi. Headed towards mall.
The Plymouth passes me and I'm glad they weren't arrested but also thankful they're leaving me alone.
After about 20 minutes, I go through my phone while resting my leg on top of my suitcase and squeezing my backpack underneath my other leg. It feels good to get the load off of my shoulders.
I have six missed calls and a wealth of text messages on my phone. I read JJ's texts first.
JJ: I know u r not ok but r u safe?
The area seems ok and not sketchy.
Me: Yes
JJ: Where are you going?
Me: Trying to get to the mall down the street, until my Aunt Didi comes.
JJ: Ok. We’re at the mall down the street too. Help me track you.
I turn on my tracking and send him my location. We don't use this often but today it comes in handy.
I wince in pain as I get up. Everything hurts from my feet to my back.
After maybe 30 minutes, I see my friends walking towards me; Xavier’s dreads, Jessa’s blonde hair, and then there’s JJ, whose hair is at the top of his head in a man bun.
I exhale relief as we get closer. Xavier reaches out to take my suitcase. JJ, takes my backpack and puts it over his shoulders, then hands me the cup from a coffee shop. I take a sip. Mmmm, Chamomile.
As we walk towards the mall, I give them a brief play by play of what happened. They listen in complete silence. When I finish talking, no one says anything. Either they weren't listening or they're thinking.
Once we reach the mall, I sit outside on a bench and arch my back, trying to stretch it. Goodness, I could use a whirlpool or something. JJ sits beside me and presses his hands to my lower back, giving me the best massage. I’m sweaty though so I’m a little apprehensive about him touching me.
“I’m sorta sweaty,” I tell him.
“It’s cool. Just trying to help.” he replies. I’m not sure where he got his masseuse training, but it feels good. His hands massage my shoulders and upper back.
Xavier sits down next to me. “I feel responsible for some of this. I never should've given you that fake.”
Jessa looks at him incredulously. “This has nothing to do with you, Xave. Like at all. Mr. Daniels is wrong. How is he gonna be a youth pastor and then kick his own daughter out of the house? See, this is exactly why I stopped going to church. Too many hypocrites.”
I roll my eyes. Here she goes with another rant on hypocrites in the church.
“Jess, hypocrites are everywhere, church is no exception,” JJ says, still rubbing my back and shoulders. “There will always be a good and bad side to everything. You make a choice to focus on one over the other.”
Jess bites her nails. He’s right and she knows it. I know it.
Xavier puts his hands in his pockets. “Clove, what’s your plan? What do you think you’re going to do?” he asks me.
“Right now my plan is just to stay with Aunt Didi until I figure this out.”
Jessa spits out a nail to the side. “Can’t you just apologize?” I’ll give you a hundred right now. Just say sorry and this whole thing will be over with.”
I shake my head. She doesn’t get it. “Jess, I didn’t take the money. Apologizing only makes it seem like I’m guilty. I want him to believe what I’m saying. As far as I’m concerned, the only thing I’ve really done wrong here is get my nose pierced with a fake I.D. Sorry, Xave. I’m not blaming you because that was all on me.”
Xavier puts his head in his hands and I can tell he feels bad.
“Look Clove,” JJ finally says. “I’m going to tell you something you may not like, but I have to say it because we’re friends and, well that’s what friends do; we tell each other the truth, but I want you to know I’m saying this out of love.”
“Just spit it out J,” I say.
“You gotta get it together.”
I’m shocked. It sort of upsets me to hear that from him, especially him. “You think I took the money, don't you?”
JJ's eyebrows knit together. “No, I know you didn't take it. You just need to prove it to your dad. All I’m saying is that you’re spiraling. You’re doing things without thinking them through. We all do this from time to time. I did it when I punched Trevor. For the first time ever, I made the first move. I didn’t think it through. I never start fights.”
That’s true. He doesn’t start them, but he sure does finish them. I’d never seen JJ in a fight, but when I hear about them, people tell me he’s a beast and it’s a side of him no one expects to see.
Xavier speaks up too. “We care about you, Clove. We just want what’s best for you and what’s going on with you lately doesn’t seem like it’s in your best interest. We’re on this trip with you and J, ‘cause we wanted us all to hang out. This might be our last trip together for a while. You know Jessa and I are graduating and I might just be choosing one of these colleges down here.”
What makes them think they know what’s best for me? I was about to ask this but after hearing Xavier say he may have found a college, I forget that argument. JJ and I exchange glances. Yes!
This is what we wanted; for Xavier to go to college and earn a degree. I feel like a proud parent. This is what makes us good friends. We know each other’s dreams and potentials. My friends telling me that they need me to get it together is no different than the hope that we have for Xavier and his education. We know his brain is a gold mine and he could do so much.
“Aw Xave, you found one you like?” I ask jubilantly.
JJ shakes his head. “Nah, he found some girls he likes. He’s got like five numbers already.”
“Stop snitchin’,” Xave says with a laugh. “Should I tell them how many girls tried to put their number in your phone?”
I look back and forth between them. You couldn’t have told me that when I met them, they’d become buff, outspoken, and the type of guys girls act crazy for. I think about what they’re saying to me. JJ said he thinks I’m spiraling. I don’t.
“JJ, I disagree with you. I’m not spiraling downwards or out of control or anything. I’m just living and I want to have different experiences but I don’t feel like I’m being bad.”
“I never said you were bad and it’s okay to have experiences. When we go running early in the morning, is that an experience you like?” JJ fixes his eyes on mine.
I blush. “Yes.”
“When you write poetry in your notebook, is that an experience you like?”
“Yes.”
“When you sing off-key at a bar, is that an experience you like?” he tries not to smile. How does he know about that? I shove him.
“You saw?”
Jessa and Xavier's jaws drop.
“Wait, hold-up you sang in a bar?” Jessa says.
“You write poetry?” Xavier asks.
I facepalm. JJ just told all my little secrets. I don’t mind though. I just didn’t know he knew about the karaoke. Music plays from his phone followed by my voice. Mama Jourdan must have recorded my performance and sent it to him. I try to snatch it away, but Jessa takes the phone, moving away so her and Xavier can watch and listen to my tuneless singing.
“I hate you,” I say to JJ with my arms folded.
“I know,” he smirks. “Say it like you mean it.” He starts grinning and for the first time, I realize he has his braces off. His teeth are so straight and pretty. Braces are a gift from God.
“I hate you,” I say again but this time half-heartedly.
JJ leans in closer to me. He touches my chin and lifts it up to him. “Are you sure?”
My heart is racing at the gentleness of his touch. I think about the dream I had the other night. He drops his hand from my chin. “Well, while you’re at your Aunt Didi’s hating me, can you think about meeting me at the aquarium tomorrow? I was anticipating going with you.”
“You were?” My voice comes out very small. JJ is doing little things that are tugging on my heart strings. Every word, every moment, and every gesture gives me little pulls.
“Yes, I was. I am. Will you text me later and let me know your plans please?”
He’s so polite. “Okay,” I say meekly. JJ and I lock eyes until Jessa and Xavier return with his phone.
Jessa sucks her cheeks in when she sees me and JJ so close. She knows my secret and she better not give it up.