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You’re Out

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Aunt Didi drops me off downtown at the aquarium at noon. The one thing that I was sure I wanted to do today was meet JJ here.

After she picked me up from the mall yesterday, she called my dad in the car and I listened to their conversation through the car speakers. Aunt Didi is not like my mama. She’s great family and she’ll do anything for you, but when she’s mad, she curses like a sailor. I think I learned some new words as she argued back and forth with Dad.

She stuck up for me and told my dad that he was wrong and that if he doesn’t get it together she was going to personally kick his butt. She didn’t say “butt” though. It’s clear who the fighter was when she and Mama were growing up.

“You’re crazy Deidre!” my dad told her. “She ain’t comin’ back home ‘til she remembers her manners and gives me back my money.”

“Jackson, there’s like what...forty kids on that bus. What makes you think it’s your own daughter? Get a grip on your life. My sister didn’t raise no thief. My niece ain’t bout that life! Tell you what. She’ll stay down here with me. She needs you right now and you keep flying off to start a church in Las Vegas. You can’t build something if all your bricks is broken. Talk to me when you figure out your life! ‘Til then, Clove will be with me.”

Aunt Didi doesn’t have any kids, but she has lots of extra bedrooms. She told me that if I wanted to, I could move in with her, but I have to finish out this school year. That’s the deal. I have to think about this. Do I really want to move back to Atlanta? It’s not a bad idea.

I text JJ as I wait in line at the aquarium for tickets. Aunt Didi and her boyfriend had given me money, then we picked up the money that Gram sent me this morning. I’m back to having $400. I don’t plan to spend it all, but I do plan to pay back my friends.

When I get to the ticket booth, I buy a ticket for JJ. I’m feeling sort of whimsical because this feels like it could be a date.

After getting the tickets, I wait for a few minutes and then text him.

Me: Where r u?

JJ: Omw

Aunt Didi washed, flat ironed, and trimmed my hair. I hadn’t had it straightened since my birthday and even with the trim she gave me, it still fell below my shoulders. She also gave me a side part with big bushy curls. She cleaned up my eyebrows, which really opened up my face. I feel like a new person; someone who’s been hibernating through the winter and just now awakening. I’ve even dressed up just a little bit more than I normally would. Instead of a t-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes, I’m wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and heel booties that I’d purchased for the Sadie Hawkins dance. Since I was suspended, I didn’t get to go, but that doesn’t bother me.

Aunt Didi showed me how to put on makeup—something Mama kept telling me I didn’t need. The white patch on my face is slightly less visible. The only thing I can’t get used to is this mascara. I couldn’t stop paying attention to myself, blinking for like three whole minutes after she applied it.

“Confidence is everything,” Aunt Didi told me. “People gravitate towards happy, confident people. Trust me.”

I’m taking her advice and some of JJ’s too. Moving forward, my experiences have to be positive. I need to make more good choices and choose happiness. As I see JJ approaching, I stand up tall and try to smile with my eyes like Aunt Didi taught me.

I notice that he’s walking and talking with someone though. As the two of them get closer, I can see that the other person is Hannah. My smile fades.

It’s okay. Be cool. I tell myself over and over. Hannah’s nice. Maybe she just wanted to come along. I try to keep my eyes bright. Quickly, I fluff my curls a little and pull my hair over to one side of my shoulder. The two of them are so engulfed in their conversation that they haven’t seen me yet.

Hannah smiles super big as JJ talks to her and then she laughs as though he’s said the funniest thing in the world. She touches his arm too. Small gesture, but noticeable.

JJ finishes his joke as they walk up. “So the mom wouldn’t let her go in because it said exotic fish.”

Hannah giggles once more. “I didn’t know you were so funny.”

I didn’t either. He’s told me that joke before and I didn’t laugh nearly as hard.

Hannah notices me first. “Oh, hey Clove. You look nice.”

JJ’s eyes widen as he eyes me from head to toe. I bite my lower lip because a smile is forming on the inside of me. “Thanks,” I tell Hannah.

He clears his throat and blinks a few times. “Uh, H-Hannah said she wanted to come with us. Some other people are coming too, we just sort of walked faster, I guess. Is...is that okay?” he stammers.

“Of course,” I say and give JJ his ticket. “Sorry Hannah, if I’d known you were coming, I would’ve waited to get our tickets. “

Hannah keeps smiling her friendly smile. “No prob, I ordered mine online so we’re all good. I also ordered one for JJ.”

Well, this is awkward. They’re on a date. Why else would she buy his ticket? I feel like we’re playing chess and she just threw one of my pieces to the side.

JJ scratches his head as he glances from Hannah to me. His glasses are missing.

“What happened to your glasses?” I ask.

“Left them at the hotel. I can see, don’t worry.”

I wasn’t worried at all because his eyes are even more gorgeous without those frames. He takes the ticket out of my hand and turns around to the line behind us. He finds a couple with three kids. “We bought too many tickets,” he tells the couple. “You can have this one if you like.”

“Thanks, but we don’t have any cash to pay you back,” one of the parents reply.

“Just pay it forward,” JJ tells them. Then he looks at me. “Is that alright with you, Clove?”

Of course it’s alright with me. Why would I say no to him being kind? Plus as he’s asking me, he’s flashing me one of his gorgeous smiles. How could I have not noticed how much of a beautiful person he is inside and out?

I nod that I’m fine with them having my ticket and the couple thanks us. I’m still staring at JJ and I think it’s making him uncomfortable. He looks away.

“I uh, I downloaded the map. They don’t print them anymore,” he says.

“I know. Good thing I downloaded it too because you probably can’t see yours.”

“Ha, ha. You got jokes now?” he smiles. There those eyes are again. I can’t stop peering into them.

“Ahem. Am I interrupting something?” Hannah interrupts our gaze.

“No,” JJ says. “We can go in now.”

It supposedly takes three to four hours to get through the museum but because it’s the weekend and spring break for many people, it’s very crowded. At one point, a big group of people separates JJ and me. He reaches his hand back to pull me through the crowd. I reach for it, but miss it as Hannah seems to be pulling him along.

I shouldn’t be reaching for his hand anyway. This whole idea of me being in love with him is silly. It was just a dream. Yes, he’s become far more attractive. And yes, he is the sweetest and most intelligent human being I’ve ever met. And yes, I love him, but only as a friend.

I distance myself from them and try not to pay attention to the way Hannah takes it upon herself to read all the signs to him. She doesn’t need to do that. JJ knows these things already. He’s playing dumb, which means he must like her too.

I watch the sea otters because they’re so cute. Everyone likes sea otters. I watch as a mom cleans her little one and two other otters are sleeping while holding paws. They’re adorable.

JJ’s reflection appears behind me. He's wearing a cologne that smells clean and invigorating. “Where’s your date?” I ask his reflection.

“Right here.” He stands next to me. Our arms touch. 

“You have a date with the otters?”

“You are just full of jokes today, but no. To have a date means to set up a prearranged time and place to meet up with someone. I only made arrangements with you for today. No one else.”

Tug. He pulls another heart string of mine. I direct my attention back to the otters.

“Where’s Hannah?” I ask.

“Ladies room.”

I have to go too but there’s no way I’m missing this time with him. “Tell me something I don’t know, Boy Wonder,” I say.

A smile rises up from the corner of his lips. “You know everything about otters. You love them.” That’s not all I love. “I don’t know everything,” I tell him.

“They have the densest fur out of all the animals because they don’t have blubber.”

I snicker a little when he says blubber. It’s a funny word.

JJ pokes me in the arm. “You’re laughing because I said blubber, aren’t you?”

He knows me so well.

“Try saying blubber three times fast,” he challenges me. We both try to say blubber fast and start laughing cause we can’t. It just sounds like bluh, bluh, bluh.

Once we stop laughing, he tells me more things about otters and I watch him talk, amazed once again by his brain.  “They help control the sea urchin population so that the urchins don’t take over sea kelp forests. Are you even listening to me right now?”

Always.

Hannah’s annoying voice interrupts us. “Hey! I was wondering if y'all left me.”

I distance myself from JJ, leaving the warmth of his arm and body.

Hannah stands on the other side of JJ. “Jonah, do you want me to read you the stuff about the sea otters”

Stuff? Girl please! This is fascinating information. But JJ nods. “Sure.”

I roll my eyes for the umpteenth time today. I’m unable to stand him dumbing down his life for her so I leave for the ladies room.

When I come out the two of them are nowhere to be found.

Me: Where did u go?

No response. Great. It was not a good idea to wear heels today, even if they’re short heels in a boot-form. I sit down and text Jessa.

Me: How’s the coke factory?

Jessa: U make it sound like we’re cookin drugs.

Me: Sorry. How’s the sugar factory.

Jessa: That’s not any better. But it’s fine. How’s your date with J?

Me: He’s with Hannah. Not a date.

Jessa: Oh no. Xave said she’s been after him kinda tuff. Hang in there, girl!

I don’t text Jessa back because I see Clement and Zach coming around the corner. I’ve suspected that Clement may have taken the money but I don’t have hard proof. I decide to just be upfront with it. “Clement, can I talk to you for a minute?” I find a corner that isn’t busy and I ask him outright. “Did you take my dad’s money?”

He starts laughing as if I told a joke.

“I’m serious.”

“You’re trying to pass the blame for what you did on to me?”

“Clement, every time I got on the bus, you were on the bus. You looked suspect.”

Clement puts his hands in the air innocently. “Hold up! I look suspect? You looked suspect. I saw you going through his bag.  I didn’t steal anything, you did. Grow up. You’re so sheltered you don’t even know how to survive.”

He leaves me standing there and catches up to Zach. So maybe I was wrong. Either, Clement didn’t take the money. Or, he’s a really good liar.