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The aquarium was cool but not as much fun without JJ. I didn’t try to find him and Hannah again because it felt like I was intruding. I know JJ said they weren’t on a date, but I don’t think Hannah was aware of that.
After I leave the gift shop, I walk over to the Centennial Olympic park. The sun is on its descent but still very bright. It makes the view of Downtown Atlanta so picturesque. Couples walk by holding hands and the trees are in full bloom. The sky is such a rich shade of blue I feel like I could get lost in it.
I throw my backpack down and lay against it in the grass, crossing my ankles over each other. The cool grass feels good and reminds me of the mornings JJ and I spend together watching the sun rise. I reach into my backpack and take out The Princess Bride. It’s a feel-good book that I’ve read twice already.
“Why do you like that book so much?” a voice says.
I tilt my head back and see JJ’s upside-down face smiling at me. My face mirrors his expression. I’m happy to see him.
“Because it’s funny and about love and adventure. You’d like it too. There’s blood and gore.”
He lays down beside me in the grass, resting his hands underneath his head. With his arms bent, I want to squeeze the muscles that fill in the armholes of his shirt.
He holds up his phone. “You should probably turn off your location tracking now.”
Oh yeah. I should do that but I’m more interested in what’s going on with him and Hannah. “I came out of the restroom and you and Hannah were gone so I tried to fall back some. Didn’t wanna keep interrupting your date. So, how long have you and Hannah been going out?”
“Clove, you never said you were going to the restroom. I didn’t know where you went.”
He doesn’t answer my question so it must mean they’ve gone out a couple of times.
“This wasn’t the first date was it?”
JJ takes off his jacket and lays back beside me on the grass. He rests his hands behind his head again and stares at the sky. JJ pulls my furry journal out of my backpack.
“Is this your book of poetry?”
I take it out of his hands. “Answer my questions first, nosy.”
He chews his bottom lip. “Mmmm. Wasn’t really a date. I didn’t plan it like this. But to answer your question, I guess you can say we’ve hung out exclusively before.”
My heart drops. Even though he’s being particular with his words, this kind of hurts. Why hadn’t he told me? Why had he made me think it was just us today?
“Hannah invited herself. I told her where I was going and she asked if she could come. We’ve only hung out one other time and that was at the bookstore months ago. We just had something to drink and talked.”
My facial expression changes. “Oh so you just go around sharing cookies and taking girls to bookstores for dates now?”
I’m in my feelings again because that’s what him and I did together.
“Clove, no. I was at the bookstore buying you that book you’re reading right now. She saw me and asked if I’d like to sit and talk. Hardly a date. What’s up with you?”
I can’t tell him that he’s what’s up with me. Got me catching feels and stuff. I return my book to my backpack. He was right; he did buy me the book five months ago because I kept checking it out at the library. I still have far too many questions on the subject of him and Hannah but instead of dwelling on it, I switch topics. “Wanna hear something I wrote?”
“You know I do,” he answers.
I read him the poem I wrote the first time we watched the sunrise. It’s the same one I read for Dr. O’dea.
JJ briefly points the corners of his mouth down. “Wow, that’s pretty good. I knew you were a good writer.”
“Thanks,” I say meekly.
“Anything else?”
I lay back against my backpack and open the page to something I wrote last night.
If love is forever take me to your infinity
Caress my soul, bring me sweet serenity
Stars are like connecting dots, a roadmap of your face
They pull me into your love, into your open space
Your love is like an abyss
A galaxy of emotions that engulf me into bliss
My heart cries out for you but my mind undecided
Asteroids, meteors and spaceships have collided
Into my world
Into this girl
That wants to love you
But I don’t know when to
Give you my heart
Because if you break it
I’ll fall apart
“You wrote that?” he asks.
“Yes. It needs a little work but—”
“No, it’s fine the way it is. Poetry is art and art is subjective. I like it.”
His compliments make me feel warm all over. Our hands lie still next to each other. I inch mine just a little closer to his.
“Can you read it to me again?” he asks
I read it once more. By the time I finish, the backs of our hands are touching. He begins to caress my index finger with his own. Electricity runs through me.
“Want to hear more?”
His eyes bore into mine. “Do you want to read me more?”
That would mean I have to move my hand to turn the page so, no. Definitely no. I put my book down over my chest and open my hand. It’s an invitation. His fingertips meet the tops of my fingertips as if he’s debating if we should do this. My heart beats faster than I ever thought possible. He’s taking my breath away, drawing it in the longer we gaze. Finally, our fingers interlock and it’s a deep connection that I feel from my head to my toes. It seems like seconds, minutes, hours, and days have passed. We say nothing. We just gaze and we just hold. I blink slowly and breathe deeply as my heart strings are completely in his grasp.
He breaks our daze and looks to the sky. “Looks like there might be a thunderstorm tonight.”
I look at the sky too, it’s blue. “How can you tell?”
He points west, to a big, grey, bushy, cloud overhead. “That big cloud over there, some people call them thunderheads because of the way it projects out of a cumulus cloud.”
I love his brain. “Tell me more.”
He talks more about the clouds and lightning, then breaks down how sound travels. I’ve heard this all before, but I like hearing it even more right now.
My cheeks hurt and I think it’s because I’m smiling so much, watching him point up to the sky and talk as though he’s not a shy boy. Our hands are still locked together and mine is sweating but I don’t know if he notices or just doesn’t care.
I feel something warm on my ankle, warm and wet. What is that? I bolt upright and see a small dog with it’s leg hovering my ankle as though I’m a fire hydrant or tree. I shake my leg and scream for the dog to go away.
A lady runs over. “I am so sorry. He got off of his leash and I just couldn’t get him in time. Really sorry about that,” she says.
“Oh my gosh! My boots! My pants! I can’t walk around with dog pee pee ankle!”
I’m seriously upset about this. These were brand new boots and they’re already ruined. From the corner of my eye, I can see JJ has his hand over his mouth, probably trying not to laugh.
The lady digs through her purse and gives me a twenty. “This is all the cash I have on me. I hope that can help pay for some new boots for you. Once again, I really am sorry.”
She runs after her dog. “Chase!” she calls after him. Well, the darn dog certainly has the right name.
JJ’s lips are tucked in and I can see the corners of a smile unsuccessfully being suppressed.
“Go ahead and laugh,” I tell him. He falls back in the grass and laughs hysterically. I might find it funny if my ankle weren’t so cold right now.
“Clove, I am so sorry, but when you said ‘dog pee pee ankle,’ that was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.” He cracks up laughing again, and this time I have to laugh because he has one of those laughs that’s so adorable that you can’t help but laugh too.
“What are y'all laughing about over here?”
That’s Jessa’s voice.
Xavier shows us his phone. “We found you guys with the app. Y'all should turn your locators off by the way.”
JJ gradually stops laughing, resting his hand on his stomach.
“Seriously though, what’s so funny?” Jessa asks. “I haven’t seen JJ laugh this hard since the day you fell in that pot hole after school.”
JJ starts laughing again. I click my tongue. It wasn’t a pothole. I was running after them across the school yard. There was some type of hole that must of been dug by an animal or something, but I sunk into it, buckling at the knees and then face planting into the grass. As soon as I told them I wasn’t hurt, both Xavier and JJ laughed until it brought tears to their eyes. Very similar to what seems to be happening to JJ now. He wipes at his face, sits up, and tries to explain what happened.
“This dog came over and pee’d on Clove and...she has...she has...dog...” He can’t even finish his sentence.
“A dog peed on my ankle and my boot,” I say quickly.
Both Xavier and Jessa put their hands over their mouths. “Oh no!” Jessa cries.
She puts her hand down and I can see she’s struggling with a laugh too. “Now you have dog pee pee ankle!” she says.
JJ falls back down into the grass clutching his stomach and Xavier busts out laughing while slapping his knees. I swear he’s the only person I know under the age of 64 who slaps their knees.
“I’m so happy to amuse y’all. Go ahead. Split your seams!”
My pants leg feels awful. Cold, wet and stinky. Great. The good thing is that I got twenty dollars out of it. I get up and shake my leg free from the grass that tries to stick to it. “I’m going to call my aunt so I can go back to her place.”
That squelches everyone’s laughter as they start to remember that I’m not on this tour with them anymore.
Jessa reaches out to grab my arm. “Clove, wait a sec. Don’t leave, please. Can’t you just...I don’t know...apologize?”
Xavier says, “If you stay with your aunt, how will you get back to Tennessee to get all your things? Will she drive you back? If you stay here, then you’ll have to start all over, make new friends, and live in a really big city...with maybe lots more to do than Smalltown.”
Jessa swats him on the shoulder. “You’re not helping, Xave,”
I’ve thought about all of this. Aunt Didi is only giving me until the end of the day to figure this out. I have to decide what I want to do. If I’m moving, this week would be the time to do it because of spring break.
“No comment from you JJ?” I ask.
My phone vibrates in my pocket.
JJ: Come back
Big tug, butterflies, and all the feels.
That could be interpreted in a couple of ways. He either wants me close so we can hold hands again or he wants me to come back to Smalltown. Or maybe both.
God, what do I do? Everyone wants me to think about tomorrow and next week. All I can think about is today and this very moment. Somewhere in the Bible it says that tomorrow has enough problems of its own, focus on today.
Another vibration, JJ: what can I do to help make this easier for you?
I don’t know, but wish I did. Looking down, I know that I have one soggy boot. First things first, I need to get new pants and shoes. Dog pee stinks.
“Well, I know if I’m going anywhere it can’t be much further in these boots and pants. I need a shop or something. There used to be an underground mall over here somewhere.”
My friends get out their phones and search.
“I got it,” Jessa says. “Peachtree Street. Can you walk in those?” Jessa asks, pointing to my boots.
One of them is squishy, but I make it work. “Yeah, let’s go.”