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Aunt Didi talked to my dad and convinced him to let me participate in the rest of the trip, especially since my ticket to Six Flags was already paid. If there’s one thing my dad detests, it’s wasting money—another thing is arguing with Aunt Didi.
My dad gives everyone a lecture before entering the park and handing out tickets. I’m the last to get my ticket and he holds it out while staring into the distance. He won’t even look at me. That definitely stings. I feel like I’ve lost two parents instead of one. I shrug it off and pretend as if it doesn’t hurt.
JJ was right about the weather. Last night, it stormed so hard that thunder shook Aunt Didi’s house. The pavement is still wet and the sun weaves in and out of the clouds.
Jessa and I take photos together while the boys examine the theme park map to find which ride we should get on first.
“You might want to put your hair up if we’re doing all roller coasters,” Jessa informs me. She puts her hair into a messy ponytail and then hands me a scrunchie.
“Jess, I am not wearing a scrunchie.”
She shrugs. “Suit yourself. You’re gonna mess up all that pretty hair that you had done just for JJ.” She grins and I quickly elbow her in the side. “Shhhh!” I tell her. Thankfully, the boys don’t hear us.
JJ’s not wearing his glasses again but he touches the bridge of his nose like they’re still there. “I say we start small and then go big because Clove’s never been on a roller coaster before,” he suggests.
“No, we should start big and do all the upside down one's first so that we don’t throw up after we eat later,” Xavier counters.
I interrupt. “Let’s start with Goliath. Go big or go home right?” Goliath was the one JJ had suggested we ride together. Therefore, that’s the one I want to do first.
“Are you sure?” JJ asks.
I nod. “Yep! Let’s go!” I start walking but then I don’t know which way to go so I turn back around and walk next to JJ and try to read the map. He navigates us to where it’s located. We got here just as the park opened so the crowds are still trickling in.
By the time we get to Goliath, there is a decent-sized line. Knowing that we’ll be waiting for a while, we start talking.
Jessa asks me if I’m still making cakes and pies for Ms. Brenda. I nod and watch a coaster car speed over us.
“How much you chargin’?” she asks.
I shrug. I had forgotten to go and calculate the costs of everything.
“You’re baking for Easter?” Xavier asks. “If you are, my mom was talking about your mom’s Seven-Up cake. You think you can make one for us? I’ll pay you.”
“Sure, but you don’t have to pay me, Xave.” I’m not 100 percent sure I can make Mama’s Seven-Up cake. Sometimes they’d be too dry when I tried to make them, but Mama had a way of making them really moist. Her recipe book is still in the kitchen right where she left it.
“What are you making for Mrs. Brenda?” JJ asks.
“One Chess Pie, a Chocolate Chess Pie, Pineapple Upside Down Cake and...” I forget the last one but quickly remember. “Oh and a Strawberry Poke Cake.”
By the face JJ makes, I can tell he doesn’t know what a poke cake is. I try to explain to him the details.
He nods as though he’s trying to understand. “So there’s Jell-o on top of cake? That’s interesting. Are you going to do a trial run? I’d be interested in seeing how that tastes.”
“I am. You should all come over tomorrow when I make them. I’ve never done the poke cake before so I’ll need taste testers.”
All three of my friends raise their hands to volunteer. It makes me feel pretty good until my friends start talking about their favorite things that my mom used to make. I know they’re just sharing their memories, but it makes me think about her and I’m starting to feel somewhat panicky. Maybe it’s because I have four desserts to make—no five, if I count Xavier’s cake. Or maybe because we’re getting closer to the front of the line.
My breathing is becoming a little uneven. Calm down, Clove. You’re at a theme park. This is the kind of danger you wanted. Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in.
“I loved Ms. Honey’s Ginger Molasses cookies. So good,” Jessa exclaims.
The word loved, echoes in my brain. Breathe out....
“Oh and remember when she used to give us free croissants if there were some left after school?” Xavier says. Breathe in...
Remember when echoes too. I close my eyes. I’m in front with my back away from them so they can’t see me. I try to just focus on the roller coaster but people scream and I begin to stare at the architecture of the ride. I’d watched videos of this ride, but seeing it on screen and being right in front of it is very different. This will be fine. It’s not a big deal. I can do this. I’m just a little nervous.
Breathe in... breathe out.
“I miss her cookies.”
Breathe in...
“I miss her pies and cakes.”
Breathe out...
“I miss all of it,” Jessa says and they start laughing. The line moves again and JJ starts telling facts about the ride. About how it’s the tallest and longest roller coaster ride here and how it travels out of the park and over water. He starts talking about velocity, slopes, and hills.
My chest moves up and down and I get the hiccups.
“Clove, you ok?” Jessa asks.
I nod, but I don’t turn around. If I turn around, they’ll see my face and know something’s wrong. Riding Goliath first was my idea and my friends are excited about it. The sound of a hiccup escapes my mouth and my body jumps.
“Wait a sec” Jessa says. “Clove, do you have the hiccups?”
“N-no,” I hiccup. All of my friends know that I do this when I’m anxious or scared.
“Turn around then,” JJ requests.
I shake my head because I don’t want to. JJ steps in front of me. I don’t know what he sees, but it’s enough to melt his smile.
I hiccup. “D-don’t look at me like that. I’m f-fine. I wanna do this.”
“Why?”
“B-b-because. I want to and you want to and s-s-so does everyone else.”
JJ shakes his head and puts his hands on my shoulders. “We don’t have to do this. We can get out of line. When we get to the front we’ll just step aside and wait for Jessa and Xavier.”
“Nah,” Xavier says. “If Clove doesn’t wanna go, then I’m not going. I don’t even like roller coasters. I was just going because y'all were.”
Jessa tells him to shut up because he’s lying and just trying to make me feel better.
“No, we are going,” I command. “I w-want to.”
The line moves behind JJ so I sidestep him and get back in front. If I’ve counted correctly, after the next two groups go, it’ll be our turn.
“We can sit in the back,” Jessa says.
“No that’s worse. We should sit in the middle,” Xavier argues.
“We’re going to be in front.” I tell them. I meant what I said: go big or go home.
JJ mumbles something about me being stubborn but I close my eyes and focus on breathing. This is silly. It’s just a ride. I try not to think about what JJ said about this ride being the fastest, at seventy miles per hour, but seventy miles per hour was how fast the drunk driver was going.
I hiccup even more and bounce my leg, shaking my hip. To take my mind off of things. I pivot around to face my friends. “Do y'all realize this goes 70 miles per hour? That’s how fast that chick was going when she hit my mama. Crazy right! Insane. Who drives that fast in Smalltown? Full of alcohol driving 70 miles per hour on a busy street.”
I bounce my hip then start giggling and hiccupping at the same time. The three of them exchange glances. JJ reaches out for me but I move away. I don’t want him to console me. I know what they’re thinking but I’m fine, I’m
The next car pulls up and I go straight to the front as soon as the attendant opens the gate. I’m aiming for the outside seat so if I throw-up, hopefully I’ll do it to the side. It may not even matter if I’m in the front. I probably should’ve listened to Jessa when she suggested we get in the back. Is it too late to change my mind? I turn around. Everyone has boarded and is being fastened into the safety harness thingy. I close my eyes, hiccup, and try to breathe as the car begins to move towards the incline. I watch the ground get farther away.
“Don’t look down,” JJ says.
But I do. I can’t help it.
“Clove, look at me,” he says. But I don’t want to because for whatever reason, my tear ducts have decided to start working. I feel so stupid. People probably think I’m crying over the ride, but there’s nothing I can do because I’ve been so prideful and stubborn.
We’re practically perpendicular to the sky, directly facing the clouds. My tears fall back to my ears. JJ has to yell over the loud clicks that takes us up. “It’s going to be ok and over soon. It’s just like life; up and down, scary and fun, good and bad times. But I promise you, it’s going to be okay. Scream, cry, do whatever you want. I’m right here.”
He opens his palm. I grab his hand and hold on tight as the ride drops.