KIP HAD no idea why he’d made the comment about Jos being beautiful when he smiled. He should’ve known better than to say something like that without thinking. In those few seconds, he’d outed himself to Jos. Granted, he hadn’t seemed taken aback and hadn’t recoiled, so maybe he hadn’t scared Jos off, but he hadn’t helped himself either. Jos was handsome enough, with deep eyes and a sculptured nose, and plump lips that would be perfect for kissing and other things he didn’t dare think about. Jos was a guy he was trying to help and a witness to a crime. It was a terrible idea for him to have these kinds of thoughts about someone like him. He’d help Jos get the support he needed because it was the right thing to do, and then he’d move on with his life.
Thank God the drive to the station wasn’t very long. Even with the air-conditioning on, Kip more than once tugged at his collar, warmth spreading through him. His heart pounded and he was hyperaware of the way Jos’s leg bounced nervously as they rode. “It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you or try to take anything from you.”
“Sure,” Jos said. “When Powers kicked me out of the apartment, I knew it was illegal and thought about trying to fight it. But then a policeman showed up and did nothing to stop Powers. They seemed like they were buddy-buddy, and all the policeman said was that it was his property, and without a lease or any paperwork, there was nothing he could do. Then the bastard smiled at me with mock sympathy, got back in his car, and drove off as Isaac and I stood on the sidewalk with nowhere to go. So I’m not feeling really good about going into the police station. What if he’s there and makes trouble for me?”
Kip narrowed his gaze. “If he is, you point him out to me.” He gripped the steering wheel tightly. He and Aaron Cloud, one of the detectives, had been after Powers for a long time, and if one of the men on the department was helping him, no wonder he always stayed one step ahead. This bastard was feeding him information. Kip made a note to talk to Aaron as soon as he could get the other officer alone. “But wait until we leave. Pretend you don’t recognize him if you do see him.”
“Okay,” Jos agreed, but he still didn’t settle down.
“All we need to do is get your statement so we can make our charges stick on Tyler. Then I have some items I need you to look over, and finally I’m going to check if Aaron is on duty so you can talk to him too.” Kip pulled into the lot and parked. “Don’t worry—he’s a good guy, and he’ll help you.”
“What if he’s the one?” Jos asked, and Kip had to stop to think a few seconds. He didn’t think Aaron Cloud, one of the senior men on the force, would be involved with Gordon Powers, but Jos was right; he had to be cautious.
“I’ll be careful and make sure you see him before he sees you.” How he was going to do that, though, he wasn’t sure. “Come on inside with me, and we’ll go right to one of the interview rooms. They’re pretty private.” Kip opened his car door and got out, waiting for Jos to follow him with Isaac.
He led them into the station, past the officer on duty, and into one of the interview rooms, where Jos settled into a chair with Isaac on his lap. “I’ll be right back.” Kip left and went to his work area. He grabbed his laptop and brought it back to the interview room with him. It would be easier to type up the statement as he went than it would be to transcribe it later.
“What’s going on, Rogers?” Carter asked, poking his head in the interview room. “Hi, guys.”
Isaac smiled and Jos nodded.
“I need to take their statements. Could you get the effects we took off the guy we brought in last night? I think some of it is stolen from Josten here.”
“Sure thing,” Carter said and left the room.
Kip powered up his computer, pulled up the form, and began gathering the information he needed. Jos was a great witness, remembering details and relaying what happened with as little emotion as possible. That concerned him, though, because he figured Jos was most likely repressing what happened so he could deal with it, but the clear facts were helpful.
Carter returned with an envelope and left the room, then returned again with a bottle of water, which he handed to Jos.
“It’s all right. Take your time,” Kip said.
Jos opened the bottle, then gulped water quickly. “I don’t want to think about what could have happened.”
“I know.” Kip wanted to take Jos’s hand to try to comfort him. He knew relating the events was hard, but this was only the first time, and most likely Jos would have to do it again and again if he had to go to court. It wasn’t a pleasant notion. “Just take your time. There’s no hurry.”
“Is there a place Isaac can sit where he isn’t going to hear?”
Kip wasn’t sure what to do.
Carter came to the rescue. “I can ask Donald to come down for Isaac. When I talked to him a while ago, he said Alex wanted to know if Isaac was okay.”
“I appreciate it,” Kip said, and Carter left once again. Kip settled and gave Jos some time, letting him talk about what happened in his own way as best he could. “I heard Tyler say you were his. What did he mean?”
“On the street, bigger people prey on the weaker ones. Tyler wanted me to stay with him and….” Jos paused and looked down at Isaac. “You can figure out what he wanted. He promised to protect Isaac and me, but I didn’t believe him. He’s a lying snake, and everyone is afraid of him. Some said he killed people, but I don’t know if that’s true or not.” Jos held Isaac tighter on his lap.
“Tyler is bad and he smells,” Isaac said, holding his nose. “He needs a bath. Maybe two.”
“Yeah, he was smelly,” Kip agreed. He let Jos drink his water and calm down. Donald came in after about ten minutes, and Isaac slipped off Jos’s lap and went with him and Alex.
“We’ll be down in the breakroom. The boys can play Legos some more. Take whatever time you need.”
Jos seemed about ready to freak when Isaac left, but then he settled, and Kip walked Jos through what had happened.
“Did he actually rape you?” he asked.
“No. He got my pants down and was about to open his when you showed up and stopped him.” Most of the color left Jos’s face.
Once he’d finished taking Jos’s statement, Kip opened the envelope and pulled out the items inside one by one. They were in evidence bags.
“That’s mine, and so is that watch,” Jos said. He pointed to his mother’s necklace. “You know that’s mine too. He said that his protection came at a higher price than just my ass.” Jos paused and shivered even though the room was warm. “He’s an asshole, and I hope you get him for everything you can.”
“We will. Now we can add theft, and we have the items. I wonder where he got the rest.”
“I don’t know. I tried to stay away from him as much as I could, and usually I could smell him before I saw him.”
“All right.” Kip stood. “Let me go check the roster and see if Aaron is in. I don’t believe he’s in league with Powers, but it doesn’t hurt to be sure. I’ll be a minute.” Kip paused. “Do you know what day you were evicted?”
“Three weeks ago yesterday,” Jos answered.
“Let me check and see if he was on duty.” That was a much safer approach. Kip left and checked the schedules. Aaron was on duty that day. So he found Carter and asked if he could check the call logs for the day of the eviction.
“What are you looking for?” Carter asked as he logged in, bringing up the log.
“A call about an eviction. It would be the area on A Street where Powers has that run of small apartment buildings.”
“I don’t see it. Who made the call?” Carter printed out the basic call log for him. Kip took it and returned to Jos to ask.
“I didn’t call,” Jos said. “I was going to, but then he just showed up. I thought one of the neighbors had called….”
“Nope,” Kip answered. He began to think. The guy could be someone impersonating a police officer or someone Powers called on to put down any resistance and to make what he was doing easier to complete. “This is a picture of Aaron.” Kip showed it to Jos, who shook his head. “Good. I’m going to get him.” Kip printed off the statement, got it from the printer, and handed it to Jos. “Go ahead and read it while I’m gone, and then you can sign it if I have everything right.” He grabbed his laptop and took it back to his desk before going in search of Aaron.
“Isn’t today your day off?” Aaron asked when Kip found him at his desk.
“Yeah. It’s a long story, but I have someone who might be able to help with Powers. He was evicted a few weeks ago, and he said there was a police officer there. He isn’t sure who it was, but he said the guy told him there was nothing he could do. I checked the records, and Jos confirmed that he never called the police. The police officer was just there, probably at Power’s request.”
“Okay….”
“So what if Powers has a man inside the department?” Kip asked. “I think you should talk to Jos. But be gentle. This guy has been through a lot, and he’s nervous enough being here.”
“Is this the man who has a kid that’s staying with you?”
God, word sure traveled fast. “Yeah. He needed some help.”
“Be careful,” Aaron said. “I know you want to help. It’s why most of us went into this kind of work. But we can’t be all things to everyone, and we have to have a life outside the job.” Aaron stood up and came around his desk. “To a degree we’re all about the job. It takes over a lot of our lives. Nine-to-five isn’t for us, but we also need some part of our lives that’s quiet and ours.”
“I don’t understand.”
Aaron clapped him on the back. “Just don’t let the job take over everything in your life. Being a police officer cost me a marriage because I didn’t know how to let go of things. I brought cases home and even a kid who needed help, like you. But it was too much for Kirsten, and she ended up leaving.”
“I’m not married, but I think I understand what you’re saying.” There wasn’t anything he could do about it now because there was no way he’d put Isaac and Jos back on the streets. He just had to help them put their life together again so they could be on their own. “I’ll be careful.”
Aaron followed him out of his office and down the hall to the interview room where Jos waited, his bouncing leg stilling as soon as Kip returned.
“I’m Detective Cloud.” Jos nodded and watched Aaron intently, as though he expected to be attacked at any moment.
“Jos has identified a number of items that we recovered from last night’s suspect, so we can add theft to the charges,” Kip said.
“When will I get them back?” Jos asked.
Aaron sat down. “This is the crappy part. We need them as evidence, so they have to stay with us until we find out if he’s going to fight the charges in court. You could have your items back now, but then the theft charges would have to be dropped. Hopefully we can make all the charges stick, and this helps.”
Jos lowered his gaze. “So he steals from me no matter what. He takes my stuff, you get it back, and I lose it anyway because you need it.”
“I know how you feel, but the courts require evidence, and it’s temporary. Him having your things on him is dead-to-rights proof of theft,” Aaron explained. He leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. “I understand you have a complaint to file against Gordon Powers for wrongful eviction.”
“I don’t know if there’s anything you can do. I don’t want to go back there ever again, but all my stuff was taken, not that I have any place to keep it.”
“Tell him what you told me,” Kip said.
“There was a policeman there. He showed up when they were kicking me out. I thought maybe the neighbors had called the police, but I should have known better. Most of the people there don’t speak much English, and they aren’t going to call attention to themselves if they can help it.” Jos seemed defeated. “I’d lost my job, and he didn’t even give me the chance to find another one. He just kicked me and Isaac out on the street.”
“Was it just you?”
“No. He did it to another family too. I thought it was really strange. The apartment across the way from me was empty. I don’t know about the others in the building.”
“It had nothing to do with you losing your job. Powers sold that building to a developer who bought the land behind it. The guy needed access and paid Powers a lot, I’m guessing, for the building. Probably made it a condition that the tenants be gone so he could tear it down right away. Powers is a real piece of work.”
“There was a policeman there,” Jos reiterated.
“We didn’t get a call,” Kip said and handed Aaron the call logs from that night. “We think he was there because Powers made sure he was.”
“Why didn’t you call me right away?” Aaron asked as he stared at the log.
Kip kept quiet and hoped Jos would as well.
“Kip?” Aaron pressed and Kip shrugged. “I get it. You thought it was me?”
“I didn’t think so, but we had to be sure.”
“What did the officer look like?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t paying much attention to him. Isaac was crying, and I was scared to death because I didn’t have any place to go. I had a little money, but it would be gone in a few days at a hotel, and the weather was warm…. I didn’t know what else to do. We managed to get into a shelter, thank God, and I kept what little money I had hidden.”
“I need you to think. Try to remember. Did his uniform look like Kip’s? Did he have the same patches and his badge in the same place?” Aaron turned to him for a second and then back to Jos. “Was his shirt blue or white?”
“White,” Jos answered. “It was definitely white, and he wore a tie.”
“South Middleton Township police,” Aaron said. “That explains why we don’t have a record of a call at all—we didn’t get one.”
“But he was out of his jurisdiction,” Kip said. “He couldn’t do anything.”
“Yeah, but he kept anyone else from calling the police because they all thought the police were already there. And the building is empty now, I suspect, waiting for demolition.”
Kip smiled. “Can we get a warrant? Maybe Jos’s things are there, and we can get something out. He has paperwork he needs, and maybe his and Isaac’s clothes. He left with practically nothing.”
“I’ll try,” Aaron agreed. “It’s hard to get anything on this guy, and the judges are getting pretty demanding because we always seem to come up empty. I might be more successful if I can restrict it just to Josten’s apartment.”
“Whatever you can do,” Kip said.
“I know I don’t deserve your help, but thank you,” Jos said.
Kip watched as Aaron’s mouth dropped open in near total shock. “Of course you deserve my help. Everyone does. That’s what we’re here for—to help wherever and whomever we can. It doesn’t matter who you are or if you’re homeless or not—we’re here to help.” The indignation in Aaron’s voice filled the room. “I’ll do whatever I can.” Aaron stood, and Kip thought he was going to leave the room, but he walked around the table and crouched near Jos. “You have nothing to fear from the police. I know a lot of people on the streets are afraid of us because we make them move on when they find a place to stay, but it isn’t personal, and we don’t hate the homeless.” Aaron stood back up as Isaac bounded into the room. He stopped when he saw Aaron and walked slowly around to Jos.
“Are you done?” he stage-whispered. “Mr. Donald said we could get ice cream when you were done.” Isaac danced from foot to foot.
“Almost,” Kip told him. He walked over, scooped Isaac into his arms, and blew bubbles on his belly. Isaac laughed at the top of his lungs, and Kip did it again. Isaac continued giggling and squirming. A few seconds later Kip looked up and realized not only were Aaron and Jos looking at him, but half the department was peering in the doorway. “Let’s go find Mr. Donald so we can clean up and get ready to go. Jos and Officer Aaron are going to have a talk, and they don’t really need us.” He carried Isaac into the breakroom, where Donald and Alex were sitting at the table.
“Is he done?” Alex asked.
“Almost.” Isaac practically shook with excitement, then turned to look up at him. “Mama used to take me to get ice cream sometimes, but Jos hasn’t.”
“What was your mama like?” Kip asked. He figured it was better to get Isaac to talk about it than to ignore the fact that his mother was gone.
“Tall—not as tall as you—and pretty. Mama used to dress pretty and go out.” Isaac put his arms around Kip’s neck and rested his head on his shoulder. “I want my mama,” he said softly. “We had fun-ral and she gone, but I want Mama.”
Kip’s heart leaped and wept at the same time. That Isaac would turn to him and trust him with his heartbreak was both sad and amazing. There had been few times in his life when he’d felt as close to someone as he did to Isaac in those few minutes. Isaac’s innocence, and the way he only needed to be cared for, touched something deep inside him.
“You should definitely be a father,” Donald said softly. “You were meant for that.”
“I don’t think so,” Kip said.
“It doesn’t matter one bit, gay or straight, the kind of father we’ll be. I like to think that Carter and I are good fathers.”
“I wish I’d have had someone like you as my father.” The role model he’d had scared the crap out of him when it came to children. Basically Kip thought about what his father would do and then did the exact opposite. “Mine never held me like this. I don’t remember him going to a game or seeing a program at school. I do remember him sitting in his chair, television on, a beer in one hand and the next one ready on the table.” Movement caught his attention, and he turned as Jos leaned against the doorframe. Kip put Isaac on his feet, and he rushed over to Jos.
“Ice cream now?”
“Alex, you and Isaac clean up the Legos, and then we’ll go get some ice cream.” Donald handed Alex the bag, and Isaac hurried over to help put the blocks away.
“Did you tell Aaron what he needed?”
“Yeah. He said if he got the warrant, he’d let me know so I could go over and get my things. He said he was going to say that the apartment contained stolen property. Because it does. Powers stole my stuff from me. He isn’t sure he’ll be able to make the charges stick because he said Powers will say that I just didn’t come back for my things, but hopefully….”
“If you get the papers, it’ll help a lot. You could get replacements, but that takes time you don’t have right now.” Donald pulled Alex up onto his lap, and Jos sat down, letting Isaac climb onto his. The obvious affection between Isaac and Jos was tender and sweet. They even tilted their head the same way when they listened. You could tell they were brothers, although with their age difference, Isaac could be Jos’s son.
“I’ll try.” Jos sighed. “All this is overwhelming, and I can hardly believe you can help me. I half expect all this to end at any second.”
“There are limits to what we can do, but of course we’ll help,” Kip said, stepping behind Jos’s chair. He nearly placed his hands on his shoulders but stopped himself just in time. Jos was someone he was trying to help, not his family or his boyfriend.
“Why would you help me?” Jos said. “I mean, I know you’re helping for Isaac, but I appreciate it.”
Kip knelt next to Jos’s chair. “I’d help even if it was just you. This isn’t just about Isaac.” There would be limited things Donald could do to help if Isaac wasn’t involved, but Kip really wanted to think he’d help Jos even if Isaac wasn’t around. “Now how about we go get that ice cream, and then we can stop at the store so I can do what I promised and get Isaac a real horsey.”
Jos turned to him, smiled slightly, and then nodded. “Okay.”
“Yay!” Isaac said. Kip wasn’t sure if it was about the ice cream or the horsey, maybe both. He had no idea, and it didn’t matter. Isaac was happy, and after a few seconds Jos smiled as well.
“Are you ready?” Kip waited while Jos put Isaac down and took his hand, leading him out of the station. “We’ll follow you,” Kip told Donald, and he helped Isaac get into his seat. Then he waited for Donald to get ready, following him the few blocks to the Bruster’s.
KIP WAS happy, Isaac was full and asleep in the backseat, holding the blond stuffed horse Kip got him at Walmart, and even Jos seemed content as they pulled up in front of Kip’s house. As soon as Kip recognized the car parked across the street, he got out. Jeffrey did the same and walked over to him.
“I thought I’d give you some time to cool off and think,” Jeffrey said.
“About what?” Kip asked. “Quitting my job so my life fits your schedule?”
Jos got out of the car and helped Isaac.
Jeffrey’s expression turned icy. “I see you found someone else.” Jeffrey stepped closer. “I see you like them young…. Jailbait, even.” He glared at Jos.
“That’s enough. Jos is a friend who needs a little help, so he and Isaac are staying with me.”
“How close is he staying?” Jeffrey sneered.
“Remember, you were the one who picked a fight and then left. Now you’re back and acting pissy. Well, you have no reason to. You were the one who wasn’t happy, and yet here you are. But nothing has changed. I still work odd hours, and I won’t be able to be available all the time. That’s what you wanted.” Jeffrey showing up was the last thing he’d have expected.
Jeffrey looked at Jos and then steered Kip away from the car and down the sidewalk. “I had a chance to think about things, and I realized I wasn’t being fair. I came into town, and I expected you to change everything because I was here. That wasn’t right. We have a lot in common, and we’ve had some special times together, so I was thinking I would try to get a job here again, and then we could be together.” Jeffrey smiled his million-watt smile, the one Kip had come to know as the deal-maker.
“That’s nice, but get a job here for you, not for me. I don’t want you to change your life because of me. I wouldn’t for you,” Kip said, staring clear-eyed at Jeffrey, whose lips curled upward in what Kip thought was a smile, but which quickly darkened into a sneer and then a grimace. “I’m not quitting my job, and I can’t ask you to do the same.”
“Damn you, Kip. I came all this way back because I thought we had something, that you cared.”
“I do.”
“But not enough. Is that it?” Jeffrey asked, his voice getting louder.
“Enough for what? To stop living my life so you can be happy? That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want me to stop what I love, stop being a police officer and find some other work that will mean that I’ll be home when you want me.” Kip caught himself before he began to yell. “I won’t do that. I am a police officer—it’s an important part of my life, and I’m not going to give that up. I told you that before, and nothing has changed. I can’t give up what I love.”
“I thought you loved me,” Jeffrey said.
Kip glanced back to where Jos and Isaac stood by the car, little Isaac holding the stuffed horse Kip had bought for him, Jos biting his lower lip nervously.
“Are you paying attention to what I’m saying?” Jeffrey said. “I thought you loved me!” He took a step back. “But I guess you didn’t love me enough.”
“For what? To give up my life and myself for you? Love means building a life together based around what both people want. It isn’t about putting your wants ahead of others, but about figuring out what’s best for both. You were never interested in that. After you graduated from Dickinson, all you wanted was for me to bend to what you wanted. I tried doing that for a while, and it didn’t work.” Kip tried to explain as best he could, but he wasn’t sure if his meaning was coming across. It was apparent from Jeffrey’s expression that he either wasn’t listening or didn’t care enough to actually give any thought to Kip’s feelings.
“So now I’m the selfish one. I drove hours the other day to see you, and I thought you’d trade shifts or whatever, so we could have some time together. But you didn’t. We had a fight. So what? People fight sometimes. They don’t move on in a few days and decide to play house.” Jeffrey motioned toward Jos and Isaac.
Up until then, Kip had been fine letting Jeffrey rant on, but that got under his skin. “They’re friends, and that’s enough!” he snapped. He saw Isaac flinch and grip his horse tighter. “You don’t have any right to tell me how to live my life, any more than I do yours. You live in Pittsburgh, three hours away, and we were friends first and became something more, but you know as well as I do that all this drama is just that—as false as anything on the stage. It isn’t backed by any deep feeling for me. You got your ego bruised, and you came back to see if you could soothe it and get a little satisfaction.”
“Now you think you’re Freud,” Jeffrey said sarcastically. “Don’t try to analyze me—you hardly have the brain power for it.”
“That’s enough, Jeffrey. Now please get back in your car and go. This conversation is over.”
“Or what?” Jeffrey stepped even closer. “What are you going to do? Call the police?” He grinned. “I bet your friends would like to hear about the big bad cop having to call for reinforcements.”
“You’re making a fool of yourself,” Kip said, not rising to Jeffrey’s bait. That was how he worked. It had taken a while before Kip realized that when Jeffrey was losing he always tried to turn his opponent’s strength into a weakness somehow.
“Am I?”
“Yes. You certainly are. I’m sorry you drove all this way, but you should have called first. We could have talked on the phone and saved you a trip.” Kip pointed to the car and waited. “You might as well go. You aren’t going to get me to back down, and throwing a hissy fit isn’t going to help either.” Kip stood firm, staring Jeffrey down until he turned and took the first steps toward his car.
“You’re going to be sorry.”
“Oh, please. I know I’m not, and you sound like a bad movie.” He watched as Jeffrey finally got in his car and zoomed out of his parking spot, leaving a trail of black behind him. Kip thought about calling the department and having them track and stop him for his driving, but he wanted him gone as quickly as possible.
“Maybe we should go somewhere else,” Jos said. “I don’t want to come between you and your boyfriend.”
Kip shook his head. “He isn’t my boyfriend, and he never was. He was…. I don’t know what he was.” He walked back to where Isaac and Jos stood next to the car. “Why don’t we go inside.”
“That man yelled,” Isaac said. “He was mean and it made his face all scrunchy.” Isaac tried to imitate Jeffrey, and Kip laughed because he did a good job.
“Yes, he was a scrunchy-face. But he’s gone now, probably for good.”
“Are you sorry he’s gone?” Jos asked, and Kip shook his head. Jos turned away. “Is it always that easy for you to let people go?”
“No,” Kip said. “But it was easy to let Jeffrey go. He and I had a thing. But it was a long-distance, mostly physical thing and little more.”
“But he said…,” Jos began.
“Jeffrey will say just about anything to get his own way. You saw the car he drives. It costs more than I make in two years. It was a gift from his father, as was much of what Jeffrey has. He’s used to being given what he wants, and I wasn’t going to be one of those gifts.” Kip didn’t want to go into this in front of Isaac. “So what are you going to name your horse?” Kip asked Isaac to change the subject.
“Um….” Isaac put his finger in his mouth. “Ice Cream.”
“Is that really what you want to name him? Because you can name him anything you want.”
“Then Spist…. That ice cream you had.”
“Pistachio,” Kip said.
“Yeah. That’s his name. Spistachio,” Isaac said, hugging the horse tight. “Can I play?”
“Sure,” Jos said.
“Why don’t you play with Pistachio on the porch? That way he won’t get too dirty,” Kip suggested. “I can get some lemonade, and we can all sit outside for a while.” Fresh air would definitely do him good. He led the way, and Isaac went right to one of the wicker lounges, declaring it a corral for “Spistachio.” Jos sat rigidly in one of the chairs while Kip went inside. He made up some frozen lemonade and brought a pitcher and cups on a tray out to the porch.
“This is probably going to be one of the last truly nice days of the year,” Kip said. “Around here it’s like someone flips a switch and spring is here, and then the switch gets flipped again in the fall and winter is upon us.”
“I know,” Jos said and sat back in his chair, cradling the cup in both hands. He drank every now and then, watched Isaac, and said nothing at all. Kip watched Isaac play for a while, but his gaze kept traveling back to Jos. He was chewing on something. Kip could almost see the wheels in his mind turning something over and over again. He’d sat quietly with people and been perfectly comfortable. This was not one of those times. It seemed like the pressure inside Jos was building by the second.
“What is it?” Kip eventually asked.
“I keep thinking we should go,” Jos replied.
Kip sighed. “Where are you going to go? To a shelter? Back on the streets?” It wasn’t as though he had a lot of options, but Kip stopped because Jos looked as though he’d hit him. “Dammit, I didn’t mean it like that. If I think you need to leave, then I’ll tell you. Jeffrey and I were done before I met you, and you didn’t break anything up or ruin a relationship, because the one we had was over. He didn’t want to accept it. Nothing more. So don’t worry.”
“But what—”
“Are you scared?” Kip asked. “You look like a rabbit ready to run.”
“I’m always scared. I have been for weeks. Mom died and suddenly I’m a parent to a four-year-old. That threw me for a loop, but just as I was getting things under control, everything fell apart with the job and the apartment. Not that I was going to be able to stay in the apartment for very long unless I got a job, but I even had day care for Isaac because they had a small center at work. Since then I’ve been moving from shelter to shelter. I don’t know where our next meal is coming from, I have people telling me that Isaac would be better off with strangers in foster care, and finally you come along and I don’t know what the hell to think, because you and Donald are the first people who’ve really tried to help me other than filling a plate and telling me to move along.”
“That was a mouthful.”
“I guess, but I can’t help thinking that your help is only going to last so long, and then I’ll be right back where I was.”
“But you won’t. If Donald can help Isaac get survivor benefits, then you’ll have some support coming in until he’s eighteen. It won’t be a huge amount, but it will be guaranteed money. Donald’s contacts will also try to find you a place to live with a reputable landlord.”
“It’s hard to let someone do things for me when….” Jos paused and swallowed. Kip watched his delicate throat work and knew he should not be watching Jos that closely. Of course it didn’t help that sometimes he was sure he saw Jos watching him.
“It can be hard to trust people,” Kip continued. “It’s easier to rely on yourself, but you can’t do it all, and getting your life back on track is going to require more than you can do alone. And your primary focus needs to be on Isaac.”
“But….”
“I’m not going to hurt you, and neither is Donald. Think of it this way: trusting us doesn’t have a cost. You can leave if you want, and if what Donald and I are trying to do doesn’t work, you’re no worse off. But you could be much better off, with a home and support for Isaac. You only have to let us help.”
Jos took a drink, the ice cubes rattling in the cup, then said, “But why would you want to? Why would you go to all this trouble for me… us? We’re not your family, and you don’t know us at all.”
“We know you,” Kip said. “Both Donald and I see people who need help each and every day. Sometimes they’re victims of crime and sometimes just victims of the cruelty of life. All of us try to help. It’s why Donald went into social work and why I became a police officer. Sometime I’ll tell you how Alex came to live with them. It’ll break your heart. I barely knew either Carter or Donald back then, but what they did for Alex opened my eyes, and we became friends.”
“So why are you helping us?”
Kip didn’t answer right away.
“Really, why?”
“Okay. A year ago I got this call. It was for a domestic disturbance. Turned out we found a woman nearly dead, and she died later. We took the guy into custody. He was a real piece of work, and he made his money having children do what no child should ever have to do.” Kip took a few breaths to clear his head and keep focused on the story. Even though he was a cop, there were some things that got to him like nothing else.
“I was on the call with Carter. He’s a computer geek, but he followed his nose through the house. He found toys, but no kid. I thought he was crazy, but he went up in the attic, and that was where he found Alex. He was Isaac’s age, and that little boy had been through hell. He was messed up, but Carter took care of him. I thought he was crazy to get involved. Let social services do their thing—that way he could stay out of it.”
“But he didn’t?”
“No. From what he told me later, he goaded Donald into taking Alex. To make a long story short, they fell in love with each other while taking care of Alex. He was their matchmaker.”
“Is that what you expect now? That Isaac is going to bring you and me together somehow? That you’re going to find love because of him?” Jos asked skeptically.
“No, that’s not what I expect. But I realized that if it had been up to me, I probably would have left that house without checking the attic, and little Alex would have stayed up there alone. Hell, he could have died. That was a real eye-opener, and I told myself that if it ever happened again, I’d step in and do what I could to help. So that’s what I’ve tried to do. I should have done it when I first encountered you, but by some miracle, I got a second chance, and thank God I got there in time.” Kip sighed. He’d been so damn close to making the same mistake twice. “Sometimes being a police officer and trying to help people isn’t enough. There are times when you just have to do something.” He sat back. “So I’m doing something.”
“And what do you expect to get for it?” Jos asked with a harsh tone.
Isaac took that moment to laugh and pick up Pistachio from his “corral” and start galloping around the porch, making horse noises. Kip followed him with his eyes and smiled.
“Isn’t that more than enough?” Kip asked, and Jos nodded with tears in his eyes. “He’s happy, and that smile of his….”
“I know,” Jos said. “I’ve tried to make him happy and never seem to be able to. Everything I touch turns to crap, and now he’s the one who’s paying the price.”
“You’re both paying for things that are beyond your control, and you’re not alone. Do you know how many people are a paycheck or two away from going through what you did? A huge number. You were the one who everything seemed to conspire against. But part of that is because you didn’t know there was help available. There should have been a social worker who helped you when you got custody of Isaac. They should have helped you sign up for survivor benefits and explained what your options were and how they could help. Instead, you were left on your own.”
“But if I’d been prepared…,” Jos said. He got up, lifting Isaac into his arms, then sat down with Isaac in his lap.
“Who’s ever prepared for parenthood?” Kip asked. “People usually have nine months, but new parents are almost always overwhelmed at some point. You were trying to make a life for yourself and now you’re doing it for two. That adds more challenges. So don’t blame yourself, and concentrate on making the best life you can.”
Jos nodded.
“Have you thought about trying to get a new job?”
“Yeah. But….”
“I’m not saying right now, but think about what you want to do. I mean really want to do. I bet Donald could help you get into school. There are lots of programs and help available. You just need to think about what you want.”
“To feed myself, have a house that’s mine, and to know that Isaac is safe, fed, and healthy. That’s all I really want. Everything else is immaterial,” Jos answered. “I can’t think beyond that right now. He has to come first.”
“I know—”
“No, you don’t,” Jos interrupted. “I know you’re trying to think longer term, but it’s the here and now that’s the problem. Hopes for the future come after we have enough food.” Isaac squirmed, and Jos let him slide off his lap. He ran back to his stuffed horse and began playing again, talking up a storm, telling “Spistachio” everything.
“I used to have dreams. Big dreams. I wanted to be an engineer, the train kind, and then a doctor. I even wanted to be a policeman for a while. Even when I was working at the warehouse, I used to work hard and did my job the best I could in hopes I’d get noticed and promoted. On the streets, everything is immediate. How do I stay out of the rain? Get enough to eat, make sure I don’t get robbed, or hurt… maybe worse.”
“I was only trying to help,” Kip said. “If you aren’t willing to look further, then nothing ever changes.”
“But I can’t think about what I want to do in five years when Isaac doesn’t have enough to eat now. That’s all I think about. He’s fed and happy, which is a relief, so now I’m wondering how I can get him his next meal and make sure he’s safe and not going to get sick. That’s all I think about, and I know you’re going to say that we’re going to have dinner here, but what about in a few days or a week? We could be right back out there on the street again.” Jos’s voice got louder and his eyes wider. He sat back in the chair, gulping for air, on the verge of having a panic attack. Kip jumped to his feet, took the cup and set it aside, then pulled Jos’s arms up over his head to stretch his chest and help him fill his lungs.
“It’s going to be okay.”
Isaac ran over and put Pistachio onto Jos’s lap. “I’m okay,” Jos said, and Kip released his arms. Jos took Pistachio into his arms and hugged him tight.
Isaac whimpered, and Kip lifted him onto his lap. “Jos is a little upset, but not at you. Go on and play for a while. We’ll be right here.”
Isaac turned to Jos. He clearly wasn’t buying it. Jos forced a smile and handed Pistachio back to Isaac. “Go on and play,” he whispered. “I’m fine.” Isaac took his horse, and Kip set him down once again.
“First thing, you are not going to end up back on the streets. That isn’t an option. Donald is going to help, and so am I.” Kip put his hand on Jos’s shoulder. He only meant it as a gesture of comfort, but the heat that shot through him was nearly overwhelming. Kip should have pulled his hand away, but he didn’t want that to be misinterpreted, so he left it and gently wriggled his fingers.
“I can’t stop worrying,” Jos said. “What if Tyler had gone after Isaac instead of me?” He began to hyperventilate again.
Kip soothed him as best he could. “He didn’t, and you’re here where it’s safe. And Tyler is behind bars, where he belongs. You don’t have to worry about him any longer.”
The way Jos tried to curl into the chair made him seem small, like if he curled up as far as he could, he’d disappear completely. “I can’t help worrying. Isaac deserves so much more. I need to find a way to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
“What you need to do is stop blaming yourself for what happened and try to forgive yourself. Guilt sucks, and we can let it take over our lives.”
“What do you have to feel guilty about?” Jos shot back. “You have all this, and you had parents who loved and cared for you. I bet everything was perfect for you.”
“Then that’s a bet you’d lose,” Kip retorted and pulled his hand away. He reached for his glass, wishing like hell there was something stronger than lemonade in it. “We all have things we feel guilty about.” Kip stood and went inside the house. He closed the front door and walked through to the kitchen. He set his glass on the counter and placed both hands on the granite counters his mother had installed just before she died. It was his turn not to hyperventilate as anger and long-festering guilt rose to mix together in a soup of blackness.
After a few minutes, he heard the front door open and close, then soft footsteps. Kip pushed away from the counter and opened the freezer door. He needed a pretense, something to cover his actions, and going for more ice seemed to work. He put an extra cube in his glass and then slid the tray home and closed the door.
“I’m sorry,” Jos said. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just hard to make people understand sometimes, and I got upset, and….” Jos stared at the floor.
“It wasn’t your fault.” An old wound that had been with him for a very long time had suddenly decided to split open in a big way. “Go back out with Isaac. I’ll be right back out.”
Jos turned and left, and Kip went upstairs to the spare bedroom on the third floor. The room was air-conditioned and heated, so he used it for storage. Plastic tubs were stacked one on top of the other against the wall. Kip scanned the labels until he found the one he wanted. He moved tubs around until he got to it and pulled it open.
Inside were toys. Kip found a few dolls that had been played with hard. He lifted them out and set them aside. He removed a stuffed bear and put it aside too. Then he found what he’d been looking for: a brown horse with a dark plastic saddle. He lifted it out and stared at it. Then he shook his head, put everything back, and slammed the lid back on the tub before wiping away the tears in his eyes. He pulled out the next tub and lifted the lid. Then he grabbed both of them and left the room, carrying them down the flights of stairs and out to the porch.
He set down the tubs, and Isaac hurried over, peering inside as Kip lifted the lid on the top tub. “These were mine when I was a kid, and I thought you could play with some of them.” Kip pulled out various trucks and cars, setting them on the porch floor. Isaac squealed, dropped to the floor, and started pushing the cars around. Kip had needed a chance to clear his head for a few minutes, and getting the toys for Isaac was just the break he needed. And judging by Isaac’s reaction, the decision was a good one.
“You’re going to spoil him,” Jos told him when Kip sat down.
“He deserves to be spoiled for a while, and so do you,” Kip countered. He found it difficult to sit still and went back inside, returning a few minutes later with a plate of cheese, crackers, and grapes. He set it on one of the side tables and sat back down.
“You’re trying to make me fat,” Jos accused even as he placed a slice of cheese on a cracker.
“You’re too thin and you know it,” Kip said. “So eat and relax. Isaac is happy, and you’re both safe.” He sat down and leaned back in his chair, letting his eyes drift closed. Of course, as soon as he did, his imagination took over.
“Why that grin?” Jos asked after a few seconds.
Kip shook his head. “Nothing,” he lied. There was no way he’d admit that he’d been sitting next to Jos wondering what he’d look like without his clothes on and what he’d feel like under him. His imagination had conjured up the most amazing chorus of soft needy sounds, and Kip leaned forward, hoping like hell he wasn’t showing wood. He sure as hell had it, but putting on a display wouldn’t be good. “I was just thinking.” He needed to stop having those thoughts. It wasn’t right and nothing could come of it.
“Kip,” Jos said, and Kip colored, wondering what he’d seen. “I see you looking at me sometimes.”
The heat in Kip’s cheeks rose even higher. “I’m sorry. I look. It doesn’t mean that…. I’m not like Tyler, you know.” Where had that come from? It seemed hard to believe that Jos had only been staying with him for a day.
“I know that. You’d never do anything like what he tried,” Jos said and leaned forward in his chair. “I am gay, just so you know. So you don’t have to worry about me being offended by your little daydreams.”
Kip swallowed. “Even if I were to confess that they were about you?”
“I figured that,” Jos said with a smile and sat back in his chair. Kip did the same, listening to the happy sound of Isaac as he ran cars around the porch. After a while, Isaac went back to playing with his horse, but somehow Pistachio now made the same sounds as a truck.
When Isaac said he was hungry, Kip made lunch and they ate on the porch. It was a late lunch because of their unscheduled ice cream stop, but that was fine. Isaac played the rest of the afternoon on the porch, and Jos watched him. Kip thought he might have relaxed somewhat and even nodded off for a while. Kip took that as a sign of Jos’s comfort around him.
When Isaac crawled into Jos’s lap and curled next to him later in the afternoon, Kip wondered if something was wrong, but Isaac just rested his head on Jos’s shoulder and dozed off.
“Kip,” Jos whispered after a while. “I have to go inside. Would you please…?” He stood and gently transferred Isaac. Kip expected Isaac to wake, but he remained asleep and curled against Kip, barely stirring. Jos put Pistachio to Isaac’s arm, and he curled it close. “I’ll be right back.”
Kip nodded and looked at the small body and angelic face resting on his lap, Isaac’s usual quiet energy banked for later use. Kip stroked a stray lock of Isaac’s hair from his forehead and just watched him sleep. When Jos returned, Kip asked if he wanted him back and was exceedingly happy when Jos shook his head and stretched out on the wicker love seat. “Go ahead and close your eyes if you want. He and I will be fine.”
Kip tried to remember the last time he’d spent an afternoon doing nothing. Even when he wasn’t at work, he was almost always doing something. The house always needed some kind of attention, and while he sat, he ran though the list of things he should be doing. When he was with Jeffrey, that list of items always seemed so important, but right now, it was secondary to enjoying the peace and quiet of one of those warm fall days that could be the last of the year.
“No!” Jos mumbled and stirred, groaning and then whimpering softly. Kip reached over and gently put his hand on Jos’s back and held it there, letting him know he wasn’t alone. Jos mumbled some more and then settled quietly once again.
A few minutes later, Isaac woke with a start, whining the way his brother had. “It’s okay. It’s just Kip.” He picked up Pistachio from where he’d tumbled out of Isaac’s arms and continued holding him for a few minutes until Isaac squirmed to be let down. “You have to play quietly.”
Isaac nodded and put a finger up to his lips, making a “shhh” sound to Pistachio before going to the other end of the porch and the chaise longue corral.
“Where’s Isaac?” Jos asked with a start, sitting straight up.
“He’s playing with his horse,” Kip said levelly, and Jos sighed and turned so his feet were on the floor. “God…. I dreamed someone had taken him, and when I went to get him back, he was gone and I couldn’t find him. Faceless people kept saying that he was better off, and after a while I began to believe it, and—”
“It was just a dream. Isaac is right there, and he’s fine,” Kip said lightly. “None of that is going to happen.”
“How do you know?” Jos asked. “I know you bent the rules last night when you didn’t call child services when you found us in the doorway. Why do you think I had to get away as fast as I could? I won’t let anyone take Isaac away. We’re the only family we’ve got, and I can’t leave him alone, not after what happened to Mom.”
“Donald and I aren’t going to let it happen.” Why he was so vehement in his conviction and so trusting of Jos was beyond him. He was a police officer; he should know better than to trust a stranger. He saw things every day that told him he needed to be much more careful, and yet Jos had gotten past his defenses and under his cynical police nature without him even realizing it.
His phone vibrated in his pocket. Kip read the message, then said, “Aaron got the warrant, and they’re going over now. He said to come by in half an hour and we should be able to have a look around.”
Jos seemed nervous and turned away. Instantly the suspicions he’d just been admonishing himself for pushing aside came rushing forward. “Is there something there that you don’t want them to see?”
Jos turned back to him. “How would you like other people going through your stuff?”
“They aren’t going to. Aaron got a warrant because there was stolen property on the premises. Yours. He’s claiming that in kicking you out illegally, Powers in effect stole your property from you. Hopefully it will stick in court, but Powers will have a bunch of lawyers with a million explanations.” Kip’s phone buzzed again. “We need to go,” he said and got to his feet. “Get Isaac in the car. Powers was already in the process of tearing down the building.”
Kip called Aaron. “How could that happen so fast?” he asked when Aaron answered.
“I have someone checking, but it looks like the permit came through today so he wasn’t wasting any time. We stopped the work, but the bulldozers have already demolished half the building.” Kip pulled open the door to his car and started the engine. As soon as Jos had Isaac in his seat and the doors closed, he zoomed to the other side of town.
“STAY HERE,” Kip said. He lowered the windows, then got out and walked to where Aaron was standing. One side wall of the brick structure was gone. “Jesus.”
“Tell me about it. That was Josten’s apartment,” Aaron said, pointing to the undamaged side of the building.
“What do we do?”
“It seems undamaged, and I have them stopped for now.”
“Has anyone else complained?” Kip asked.
Aaron nodded. “The units seem mostly empty. When I looked into the ones with the missing wall there were a few pieces of old furniture, but most everything was gone. I haven’t been able to look in the unit above, but I’m starting to think that Josten may have been the lone holdout.”
“Do you think Jos was lying?”
Aaron shook his head. “I think Powers was. He comes here making a show of force complete with a police officer to make it look really good. He tells everyone in the building that they’re being evicted and to get the hell out. The few others get their stuff once the show is over and clear out. Josten doesn’t know it’s a show, and he has no other place to go, so he grabs what he can and heads to a shelter.”
“Son of a bitch,” Kip swore.
“The guy is slime. Hell, he’s shit in slime. But he got what he wanted. The building is empty and there are no leases, and no one complains because they’re scared shitless. He gets a permit, and the building comes down…. Everything is gone, and he can go through with his sale of the land.”
“So what do we do?”
“The demolition has stopped, but the building is going to be unstable.”
“Can we go inside?”
“Red is already there. He wanted to look around,” Aaron explained. Kip turned to the doorway, and Red came out and walked over to them.
“This side of the building seems good for now. The walls and ceiling are intact, and there aren’t any cracks. These places were built pretty solidly. I’d say give the tenant an hour to take what’s vital, and then we need to condemn the place and let them take it down for safety. I took pictures inside in case the complainant wants to press charges. But the place is now a hazard and the door wasn’t locked when I got here, so I’m afraid anything of value has been removed.”
Kip sighed. Another injury to someone who’s been kicked around way too much. “I’ll get Jos, and he can decide what he wants to do,” Kip said and hurried back to the car. “You can go in and get what’s important. The place seems stable for now. I’ll stay with Isaac.” Kip opened the trunk. “Load up the trunk with whatever you can get.”
“Can I use the grocery bags?” Jos asked.
“Whatever you need,” Kip said as he saw Red coming over.
“I can help you,” Red offered.
“Jos, this is Red. He’s an officer and a personal friend.”
“Thanks,” Jos whispered, clearly overwhelmed. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Pictures, papers—whatever is most important to you and Isaac,” Kip said, wishing he could help him. But someone needed to stay with Isaac, and a total stranger would freak Isaac out. Jos nodded, and Red led him into the building.
KIP SAT with Isaac, doing his best to entertain him, watching what was left of the building and worrying. Jos came out with his arms full of clothes for him and Isaac. “Can you stay here? I’ll just be at the back of the car,” Kip told Isaac and left the door open for air. He took the load, and Jos hurried back inside. Kip did his best to fold things and put them into bags and organize the trunk. When Jos came out again, he had a few more bags, and Red was following him.
“That’s all,” Jos said. “People went through everything.” His lips quivered. “The TV and stuff like that was gone. They were old, but somebody still took them.”
Red set a bag in the trunk. “I found some pictures and put them in there for you. Some of the glass was broken, but I figured the pictures were what was important.”
Jos nodded. He looked about ready to cry. “I found the papers Donald said he needs. They were in a pile of stuff that was thrown on the floor.”
“We’ll wash all the clothes when we get them home. Did you find any of Isaac’s toys?”
Jos shook his head. “I tried to find the bear Mom gave him. He always slept with it. I couldn’t find it when we got evicted, so we had to leave without it, and I didn’t see it anywhere just now. Why would someone take it?” Jos put his hands over his face. “Why? It was just a stupid bear. It didn’t mean anything to anyone except Isaac and me.”
“Was there anything else you wanted to get?”
“The furniture were things I got at thrift stores for a few dollars. All I wanted was some of Isaac’s things. It was the only stuff worth anything.”
“Was there anything of real value left inside?” Aaron asked, and Jos went to pieces when Red shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Can you roast the bastard?” Jos asked before Kip folded him into his arms. He wasn’t in uniform, and he didn’t care at that point what the other officers thought. Jos was reaching a breaking point. It seemed like every time the guy turned around, any sort of good news was followed by a bitter disappointment.
“What’s going on here?” a rough voice demanded. “This building should be down by now. Why has everything stopped?”
“And you are?” Aaron asked forcefully. “We have a warrant, and in order to fulfill it, we stopped the work.”
“Gordon Powers. I own this lot, and I have a demolition permit.”
“This building contained property that wasn’t yours,” Aaron explained.
“That’s too bad. The tenants were given ample notice and have had weeks to get their property out. The locks were changed two weeks ago, and we’ve gotten no requests for access.”
“You kicked us out with no notice,” Jos said.
“I did no such thing. You were given notice, and then you abandoned the apartment. We sent registered letters that went unanswered. So I’m within my rights to move ahead.” Powers turned his considerable girth toward the demolition crews. “Take her down, boys.” He turned back to Aaron. “Unless you have a court order specifically stopping the demolition….”
Kip wanted to slap the smug look off the bastard’s face.
“Didn’t think so,” Powers said and motioned to the men to continue. “I’m not paying you to stand around. Knock it to the ground and start hauling it away.” He stepped back, arms crossed across his chest defiantly as the trucks started up and a bulldozer pushed into the building.
“Do you want to watch this?” Kip asked Jos, who shook his head. Kip felt so damned powerless.
Aaron and the other officers moved away as a bulldozer plowed into the other side wall and the weakened structure imploded in on itself, roof falling in followed by the side walls.
Kip moved Jos toward the car and got him inside. Isaac was craning his neck to try to see what was happening, his hands over his ears. “Sorry, buddy,” Kip said. “Let’s go home and get some dinner, okay?”
“Pizza?” Isaac asked.
“It was Mom’s favorite, so we had it a lot,” Jos explained.
“Sure. I’ll have one delivered,” Kip agreed. He drove as fast as he could away from the devastation that had been Jos and Isaac’s last home. He fumed for much of the trip. Powers was a total bastard, and Kip didn’t believe a thing the man had said, but they couldn’t prove otherwise, so they were stuck looking like fools while Powers did what he wanted anyway.
“Did you find Weeble?” Isaac asked, holding Pistachio.
“I’m sorry. I tried to find him.”
“He was under my bed. I put him there to save him when the mean men came,” Isaac said, and Kip looked to Jos, who held his face in his hands. Kip didn’t have to ask to know that Jos hadn’t looked there.
“I’m sorry, buddy, but can you take care of Pistachio instead?” Kip had to try to think of a way to make Isaac feel better—and by extension Jos, who once again seemed on the edge of losing it. “He needs you.”
“Weeble needs me too,” Isaac said, and Kip pulled the car into a driveway and turned it around. He raced back to the devastation and caught Aaron as he was pulling away.
“What is it?” Aaron asked.
“Isaac’s bear was under his bed in the apartment,” Kip said. “Get them to stop so we can see if we can find it.”
“You’re kidding,” Aaron said.
Kip leaned out his window. “Do you want to tell a four-year-old that we didn’t even try to find his bear?” he asked, turning on the guilt. They had to try.
“Okay. Red and I will help.” Aaron backed up and flipped on his flashers. The bulldozer came to a stop, and Aaron got out. Kip pulled in next to him and told Jos to stay with Isaac. If Isaac’s toy was in there, he was going to find it.