JOS COULDN’T believe Kip was actually doing this.
“Where did he go?” Isaac asked from the backseat.
“To try to find Weeble for you,” Jos answered, not taking his eyes off Kip as he stopped the bulldozers from taking down the rest of the building and Aaron threatened to arrest them all on suspicion of something or other. He couldn’t hear it all clearly, but there was plenty of yelling, most of it coming from his former landlord.
Jos got out and opened Isaac’s door, then helped him out of his seat. Then he lifted his brother into his arms so he could see what was happening. What was left of the building was a jumbled mess. But it was Kip standing toe-to-toe with Powers that was the real attraction. The big, rumbling engines on the equipment grew silent, and Kip’s voice carried on the evening breeze. “I’ll tell the media what you did and make sure your ugly mug is plastered all over the evening news as a slumlord. You won’t be able to rent an apartment to a flea-infested rat by the time they’re done with you.”
“Now see here,” Powers retorted. “You’re a police officer—”
“I’m off duty and I’m here as a private citizen. And I want a chance to look through the wreckage to find something.” Kip’s chest thrust forward, and he looked even larger than he actually was.
“He looks mad,” Isaac said.
“I think he is, but not at us.”
“Is he mad at the mean man who took Weeble?” Isaac asked.
It surprised him sometimes just how much Isaac grasped. He was very smart, and Jos knew that once they were settled, he’d get him in some sort of preschool. “Yes, he is. But it’s a good kind of angry. Not the mean kind of angry like Mr. Powers.”
Isaac nodded and put his thumb in his mouth. Jos gently pulled it away and shifted Isaac on his hip so he could lean into the car and grab Pistachio for him. That seemed to make Isaac feel better.
“I can’t believe he’s doing that,” Detective Cloud said as he joined them.
“I’m sorry about all this,” Jos said, just above a whisper. “It’s all my fault. I should have told him to just go home.”
“Are you kidding? Seeing Powers frustrated and angry as hell but not able to do anything about it is priceless.”
“But won’t Kip get into trouble?”
“For what? Red and I haven’t seen anything.” Aaron smiled, and Red came over to join them.
“I should help,” Red said.
“We can’t. There isn’t any reason for us to be looking in there, and we’re on duty. The only reason we’re here is because of a dispute between two citizens that has the potential to escalate,” Aaron said, watching Kip as he carefully walked over the rubble pile.
“How long is he going to take?” Powers huffed as he walked over. “I pay these men by the hour, and I’ll send the bill to the department.”
“Go ahead. You taking this building down is suspect, since you knew there was someone else’s property inside, so don’t give me a bunch of your crap,” Aaron said. “I don’t believe your story at all. I just can’t prove different. But that doesn’t mean we can’t cause trouble for you. Give him a few minutes. If your men want to help, it will get us out of here all the faster.”
Powers stomped away and talked to the drivers. They got down out of their cabs and came over.
“What’s he lookin’ for?” one of the men asked.
“Weeble,” Isaac answered, lower lip shaking, tears welling in his eyes.
“A teddy bear,” Jos said. “When Powers kicked us out, it scared Isaac and he hid his bear under his bed. Kip is trying to find it.”
“Come on,” the driver said to the other man. They walked to the rubble pile. “Which apartment was it?”
“Third floor, this side, that corner of the building.” Jos pointed, and they began digging around. Jos watched, but truthfully he wasn’t holding out much hope. Kip seemed determined and continued digging through the pile, pulling bricks and parts of wall off and tossing them to the side. The other men joined him.
Jos figured this was a lost cause. “Kip,” he called and shook his head. Kip ignored him and continued digging, pulling out part of the wall, which sent up a cloud of dust. Kip jumped back and then began digging around in the hole he’d made. A mattress came up next, and then Kip held his hand high in the air.
“Weeble!” Isaac cried at the top of his lungs. Kip climbed off the pile, and so did the other two men. Kip shook hands with both of them and then jogged to where they waited.
The brown bear was nearly white with dust. Kip bumped him against his hand, knocking a lot of it away. “When we get home, Jos and I will clean him up for you,” Kip said when Isaac reached for him. “You can have him then.”
“Promise?” Isaac asked.
“Yes. I promise.” Kip put Weeble in the backseat, and they all got into their cars. Powers still huffed, but Jos was done with this place. He never wanted to see it again as long as he lived. As Kip pulled away, Jos refused to turn around. Somehow he had to make his life move forward to a better place.
KIP STOPPED for pizza since it was getting late. When they got back to the house, Isaac was nearly asleep, and Jos got him cleaned up and put him in bed with Pistachio. Weeble had been washed and was in the dryer. Kip had been afraid that the dust from the demolition wasn’t good for Isaac, but in the morning, he’d have his bear back.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Jos said as he and Kip sat on the porch in the near darkness.
“Why not? He’s been through more pain than anyone his age should ever have to be, and if he wanted his bear, I had to do what I could to get it for him.”
Jos reached out to Kip and squeezed his hand. “Thank you. It means a great deal to both of us. I only wish I’d known where it was when I went inside. I could have prevented the extra searching.”
“Seeing Powers about ready to explode was worth it. Even his own men weren’t happy with him.” Kip sat back and put his feet up on the table. “The weather says it’s going to get cold again tomorrow and probably stay that way from now on, so we may as well enjoy the last of the warm weather.”
Jos agreed and tried to relax, but there were so many things he didn’t know. “When do you have to go back to work?”
“Day after tomorrow. This is my weekend, I guess. I rarely get a full Saturday and Sunday off together because I’m one of the lower men on the totem pole, but it doesn’t really matter. Two days off together gives me time to do what I need and to rest and get some projects done around here.”
“It was quite a day,” Jos said as he ran over everything that had happened in his mind.
“Yes, it was. And we should get your things out of the trunk.” Kip didn’t make any effort to move. “There’s a dresser in the guest room that’s empty. Go ahead and put your things in there.” Kip stretched his arms over his head and his shirt rode up, giving Jos a peek at Kip’s flat belly. “I’ll help you in a minute. I just need to relax a bit.”
It had turned very dark by the time Kip got up to move. He unlocked the trunk and began carrying things into the house. They should have done this before Isaac went to bed, but Kip had a solution and put the bags in the next room.
“At least it’s all in and you can take care of things in the morning,” Kip told him when they were all done. Jos didn’t want to question what Kip had said, and it seemed Kip wanted him and Isaac to stay, at least for a few more days. Jos nodded and dug in one of the bags for some clothes to wear to bed. Then he said good night and went into the bathroom to clean up.
Isaac never moved when Jos came in the room and got into bed with him. He held Pistachio tight and lay curled almost into a ball. Jos wondered what sort of dreams he was having and hoped they were happy ones. Granted, there hadn’t been a lot of happiness in their lives lately, but Jos prayed that would change.
JOS WOKE to a scream that cut the night like a knife. He sat up as Isaac thrashed and kicked him, yelling once again. Jos pulled Isaac to him, hugging and soothing him until he woke up and began to cry.
“What happened?” Kip asked as he raced into the room, shirtless and wearing only a pair of shorts.
“Isaac had a nightmare,” Jos said. He rubbed Isaac’s back, trying to get him calmed down and quiet once again.
“What happened, buddy?” Kip asked.
“The mean man tried to take me away, Jos. He put me in the house and then it fell down and I couldn’t find Weeble.” Isaac wiped his eyes, and Kip left the room.
“It’s okay. You know it was just a dream. It wasn’t real.”
“I know,” Isaac sniffled. When Kip returned, he handed Weeble to Isaac.
“It’s all better. You have Weeble now,” Jos said and helped Isaac get back under the covers.
“I have to go,” Isaac said. Jos got him out of bed and took him to the bathroom. Isaac yawned more than once, and when he was done, he washed his hands and then hurried back into the bedroom, jumped up on the bed, and scrambled under the covers. He held both Weeble and Pistachio, settling easily. Isaac went right back to sleep, but Jos doubted he would. He left the room and met Kip in the hallway outside. Neither said a word; they just walked down to the kitchen and Kip put a kettle on the stove.
“He scared the life out of me,” Kip admitted as he sat down at the table.
Jos agreed and managed to sound coherent despite his attention being drawn to Kip’s bare chest. He was strong and fit, with defined pecs and big arms. A dusting of hair in the center of his chest trailed off to a line that ran down his ridged belly. “I thought someone was really hurting him.” Jos needed to stop staring but found it damn hard.
“I did too.”
“I hate that he gets so scared.” Jos wiped his eyes. “I know it’s all my fault. I should be doing better for him.” He rested his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. “Maybe he would be better off with someone else to care for him. They sure as hell couldn’t do worse than I am.” He sniffled and looked at Kip.
“Hey, Isaac loves you, and that’s what’s important.” Kip put a hand on his shoulder. “This has been a very difficult few days, and I think you’re feeling worn a little thin right now.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, I do. Lots of things have come to a head, and you’re trying to deal with them all at once.”
Jos shook his head. He felt like he was made of glass and was going to shatter into a million pieces at any second. It took all his energy to hold himself together. And he had to for Isaac.
The teakettle whistling pulled him out of his funk and back to the present. Kip got up, and damned if Jos couldn’t help following him with his eyes, especially as those gray shorts slid just a little bit lower on his narrow hips with every step. Kip put tea bags into two mugs and poured the water. Then he brought them back to the table and placed one in front of him.
Jos barely noticed. Those shorts were obscene and hid practically nothing. He turned away, swallowed hard, and lifted his mug. Of course he swore when he burned his tongue, and Kip jumped up and got him an ice cube from the freezer, holding it to his lips. Jos sucked on it, the cold helping, and noticed that Kip didn’t take his gaze from his lips.
“You know, you’re really beautiful,” Kip said. “Guys aren’t usually pretty, but you are.” Kip touched Jos’s cheek with his thumb, stroking lightly. Jos closed his eyes and soaked in the gentle attention. For a few seconds, he tried to remember how long it had been since there had been someone in his life who was gentle and caring. His mother had been neither; well, at least with him. When it came to Isaac, she’d been less cold and had spent more time with him, but she would never, ever have won Mother of the Year.
“I’m not…,” Jos countered, desperately wanting Kip to argue with him. He liked being told he was pretty. Hell, he liked being the center of someone’s attention in a good way, rather than how Tyler had acted in the alley. The way Kip looked at him, with warmth and gentleness, made him want to sit still and stay like that forever. He could escape into Kip’s deep jade eyes and never move. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about apartments and jobs and what was going to come next. He could just be and let go of everything building up inside to the point that he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold it together.
“Yes, you are,” Kip told him. “Just let yourself believe it and give up some of the worry for now. I think you’ve been doing it for so long that you aren’t sure how to let it go.” Kip moved back slightly but didn’t stop touching him. His hand did a little dance away from his lips, but Kip teased it around the side of his neck and just held it there, like if Jos became too tired, Kip would support him and hold him up. “Drink your tea. It’ll help you sleep.”
“What if I don’t want to go to sleep?” Jos asked, lifting his gaze to meet Kip’s. He saw a well of heat ready to spring up and engulf him. That was what he needed—heat and passion to burn hot and rise up around him, to take him away and make him forget everything if only for a while.
Kip leaned close enough that hot breath, scented with tea, ghosted over his lips. Without thinking, Jos licked them in preparation for the kiss he hoped was coming. “You need to. Part of the reason you’re on edge is because you haven’t really rested in a long time.” He didn’t move back, and Jos wondered what Kip was thinking.
Just when he figured Kip wasn’t going to make any sort of move, he leaned in farther and Kip’s lips touched his. Jos wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. In books, the first kiss was always electric and eye-opening. This one was nice—soft and gentle. It didn’t incite an all-encompassing passion, but Jos’s heart beat faster, and he was warmer. Kip pulled back, and Jos opened his eyes. Their gazes held fast, neither of them moving.
“You should finish your tea and go on up to bed,” Kip whispered.
“But…,” Jos began and stopped. He was not going to ask Kip to take him to bed. Yeah, Kip had kissed him, but maybe he wasn’t interested in him and that had been just some kind of pity kiss. Something to make him feel better, and nothing more. “Yeah, I should go upstairs.”
His tea had cooled off some, and Jos drank from the mug, turning to sit at the table, which provided a barrier so Kip couldn’t see how excited he was. It also gave him something to look at other than Kip’s honey-gold skin. He still found himself sneaking looks every now and then, huffing to himself. Once he finished the mug, Jos took it to the sink and rinsed it out before saying good night to Kip and going upstairs.
Isaac didn’t even stir when Jos got back into the bed, and he heard Kip come up the stairs a little while later, a few floorboards creaking as he passed the door. Jos rolled over, staring up at the white ceiling. He couldn’t help wondering what that kiss had meant, if it actually had meaning or was just something Kip had done to comfort him. Kip had said he was beautiful, and he was pretty sure Kip didn’t go around saying that to a lot of people. He decided to be happy about the kiss and try to let it go at that.
“You’re turning into a teenage girl,” he whispered to himself. Isaac snuffled in his sleep and rolled over without waking. At least he was able to sleep. Sometimes being an adult stank. If he were a kid, he’d be able to take the kiss at face value and be happy about it. Instead, he was lying there, wondering and worrying instead of being happy that Kip had kissed him at all. Eventually the wheels in Jos’s head settled down and exhaustion took over.
THE FOLLOWING morning Jos was at loose ends. He heard Isaac laughing with Kip, but he was tired and pulled the covers up to his neck and closed his eyes once more. A scream had him up and on his feet within seconds, but as soon as he reached the stairs, he realized it was laughter and glee. Whatever Kip was doing to Isaac, it was something he hadn’t been able to do, because laughter had definitely been missing from his brother’s life.
Jos went back to the room where they had put their bags and rummaged until he found something he could wear. Once he was dressed, he grabbed the bags and carried them downstairs.
“Everything you need is in the basement. Help yourself,” Kip called happily. Jos thanked him and did his best to smile as Isaac waved from on top of Kip’s shoulders. Jos started a load of laundry and ended up sitting on the rug in front of the washer, listening to the machine do its work.
“There you are,” Kip said.
Jos hadn’t even bothered to move when he heard him on the stairs.
“Jos, I’m flying,” Isaac said, and Kip zoomed him around on his arms.
“That’s great,” Jos said as he forced himself to his feet. He had no energy and wanted to go back to bed and sleep for the rest of the day. “You and Kip are having fun, huh?”
“You can play too,” Isaac said. He looked up at Kip when he set Isaac down.
“I think Jos is too big to fly like an airplane,” Kip said. He placed his hand on Jos’s forehead. “You’re warm. Why don’t we get you back up to bed. I’ll make you some toast and get some juice.”
“I’m okay. I have things to do.” His feet felt like lead, but he forced them to move and made it up the stairs.
“Donald is going to be here about noon, and when he called he asked me to ask if you’ve ever waited tables.”
“Yeah. I did that when I was in high school, and afterward I worked near full-time. Bookies closed a year ago, and that was when I was able to get into the warehouse. Why?”
“That’s excellent. Donald said if you had experience then he might have a line on a job for you. One of the restaurants in town is looking for a server, and Donald told them about you. They said they needed someone with experience, apparently. Donald will tell you about it when he gets here.”
Jos pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and collapsed into it. He barely had the energy to move at all. Kip poured him some orange juice, and he drank it slowly. After a few minutes, he felt a little better and drank the rest of the glass. Kip refilled the glass, this time with grape juice, and brought a piece of cinnamon toast. Isaac knelt on the chair next to him and ate his own piece of toast with a grin on his face.
As soon as he was done, Kip took his plate. “Isaac, why don’t you take Jos and put him back to bed for me?”
Isaac got down from his chair and took Jos’s hand. Climbing the stairs nearly wiped Jos out again. When he got to the bedroom, Jos climbed back into bed and pulled the covers up to his neck. He heard Isaac leave and then felt the covers lift behind him.
“Thanks,” Jos said. He knew he should feel guilty for leaving Kip with babysitting duty, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything. When he rolled over, he found Weeble in bed next to him.
“So you won’t be lonely,” Isaac said and then left the room.
Jos rolled back over and closed his eyes.
His dreams were disturbing and kept going in circles, like he was on a never-ending treadmill. At one point he woke as Kip helped him sit up and then lifted him into a chair and covered him with a blanket.
“You need to drink,” Kip said, and Jos did as he was told, the cool, sweet juice sliding down his parched throat. “I’ll be right back,” Kip said when he took the glass away, and Jos closed his eyes. He must have dozed off, because when he woke Kip was stripping him of his clothes.
“If you want sex, just ask.” Jos wasn’t even sure what he was saying.
“You’re soaked, and I want to get some dry clothes on you so you’ll be more comfortable.” Kip helped him into fresh clothes and then back into bed. “I’ll bring you some more to drink, and then you can go back to sleep.”
“Is Donald here?”
“He’s come and gone. You’ve been asleep for hours. Don’t worry, he said to call when you’re feeling better and he’ll take you down to Café Belgie to meet and talk to the owners. So just sleep and get better.” Kip stroked his cheek and then left the room. He returned with more juice, which Jos drank. He also took the pills Kip offered and then handed the glass back, closed his eyes, and fell asleep. This time he was able to settle and his dreams were less frantic. He was also much more comfortable.
The windows were dark when he woke again and got out of the bed. The house was quiet, and Jos wondered if he was alone. He used the bathroom and went downstairs to find Isaac and Kip on the sofa in the living room, watching cartoons.
“Are you hungry?” Kip asked.
Jos nodded.
“Then sit down. I’ll get something for you and a snack for Isaac here.” Kip ruffled Isaac’s hair and then left. He returned with a couple of plates. One had a piece of chocolate cake that made Isaac’s eyes light up, and the other some scrambled eggs and toast that tasted better than anything Jos could remember.
“Are you feeling any better?” Kip asked.
Jos nodded, sitting back in the chair. “I guess. I don’t know why I’m so tired and feel so bad. My stomach isn’t pukey or anything. I just don’t have any energy, and I ache all over.” Kip brought him a blanket, and Jos wound it over his shoulders as a chill ran through him.
“Okay. The thing is, you need to rest as best you can.” Kip sounded concerned as he gathered the dishes. “Why don’t you go back up to bed? I’ll bring you some more juice, and you’ll be warmer under the covers.”
“But I can’t be sick. I have to take care of Isaac, and I need to be able to get a job.” Jos wiped his brow as he began to sweat. He pushed the blanket away because he was getting too warm. “I’m going to lose my chance, and then I’ll be back where I was.” His heart raced and he began to breathe rapidly.
Kip hurried over and lifted him out of the chair. “You’re not going to lose anything. Just calm down.” Kip carried Jos through the house and up the stairs. He heard Isaac talking behind them, whimpering, then Kip telling him everything was all right. Kip rested him back on the bed, and Isaac took his hand. When Kip returned, he helped Jos sit up and gave him some pills and something else to drink. Jos took what he was given and then lay back down. His head spun a little, and after a while—it was hard to gauge the time—the room settled and he started to feel better.
“I’m okay, Isaac,” Jos said, realizing his brother was still standing by the side of the bed, peering at him.
“Here’s some more to drink,” Kip told him and helped him sit up again. His mouth tasted terrible, but the juice felt good, and once he’d had a few sips, Kip set the glass on the table and took his temperature in his ear. “You’re still running a fever. I’ll check it again in a little while.” Kip stroked his cheek and then did something Jos didn’t expect: he kissed him on the cheek. It was gentle and so very tender. Then he felt Isaac do the same thing, and when he looked up, Kip was holding Isaac in his arms. “I’ll put him to bed in the other room. Isaac will be fine with Pistachio, won’t you, buddy?” Isaac nodded, and Jos closed his eyes. He was too tired to argue even if he’d wanted to.
Jos slept reasonably well, with some weird dreams. At one point he pushed off the covers because he was hot and ended up pulling them back up a little while later. When he did, he finally felt comfortable and was actually able to sleep deeply.
When he woke, light streamed through the windows. He felt better and his head was clear. He blinked a few times to make sure and then slowly got out of bed. He wondered what time it was as he got some fresh clothes and headed to the bathroom. His mouth tasted like something had died in it, and his clothes clung to him in places. He brushed his teeth, then took a very fast shower, dressed, and finally felt human.
“Jos,” Isaac said as he opened the bathroom door. “Are you all better?”
“I hope so,” Jos said.
“Come on. Kip’s gone. Uncle Terry is here.” Isaac took his hand, and Jos wondered what the hell was going on. He let Isaac lead him down the stairs as he searched his memory for anyone they knew as Uncle Terry. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, they followed the sound of the television, and Isaac led him into a room with a stranger.
“You must be Jos,” the stunning man said with a huge smile. “I’m Terry.”
“Where’s Kip?”
“He had to go in for his shift. But he called Red, the big guy who helped you get your stuff, and Red called me to see if I could come by and make sure this little guy”—Terry tickled Isaac, who laughed full volume. Clearly they were good friends—“wasn’t alone. Kip said you needed to sleep, so I’ve been keeping him here and we’ve been watching cartoons. Kip left a number for you to call when you got up. He said to let you sleep as long as you wanted.”
“What time is it?”
Terry hit a button on the television. “A little after three. Kip said that he managed to get a split shift, so he went in earlier than normal, but should be back about seven.” Isaac climbed up on the sofa and began watching the television. “Sorry if I worried you.”
“I didn’t even know you were here,” Jos said, realizing Kip had taken care of everything while he’d been out.
“Fever gone?” Terry asked.
Jos nodded. “I think so.”
“Are you hungry?”
“I am,” Isaac said, raising his hand. “Cake, please.”
“You had cake an hour ago, remember? I think Kip said there were grapes. Do you want some of those?” Terry asked Isaac, who nodded vigorously. “How about you? Kip made up a plate that I can heat up, and there’s juice and other drinks. You’ll feel better now that the fever’s gone. Red and I both had the crud a few weeks ago. You’ll be wiped out for a day or so more, but then you’ll feel normal again.”
“Okay,” Jos said, more than a little confused.
“You stay here while I help Jos, okay?” Terry asked Isaac, who nodded and held Pistachio as he watched the program. Terry led Jos back toward the kitchen. “You have a great kid for a brother.”
“Thanks. I think he’s pretty special.”
“You should bring him by the Y when you’re feeling better. I can get you a guest pass, and he could come swimming. I work there as a lifeguard and train there. I had just finished for the morning when Red called.”
“You’re the swimmer, the one Kip said was going to the Olympics.” Jos smiled.
“That’s me. I made the team, and now I have to keep up with the training. I have a coach, and after Kip gets back, I’ll go to the pool for some timed runs. In the morning I swim for stamina and fluidity. In the afternoons it’s for speed.”
“How can you do that? Doesn’t it wear you out?”
“Yeah. I eat a lot of the right foods. I don’t have to worry about gaining weight, but I have to keep from losing it. That can happen pretty quickly, and of course I need to keep my strength up.” Terry pulled a plate from the refrigerator and put it in the microwave. After a minute or so, he took it out and placed it on the table. Jos noticed that Terry didn’t ask a lot of questions about where he’d come from or what he was doing there. He was simply this happy guy with more energy than Jos could ever remember having.
Jos ate as Terry brought him juice and then got a bowl of grapes and set them at the table. He called for Isaac, who raced in and sat at his place, tucking into the grapes as though he had them every day.
“Is the television still on?” Terry asked him.
Isaac nodded.
“I’ll go turn it off. You eat grapes with your brother.”
After Terry left, Isaac grinned up at him. “I like it here.”
“Did you and Terry have fun?” Jos asked.
“Yeah. He played horsies with me, and cars too,” Isaac told him. “He’s more fun than just about anyone.” Isaac waved his hands in the air, sending a grape flying. It landed on the floor, and he climbed down to retrieve it.
Jos dropped his fork on the plate and held his hands over his face.
“Hey, it’s all right,” Terry said from behind him. “Nothing is that bad, you know.”
Jos shook his head. It was. Everyone seemed to be able to make his brother happy but him. All he’d done was bring Isaac misery, homelessness, and hunger.
“Eat and you’ll feel better. I promise. You’ve been sick, and though things look bad, they’ll get better.”
“How do you know?” Jos challenged. “You can’t.”
“Sure I do. I’ve been in a bad place before. Then I met Red and he saved me. I like to think I helped him too, but he’s the real hero in our story. Because of him I’m going to the Olympics and I have a good life, but I felt much the same as you do. I was in trouble too.”
“But you had a home.”
“Not really. Not one I could stay in, because I was afraid to.” Terry hugged Jos around the shoulders. “Things will be all right if you let them.”
Jos wasn’t sure of that, but he didn’t know Terry well enough to argue with him, so he nodded and pretended to go along. He finished eating only because it gave him something to do. When he was done, he took the plate to the sink, and since Isaac had finished his grapes, he carried his bowl over and handed it to Jos.
“Can we watch cartoons now?” Isaac asked, turning to Terry.
“Sure,” Terry said, and Isaac ran over and took his hand, then led him out of the room. Jos stood there alone as the television started and high-pitched cartoon music drifted through the house. He decided to join them. When he went in, he found Isaac lying on his belly on the rug, feet in the air, hands propped up under his chin, enthralled with SpongeBob. Terry was sitting on the sofa with an iPad.
“Don’t care for the Sponge?” Jos asked.
Terry nodded. “He’s happy, and I have a few things I have to do, so he can watch and stay occupied.” Terry motioned to the chair, and Jos sat down. “I know this must seem weird for you.”
Jos rolled his eyes and nodded. “I don’t know what to think about all this most of the time.” Actually, he felt like a complete failure, but Jos kept that to himself. Isaac was happy and entertained, and it had nothing to do with him.
“Donald called a little while ago.” Terry pulled out a slip of paper. “He said when you get up to call him.”
“Thanks.” Jos stared at the number for a few minutes before getting up and going into the kitchen to use the phone.
“How are you feeling?” Donald asked when Jos explained who it was.
“Tired, but feeling better. I got those papers you needed.”
“Kip gave them to me, and things are looking good. I got a colleague to help file them, and he may have a line on a place to live. Café Belgie is looking for a server. It’s both lunch and dinner shifts, but I understand the tips are quite good there. Darryl is the chef-owner, and his partner, Billy, runs the restaurant portion. They’d like to see you tomorrow. Do you have a nice shirt and pants?”
“I don’t know.”
“I can bring some by. The important thing is to dress for the job and to be prepared to demonstrate your skills.”
“What time do they want me there?” Jos asked, excitement filling him for the first time in quite a while.
“Be there at ten. I’ll stop by with clothes. You can bring Isaac. They understand about kids and taking care of them. At one point they turned the back room into a sort of day care for Billy’s twin brothers. Just be on time. I’m sure they’ll talk to you, and don’t be surprised if they ask you to go right to work to check your skill level. They need someone right away that they can easily train.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Great. See you in the morning.” Donald disconnected, and Jos figured he finally had something to be happy about. This time when he joined the others, he sat on the floor next to Isaac and watched cartoons with him. Terry seemed content to read, and as the afternoon wore on, he got ready to go.
“Call if you need anything,” Terry said as he walked to the front door.
Jos got up from the floor, his legs a little stiff. “Say good-bye to Terry,” he told Isaac, who jumped up and raced to his new friend, giving him a hug.
“Can we really go swimming?” Isaac asked Terry, jumping up and down until Terry lifted him up.
“Sure. You and Jos let me know when you want to come, and I’ll arrange it.” They shared a hug, and then Terry put Isaac down and he raced back in front of the television. Isaac was happy, as witnessed by the fact that he didn’t walk or shuffle anywhere, but zoomed, and his eyes held the same sparkle they’d always had before their mother passed away. Jos had begun to think he’d never see that again. It made him happy, even if it was directed at someone else.
Jos walked Terry out and stood on the porch as he descended the stairs with a little lift in his step. “Thanks for everything.”
“No problem,” Terry said, stopping to turn around at the bottom. “Get some more rest and don’t try to do too much. Kip was really worried about you when he left. He said if you weren’t feeling better that he was going to take you to the hospital when he got home, and I was to watch you carefully. His words. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that.”
“I don’t understand,” Jos said.
Terry rolled his eyes. “He and Red are a lot alike. They’re both in-charge kind of guys, and they’re cool under fire. They assess situations and act rationally even when the world is falling apart around them and bullets are flying. It’s what makes them good cops. But Kip was really worried. Before he left, he went in your room and stayed a few minutes, just watching you and biting his nails. The guy cares about you. Red and I were beginning to think that he was going to get serious about that twit Jeffrey.” Terry shuddered slightly.
“But I don’t understand what he can possibly see in me,” Jos admitted, looking down at himself.
“Maybe you should ask him,” Terry suggested. “I know what it feels like to have all your confidence ripped away. You feel like you can’t do anything right and you just want to hide. But then if we’re lucky, we meet someone like Red—or Kip—who can see past all that. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does it’s pretty special.”
“But I’ve only known him a few days. How could he know that much about me?”
Terry chuckled and took a few steps back up the stairs. “They’re police officers. They’re trained to know who to trust and assess lies and truth within seconds. They have a sense for people, and I can tell you that if Kip didn’t see something in you and didn’t care about you in some way, you wouldn’t be here. These guys don’t let people come into their lives easily. There has to be something special.”
“Isaac,” Jos said, but Terry shook his head.
“If that’s what you think, then you’re way off. Kip could have called child services and had him put into protective custody if all he was concerned about was Isaac.” Terry bounced down the stairs once again. “Think about it and see if you don’t come to a different conclusion.” He walked to his car, and Jos went back inside, joining Isaac in the living room in front of the television.
After a few minutes, Isaac got up from the floor and sat next to him on the sofa, leaning against him as he watched the show. “Why did Mama have to go away?” Isaac asked.
“I don’t know,” Jos said and thought about what he could say to try to help. “There are a lot of things I don’t know the answer to, and that’s one of them. Sometimes people die and go to live with the angels. Someday, a long time from now, you’ll go live with the angels too, and then you’ll see Mama again.”
“Will she know me when I’m big?” Isaac asked, his eyes filled with disbelief.
“Your mama will always know you.” Jos felt tears welling and hugged Isaac to try to cover them. The last thing his brother needed was for him to go to pieces. He was so close at the moment, every emotion built up over weeks right at the surface, and Jos knew if he let them come, there was no way he could stop them again. “Mamas always know their children, especially angel mamas. And I think that sometimes, late at night, if you’re really quiet, they come down and watch over you when you’re sleeping to keep the monsters away.”
“So it’s good to have an angel mama,” Isaac said.
“It’s good to have a mama who loved you and cared for you, angel or not. And you’ll always have me to care for you too.”
“Like an angel brother,” Isaac said, and Jos nodded, thankful when Isaac turned back to the television so he didn’t see the tears as they ran down his cheeks.
WHEN KIP came through the door a few hours later, neither of them had moved much. Isaac bounded off the sofa and ran right up to Kip, laughing as Kip lifted him into his arms.
“How are you feeling?” Kip asked Jos as he carried Isaac into the room. Kip set Isaac down almost immediately. “Where’s Pistachio?” Isaac looked around. “Why don’t you go find him so he isn’t lonely?”
Isaac nodded and hurried away while Kip sat next to Jos on the sofa, gently wiping Jos’s cheeks with his fingers.
Jos sniffed and took a deep breath. “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” Kip stood and pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa, spreading it over Jos’s legs before sitting back down on the edge of the cushion.
“Yeah.” He sat quietly and then leaned against Kip to share his warmth. God, he smelled good. Jos inhaled again just to take in another dose of his musk. “I talked to Donald, and I have an interview tomorrow. He said he’d help me so I have some clothes to wear.” Jos shook his head. “I still can’t figure out why everyone is being so kind.”
“Sometimes people are nice,” Kip said. “Not always, but there are times in our lives when we have to accept that not everyone is a pile of crap.”
Jos stiffened. “Sounds like you know firsthand.”
Kip nodded. “I didn’t have stellar parents either, and I spent a lot of my time on the streets with my friends. See, my mom and dad loved something more than my sister and me.”
“You have a sister?”
“Had,” Kip corrected. Isaac bounded back into the room with Pistachio under his arm and flopped down onto the floor to watch more cartoons. “I had a sister,” Kip clarified and then grew quiet.
“What happened to her?”
“She died,” Kip said.
“Okay,” Jos said, growing more and more curious by the second. “What happened?” He figured that since Kip had brought it up, it would be okay to ask, but as soon as he did, he regretted it. The look of sheer pain that filled Kip’s eyes left him cold, and Jos pulled the blanket more tightly around him.
“Like I said, Mom and Dad loved something more than they loved us: alcohol. They were both really big drinkers, so Adrienne and I didn’t have very much. Mom and Dad went out to bars a lot. I was six years older than Adrienne, and one Saturday when she was eight, Mom took us to the beach. She seemed sober and was in a really good mood. So we packed a picnic and went off for the day. Of course Mom included a flask in the things she packed, and while we were swimming, she was filling her lemonade glass with something more than summer fun.”
“How did you get home?” Jos asked.
Kip shook his head. “It was always my job to look out for Adrienne. I knew what my mom was like, but I let my guard down that day. We were at the state park at a lake, and they had one of those floating rafts that the kids love to play on. Everyone was having a great time, and Adrienne wanted to show me how she could swim. Somehow Mom had paid for swimming lessons for her.”
Jos held Kip’s arm a little tighter. “Oh my God.” He could see where this story was going, and it was already scaring him. He glanced at Isaac, who was engrossed in what he was watching and didn’t seem to be paying them any attention.
Kip shook his head. “She and I swam out together, and she did really well. She climbed out of the water and jumped up on the floating dock with her hands in the air like Rocky.” Kip smiled and then it faded. “I was still in the water when some of the bigger boys started getting rough. They were pushing kids off, and I saw Adrienne get pushed off. I jumped up on the raft and muscled the kid off the side, sending him flying into the water. I was so mad. I remember yelling at the kid to leave my sister alone, and when I went to the side to find her, I couldn’t.”
“What?”
“I dove in and tried to find her, but the water was cloudy and I couldn’t see much. Others dove in and so did the lifeguards, and they got her pretty quickly and brought her to shore. My mother was hysterical when she saw Adrienne on the sand. She wasn’t moving, and they did mouth-to-mouth, but she never came around.”
“It was an accident,” Jos said.
“I know that. The kid hadn’t meant to hurt her—he was playing. But my mother never saw it that way.”
“She blamed him?”
Kip shook his head. “She blamed me. I should have been watching out for her and taking care of her. My mother was too drunk to do it, so it was my job, and Mom never let me forget it.”
“She blamed you… when she was drunk?”
“It was easier than blaming herself. I was fourteen, and my childhood effectively ended that day. Adrienne was gone, and for the most part so was my mother. She drank even more trying to forget, and my dad could barely talk to me for a long time. At one point he told me that it wasn’t my fault. Dad eventually got sober. He blamed my mother for what happened. Home was not a very happy place after that.”
“What happened?”
“My mom went downhill from there. My dad tried to help her, but I think after that, she was beyond help. Eventually she just drank herself to death.”
“At least your dad didn’t blame you.”
“No. But by then I blamed myself. Dad said I should let it go, but I couldn’t. Adrienne’s death haunted me. There had to be something pretty badly wrong with me.”
“My God. Jesus. My mother was no real prize….” Jos sighed. “Believe it or not, I can see my mother reacting the same way.” Jos had stayed at home longer than he’d wanted—even though he’d needed to get out of that house pretty badly—for Isaac’s sake.
“It took me a lot of soul searching before I could let myself believe that I wasn’t to blame for Adrienne. Not that I really believed it. I never realized how powerful guilt was until I tried to deal with it.”
“How did you?” Jos asked. He wasn’t sure he could handle it if anything happened to Isaac.
“I had this friend. I used to mow her grass and take care of her yard. After Mom died and I got older, she took me in. Joanie was more like a grandmother than a friend, and she had this mother-in-law’s house in the back of her property. She said I needed some time away from my family to think about what happened. She also said it was time I was on my own. Her son, Parker, was a police officer. He came around a lot, and he used to talk to me about what it was like.”
“What about your dad? Did you work things out with him?”
“Yeah. As I let go of some of the guilt and really started to heal, I learned just how much my dad was hurting too. He’d lost Mom and his daughter. We were each other’s only real family by that point, and we got to know each other as adults. Of course he died a few years ago, and I ended up moving back into the house I grew up in. Joanie died last year, and I saw Parker when he came back for the funeral. He and his partner live in Frederick, Maryland, and they have two children through a surrogate.”
“So you don’t feel guilty now?” Jos asked, wondering about this widely circular story.
“I think I always will. I keep wondering if I’d have paid more attention to Adrienne, if things might have been different. But I’ve learned to live with it. I don’t feel guilty about it as much as I regret what happened. Joanie told me once that Adrienne would be really angry with me if I hung on to what happened for the rest of my life.”
“What was she like?”
“What was who like?” Isaac asked. He got up off the floor, climbing on the sofa to sit next to him. Jos put an arm around Isaac’s shoulders.
“Kip was telling me about his little sister. She died when she was young.”
Isaac blinked and looked up at both of them. “So she’s with the angels, like Mama.”
“Yes,” Kip agreed. “Adrienne is definitely with the angels.” Kip stood up and turned away. Jos saw him wiping his eyes. He and Isaac hadn’t had the best mother in the world, but she hadn’t turned her back on them. Not that it mattered now. His focus had to be on raising Isaac and trying to make sure he was happy.
“Who’s ready for dinner?” Kip asked.
Isaac jumped to his feet. “Me!”
“How about you?” Kip asked Jos as he scooped Isaac into his arms.
“I’m a little hungry. I ate what you left a few hours ago.” Jos followed them out of the room, his heart feeling a little lighter. He really wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the fact that in some ways he had been lucky, or at least things hadn’t been as bad as they could have been.
KIP MADE pasta for dinner, which Isaac seemed to wear more of than he ate. After they were done, Kip sent them upstairs so Jos could give Isaac a bath and then put his brother to bed. Jos wasn’t particularly tired when he was done, so he helped Kip down in the kitchen and then joined him in the living room.
The two of them sat together on the sofa and watched television. Jos had slept all day, so as the evening went on, his body and mind came awake. The sickly sleepiness and haze that he’d been in for the last day vanished, and Jos was hyperaware of Kip. He’d been carrying the blanket around with him, but he folded it up and leaned against Kip, letting his warmth surround him. He wasn’t sure if Kip would be welcoming or not, but he went with the memory of his kiss the night before. Kip put his arm around his shoulders, and Jos sighed and closed his eyes.
“How long has it been since you were cared for? Really cared for?” Kip asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe before Mom got pregnant with Isaac. I’m not sure.”
“What about your boyfriend?” Kip asked.
“That didn’t last long, with Mama’s anger. Back in high school I had a girlfriend. Well, she was more a special friend than a real girlfriend. She knew I was gay, and we were close friends, so she helped me keep up appearances so no one would bully me and stuff. When we graduated, she went to Cal Tech on a scholarship. I lost track of her when she went on to her new life. Since then I’ve just been trying to survive.” It felt like his life had been one long struggle, and right now, at this moment, he could breathe, because of Kip.
“I can understand that. But surviving isn’t living,” Kip told him. “And you need to let yourself live.”
Jos chuckled. “I have no idea what that means. Survival sometimes took all the energy I had. Maybe that’s why I got sick. I didn’t have anything left.”
Kip lightly touched his chin, and Jos lifted his gaze until it met Kip’s. “You don’t have to do everything alone. Not anymore. You have friends who can help you.”
Jos wanted to believe that more than anything. He was so tired of worrying about their next meal or if Isaac was going to be safe or if they were going to be put out in the cold. Jos nodded, and Kip leaned a little closer. Jos’s eyes slid closed and he waited.
When Kip’s lips touched his, it was like a shock went through him. He had been contemplating getting the blanket because he’d been feeling a little cold, but within seconds he was warm. A moan reached his ears, and Jos realized it came from him. He sounded so needy to his own ears, but Kip must have liked it, because he held him tighter, deepening the kiss. Jos wound his arms around Kip’s solid midsection.
“You taste good,” Kip murmured.
“Must be the chocolate cake you made,” Jos said, opening his eyes.
“No. I think it’s you,” Kip whispered. “But I’ll need to run a test to know for sure.” He smiled and leaned closer.
“Test away,” Jos agreed, and Kip kissed him once more, shifting until he pressed Jos back on the cushions. Kip’s weight combined with the intense kisses and then his hands under Jos’s T-shirt roaming over his chest had him shaking harder than he had at the height of his fever.
“Damn,” Kip gasped when he broke the kiss, burning his gaze into Jos’s. “You’re something else. You have goose bumps wherever I touch you.”
“Well…,” Jos began. “I’ve fantasized about being touched like that.”
“No one has ever touched you like this before?”
Jos shook his head. “Sex has always been… rushed.”
Kip backed away and climbed off the sofa. Jos was surprised and blinked, wondering what he’d done wrong. Kip helped him up and took him by the hand, leading him out of the room. “We aren’t going to do this here.” Kip turned off the television and the lights as they went, closing up the house as he led him up the stairs.
Kip stepped into the room and peeked at Isaac, who was sound asleep with Weeble and Pistachio next to him. He closed the door most of the way and then led Jos to his bedroom. He stopped at the door, turned toward him, and drew Jos into his arms. It felt so good to be held and to let someone else take the lead.
When Kip lifted him off his feet, Jos wound his legs around his waist, and Kip’s groan rumbled deep. Jos joined him, returning the kiss as Kip supported his ass with his big, strong hands. He walked him to the bed and stood there, kissing him so deeply Jos felt it in his heart. “I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since I first brought you home.”
“But….”
Kip stroked the hair out of Jos’s eyes, smoothing it back and then stroking down his cheek. “I’ll never forget as long as I live the moment you moved that blanket away and I first saw your eyes. They touched me, and I know it sounds stupid, but if I never saw you again, I know I’d remember your eyes forever.” Kip leaned in to kiss him once again.
“I’m sorry I worried you last night,” Jos said.
“You really did. I sat in the chair beside the bed for hours.”
Jos stilled completely. “I didn’t even know you were there.”
“I know. But I was worried and didn’t want to leave you alone. I put Isaac in my bed, and I spent the night either on the sofa or in the chair. You had a fever, and I was worried you might need to go to the hospital. Then you finally settled down and began to sleep deeply. Every few hours I checked your temperature and then fell asleep myself.”
“But why?”
Kip smiled. “You fascinate me. Getting you to smile is the highlight of my day because when you do, you light up and you flash me your dimples.”
“I do not,” Jos countered, trying not to smile.
“See?” Kip said when he failed and pressed lightly on his cheeks. “Dimples.” Kip turned and set him on the edge of the bed. Then he pushed him back, leaning over, with heat swirling in his eyes. “Damn, I said you were beautiful, but you’ve never looked better to me than right here, right now, in my bed.”
“I do?”
“Oh, yeah. You look amazing in my bed.” Kip tugged Jos’s shirt up over his head.
Jos had always thought he was skinny and plain. He never let anyone see him with his shirt off if he could help it. Jos had already seen Kip, with his strong, manly chest, flat belly, and narrow hips. He longed to see him again and feel Kip’s skin on his own, but he kept wondering what Kip would think of him. From the smile and then the lick up his chest followed by a swirl of his tongue around one of his nipples, Kip seemed happy with what he saw and felt.
“I knew you’d be beautiful.”
“Not like you,” Jos said as he worked the buttons of Kip’s shirt until they parted and he was able to push it over his rounded shoulders and down his thick arms.
“Hey, we’re all different. If I wanted a guy that looked like me, I’d go to the gym and try to meet someone. Instead, I kept my eyes to home, and look what the fairies brought to my doorstep.”
Jos giggled. “The fairies? Are you saying something about my manhood?”
“No,” Kip chuckled. “When I was a kid, I asked my grandmother how she found Grandpa and knew he was the one she wanted to marry. She said it was fairies. She had never looked at Grandpa, and then one day he was outside when she walked by. It was like she’d been hit by a spell, so she always said that fairies opened her eyes to the man Grandpa was.”
“So you figured the fairies delivered me to you? Don’t you think they’d pick someone better?”
“Grandma said never to question the fairies. They get angry and vengeful. Just take what they give and be grateful and happy. She always said that she was.” Kip grinned and kissed away his protest.
Jos figured if Kip believed in fairies and thought he was a gift from them, who was he to pop his bubble? After all, the way he plucked at Jos’s nipples had him groaning and pulling Kip tighter. They kissed harder, because all Jos wanted to do was scream, and if they woke up Isaac, that would put a damper on their amorous activities in a hurry.
Kip lifted Jos and positioned him higher on the bed. Jos gasped when Kip licked down to his belt, pulling it open and then teasing the line of skin just above his pants. Jos’s belly fluttered with anticipation and he pulled in his stomach, loosening his pants around the waist in the hope that Kip would get the message and accept his silent invitation. But Kip seemed in no hurry, stroking his hands up to Jos’s chest and then down his belly again and again until Jos was sure he was going to go out of his mind.
His cock throbbed. Jos couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this close to coming in his pants. Sex hadn’t really been a part of his life since Isaac had come to live with him, and frankly, Jos hadn’t thought much about it before meeting Kip. In fact, for weeks he’d done his best to hide who he was and to protect himself and Isaac by staying under the radar. That was the exact opposite of what he wanted now.
Jos moaned softly when Kip ran his fingers along the top of his pants. “Are you going to do something or just drive me crazy?” Jos asked as his frustration got the better of him.
“Oh, I’ll do something,” Kip teased, licking a small circle and then dipping his tongue into Jos’s belly button. “How about I follow this trail….” His words fell off, and Jos held completely still as Kip began to open his pants. He didn’t dare move in case Kip changed his mind. “You’re okay with this?” Kip asked.
“God, yes…,” Jos breathed, and Kip undid his pants, tugging the fabric apart and then pulling them away.
“Jesus,” Kip whispered as he pulled Jos’s pants past his hips and ran his lips over Jos’s briefs-enclosed cock.
Jos swallowed. “Is something wrong?” Jos asked, hoping like hell Kip was as turned on as he was.
“Wrong?” Kip lifted his gaze. “Sweetheart…. Let’s just say I like your proportions.” Kip lifted the waistband of Jos’s underwear, then sucked on the head of his cock, which was already peeking out. “Damn.”
“Oh,” Jos breathed. “I guess I’m okay.”
Kip pulled his lips away, much to Jos’s disappointment, and kissed him once again, hard, possessively and yet sweetly, and with enough intensity to send ripples down his spine and legs. “You’re amazing from head to toe, and don’t doubt that.” Kip kissed him again and then worked his way back down Jos’s body, the licks and kisses becoming more and more intense until Kip sucked the head of Jos’s cock between his lips and kept going, taking more and more of him until Jos gasped for air.
“Kip,” Jos squeaked.
Kip hummed around him. “Fuck, you’re big,” he said with a groan, backing away.
“You don’t have to if—” Jos began, but Kip took him again, deep and long, until Jos shook with the energy from him. His body was on fire, and he hoped like hell it wasn’t his fever returning. Then he realized it was—a fever, a need, for Kip. The way Kip touched him sent fire running to his brain, and there was nothing Jos could do to stop it. “Kip, I’m not….” Jos gasped and closed his eyes, trying to prolong what could not be put off. His cock had already been sensitive from all Kip’s teasing and the fact that Jos had ignored it for weeks. He balanced on the edge and ran his hands though Kip’s soft hair, trying to warn him.
Kip backed away and stroked hard and fast. “Open your eyes. I want you to see me when you come.” Jos did, and the passion in Kip’s eyes was the last straw. He came in a mind-numbing rush, thrusting into Kip’s fist.
Jos lay on the bed, unable to move, half floating, with Kip stroking his cheek. He felt Kip shift on the bed, and then he kissed him. Light kisses deepened quickly, and Jos tugged at Kip’s jeans, desperate to have them off.
Kip helped and soon he was naked, lying on top of him. Jos stilled his movements and motioned for him to roll over. Kip lay on his back and Jos sat next to him. “It’s my turn to look,” he groaned and swallowed hard. Kip was male perfection. “They should make statues of you.”
“Yeah, I can just see that,” Kip said.
Jos ran his fingers over Kip’s chest and then down his belly, tracing the lines on his stomach.
Kip laughed and actually tried to move away.
“Ticklish?” Jos asked and grinned. “I’ll remember that for later.” He continued his explorations, which ended with cupping Kip’s heavy balls in one hand and wrapping the other around his thick cock. “Imagine you as a statue, standing in a square. There’d be so many accidents.”
“I wouldn’t be naked.”
“You make your imaginary statue, and I’ll make mine.” Jos licked up Kip’s length and then took his cock in his mouth, sliding it over his tongue. Salty bitterness burst on his palate, and Jos slid his lips down farther, stretching to accommodate his girth. The man was a mouthful, and Jos loved all of it. He swirled his tongue around the head and slid his lips along the shaft to a chorus of groans and muttered curses.
“God, just suck me,” Kip moaned.
Jos had always been good at taking instruction.
Kip’s reaction was heady, adding excitement, and Jos sucked harder, loving the way Kip’s fat cock filled his mouth. He wondered more than once how he’d feel inside him, and his butt throbbed with excited anticipation combined with nerves that he pushed away, determined not to let what had happened a few days earlier intrude on his happiness with Kip.
“Yes!” Kip hissed and thrust upward, pushing off the bed. Jos relaxed his mouth and let Kip move, taking in his half-lidded eyes and open mouth as he filled the room with sounds that were as melodic as any song he’d ever heard. “Gonna….” Kip groaned and pulled away. Jos dove onto him, taking him deep and swallowing hard as Kip tumbled into his release.
Jos let Kip slip from between his lips as Kip panted and tried to catch his breath. Jos loved that he’d stolen it away. Jos lay down next to him. The window across from the bed was open slightly, and a cool breeze blew over his now hot skin. It felt amazing, and after a few minutes, once they had a chance catch their breath, Kip rolled onto his side and engulfed Jos in his arms.
“I should go back to Isaac,” Jos said.
“Stay. We’ll hear Isaac if he wakes up, but that isn’t likely now.” Kip tightened his hold slightly, his warmth encircling Jos.
“Are you sure?” Jos asked. “I can just go back to my bed, and we can forget this happened, if you want. I mean….”
Kip released him. “You need to explain.”
Jos sighed. “This was wonderful, but you don’t need to saddle yourself with a guy like me. You deserve better, that’s all.” Jos didn’t move, but he also didn’t reach out to touch Kip. “I’m not good enough for you. Every time I make a decision, it’s the wrong one.”
“So you’re saying that you know more about what I want than I do?”
“No,” Jos said and rolled over. “I’m saying I don’t know anything, and you deserve someone better than a guy who can’t hold a job or manage to keep a roof over his and his brother’s head. You’re a wonderful guy. Not many people would take in Isaac and me. They’d call child services, and he’d disappear into the foster care system, and I’d spend all my time trying to jump through whatever hoops they set up in order to get him back.”
“Hey, I know what I want and what will make me happy,” Kip snapped. “I don’t sleep with guys just because they’re convenient.” Kip pulled away and rolled onto his back. “Did you think this was some sort of requirement? Was it your way of paying me back because I took you in?”
“That’s not what it was for me,” Jos said, knowing he was blowing everything. That wasn’t what he’d meant. He wasn’t a whore, and he didn’t sell himself. “I just didn’t want you to think….”
“How about we worry less about what the other is thinking or might think and just say what we want? Okay? If you don’t want to stay with me, then you don’t have to. I won’t force you to do anything.” The hurt in Kip’s voice went straight to Jos’s heart. He hadn’t meant to hurt him. He’d only wanted to give Kip a way out.
“You didn’t force me, and I know you never would. You don’t ask for anything.”
“I didn’t think I had the right. You need to be able to make your own decisions about what you want.” Kip stared up at the ceiling. “You keep saying that you don’t think you’re good enough, but what if I’m the one who isn’t good enough?”
Jos giggled a little. “How is that possible? You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Jos rolled over and slid his hands across Kip’s chest and around to his side. Then he moved in closer and rested his head on his shoulder. “You’re my hero.”
“I’m just a guy, the same as you. People can hurt me the same as they can you. Hell, my mother wanted to drink and blame me for what happened to my sister more than she ever loved me.”
“She was selfish,” Jos said. “My mom was too. She made sure she got what she wanted and needed. I had to fend for myself, and I know that if she’d have lived, eventually she would have treated Isaac the same way.” Jos grew quiet for a few minutes, thinking. “Maybe that’s the whole issue. We’re used to the people in our lives being selfish, so when we encounter someone who isn’t, we don’t know how to handle it.”
“Maybe. You met Jeffrey.”
“Was he your usual kind of boyfriend?” Jos asked. Kip deserved so much better than anyone like Jeffrey.
“I guess so. He was nice enough to start out with, and then he got demanding and bossy.” Kip smiled. “Yeah, selfish. Maybe I have this ability to pick people who aren’t good for me. I have this instinct at work. I know when people are lying and when I can trust them. But in my personal life, I tend to pick losers.”
“Well…,” Jos began quietly. “Maybe that’s why I should go back to my own bed.”
“Now, don’t start that again. You aren’t a loser.”
“How do you know? I ended up on the street trying to find a shelter for Isaac and me. That doesn’t sound like someone with a successful future ahead of them.”
“The guys I dated were all successful. They had these great jobs. Jeffrey is a lawyer, and I swear Shakespeare had guys like him in mind when he said to kill all of them. But they were still selfish. You aren’t. I know that because you always put Isaac first, the way you should. So how about you stay where you are and stop putting yourself down.” Kip wrapped him in his arms. He was so strong and yet so gentle, at least with him.
“Okay,” Jos answered and got comfortable. “You know, you make a good pillow. I really like it.” Jos patted Kip’s chest a few times. “It doesn’t fluff very well, though.” He felt Kip tense his muscles.
“I’ll show you fluff.” The happy gruffness in Kip’s voice made Jos smile, and he closed his eyes, yawning before he could stop it. “Okay, well, maybe I’ll show you tomorrow.” Kip pulled up the blankets, and they both got comfortable. “Night, sweetheart,” Kip said and kissed him. Jos wasn’t sure what made him warmer, the kiss, the blankets, Kip next to him, or the endearment. Maybe for now it didn’t matter.