Franklin’s Pro Bono Publico
A NEW WAY OF PAYING OLD DEBTS
The following letter was received by the editor of the Leeds Mercury, from a tradesman in Huddersfield.
 
“Why should excuse be born, or e’er begot?”
Shakespeare
Mr. Editor,—
 
A correspondent of yours, in the Mercury of last week, has taken some pains to instruct your readers in their Christmas religious duties; permit me to make the same experiment upon the Christmas moral duties, not of your readers only, for my philanthropy is more extensive; and, on the ground of punctuality, I wish to be the reformer of the world.
There is no talent, Sir, in the application of which some gentlemen more excel, than that of excusing; and when I tell you that I am a tradesman, obliged, from the nature of my business, to give credit, I hope you will not doubt that experience has qualified me to speak upon this subject, and to speak feelingly.
There are two kinds of debtors: those who cannot pay, and those who will not pay. The former have excuses ready made; the latter are obliged to make excuses. The former may be sometimes dishonest; the latter are never very honest. The former destroy hope at one blow; the latter protract its torments, till it expires from weakness. The former is an acute distemper, that kills in a few hours; the latter is a chronic distemper, worse than death. In a word, Sir, inability is tolerable, because they cannot cure it; unwillingness is painful, because I cannot shorten it.
In forming excuses, according to the common practice, the following rules are observed:—
1st. That the same excuse shall be as seldom repeated as possible.
2d. That the excuses be as various and plausible as possible.
3d. By way of maxim: every kind and degree of excuse deserves to be tried, because there is much less inconvenience in postponing a debt, than in paying it; and the advantages of giving words and parting with money, are on the side of the former.
To exemplify these rules, Mr. Editor, permit me to state the case of a bill which I sent to one of my customers last new-year (for, to be candid, the approach of that season has tempted me to trouble you on the present occasion). Now, mark the excuses in succession.
Jan. 1. “Oh! this is Mr. L—’s bill. Call again any day next week.”
Jan. 9. “Not at home.”—“When will he be at home?”—“Any time to-morrow.”
Jan. 10. “Has a gentleman with him.”—Waits an hour.—“Oh! ah! this is the bill—ay—hem!—look in on Tuesday.”
Tuesday. “Not at home—gone to the Cloth-Hall.”
Thursday. “Leave the bill, and I will look it over.”
20. “There seems to be a mistake in the bill: I never had this article. Take it back to your master, and tell him to examine his books.”
24. “Just gone out.”
29. “I am busy now: tell your master I’ll call on him as I go into the town.”
Feb. 16. “Bless me! I quite forgot to call. This bill is not discharged! Bring me a receipt any time to-morrow or next day.”
17. “Gone to London, and won’t be at home till next month.”
March 12. “What! did not I pay that bill before I went out of town?—Are you going farther?”
“Yes.”—“Very well; call as you come back, and I’ll settle.”—Calls, and he is gone to dinner at Holmfirth.
16. “Plague on this bill! I don’t believe I have so much cash in the house—can you give me change for a 100l. note?”—“No.”—“Then call in as you pass tomorrow.”
18. “Not at home.”
25. “Appoint a day! Pray, what does your master mean? Tell him I’ll call upon him, to know what he means by such a message.”
April 14. “What! no discount?”—“Sir, it has been due these two years.”—“There’s your money, then.”—“These notes won’t pay.”—“Then you must call again; I have no loose cash in the house.”
And here ends the payment of 9l. 14s. 6d. with three doubtful notes.
But these are only a sample, after all, of the many excuses I must receive; and the most mortifying part of the business is, that such debtors are those who really can pay, but, by various delays, obtain the use of money, and, in some cases, tire out the patience of the creditor. I must say, indeed, that they are remarkably civil: they give me the prettiest words—they send their compliments and kind love “to Mrs. L—and the dear little ones”; but (plague on them!) they won’t send the money.
As my fellow-tradesmen labor under the same hardships, in these respects, as myself, I hope you will not refuse this humble statement of our case; and, if it produces the payment of any one bill, which I should have to hunt after, you will merit the hearty thanks of Mr. Editor,
Your humble servant, John L.006. Huddersfield, Christmas-day.