I fucking hate standing in weddings.
I’m so sick of everyone getting married and forcing me to dress up or walk down the aisle with a smile on my face. The only good thing about attending is the free booze and drunk bridesmaids.
I love my family, but this wedding business is too much sometimes. First, my sister, Courtney, married Drew several years ago, then my youngest brother Alex and River got hitched two years ago, then Evan and Emily just this past summer, and now Kiera and Dr. Douchebag are getting married too.
Thank God John and Mila decided to elope over the summer, and I didn’t get stuck with preparations or cleanup duty. They met earlier last year when Mila came to help him with baby Maize, then fell in love and got engaged last Christmas. She was hired as his nanny, but things heated up between them pretty quickly. We all fell in love with her, and she easily became a part of the family. I’m happy for them but so damn glad they didn’t go through all the trouble of planning a wedding. I’ve seen firsthand how much stress it can cause.
Reaching into my vest for my flask of whiskey, I take a long sip and enjoy the burn as it coats my throat. I hate everyone in this room, and the only way I’m getting through it is if I’m loaded. When Kiera asked me to be in the wedding party, I laughed in her face, but then realized she was being sincere. After smacking me for laughing, I reluctantly agreed. I find it hard to say no to her after all these years of being friends.
Friends.
That’s all we’ve ever been, and I know I’m to blame for that. Kiera made her feelings for me obvious years ago, but I wouldn’t let myself act on them.
Instead, I dated and fucked every other girl. Including most of her friends.
Her leaving for college was supposed to be my saving grace. I’d hoped to be able to get over my feelings for her once and for all, but it did nothing to dull the ache I feel every time I think about her.
Kiera has always deserved so much more than me—so much more than I could ever provide her. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, and I knew if we crossed the boundaries of friendship, I’d ultimately end up ruining what we had, and our friendship would forever be jeopardized. I needed her too much to risk it, and if that makes me a selfish bastard, then so be it. Having Kiera in my life is a necessity, and whether it’s her calling me out on my shit or just sitting around and talking, I wasn’t willing to give that up because of how I’ve always felt about her.
Kissing her last night was long overdue, and I know she felt it just as strongly as I did even if she pushed me away.
But now it’s her damn wedding day, and I’m standing in a room with her soon-to-be husband, Trent, and all the other groomsmen that consist of mostly his brothers and cousins. Thankfully, I know most of the bridesmaids, so I won’t be alone for long. I’m walking down with my sister-in-law, Mila, and I plan to get as wasted as I can before the end of the I Do’s.
“Can we do a few photos before y’all have to head out?” the wedding photographer, Lindsey pops her head in and asks. She’s a stunning redhead, and I quickly glance at her left hand for a ring. Empty.
“I’m already dressed, but if you insist, I don’t mind undressing for you.” I speak up before anyone else has the chance. All heads turn toward me, but the only reaction I’m concerned about is Trent’s, especially considering we’re not on very good terms. Kiera told me he hired her, and she’s a longtime family friend, which I’m pretty sure means former fuck buddy. Though I know he’d deny it if I asked.
Maybe I should ask just to see his jaw clench. It’s quite amusing to rile up the tool bag.
“Watch your mouth, Bishop,” Trent growls, and I smile in victory before flashing a wink at Lindsey. His face turns red as if he’s contemplating on giving me a black eye, though he knows better.
I knew it.
“Let’s do some in front of the barn since the ladies are still getting ready,” Lindsey interrupts, plastering an awkward smile on her face.
The barn. The same barn I kissed Kiera against last night.
I needed one opportunity to see if she had any lingering feelings for me, and though my timing was shitty, I now know she does. Anyone who kisses another man the night before their wedding isn’t as in love as they claim. I know I’m not being fair. I’m just as selfish and self-centered as she says, but it’s for a good reason. Kiera isn’t the type of girl you hit-it-and-quit-it with. She’s the forever type, and I’ve known that since we were fifteen years old. I’ve never been able to give her what she needs or deserves, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. Keeping my distance all these years gave me the Guinness World Record for blue balls.
“Okay, if you could all stand in one straight line and face me,” Lindsey instructs, waving her finger around. “Trent in the middle and five of you on each side.”
I line up as directed, thinking how stupid we all look in these vests. Trent’s wearing a tan vest while the rest of us are wearing brown ones. They’re paired with dark wash blue jeans and long-sleeve, button-up white shirts underneath. And if that’s not country enough, we’re all wearing tan cowboy hats.
At least we’re not dressed up as penguins, so I can’t complain too much. Still, I hate it.
“Alright, everyone look up here. Going to take four shots. Ready?” Lindsey holds her hand up, counting down, and then starts snapping away. She then directs us to make a V shape so Trent’s in front, looking like a smug asshole. He deserves to have his face punched in, but I’m really trying to be on my best behavior for Kiera’s sake.
“Great. Just a couple more,” Lindsey announces. “Just the groomsmen for one shot and then Trent and the best man.”
As I walk toward the other guys, I lose my balance and trip on a rock sticking out of the ground. I’m quick to catch myself, but not before Trent blurts out a comment.
“I knew you’d be a drunken mess. Should’ve never let Kiera invite your ass.”
My hands ball into fists, the temptation to push him and put him in his place rising every second I’m forced to be near him.
“You wanna handle this like men, Laken? Or you gonna be a big ole pussy?” I step closer, ready to get in his face before a hand wraps around my wrist to pull me back.
“Walk away, Jackson.” Mila’s voice is soft but stern. If she wasn’t my sister-in-law, I’d jerk my arm out of her grip and maul Trent’s ass right here and now. That guy has been pushing me ever since he proposed to Kiera. It’s as if he thinks he owns her now and tries to tell her what she can and can’t do, and the thought pisses me off to no end. “It’s time to head to the ceremony and get lined up,” Mila informs me.
“We can take the rest of the shots after,” Lindsey blurts out to break the tension.
I turn and face Mila whose arms are crossed over her chest, looking moderately pissed.
“What?” I furrow my brows.
She makes a big show of slapping her arms to her sides and huffing. “Really? You gonna give the groom a bloody nose before the wedding? What’re you thinkin’?”
“That he’d look much better in red.” I smirk.
“Let’s go, alright? Jessica wants us to start heading up, and unless you want to watch her head explode, we better do as she says.” Mila starts walking toward the row of trucks parked in the driveway, and I follow, knowing I’m supposed to drive half the groomsmen up there.
Once I’m to my truck, Mila pulls on my arm before I’m able to hop in the driver’s seat. “Jackson, wait.”
“What?” I turn and look at her, studying her face of concern.
“Give me your flask.” She holds her hand out like she’s scolding a child.
“Not happening.”
“Jackson Joseph Bishop,” she blurts out, and I have to do a double take to make sure Mama didn’t just walk up. “I know you’ve been drinkin’, so just hand it over.”
“Just because you married my brother doesn’t give you the right to treat me like a kid. I’m not giving you my flask, so just put your little hand away and leave.” Opening the truck door, I hop in and close it behind me before she can get another word out.
When I think she’s left, I roll my window down and wait for the groomsmen to hop in the back.
“Kiera’s really nervous,” Mila says, showing back up. She rests her arms inside the window frame and gives me a look. “So if you’re planning on doing anything stupid, just…don’t. Okay?”
“What makes you think that?”
She cocks her head and narrows her eyes at me. “Best behavior, Jackson. I mean it.”
“So…what, were you voted as my babysitter or something?” It all starts to click since she’s the one I’m walking down with and isn’t pregnant and emotional. She has no problem warning me.
“I lost a bet,” she teases. “No more drinking until after the ceremony. Got it?”
Turning the key and revving the engine, I rest my elbow on the window frame and raise a brow. “No promises.” Once the truck bed is full, I take that as my cue to leave. “See ya up there, Peaches.”
She rolls her eyes at the new nickname I gave her. She’s from Georgia, so it’s only fitting, but I say it mostly to get a rise out of her.
I put the truck into reverse and drive up the gravel road that leads to the location of the ceremony. Dust and pebbles are all I can see in my rearview mirror. Five minutes later, we make it to the bottom of the hill.
Hordes of people flood the place, and I know Kiera well enough to know the massive guest list wasn’t her idea. She’s always said she wanted something small and intimate with close friends and family only. Kiera doesn’t need to show off or pretend she’s something she’s not, which means this was all Trent’s doing, and she probably gave in to make him happy.
Fuck. Another reason I should’ve punched him.
Grabbing my flask, I take another long swig. As the time approaches, I’m finding the courage I had to watch her get married to another man dissolve.
“Alright, y’all. I need you to line up just like we practiced,” Jessica orders. “The ceremony will begin in about ten minutes. So don’t run too far.”
“Jackson, you clean up nice when you’re not rolling around in the hay,” my sister, Courtney, teases, giving me a side hug. “You reek of whiskey. Did you shower in it or something? Geez.” She wrinkles her nose to emphasize her disapproval.
“Well you reek of baby poop, but you don’t hear me complainin’.”
“You’re so rude!” Courtney swats me with a smile.
“Just doing my big brother duties.” I try to give her a noogie like I used to when we were kids, but she’s quicker than me and steps out of my reach.
“Do not touch my hair!” She points a threatening finger at me. “It took me two hours, and the last time I spent that much time on my hair was at my own wedding.”
“Really? Could’ve fooled me,” I taunt. Riling her up is the distraction I need right now.
“Jackson…” I hear Mila’s warning tone behind me.
Oh c’mon.
“Yes?” I turn around too fast, and the world starts spinning.
“Everyone is seated, and it’s about to start,” she informs me, coming to my side. I look and see Emily lined up with Trent’s brother. River and Courtney and everyone else are standing and ready to start as soon as Jessica gives us the go-ahead.
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Just checkin’. Better not hurl on my dress either,” she quips while giving me a death glare as if she actually thinks I would.
“Trust me, I haven’t had nearly enough whiskey for that. Check back in a few hours, though.” I wink, and she rolls her eyes at me. Speaking of which, I reach for my flask again and take another swig. Then another. I’m gonna need it to get through this.
The orchestra changes songs, and that’s when I see Trent escorting his mother up the hill to walk her down the aisle. His father is behind him; they’re both looking at their son like he’s made of gold.
“You’re crying already?” River teases Emily who’s standing behind me. I look over my shoulder, and sure enough, Emily is tearing up.
“I’m just so happy for her. She’s waited her whole life for this moment.” Emily’s words slice right through my heart, and that’s when it really hits me.
Fuck. I can’t do this.
I can’t watch her marry this guy.
The alcohol is rushing through my veins, and I know I’ll do something stupid if I see her up there with him. My heart is beating so hard and fast, I can feel it thumping in my chest like it’s going to explode any second.
“Kiera and her father are going to come out shortly, so the guests don’t see her beforehand,” I hear Jessica tell one of the bridesmaids. “Okay, first couple. Once the orchestra transitions to the next song, that’ll be your cue to go.”
My palms start to sweat, and I feel like I can’t breathe. My heartbeat is drumming in my ears now, and I know I can’t go through with this. I’m pretty sure I’m having some kind of anxiety attack and will pass out if I don’t catch my breath.
“Jackson, stop fidgeting,” Mila whispers. “We’re walking down in less than two minutes.”
“I can’t,” I hiss, undoing the buttons on my neckline. “I can’t do this.”
Stepping out of line, I walk toward my truck with Mila in my shadow. As soon as I make it to the gravel, I walk faster to my truck and jump in.
“What are you doing?” Mila asks with urgency and concern. “Are you insane?”
“Tell Kiera I’m sorry. I can’t watch her get married.” I shut the door and start the engine and back out before she can respond.