EIGHT MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING
I roll out of bed and realize I’m late again, which means if John is feeling better today and is at the B&B, I’m going to hear him bitching at me like he’s our father. I’m used to it, though, considering we’re twins and have worked together all our lives. Since he’s always been the much more responsible and boring twin, his ass chewings barely faze me anymore. His words go in one ear and out the other—according to him and my brothers—because I don’t care what they have to say. Ever since John found out he was a dad last year, he’s moved to a whole new level of responsible. I’m trying my best to tread lightly with my tardiness, but it’s pretty much impossible.
I brew a pot of coffee, needing something to jolt me awake. I drank too much whiskey and tossed and turned for the past four hours, so I feel like a zombie—a hungover one at that.
As I’m standing in the kitchen wanting the coffee to hurry the hell up, my phone buzzes, and I look down and see a text from John saying he’s still sick with the shits and throwing up.
Jackson: I can bring some adult diapers over for you.
John: Bring something. It’s coming outta both ends.
Jackson: Doesn’t it usually?
Jackson: Will do. Feel better.
I smile, knowing I’ll get to give his assistant hell this morning after all. It’s one of my favorite pastimes, especially this early in the day. She’s not a morning person, which cracks me up considering she works at a B&B that requires her to be here before the sun rises.
Once I pour some coffee in a travel mug, I head outside and start my walk over to the B&B. Each time I exhale, my warm breath creates a cloud of smoke, and with each step, the frost crunches beneath my boots. The sun hasn’t even woken up yet, and I’m already behind on my daily tasks.
When I moved out of my brother Alex’s house a couple of years ago, I promised myself I’d finish remodeling the old cabin close to the B&B that was in disrepair because I needed a place of my own, but then I moved in with John and didn’t worry with it. Relationships were never our thing, and I thought we’d live together for a few years at least. Then life happened, and things changed, especially when a baby was brought into the picture.
So I moved into the ranch hand quarters, which was like a frat party every night. After not getting sleep for a month, a fire was lit under my ass to finish my house. I almost felt guilty bringing women back to the ranch hand quarters, considering a bunch of guys live there, and they’re not always the cleanest. Still, I continued to sneak chicks in and out like I did when I was a teenager. As long as they kept quiet, we wouldn’t get caught, except it was easier said than done, especially while in my bed.
My house is a little farther away from the B&B than John’s, but it’s still within walking distance. I could drive, but the morning chill helps wake me up before I start my chores, especially when I’ve been up drinking all night.
Soon I’m walking up the back steps of the B&B, and my exhaustion feels like it’s finally caught up with me. My restlessness and wandering mind have made me a hot ass mess, which is the norm these days. The only person to blame is Kiera Young. Lately, she’s been driving me fucking crazy and has for as long as I can remember. But now that she’s getting serious with her boyfriend—who I hate with a fucking passion—our friendship has changed, and it’s been bothering the shit out of me.
Once inside the B&B, I notice how eerily quiet it is. The guests are still sleeping soundly, which gives me time to drink my coffee. I complete some of John’s morning duties to help Nicole out a bit before she gets here. Once the coffee’s dripping and the breakfast area is set, I see Nicole sneaking in through the front door. At first glance, I know she thinks I'm John, and I take the golden opportunity to give her a hard time.
Crossing my arms, I look at the clock on the wall, then back at her.
“You're late.” I keep my tone dry, perfectly pulling off John's demeanor.
“I thought you weren't coming in today?” She looks confused, and I almost think my cover is blown, and that maybe she realizes I’m fucking with her. John must’ve texted her too. Of course, his responsible ass did, or he didn’t trust me to actually tell her.
“I changed my mind. Feeling a lot better, actually. Also, the next time you’re late, I'm writing you up. Don't you understand the importance of being on time? We have a job to do here, Nicole. Guests to attend to.” I try to think back to all the times John has given me his boring ass speech about running a business and blah, blah, blah.
“Yes, sir. I’m really sorry. The fog was terrible this morning, and I didn’t want to hit a deer or something,” she explains.
After I catch a glimpse of the serious look on her face, I burst out into laughter. “I'm just shittin’ you, Nic.”
Nicole walks up to me and punches me as hard as she can in the arm.
“You're a dick, Jackson. I swear. Practically gave me heart palpitations.”
“I don’t know how, after all this time, you can't tell us apart. I’m the better lookin’ brother. It’s obvious.”
“I really hate you,” she says with a laugh, shaking her head as she walks toward the office, and I take it as my cue to go. Nicole has been working at the B&B for the past few years and was a godsend when John had to take time off after Maize showed up. We have an unspoken agreement that she does what she’s supposed to do, and I’ll do the bare minimum at the B&B, and we won’t get in each other's way. So far, it’s worked out perfectly when John needs off.
After she’s got a handle on what needs to be done, I walk down the path that leads to the barn and find some of the horses waiting impatiently in their stalls to be fed. Their fur is thick, and they love the cool weather. It sure beats the summer temperatures.
Once I’ve lined the buckets and filled them with grain, I let out a loud whistle, and a few horses trot in from the pastures. I slip a pair of leather gloves on my hands and grab the metal handles on the buckets. I walk around, pouring feed into the troughs and stacking the empty buckets on top of one another. Once the horses eat, they mosey their way out to the pasture. Considering today is slow as far as lessons and trail riding, I do the not-so-glamorous work of cleaning and oiling the saddles until Kiera shows up to pick up a gelding we purchased from auction.
I’ve been waiting for this day all week. Though we don’t hang out as much as when we were teenagers, I’m grateful I get to see her for work. It’s the highlight of my week, though once she started dating Trent, she often acts like it’s more of a chore. Her smartass mouth has only gotten worse over the years, and she’s become fiercer with age, which only makes her more attractive and off-limits. I’ve come to the conclusion she wants her wild horse spirit tamed, and I’m convinced her pussy ass boyfriend won’t be able to do it.
As soon as I hear the rumble of her truck traveling down the rock driveway that leads to the barn, I lean against the opening of the door and wait. I study her as she climbs out of the truck, lost in her own world, not even realizing I’m watching her every move. Her strawberry blonde hair is pulled up into a high ponytail, and she’s wearing tight jeans that hug all her curves. As if she’s teasing me, she stands on the bumper of her truck and bends her body over the tailgate, showing off her perfectly round ass. If I could take a picture right now, I would. Before she notices me staring, I walk out to meet her at the truck.
“Mornin’.” She hops off the bumper with a smile and throws the extra lead ropes over her shoulders. When I make eye contact, I notice she’s even wearing makeup.
“Got dressed up for me?” I ask, teasing her.
She playfully rolls her eyes, and I see the hint of blush hit her cheeks. “Trent’s taking me out to lunch later. We’re heading out for a Valentine’s Day getaway tomorrow. I can’t wait.”
Just the sound of his name on her lips puts me in a bad mood, and I’m sure she notices my blood boiling. I swear she mentions him just to get a rise out of me.
“I don’t know what you see in that loser. There’s somethin’ about him I don’t like,” I tell her as I turn around and walk toward the barn, not giving her a second glance. But damn, she smells so pretty.
“He’s a nice guy, Jackson. Isn’t that what you said I always needed? A nice guy. Someone who treated me right?” I look at her, and for a moment, I see the girl who used to drink stolen whiskey with me in our spot by the makeshift firepit surrounded by hay bales. Those days are long gone.
“Trent isn’t a nice guy. He’s a snake in the grass waiting to strike. He looks at you like you’re a piece of goddamn meat,” I tell her, though she’s still following me.
“At least someone does,” she mumbles under her breath, and I’m sure those words were meant for me. I stop and turn around and take four steps forward until the space between us is gone. Her breath hitches as we stand face-to-face. I can smell the sweetness of her soap and shampoo, and if I weren’t such a chicken shit, I’d finally make a move.
“You deserve better than him. We both know that,” I say matter-of-factly.
“By your standards, no one will ever be good enough for me, and I’ll die single and alone with fifty horses,” she says, looking into my eyes, and I swear she can see right through me. Not able to stand there another second, out of fear of doing the unpredictable, I turn on my heels and head through the corral toward the barn that’s set in the back. I hear her groan behind me, and it actually makes me smile that she gets just as frustrated as I do.
Once we’re inside the barn, Kiera falls in step beside me. We walk to the last stall where I locked up the new horse that needs to be trained, and I lean over the stall door and give Kiera the rundown on him.
“He’s almost three years old and was doing halter training with his previous owners. His name is Chief, and he’s pretty good at longing. I haven’t tried to saddle him yet, so I think that’s probably where you’ll want to start after building that trust,” I explain, but she already knows all this. Though I’m more than capable to train the horses on the ranch myself, I send them to Kiera because she’s good at what she does, and it allows me to see her. Plus, I don’t have a lot of time with helping run the bed and breakfast, giving lessons and trail riding, then acting as a backup for the ranch hands when Dad is shorthanded.
She glances at Chief, then back at me. “I love quarter horses.”
“I know.” I smile, but I don’t dare tell her that’s the reason I keep buying them.
Kiera opens the stall, walks in, and holds out her hand where she’s tucked a treat. Chief immediately zeros in on it and lazily walks over to her. Once he’s close, she runs one hand over his fire engine red coat and says sweet things as he takes the treat from her free hand.
“You’re gonna be a good boy, aren’t ya?” She clips the lead rope on the bottom of his halter and looks over at me and smiles.
“How long do I have?” she asks, opening the stall door.
“As long as you need to do your magic; you know that.”
“I can have him ready in a few months as long as he cooperates,” she tells me as she leads Chief out of the stall and through the barn. I follow on the other side of the horse, wishing our time wasn’t so rushed and we could go back to the way things used to be, but that’s wishful thinking.
Once we’re across the pasture and walking through the main barn, I go to the horse trailer and open the door. Kiera leads Chief inside with no problems.
After he’s situated and Kiera comes out, I lock the door while she wipes her hands on her jeans and lets out a deep breath. It’s awkward for a moment as neither of us really knows what to say. Ever since she started dating Trent last year, it’s been like this between us. The tension is so thick it could be cut with a dull butter knife.
“Okay then. Well, I guess I’ll call you if I need anythin’,” Kiera finally says, but before she walks away, I grab her arm and pull her back to me.
“Do ya love him?” The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop myself. My heart races as I search her face, and I wait with bated breath. She hesitates for a moment, and it feels like the world around us freezes. I want her to say no. I want her to tell me she’s just dating him because I’m too much of a bastard to admit how I feel, how I’ve always felt about her. I want her to tell me the truth because when I look into her eyes, I know it. I know she doesn’t love him. Not the way she could love me.
She sighs and then almost forces herself to smile. “I do.”
I give her a look, begging her to admit the truth.
“You really do? You see yourself being with him for the next fifty years? Trent’s your future?”
She stands there and tucks her hands into her back pockets. She pinches her lips together and nods.
I shake my head. “If he ever hurts you, I’ll fuckin’ kill him,” I add, before walking back toward the barn. Moments later, I hear the truck start and the rattle of the horse trailer making its way down the gravel, and all I can think is how I deserve to see her with another man. That’s what I get for believing she’d be by my side, and that maybe one day, she’d be mine.
The rest of the day, I’m in a piss-poor mood, and to make matters worse, Alex gets the same stomach bug John has and is puking his guts up, so I have to go fill in for him after lunch.
As I make my way over to my parents’ house where Dad is gonna pick me up, I look up at the dark clouds rolling in. I park the truck and get out and walk inside. Mama is rocking Riley to sleep. She sees the scowl on my face and shakes her head.
“Now what?” she asks quietly.
“Nothin’,” I sharply tell her. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
She lifts her eyebrows. “This have somethin’ to do with Kiera and Trent?”
Bingo. Mama can see right through my moods. “No.”
“I love you, son, but you’re an awful liar.” She loves calling me out on my shit.
I plop down in the recliner and wait for Dad to arrive, hoping he’ll get here before Mama dissects my heart to pieces.
“You’re so damn stubborn, Jackson. I don’t know why you don’t just finally admit how you feel before it’s too late. We’ve been tellin’ you this for about two decades, and you’ve done nothing but deny it. You’re not a teenager anymore. Denying crushes isn’t cute. If you keep it up, she’s always gonna be known as the one who got away. You know her mama called me the other day and told me Kiera still talks about you?”
My interest is piqued, but I try to seem uninterested, though I’m failing. “Yeah? What’d she say?”
“What do you think she says?” Mama rolls her eyes at me, stands, and gently places Riley down on the couch with a blanket. She sits and puts her hand on him, so he stays right where he is.
“You should come to the cakewalk at the church on Valentine’s Day.”
I shake my head. “Not happening. I’d rather shovel shit for twelve hours straight.”
“I might be able to make that happen,” she gets in right as Dad opens the front door. I’ve never been so happy to see him. I give Mama a smile, Dad gives her a wave, and we make our way down the front steps.
“Imma need some help branding all the new calves over on the east side. You up for it?” Dad asks with a grin. I give him a head nod and don’t speak on the ride over. It’s okay, though, because Dad isn’t a man of many words, which I’m happy about at the moment.
I stare out the window and think about all the times Kiera and I rode four-wheelers all over the ranch when we were teenagers. We spent every single day together, attached at the hip and inseparable, but all that seemed to change when she started dating my best friend, Tanner.
She had picked him, or it felt that way. Even though I never came out and told her about my true feelings or made a move, I thought about it many times. The three of us were all friends, and as soon as they got together, things got awkward and tense. How could she pick him over me? I thought, but deep down, I knew. She deserved a guy like him.
Tanner came from a family of unlimited money and could afford to do the nicest things for her. His parents took them on ski trips to Colorado, flew them to New York City to explore Times Square, and on expensive dates— all things I’d never be able to do. After I saw how happy she was with him and because he was my best friend, I’d considered her forbidden territory. I’d never be good enough for Kiera and denial took over. Hell, it’s still here. After they broke up, she left for college, making it impossible for me to tell her how I felt. I’d never be the man to hold her back from her dreams, and her happiness is all I’ve ever wanted. Even she knows that.
Before I can get too lost in my thoughts, we make it to the east side of the property where the cattle and calves are being held in an open, fenced-off space. There are over a dozen people on horses keeping them within the perimeter. We started doing it this way instead of corralling so the herd would be less stressed.
Shadow, a large Arabian horse Courtney trained before she moved to California, is saddled and waiting for me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Alex played hooky because he knows I’m better at roping cattle than any of them, but then again, branding is what we live for. I’ve been so lost in my own world lately, I totally forgot this was happening. They’ve been getting up close to three in the morning to get this done and will for the next few days. I secretly hope he’s sick tomorrow, too, so I can come out here again.
Once we’re parked, Dad gives me a head nod, and I get out of the truck and walk over to the horse and check the cinch strap to make sure it’s tight. Once I confirm it is, with one swift movement, I put my foot in the stirrup and grab onto the horn, then position myself on the saddle. Dad walks over and hands me some leather gloves, and I thank him because I don’t want my hands to be torn up from the lasso. There’s a handful of ranch hands scattered all around. Some are on horses, and others are branding the calves with the ranch logo, which is basically like a return address if these little assholes wander off.
As I look at my surroundings, a smile covers my face because I’m happy to be here doing this. It’s part of that cowboy culture I crave every once in a while. It’s easy to take this all for granted, but when I’m helping brand, it reminds me of old ranch traditions Dad keeps alive. It makes me so damn proud to be a Bishop.
One of my good friends, Colton, makes his way over to me wearing a shit-eating smirk. He’s been working on the ranch for the past year, and we’ve gotten into plenty of trouble together. It all started when I moved into the ranch hand living quarters. He was the Robin to my Batman, and we drank enough to drown Gotham City.
“Wonderin’ when I was gonna see ya again, ya bastard,” he says with a chuckle. He’s probably still pissed about all the whiskey I made him drink at my last party.
“The only bastard I see here is you,” I throw right back at him with a grin. I lean down. “Are you the one who smells like shit out here or what?”
He grins. “Get off that horse and say it to my face, ya pussy.”
My head falls back, and I burst out into hearty laughter before shrugging. “I am what I eat.”
Once he’s called over to help wrestle a calf to the ground, I get to work. Riding through the herd, I rope calf after calf with beautiful loops. I pull them out into the opening, and they’re branded in less than a minute and running back to their mamas. This process goes on for hours, and I lose track of time, thinking about nothing but this. Thankfully, it’s the only thing that gets Kiera off my mind—for now.