“Oh my gosh, River!” I squeal, reaching for baby Rowan and holding her to my chest. “She’s so cute and tiny!”
I decided to skip out on work this afternoon and have a girls’ lunch with River and Emily. Fifty percent to gush over the new baby and the other fifty to discuss the wedding. The only one missing is Mila, and she had to work.
“I love her name,” I tell her. “She’s seriously so sweet!” Sitting down on the couch, I look down at her wrapped in a plush pink blanket and think about how I can’t wait to hold my own baby someday. Hopefully soon.
“Baaaaaabyyyy…” Elizabeth points at Rowan, and the three of us squeal in a round of aw’s. She’s getting so big, too, which makes my heart melt.
“Elizabeth, don’t you want to be a big sister?” I ask, smiling at Emily.
“Baaaaaabyyyyy,” she repeats, pointing at Emily’s stomach. River and I give her a pointed look, waiting to see if she needs to tell us something else. They got married nearly four months ago, and I know she wanted to start trying right away.
“Something you want to announce?” I raise a brow in her direction, eyeing the glass of wine I poured for her earlier, but she has yet to drink.
“No, not yet.” She laughs. “Still trying.” Emily sighs. “Between work schedules, an energetic toddler, and on-call room quickies, we haven’t gotten pregnant yet.”
“Well damn.” I wrinkle my nose. “Wait for me then. I want to be knocked up by Christmas!”
River and Em laugh, knowing how badly I want to start a family. I hope it doesn’t take too long. My parents were only able to have one child, and they didn’t have me until their early thirties. I worry my window to reproduce is getting smaller and smaller.
“Don’t stress. I’ve known plenty of honeymoon babies. As long as you’re off the pill and actively trying, I think you should get pregnant pretty quickly. Assuming there are no medical issues of course,” Emily concludes.
“Medical issues, like…my eggs have all dried up, and I’m unable to bear children?” I snicker, but really frowning at the thought.
“You aren’t that old,” she says, laughing. “I’m the same age as you, have a one-year-old, and am hoping to have more, so stop worrying. Stress and anxiety can affect getting pregnant too. So, tell Trent to start giving you nightly massages.”
I snort at the thought. “Oh please. Massages will lead to sex.”
“Isn’t that the whole purpose?” River chimes in with a chuckle.
“Well yes, but I’m still on the pill. I don’t plan to go off it until the end of September so that it’s fully out of my system after the wedding.”
“If you want my advice,” River interrupts. “Getting drunk for like two weeks straight is what knocked me up the first time.”
We all start laughing, and I wish I was able to lighten up a bit about the subject. River is younger and already has two babies, so it’s hard for me not to feel as if I’m late to the game.
“Oh yeah, I’ve seen plenty of drunken one-night stand pregnancies too,” Emily says. “Probably because you’re pretty damn stress free when you’re wasted.”
We laugh, and I snuggle Rowan tighter, trying to capture all these sweet and tender moments. They all grow up so fast, and I find myself wanting to sink it all in while I can. The three of us are close, but we all get so busy and wrapped up in our lives that we sometimes forget to slow down and really enjoy times like this.
“So I heard John and Jackson had it out,” River says after a couple of minutes. “Alex didn’t tell me all the details, but I figured one of you know why. He thinks because I’m hormonal and breastfeeding that I’m a fragile little bird who needs to stay inside and be a round-the-clock milk machine,” she says with annoyance in her tone.
We chuckle at her overdramatics, knowing she’s been stuck in the house ever since they returned from the hospital. Her VBAC was a success, but she’s still sore and recovering from the birth.
“Wait, they did?” I ask, just processing her words. “About what this time?” I snort because it’s always something between them. They live to give each other shit.
Emily’s eyes lower, not meeting mine, and I know it’s not good.
“What?” I ask, nudging her. “What’d I miss?”
“Yeah, spill it, Em,” River encourages.
“Well, Jackson…” Emily pauses for a moment. “…hooked up with Nicole a couple of weeks ago, and later that day, she told John she wanted a raise or she’s filing a sexual harassment suit.”
“Oh my God!” River blurts out, and I’m thinking the same thing. Except I have a few more colorful words to add. First, Nicole of all people? Jackson has never slept with someone who works on the ranch, so I’m more than a little shocked. Though, maybe that means he’s doing fine with me getting married and is continuing his man whore ways. Well, minus the harassment suit.
“So, did she sleep with him just to get the raise or did she get her feelings hurt and is now crying wolf?” I ask a little too defensively. Jackson would never force himself on anyone. He doesn’t need to. Girls willingly flock to him. Hell, they basically take off their clothes before giving their names.
“That’s what they’re arguing about. John’s pissed he crossed the line, and Jackson’s pissed she used him. Though it’s probably a bit of both. I’m sure Jackson wasn’t Mr. Cuddles the next morning, and she got all butt hurt over it,” Emily explains, which makes a lot of sense. “John said he better figure it out or his ass is out of there.”
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“I guess he won’t be allowed to help at the B&B anymore,” Emily says with uncertainty. “Or maybe he just said that because he was pissed at the time. Either way, it’s created some tension, and of course, Evan told them both to stop being assholes.”
“So what happens if she does file a claim?” I ask. I’m honestly surprised something like this hasn’t happened sooner, but I don’t say that aloud.
“I guess a whole investigation happens, which will look bad for the B&B, and Mama would shit bricks.” Emily sighs, and we all know it to be true. “I’m guessing John’s going to give her the raise to keep her quiet.”
“That’s serious bullshit. I’d fire her ass for extortion,” I snip. “Makes me want to go over there and give her a piece of my—”
Before I can finish, Riley comes barging into the living room wearing only his Spiderman undies and climbs up the couch to lie next to River.
“Hey, buddy. How was your nap?” she asks him, and I know our adult conversation is over.
Looking down at Rowan, I think about Jackson and what he must be going through. But then I remind myself it’s not my problem to worry about his personal business or his irresponsible behavior that constantly gets him into trouble.
“So I’m thinking I’m going to need to go and get my dress taken in. I’m hoping by the wedding, I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Or at least my post-Riley weight.” River laugh-pouts, and I shake my head at her for being so worried. The wedding is over two months away, which gives her plenty of time to adjust her dress. I still think she was all baby anyway, but now that she’s had two pregnancies, she’s concerned about her stomach not going back as swiftly as the last time.
“If you’re that worried, we can add a cute belt to cinch at your waist. That way it’ll still be loose and flowy without it looking like a maternity dress.”
“I love that idea!” Emily exclaims. “That way if I get pregnant before then, I won’t have to worry about being bloated and feeling fat.”
Giving her a side-eye, I smirk at her eagerness. “You wouldn’t even be showing.”
“Second pregnancy showing is so much different than the first!” River jumps in. “When I was pregnant with Riley, you couldn’t tell until the second trimester. With Rowan, I popped overnight at like two months. Your muscles stretch so much faster after the first one.”
“So what you’re saying is maternity dresses for everyone?” I ask laughing, and they both laugh with me.
“Did you guys choose your flowers yet?”
“Ooh, did you guys decide on a wedding song?”
“Also, the rings. Is he picking his out, or are you surprising him with one?”
River and Emily are bombarding me with questions—ones that I should easily have answers to—but all I can think about is Jackson and how he knows exactly the kind of wedding I’d want.
Small, intimate, charming.
Trent has a large family and a wide customer base, so as the guest list grew, so did everything else in terms. Now it’s a big, extravagant ordeal.
As the stress of the wedding wears me down, our relationship seems to be dwindling, too. Finding those bank statements in his desk, though he explained the reasoning for them, still has me second-guessing, and my gut instinct still tells me something is off. I’m not sure if it’s just nerves or the uneasiness I feel when he gets upset over Jackson. The way he talks about the Bishops is a red flag that makes me wonder if I’ve overlooked the type of person he is all this time because he was so amazing in the beginning. He was so sweet, thoughtful, caring. Being with him felt so right, and the way he acted was what made me fall in love with him in the first place. I’ve wanted the whole fairy tale relationship for so long that now I’m scared I’ve ignored the obvious.
But maybe the stress of the wedding is taking a toll on him, too, and we’re both taking it out on each other?
I hope so anyway because I’ve waited over thirty years to find my happily ever after, and I’ll be damned if I let it slip away.
After leaving River’s house and make a mental note of everything that still needs to be done for the wedding, I drive to the ranch to check on the horses and finish the chores I missed earlier.
I clean the stall Chief was in before Jackson picked him up, and it makes me think of him again. I shouldn’t be upset, or hell, even surprised he slept with Nicole, but I can’t help feeling jealous over it. He’s always had an adventurous and carefree personality, and his one-night stands have been part of the Jackson package since we were in high school. However, it doesn’t make it easier to be told specifics. When it’s just the two of us hanging out and having a good time, it’s easy to forget that side of him and pretend we’ll someday end up together.
Except that dream died years ago, and the only thing I can hope for is keeping him as my best friend.
Kiera: Heard you got yourself into some trouble…when ya gonna learn??
Jackson: I learned chicks were crazy years ago, but this wasn’t my fault.
I roll my eyes and snicker.
Kiera: You always say that.
Jackson: What can I say? I’m a magnet for trouble :)
Kiera: How you haven’t knocked up someone yet is beyond me. You must be shooting blanks.
Jackson: Pfft! Just because I ride bareback doesn’t mean I let girls ride me bareback ;)
Kiera: GAG. You’re relentless.
Jackson: You love me.
Kiera: Debatable.
Jackson: Coming to visit me soon? It gets lonely out here.
Kiera: Sure, I can stop by tomorrow. Want to check on Chief anyway.
Jackson: Okay, see you then, Pippi.
I don’t know why my heart races every time he calls me that, but it does. I find myself wishing for those careless, fun, adventurous days again.
“Alright, guys. Be good,” I tell the horses after cleaning their stalls and putting out some hay. I want to surprise Trent with a nice dinner tonight, so I head out early and will get back to training tomorrow.
Before I pull into the driveway, I check the mail and am surprised to see a large manilla envelope inside with Trent’s name on it. Once I walk into the house, I flip through the letters and set it all on the counter except the large one for Trent. It doesn’t have a return address, and a part of me wants to rip it open and look inside.
Instead, I decide to take a shower and get dinner ready. I wash the day away and think back to the conversations I had with River and Emily. There’s so much left to do for the wedding, and I suddenly get overwhelmed.
After I’m dried and dressed, I head to the kitchen and dig out the ingredients for tonight’s meal. As I’m sautéing the onions, I glance over at the envelope again, and temptation pulls me toward it. It might be work related, but something tells me it’s not.
Picking it up, I try to guess what could be inside. It’s thin and might be papers, but the fact there’s no return address has me overly suspicious. Knowing I should trust Trent and respect his privacy, I go against everything in my head and run my finger along the tab to rip it open.
My heart races as I shove my hand inside and pull out the contents.
What the hell?
Blinking, I look at four pictures of a little girl. She has to be no more than ten years old. They’re all professional photos, and when I turn one around, I see handwriting.
Maggie Laken, 9 years old.
I know he doesn’t have a niece named Maggie, so unless one of his siblings has a child I never met, this can only mean one thing—she’s his.
Studying the picture, I notice she looks just like him. Same dark hair, brown eyes, and her facial features are nearly identical to his. Her hair is up in a half ponytail, and she’s smiling wide as if someone just told her a joke. She’s absolutely adorable.
It could be a family member I’ve never met or heard of before, but if that’s the case, then why is there no return sender or letter, and why does it feel like my life is crumbling all around me?
The door opens and shuts behind me, but I don’t move.
I can’t.
I can barely breathe.
The realization that Trent could have a kid and never told me hits me right in the gut.
“Hey, darling.” I hear him in the hallway. “Something smells amazing.”
The sound of his boots grows louder as he moves closer to the kitchen, and I’m too shocked to say anything.
“Kiera?” he says my name behind me, and I finally blink. “You okay?”
I taste salt on my lips and hadn’t even realized I was crying. Turning around, I’m greeted by Trent’s warm eyes, and as soon as he sees my face, his expression contorts.
“What’s wrong, babe?” He steps closer, but I hold my hand out to stop him.
“Do you have a child?” I blurt out, keeping my eyes locked on his so he knows I already know the answer. “A daughter?”
“Kiera, what are you talking about?” He moves closer, but I yell at him to stop. “What the hell?”
“Don’t lie to me, Trent,” I shout. “Who is this?” I reach behind me and grab one of the pictures for him to see.
He swallows and blinks.
“Is she yours?”
“Kiera, let me explain—” He brushes a hand roughly through his hair, and I can see his mind is spinning as fast as mine.
“Just tell me the truth,” I interrupt his words, my heart racing. “Maggie. She’s your daughter?”
Trent inhales a deep breath before answering. “Yes. Where’d you get that from?”
“They came in an envelope. Her name is written on the back. She’s nine years old.”
“Yes.” He picks up the envelope and sees the other three pictures on the counter. “Why were you opening my mail in the first place?”
“That’s what you think is important here?” I screech. “I had a feeling, and I guess I was right. I can’t trust a damn thing you say.” I push against his chest, needing to get the hell out of here.
“Kiera, don’t…” Trent grabs my wrists and locks them tightly to his chest. “It’s not what you think. Just let me explain.”
“How can you explain not telling your soon-to-be wife that you have a daughter? You’ve lied to me for two years!”
“I’ve never met her,” he says, shocking me further. “Her mother and I had a one-night stand, and she moved away before she found out. Once she claimed it was mine, I got a paternity test. After it was confirmed, I started paying child support, and that’s the extent of the relationship.”
“Wait…” I drop my arms. “The bank statements.” The pieces start falling together. “That’s what those are?”
Trent’s shoulders drop as if he’s defeated, and it makes me want to punch him in the face.
“Were you ever going to tell me? Or just keep me in the dark like a fool?” My blood is boiling, and I can’t remember a time I’ve ever been this mad.
“It wasn’t like that, Kiera,” he insists, but I’m not buying it. “It’s a part of my past I’m not proud of, okay? I slept around a lot in my twenties, and I was reckless. That’s not the person I wanted you to know. When we first met, and things were so great between us, I was worried it’d scare you away. Then as time went on, I wasn’t sure if it’d change how you felt about me, and I couldn’t risk it. Not after falling so madly in love with you.”
“You seriously think that little of me? That I couldn’t handle your past and the truth? We aren’t talking about a dog here. You had a child with another woman and neglected to tell me. For two years. How could you do that?” The tears pour down my cheeks, and I can’t even look at him.
“I fucked up, Kiera. I know that, okay?” he says, his voice pleading for me to understand.
“How could you not be in her life?” I ask abruptly. “You financially support her, but have never met her?”
“I told you; her mother moved away, and we weren’t dating.”
“That’s your excuse?” I raise a brow, unable to believe him right now. “You’ve never wondered in nine years what your own child was like, how she was doing, or even wanted to get to know her?”
“Sometimes,” he says, shrugging. “I don’t know.”
“The phone calls, the money, and now this. I can only handle so many of your lies, Trent.” I walk away and grab my purse and keys off the table. “I’m staying at my parents’ tonight.”
“Kiera, please don’t go…”
Looking over my shoulder, I say my last words before leaving. “You’ve left me no choice.”