A few weeks have passed since the fight with Trent, and I haven’t seen Kiera since. I can’t help but think she’s written me off for good, and Dr. Douchebag has finally gotten his wish. Things between us are tense, and the last horse that was supposed to be delivered was brought by Alexis. She’s avoiding me at all costs, and I’m half tempted to drive over to the Lazy Y Ranch and see what’s going on, but I don’t. If this is what she wants, so be it. I can avoid her too.
After my workday is over, my mind is all over the place. Knowing I can’t sit around, I grab a bottle of whiskey and tuck a few logs into a backpack. I hike the mile to our secret spot, drop the wood into the metal fire ring, and light it. Once the wood is popping, I sit on the ground, crack open the whiskey, and watch the flames dance.
My mind wanders back to a different time, and I replay the memory like it was only yesterday.
Kiera is dancing and singing as loud as she can to a Dixie Chicks song talking about a runaway bride. Lately, she’s been bringing a little radio with her out here to help drown out the silence. I actually like the sound of nothing; it relaxes me, but she insists it gets boring, and I always agree to whatever she wants—which is why I’m listening to this crap. It makes her happy, so I can’t complain. She’s wearing shorts and a T-shirt and her favorite cowboy boots. As she dances around, I can’t take my eyes off her. The song finally ends, and she plops down next to me.
“That song is horrible,” I tell her.
“No, it’s not. It’s my favorite song in the whole wide world,” she says, smiling.
“But have you listened to the words?”
Kiera giggles. “Yep. She’s gonna be ready to ditch that weddin’ and have some fun. Every girl’s dream.”
My face contorts. “Whatever. When I marry someone, they better not run away like that. Can you even imagine?”
She snort-laughs. “I don’t see you ever getting married, Jackson.”
“Same about you, Pippi. Not with how gross your farts are!” I lift her braid and let it fall down against her back.
Kiera rears back and socks me in the arm, and it actually stings. “Ow, fuck.” I rub the spot.
“You deserved that one!”
“I’ll hit you back.” I joke with her, but she knows I’d never do that. I’d never hurt her, and I’d beat up any boy who does. I’m protective of her, just like I am of my sister, and everyone at school knows it, too.
“Whatever. When I’m older, I’m going to marry a rich guy who can buy me everything I want. Expensive barrel racing horses and real leather boots that match my saddles. I’ll have a minimum of one hundred horses, and I’ll hire all these trainers to live on my property to train them and keep all my horses fit and in good shape. Then I’m going to have a huge horse trailer with sleeping quarters and travel around America winning championships and beating records with all my horses. And I want like six kids when I’m old, like twenty-five.” She laughs. “I hope he’s a doctor and really hot. And mega rich. Wouldn’t that be cool?” Her eyes light up, and she seems as if she’s lost in this make-believe dream world.
Even though I’m fourteen, I know I’ll never be a doctor or have tons of money. I plan to work on the ranch just like my dad and maybe train horses when I grow up. It’s my future and what I was born to do.
The sun is starting to set, and I put some more wood on the fire to keep the area lit. Kiera glances over at me, and I feel something in my body. I swallow hard, thinking how pretty she looks, but I know I shouldn’t think those things. She’s supposed to be like my sister, but my thoughts about her aren’t very sisterly.
“What about you?” she asks. “What kind of girl do you want to marry?” Kiera takes her hair out of the messy braids. She tucks the waves behind her ears and stares at me.
“I’m never getting married,” I joke. “But when I meet the girl of my dreams, I’ll know.”
I already do.
She playfully rolls her eyes. “Well, if for some reason, when we’re like forty and if both of us are single, we should just get married to each other. That way we won’t be old hermits with all of our horses. Deal?”
I smile. “You’d marry me?”
“Only if I were old and desperate,” she says, giggling. “It’d be like marrying my brother or something, and that’s kinda gross.” She doesn’t even have a brother.
“Gee, thanks.” I place my hands behind my head and lean back and watch darkness fall. Kiera does the same. We lie there until the fire dies out, listening to the soft sounds of the country music playing in the background. When we finally sit up, I can’t help but feel like I’ll never be good enough for Kiera. I’ll never be able to make her happy, and she deserves every silly thing on her list.
I take a huge gulp of whiskey, trying to push the thoughts away. I’ve always felt like I wouldn’t be good enough for her, and her being with Trent is proof that I’m not. I guess she got her doctor after all.
Leaning back, I place my hands behind my head and stare at the bruised sky. Soon it’ll be dark, and hopefully, I’ll be drunk enough for all these thoughts to disappear.
I close my eyes, and Kiera’s face is all I see. And the thought of her hurts.
“What the hell are you doin’ out here?” I hear a voice behind me. I sit up on my elbows, realizing how much whiskey I had when the world slightly shifts.
“Shut up, Colton,” I say, but my speech is slightly slurred.
“I’ve been lookin’ for ya everywhere.”
“Why?” I ask. “I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.”
He stands over me. “Looks like you’re drinking yourself stupid thinking about Kiera.”
“Pfft.” It’s all I can say.
“Wanna talk about it?” Colton genuinely asks, but over the years, I’ve found it better to just pretend there’s no issue.
I smile and wave him away, but I think he sees through it.
“Come on, let’s go out,” he suggests.
I look up at him and let out a huff.
“It’ll be fun. And I’m buying.”
He tucks his hands in his pockets, and I feel bad for not wanting to be his wingman tonight. “Fine. But you have to swear on your balls that if you do decide to go home with some chick, you’re bringing me home first or getting me a hotel room to sleep off the hangover.”
He chuckles. “That’s a lot of damn demands.”
I stand and stumble. “My way or the highway.”
Colton steadies me, so I don't fall. “Fine. That’s a deal, boss.”
“Then let’s go. I’m ready to drink your entire paycheck.” I point toward the sky and let out a loud yeehaw.
“Fuck,” Colton whispers under his breath, realizing what he just agreed to.
After throwing some dirt on the fire, we walk back to my house. I change out of the clothes I’ve been wearing all day, then I grab a beer out of the fridge and chug it before Colton leads me out the door to his truck.
“Where we goin’ exactly?” I ask.
“To the Honky Tonk. Apparently, it’s ladies’ night. And I’m looking for a lady.”
I groan. “That’s all the way in San Angelo. You might as well go ahead and rent two rooms in the motel next door.”
Colton smirks. “Probably will.”
It takes almost an hour for us to get there, and by the time we arrive, I’m hungry. But as soon as I see all the pretty ladies wearing blue jean skirts, I couldn’t care less about food.
“I knew that’d get your attention,” he tells me, opening the door to his truck and stepping out. I follow him into the bar, and the place is packed. Instantly, coming here doesn’t seem like such a bad idea after all.
Colton grabs us two beers, and we scope out the place. The dance floor is full of couples, and so is the bar top. Eventually, some people leave at the end of the bar, and I walk over and take a seat. Colton joins me, but soon, he’s approached by a pretty redhead, which seems to be his weakness these days.
I’m left alone to my thoughts until someone comes up beside me and takes Colton’s seat.
I look over at the blonde who’s showing enough cleavage to be scandalous and classy at the same time. She smiles at me. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I tell her and look back at my drink. She reminds me of Kiera with her strawberry blonde hair, and I hate how the thought crosses my mind. I must be broken because I don’t even feel like chatting with her because their features are so similar. Why couldn’t she be a brunette?
“Why so sad, cowboy?” she asks, then orders a drink from the bartender.
“Who said I was sad?” I ask.
“Are you?” She gives me another smile.
“No. Just tired and hungry, and I’m playing wingman for my friend.” I turn around and spot Colton on the dance floor, two-stepping.
She shrugs. “Do you dance?”
“Not really,” I lie. The last time I danced with someone was Kiera at Emily’s wedding. I swallow hard, thinking about how she looked at me and how she felt securely held in my arms. Fuck, I need to get her off my mind.
“A cowboy who doesn’t dance. You’re a rare breed.” She takes a sip of her pink drink and looks at me with sparkling blue eyes.
“I might dance.” I smirk, remembering my old motto of the only way to get over someone is to fall into someone else's bed. Maybe this woman is exactly what I need tonight after all.
“Change of heart. I like that.” She stands and goes to walk away but then stops. “Are you comin’ or not?”
I smile, chug the rest of my drink, then follow her onto the dance floor. Within moments, she knows I was lying about dancing. I pull her tight little body into my arms, and we two-step across the room. She holds on to me and allows me to take the lead, and I realize she’s not too bad of a dancer herself. The song ends, and she’s gleaming at me.
“What’s your name, cowboy?”
I lift an eyebrow at her as we continue dancing to the next song. “Jackson.” I was halfway tempted to give her John’s name, but I stopped doing that in my early twenties, and now that he’s married, it might not be a good idea. Mila is fierce and might actually hurt someone.
“I like that. I’m Kelsey.”
I spin her around and pull her to my chest. “Nice to meet you, Kelsey.”
She asks me more questions about myself, and while I don’t typically give women so much personal information, at this point, I have nothing to lose. I’ll probably never see her again anyway. Eventually, the song ends, and we go to the bar and take a few shots, compliments of Colton’s open tab. It’s actually the only way I know he’s still here, considering I haven’t seen him in a while. Pretty soon, I’m seeing double of Kelsey, and when she invites me back to her room, I can’t say no. Still not able to find Colton, I shoot him a text and tell him which room and hotel I’m going to. Though I’m off tomorrow, I still need to feed the horses at a decent time, but I kinda don’t give two shits about it at the moment.
As soon as we walk into the room, our lips crash together. But each time I kiss her, I think of Kiera. She almost smells like her, too, and when I close my eyes, that’s who I imagine. One thing leads to another, and soon we’re naked between the sheets. After we’re both satisfied and panting, I pass out.
The next morning, I wake up before the sun does with a splitting headache. I roll over and see strawberry blonde hair, and my heart drops. Where the fuck am I and who the fuck am I with? The night comes back in flashes, and I recall leaving the bar with someone, but the rest is a blur. I let out a sigh of relief when I see the condom wrappers on the nightstand. Picking up my phone, I see I have a message from Colton telling me which room he’s in. I’m so fucking happy he didn’t leave me. Being as quiet as possible, I try to get dressed, but when the woman in the bed rolls over and feels for me, knowing I’m not there, her eyes flutter open. I still, wishing I could disappear.
She smiles. “Sneaking out so early?”
Busted. “I have tons of shit to do back at the ranch. Gotta feed the horses.”
Sitting up, she pulls the sheet over her breasts. “One question, Jackson.”
I button up my jeans and start to slip on my boots. “Sure.”
“Who’s Kiera?”
My heart drops, and my brows pinch together. I finish putting on my boots, then grab my shirt and button it up. I try to ignore her question, but I know that’s not happening because she’s staring at me, waiting for my answer. “Why?”
“Because for some reason, you kept calling me that all night.”
Heat rushes through my body as the realization hits me in full force. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even have a one-night stand without thinking about her. Now I’m saying her name too?
I’m more fucked than I actually thought.