Emma had never known how much of her happiness depended on Mr. Knightley, now that she was threatened with losing him. For a very long time she had felt that, since Mr. Knightley was not married, Emma was first in his eyes.
She knew she had not deserved it—she had often been negligent, slighting his advice, wilfully opposing him, and quarrelling with him because he would not agree with her.
But still, he had loved her and watched over her from a little girl, with an endeavour to improve her and an anxiety for her doing right, which no other person had shared. In spite of all her faults, she knew she was dear to him—might she not say, very dear?
And in the heat of battle against the wild vampires—was she not constantly by his side as his partner, to impale the creatures’ torsos as Mr. Knightley beheaded them?
Emma had a slight hope that perhaps Harriet was mistaken about Mr. Knightley’s affection. For her own sake, Emma must wish that Mr. Knightley remain single all his life. If he never married at all, Emma believed she could be perfectly satisfied. Let him continue to be the same Mr. Knightley who visited Hartfield regularly.
Emma needed some time away from Harriet. She wrote to her friend and kindly asked that she be absent from Hartfield for a few days to avoid discussing one particular subject. Harriet agreed and left Emma in peace.
Mrs. Weston paid a call to Emma at Hartfield to relate that she had just visited with Jane Fairfax. Due to Jane’s recent illness, Mrs. Weston suggested a carriage ride to give her some air. Jane apologised for her ungracious behaviour during her illness.
Jane was very much relieved to be able to talk about her engagement and the misery she suffered while keeping it secret for so many months. She told Mrs. Weston she had not had the blessing of a single peaceful hour during that time.
“Poor girl!” said Emma. “She thinks herself wrong, then, for having consented to a secret engagement?”
“No one could blame her more than she is disposed to blame herself,” said Mrs. Weston.
“Poor girl!” said Emma again. “She loves Frank Churchill excessively, then, I suppose.”
“Yes, I have no doubt of her being extremely attached to him.”
“I am afraid,” returned Emma, sighing, “that I often contributed to making her unhappy.”
“On your side, my love,” said Mrs. Weston, “it was very innocently done. Jane spoke of you, Emma, and of the great kindness you had shown her during her illness and, with a blush, asked me to thank you.”
“Oh! Mrs. Weston, you are very kind to bring me these kind words. I trust she will be very happy.”
“Are you well, my Emma?” was Mrs. Weston’s parting question.
“Oh! Perfectly. I am always well, you know.”
Mrs. Weston’s visit furnished Emma with more reflection on her past injustice towards Jane Fairfax. She bitterly regretted not having sought a closer acquaintance with her, and she blushed for the envious feelings which had certainly been the cause. Had she followed Mr. Knightley’s wishes in paying attention to Miss Fairfax, tried to know her better, she would have been spared the pain which pressed on her now.
The evening of this day was very long and melancholy at Hartfield. A cold stormy rain set in, and nothing of July appeared. Emma would like nothing better than a visit from Mr. Knightley to cheer her, but those sorts of visits might shortly be over.
Emma pondered how lonely Hartfield could soon become. Mrs. Weston would soon give birth to a child, keeping her and Mr. Weston away. Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax would be married and most likely settle at Enscombe.
Add to these losses the absence of Mr. Knightley, and what would remain of cheerful society within her reach? Mr. Knightley to be no longer coming there for his evening comfort! How was it to be endured?
And if he were to be absent because of his marriage to Harriet, Emma’s wretchedness would be all the greater, knowing that she had caused it all.
The only consolation that Emma could draw from all this was to resolve that she would conduct herself better, become more rational and more acquainted with herself. And she sincerely hoped that Mr. Knightley and Harriet Smith would both survive the impending final vampire battle to enjoy their happiness together.