KATIE
As if my voice had abandoned me, I only nodded at him, at Thomas. He had asked me an intense question, demanding an immediate answer.
We were face-to-face on the lawn at Fort Tryon, overlooking the Hudson River. One hundred eighteen blocks away from Jack’s Coffeehouse. Five-point-nine miles. Nine-point-five kilometers.
“Say it,” he ordered. “I want to hear the words, Katie.”
All or nothing was who this man was. I knew it just as well as I understood what I was getting myself into. And yet there I was, falling harder. I supposed his demands might have intimidated others, but for me, God, it pulled me deeper into his presence. It made me want more from him.
Would make me do anything to be with him.
My stomach abruptly fluttered and then knotted. The butterfly effect was all Thomas. The knotting was the damn lie. When he learned my truth, I would lose him.
He lifted my chin with his forefinger.
I sucked in a calming breath, releasing it onto his lips. Nodding again, I said, “Yes, I’m all in with you. Thank you for being so patient with me.”
His hand slid to the nape of my neck. As he kissed my lips, he grasped handfuls of my hair, and I sensed we were fighting the same battle—restraining ourselves from going further.
Thomas and I spent the next hour eating and talking about his home in England. It wasn’t too surprising to learn that he’d come from an old aristocratic family, a line of earls. His grandfathers and father and, now, his older brother Will.
When he spoke, there was sophistication layered into it. I’d thought it was an Oxford thing at first. The refinement lapsed now and then but always returned.
He was demanding and had an exceptionally large ego, but the manners of a gentleman would often pop out of nowhere. Helping me in and out of my jacket, waiting for me to sit or walk first, opening my water bottle—thoughtful little things.
These characteristics didn’t match his appearance or his manner of arrogance. His English aristocratic upbringing had shaped that contrast.
“I adore how committed you and your brothers are to family,” I told him.
Thomas took my hand. “It’s who we are, Katie. My brothers and I protect our family with our own lives.” I must have blinked hard because he kissed my knuckles. “I don’t mean to scare you. But it’s important for you to know that about me.”
A wave of relief washed through me, warming me on the inside like the sunshine warming my shoulders. “I get it.” And I did. I slipped my fingers through his, lacing them together. “Can I show you the Cloisters? We’re already close. It’s just behind where your car is parked.”
He kissed the back of my hand. “The Cloisters it is.”
After dropping off our picnic supplies, we hit the wooded pathway leading to the Met’s second museum, this one of medieval European architecture and gardens. It should have felt out of place in the bustling metropolis of Manhattan, but it didn’t. It was one of the things I loved about New York. It was, at the same time, a tiny island and so large that one could get lost in its hidden gems.
Thomas held my hand, sometimes my arm, and sometimes, his warm hand rested on my lower back as we toured the exhibits. The tapestries, the manuscripts, the Gothic chapel, the monks’ resurrected chapter house from the monastery of Notre-Dame-de-Pontaut.
As we passed through the Judy Black Garden, everything overwhelmed my senses at once. The heat of his eyes burning into my skin, the fragrance of blooming wildflowers, the sound of water flowing through the garden’s central fountain, the way he growled my name.
I’m high, I thought. I hadn’t taken anything, but I was high as a kite.
Playfully, I slipped away from Thomas, running past the fountain and into the cloistered sanctuary again. He chased after me, and I spun around a stone column a few times, embracing it with my arms while laughing.
“Reviens-moi, petit oiseau,” he said with an impossible grin.
He’d mentioned inside the chapel that he spoke French fluently.
Thomas peeled my arms from the stone, and as he maneuvered my body with his to position my back against the column, he ran his fingertips over my bare shoulder. His eyes followed his touch.
I shivered. Goose bumps blanketed my skin. “What did you say?” I whispered.
His eyes met mine, and he flattened his hands on the column, one on either side of my head. “Come back to me, little bird.”
Small breaths rushed in and out of my mouth.
“Are you going to kiss me?”
“No, Katie, I’m not. I wouldn’t stop before taking more than I should.” He looked over his shoulder at the people walking by and then touched my bottom lip, pulling it down with his thumb. “This isn’t the time or place. When it’s right for us, you should know that I will own every goddamn piece of your beautiful body.”
A current of warmth spread through me, creating a fire between my thighs, and again, my breath quickened.
“Good girl,” he said with a smirk. “Imagine it, how I’ll make you feel.”
Turning the small backpack that he carried along on his shoulder, he reached in and extended a bottle of water to me, opening it first. One hand went back to the column, recapturing me inside his space. “Let’s hit the Heather Garden. I’d quite like to see the other side of this park with you.”
I accepted the water and placed my empty hand flat against his hard chest. “You’ll need to move first. You’re blocking the way.”
We smiled—his was a smirk—and then he stepped to the side.
On our way and then as we walked through the gardens, I used my smartphone to snap photos of the early heathers, bees on spring flowers, him.
“Some of the color intensity might have been captured if I had my DSLR with me,” I said, stopping to display the photo of the pink-drenched tulip meadow for Thomas.
After inspecting the photo, he stared at me for what seemed like forever and then brushed over my cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Your mobile’s camera function is quite advanced. You’ve been hiding yourself from me, Katie. Your mathematical genius exceeds mine, but I do understand how your mind works. Tell me about the numeric expressions you see looking out over the meadow.”
Thomas was an exceptional mathematician, and it had only been a matter of time before he linked all the signs to my gift. I’d known he would all along.
I swallowed hard and forced myself to keep eye contact with him while slowly shaking my head. “I don’t want to tell you. I want you to know my heart first. The part of me you’re asking to see right now, it’s like a mask that I’m forced to wear. I don’t want to wear it anymore, Thomas. Not when I’m with you.”
Touching my cheek again, he smiled and nodded. “All right. I see you.” He placed a soft kiss on my lips.
Had he read my mind? I couldn’t have asked for him to give me anything more. Tears welled behind my lids. I didn’t let them fall. I returned his smile.
His tone shifted for a moment. “You will not hide yourself from me, Katie. Asking me to wait before learning about your family is not the same thing.”
I didn’t respond, not with words. My words would have been lies. I dropped my forehead onto his chest and dug my fingers into his T-shirt sleeves, and he put his arms around me.
“Listen,” I said against his chest before lifting my eyes to meet his. “Do you hear the music?”
He looked around and then brought his gaze back to mine. “It’s up on the hill.”
A little stone cottage restaurant with an open-air terrace was nestled beneath a canopy of trees—the only food venue inside the park.
“Must be someone’s wedding reception,” I said.
“Come,” he said, taking my hand. “Let’s have a look.”
We hiked up the back side of the hill and spied on the couple’s reception from behind a tree. After the bride and groom cut their cake, a disc jockey announced a set of slow songs. Thomas hovered above me, smiling, and right away, I understood the mischief playing inside his eyes.
I laughed while shaking my head at him. “No. We can’t crash their wedding.”
He pulled me into the open, toward the crowd. I dug in my heels, but he was more than determined.
Near the parquet floor, Thomas stopped to speak to a heavyset man in a gray suit, five feet eight—same as me—thirty-two or three. I couldn’t hear their exchange.
Thomas spoke louder as he pulled ten one-hundred-dollar bills from his wallet and handed them to the groomsman. “See that the couple gets half and our best wishes.”
Then, he took me into his arms, and I melted into his embrace.
“This is a very expensive dance, Thomas.”
He drew me closer, touching his forehead to mine as the song carried us into a slow rhythm. “I would give up quite a lot more, Katie.”
“As weird as this might sound, my brain rests when you’re close.”
His blue eyes locked on to mine, and my pulse began to race. I licked my lips.
“Katie, what are you doing to me?” He shifted his position, putting a slight amount of space between our lower bodies. “It’s the same for me, you know. My demons retreat when I have you near me.”
In the moment, all I wanted was to stay with him. To know more about him. To feel him touching me everywhere, for him to push his erection against me instead of moving it away. But I’d gone too far, lying to him about something as important as my identity. Our time would have to end soon. It had to end.
“Please take me back to Jack’s now,” I said.
Monday morning, my mother joined me at Jack’s before heading back to Albany.
“I won’t stay long, Katherine. One cup of coffee, and then you can get to your plans with Lena. I need to discuss something urgent with you,” she started.
“Mom, look, if this is about Columbia again—”
“It’s not. Just listen to me, darling, okay? I’m genuinely concerned.”
“What is it then?”
She set her cup on the table and gestured for my hand, and I gave it to her. “I’ve decided it’s in your best interest at this time to have a personal bodyguard.”
My heart started to bang inside my chest, beating in triple frequency.
I swallowed hard. “Are we in danger?”
Her eyes darted around the room, and her finger twitched as she took hold of the cup again. “Katherine, you know our situation is complicated. Your father has mentioned the threats we’re receiving again. As a family, we need to be cautious and do whatever we must to protect it.”
I closed my eyes for a moment. If this was what I thought it was, powerful people were involved. On the other hand, chances of that danger reaching me were slim. But my mother and I agreed on one thing: our family was fragile, and we had to protect it.
Nodding, I asked, “When does the bodyguard start?”
“I’m meeting with someone today to wrap that up. I’m sorry, Katherine,” she said with a measure of remorse. “Let’s change the subject for a bit. Have you found a gown for the party? I’m so enormously proud of you, you know. There aren’t many young women who would ask to share their own spotlight with a charitable foundation …”
As she went on, my thoughts digressed. I didn’t want that bodyguard. I didn’t want anything that got in the way of time with Thomas. We’d texted but not really talked since our fairy-tale day at Fort Tryon. I had ended it abruptly, overwhelmed by guilt caused by my deceitfulness.
I missed him. His eyes. His warm kiss.
“Katherine?”
I sighed with resignation. “Yes, I’ll take care of the dress today.”
“Please have Walter take you and Lena to the new boutique I was telling you about. The two of you will love it. The owner is pleasant and accommodating. I’ll call her from the car.”
She stood to leave and dismissed me with a hug, answering an incoming call on her cell. I could hear her clipped tones as she waved good-bye over her shoulder.
Lena passed my mother on her way in. “Tell me everything,” she said, taking my mother’s seat.
“It was amazing.”
“You already said that on the phone. I want more details.”
“I told you everything about the park, Lena.”
I’d filled her in about how he showed up on his motorcycle, had planned a picnic for us at Fort Tryon, about exploring the Cloisters, crashing the wedding. What I hadn’t told her was that this man was quickly becoming an obsession for me and that I was afraid of losing him. That I would absolutely lose him.
“But you’re right; there’s something else.”
She nearly bounced out of her chair. “Damn it, Katherine. You know I’m going through a dry spell. I’m living vicariously through you right now. Spill it.”
“It’s not what you’re thinking. Lena, I’ve done something, and when Thomas finds out, he will never see me again.”
Lena pulled a face. “Wow. And ouch. What exactly did you do?”
“He doesn’t know who I am. I mean, not at all. Not even my real name.”
“Okay, all right. So, you intended for this to be a hook-up. I wasn’t feeling that, but if that’s what you want, it’s okay. What you did is like using a dating app.”
Pain lurched in my gut. I pressed my palms there, one hand on top of the other, and shook my head. “You don’t understand. Thomas sees all of me. I’m more than a prodigy in his eyes. I want that. I want him.”
“Shit. Katherine. I’ve never seen you like this. You don’t have any choice. You have to come clean, girl.”